Is it wrong to look up to people

You can have those strong feelings Ruby, but just don't act on them.

I am glad you are seeing that it's obsessive and that you want to change the behavior. ((((hugs))))

Your feelings are your feelings, and they are perfectly fine to have. It's the actions that you take as a result of those feelings that must change.

The key takeaway lesson is to not go in on your days off to be around the person you look up to, to not move where you are sitting so that you can be closer to that person, and to not stay late after your shift so that you can be around that person more. Even texting your supervisor is a bit too much. These are all stalking behaviors, and they naturally are going to have negative repercussions and will make people very uncomfortable. And going in on your days off after the DM told you not to was not a good idea, which is probably also what led to getting let go.

I am also glad you will be in therapy regularly to address this. (((Hugs))))

Agent misty, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Especially the part where obsession don’t begin as such. When I first started looking up to her, it was a relatively milder feeling than it ended up being. My obsessive behavior only started several months ago even though I worked with her 2.5 years.

But you were obsessed with others before.

What does it matter if it was 2 years or 2 months? If you want to keep a job, you can't behave certain way. Now it costs you a job. It's ongoing issue. Start working on stopping this behavior, don't look for ways to justify it

Just because employee got fired, it doesn't mean supervisors need to be nasty to them. Over the years few of my coworkers were let go, at no point administration was nasty to them. They remained polite and professional

With each person I was obsessed with, it didn’t start out as such. My feelings weren’t as strong. Then it becomes strong and I get obsessed. After I push that person away, I moved on to the next person. That will change starting now.

Keep working with your therapist. Good job on that! Let us know how therapy goes

That is something you are going to have to figure out through trial and error. You may not get it perfectly right in the beginning. You may make the same mistake again in the future. But you will be able to correct it quicker. A good life is not about never making mistakes. It's about wanting to correct them . . . quickly.

Again we hear the phrase "my strong feelings." Your feelings - no matter how strong - are not all that matters.

Or think of it this way: It does not feel nice to be rejected. If you want less rejection in life, then you have to pay attention to how other people feel.

You have a strong will. Strong willed people do much in this world that is good. I am strong willed too. I have relied on that to get through some tough stuff. But . . . . we strong-willed people can be real pains in the @$$, when we want something and aren't getting it. Trust me - I've been there/done that.

People have rights. You can't demand that someone recognise your birthday. That's up to them. No one has to treat you exactly how they treat someone else. You can not like that, but that's just too bad.

You are insisting on having control over another person. That is a form of abuse.

I would say it isn't wrong to admire people and look up to them, but I don't think idolatry of others is good.

With Aspergers, your thought process & learning process is different. It will take LOTS of work with your caseworker & therapist to get your past way of thinking out of your thoughts & behavior & to learn socially acceptable behaviors to replace it with.

The one goodbthing about losing your job is that will stick in your mind associated with your negative behavior & hopefully with the help of your caseworker you will be able to learn some techniques that will help you listen to others better when they tell you to "STOP DOING".....whatever it is you are doing that is unacceptable & this applies to many other things in your life than just looking up to someone. It is very easy with Aspergers to let your thinking overshadow ANYTHING anyone else tells you sometimes because it's difficult for someone with Aspergers to correlate or even understand what they have been told how it relates to their behavior & without someone there constantly telling or reminding, what has been told gets totally lost.

I understand how difficult it can be, but as you have seen, it is very important if you want to have some what of an independent future. It takes a lot of work & concentration & focus on your behaviors & thinking because it doesn't come naturally for you to manage your strong feelings.

Did your parents ever try to teach you when your behaviors were unacceptable or did they just let you behave any way you wanted?

They tried to teach me acceptable behavior, but I didn’t listen. I always needed to do what I wanted.

They may allow me in the store as a customer after 90 days, but they don’t ever want me to talk to my supervisor. Or contact her, which I have no intention of doing. My supervisor was the one who reported me to corporate.

My caseworker said my feelings for my supervisor was more than just strong feelings. She said it was infatuation. I googled “addiction to a person.” Every search result was stuff about addiction to romantic partners. Why weren’t there any about addiction to ordinary friends or colleagues? I’m confused.

hoping that you have learned that ALWAYS doing what you want is NOT ACCEPTABLE in society.

We don't NEED to behave that way....it's what we WANT, NOT what we NEED. Life is NEVER all about what we want. Kids like that are looked at as SPOILED BRATS. It is important to LISTEN, UNDERSTAND, & LEARN from those around us (parents, teachers, supervisors, friends, caseworkers, therapists)

the thing is that your problem is not an addiction to a person. Your problem is that with Aspergers you have a problem with communication, social skills (what you were doing to your supervisor was an unacceptable social skill issue) & on top of that, the inability to understand other peoples feelings. Working on your REAL problems or at least trying to learn how to work with your limitations that come from having Aspergers is where you need to put your focus.

Aspergers can create the inability to be aware of what other people think or feel even when told by those people. Having limited empathy for how others feel even when they say something makes it difficult to connect with others because as you said, you are only focused on YOUR OWN wants & needs & totally miss having awareness of how you are even affecting others around you.

Gaining an awareness of others & at least listening & understanding them & NOT focusing only on yourself would be a great start in alleviating the problem.....it's NOT ADDICTION.....IT IS your inability to be sensitive to others & hear what they are telling you about your unacceptable behavior & how it is affecting them.

Your caseworker (if well informed regarding Aspergers) will be able to help you learn....but YOU have to be willing to listen & learn & REALIZE that your wants & needs are NOT more important than anyone else's especially when your behavior is harassing them.

Check out this link, Ruby. A male describes a girl who looked up to him as a role model. It was not a romantic relationship from the sound of it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/c...spergers_have/

Here is another site to look at: https://www.quora.com/Do-those-with-...s-stalk-others

Do not take any one site as having the perfect explanation of anything. Read all you can. Compare what one site says against another. Then do your own thinking and decide what seems believable. I admire that you have taken the initiative to look for yourself and see what you could find on the Internet. That interest on your part, combined with your intelligence, can help you to grow mentally. You have the potential to make good use of opportunities that are provided to you. This could lead to a life with some very satisfying relationships. Not all will work out the way you hope. Shoot . . . . why should it be any different for you, than for the rest of us?

I read both articles. It sounded a lot like me, especially since the stalker also seemed to have only good intentions. Whoever they stalked understood that completely and was still completely turned off. Now I see why my supervisor didn’t like it even though she understood my intentions.

However, what differs is the stalker in these posts has no friends or relationship outside of whoever she’s obsessed with. Besides my supervisor, I had friends at work and outside of work. All my coworkers accepted me. In the end, Some even tried to explain how my stalking is affecting my supervisor.

And at my other job, when I was there the first time around, my coworkers accepted me. That still didn’t stop me from obsessing over my supervisor. I don’t know why I still obsess over that one person even though I experienced far less rejection than the girl in the 2 posts. Idk why I even need a center.

Maybe anyone would need a center if they were called stupid all their lives at home. Or unfavorably compared to other kids. My teachers had criticized me but only to the extent they criticized my classmates. They never called me stupid or put me down. Still, I never stalked or obsessed over anyone before graduating high school. Then I started obsessing over whoever I happen to look up to once I started working.

Also, I happened to come across ONE article describing employees with ASDs who stalk coworkers. It painted them in a very unfavorable light. Like they were gonna do something bad. It never mentioned good intentions. There’s not much research in that specific topic, but I can say I was never gonna do anything bad. However, I do understand now why they don’t know that. I now understand why they felt the need to protect my supervisor.

People have no ways to figure out other people's intentions. Neither do they need to. If your behavior is unacceptable, your intentions don't matter. I don't think you'll find much research specifically on people's intentions.

Your behavipr was unacceptable no matter what your intentions or reasons were for doing it. Like with your parents trying to teach you acceptable behavior but you wouldnt listen or learn because you wanted to do ehat you wanted.....this is the same problem you had with yoyr supervisor.

She told you that yoyr behavior was unacceptable & even what you needed to stop doing but YOU CHOSE to not listen to her just like you chose NOT to listen to your parents. That is the foundation of your problem....doing what you want & not listening to the people who are telling you to stop behaviors that aren't acceltable.

You were doing that long before you graduated high school. The behavior is different but NOT LISTENING & doing ehat you are told is still the same.

They don’t want me to talk to her. Other people who had ever worked with her are allowed to. Even other people who were fired are allowed in the store as customers. They don’t have to wait at least 90 days. I’m afraid for my remaining job. Until I get into the root of my strong feelings towards whoever I look up to, I’ll end up finding a new target. My counselor is helping with that. I’m guessing it has to do with being called stupid all the time. Idk...

My counselor also said most people don’t even have the strong feelings I have. Ultimately, the goal is to do away with that feeling. Long road ahead.

I did other things before graduating high school, just not stalking and obsessing. I was too focused on being like the cool kids to be latched on to any one person. I didn’t have the freedom to stalk a classmate or teacher either. I didn’t even have the strong feelings I have now.

They also didn't behave the way you did either that required the limitation they placed on you. Their behavior that got them fired didn't require the same consequences that your behavior did. If you had just been fired because you weren't doing your job right, you wouldn't have had the 90 day limitation placed on you either. You had the 90 day limitation placed on you because you had already shown that you weren't able to stay away even on your days off. The 90 days was making a final statement that your behavior was wrong & you had already shown that you were incapable of just being told to stop coming there even on your days off when you were working.

Unacceptable behavior ALWAYS has consequences....maybe you have never experienced that in the past...but that is what the REAL WORLD works like.

Sounds like you have 3 issues going on that you need to deal with & glad you have a counselor working with you:..

# 1, WHY you are having the strong feelings & HOW to stop them

Also #2, LISTENING & DOING what you are told when other people are telling you that your behavior is unacceptable.

Also #3, learning that life IS NOT all about what you want or need especially when crossing other peoples boundaries & interfering with their privacy.

They gave you the 90 day restriction in hopes you would learn your lesson from this experience to not do this behavior again. Consequences could be worse next time & you could be never allowed to return to the location.

They were kind to you & I'm sure took your Aspergers condition into consideration & probably talked with your caseworker about how best to handle your situation. It wasn't you that they didn't like....IT WAS YOUR BEHAVIOR they didn't like & realized something needed to be done to STOP IT.

Ruby, you are still trying to justify bad behavior. You are convincing yourself that you can't control it because the feelings are just too strong. The main thing that ruins a person's life is believing something that isn't true. You are not helpless to change your behavior.

Yes, it would be way easier to change your behavior if you didn't have "strong feelings." You want it to be easy.

Trying to figure out how and why you got this way is you distracting yourself from solving the problem. If you wait till you understand everything perfectly, you will never change. Stop delaying.

I honestly don’t feel anything for anyone anymore. I’m on break at my remaining job right now but I just keep distance from others. In fact, I doubt I’d ever get close to anyone ever again. That’s my actual feeling.

This is not an approach that will benefit you. You aren’t getting what YOU want hence choosing to not deal with the problem at hand.
This is an extreme reaction just like your opposite, yet equally extreme, behavior of ‘looking up to’ people, stalking them and crossing boundaries and pushing them to unacceptable levels.
I strongly suggest that you focus on addressing the challenges created by you while learning how to develop and maintain relationships that consist of healthy boundaries.

It's not wrong to have feelings

No it's not wrong to have feelings but it IS immature to always act on those feelings as if what others say doesn't matter. Ruby has been told many times to stop the behavior but continues to justify the behavior because her " feelings" tell her she can.

Ruby you need to stop calling it " looking up" because that's a totally different set of behavior. What you do is NOT looking up to someone, it's stalking.