suspended from work until further notice

Yes, I was just summarizing. Considering my length of work history, there emerged a pattern.

I'm not sure your list really touches on the foundational problem that exists so that you are able to work with what is on your list.

That is not list that is JUST EASY to change. It will take therapy & a lot if teaching you self-awareness of social situations around you....something that people with ASD struggle doing at the foundational level. Are yiu eilling to put the hard work into this change? I sure hope you are so that you can have a better life for yourself.

It might be. Unfortunately, I think Ruby has shown over and over that she tends to not want to do more than skim the surface of analyzing what's going on. Despite having what I suspect is a higher than average intelligence level, Ruby seems to me to be actually trying to avoid thinking in any depth. Ruby has a smart brain and can be honest about herself. Those are two important assets. I would advise Ruby to slow down and not try to oversimplify things.It takes patience to understand just about anything. What sounds simple and straightforward isn't always what's true. Truth often has twists and turns to it. Becoming mature means being willing to see deeper that just what's on the surface.

The supervisor at the fast food restaurant did not "hate" Ruby. I think Ruby needs to understand why she is very wrong to jump to that conclusion. The supervisor got to where she dreaded Ruby. People's feelings are not always real simple. Dreading the sight of someone who is being obnoxious is not the same as hating. This supervisor started off wanting to see Ruby succeed on the job and was supportive of her. Then she got to where dealing with Ruby was a draining experience. Finally, enough was enough. Ruby has yet to express even the smallest understanding of what that was all about. It seems to me that making this short list is a way to avoid really thinking about what is getting her into trouble.

I recommend that Ruby make different kinds of lists. Make a list of the rights that other people have - like the right to be left alone. Make a list of what kind of behaviors come across as "stalking." It's no good saying, "I better stop stalking people.", when you don't even know when you're doing it.

Just because “you’re” religious goes not mean other people are. And even if Ruby is religious she could be Catholic. Just keep religion out of this.

Over 200 posts on this thread! Why is Ruby so interesting? I still maintain that the payoff for you, Ruby, is negative attention. Look at all this attention you got here!

You said “shyt and piss room” only to amuse yourself and get a rise out of people, and that you did. You go girl!

ruby, any updates about what's happening?

Well, I’m going out with this guy I used to work with at Sam’s. He doesn’t seem to think me cursing on the sales floor warrants a suspension. But I’m leaning towards the fact that it does. Everyone else told me it does bc it was on the sales floor and it wasn’t even like I tripped and accidentally said “sh*t.” It takes conscious thought to come up with a vulgar name for a restroom. And he did say he doesn’t curse at work, especially on the sales floor. Sure enough, when we worked together, I never saw him do or say anything wrong. Idk what to think.

He said it’s just the particular supervisor who doesn’t tolerate that and that she puts business before people. As if another supervisor woulda handled it different! Idk anymore. My counselor, cousin, forum sites, Y!A, and job developer all said the infraction is bad enough to warrant a termination.

I said pee and shyt room to act out my frustration.

During my last few weeks at Sam’s, I felt especially empty, like there’s no point to life. I felt like no one gave a damn. Even during my last day, I was still thinking and talking about that fast food supervisor to friends and family.

Before March, I would screw around and be funny everywhere else EXCEPT Sam’s. When I took a seasonal retail job, a coworker asked me which job I liked better. I said the seasonal retail job bc I get more leeway to screw around. It’s only when I was traumatized by the threat of restraining order that I started screwing around and generally behaved badly at Sam’s. I basically undone my supervisor’s impression that I improved and behaved professionally.

If I found a second job to replace that fast food joint, I woulda put that fast food joint behind me, just like I did at seasonal retail position. However I never got called back after my interviews.

I lost my voice due to mental breakdown in March and never regained in for the rest of my time at Sam’s. I only recently regained it at McDonald’s bc of fresh start. That also played a big part in my acting out at Sam’s.

I think we may be saying the same thing.

You say you did it to “act out your frustration”. To me that means you said it intentionally when you knew it would be offensive and get you in trouble, and you did that to get attention from whomever by doing it, for whatever your reason of how you feel saying something inappropriate will help you relieve your frustration from what happened at the last job.

I’m not trying to argue with you and my apologies if I am of no help.

Ruby, stop saying you were "traumatized." The threat of the restraining order was an extreme measure that you pushed that person toward. It seemed you were going to defy the instruction that you leave that person alone. I guess you only stopped because of the threat of bringing the law down on you. That seemed to "shock" you into having more respect for this person's right to be left alone. Being told that you simply will not be allowed to act however you want is not a "trauma." It is a fair requirement that all people living in a civilized society must meet. Those who will not abide by that requirement tend to end up in jail or in some institutionalized setting for people with severe behavior problems. Those are tough consequences. But they are necessary. You also are protected by society's rules. If some sexual predator were to follow you around and invade your space, you would want police to protect you . . . and they would.

No one was unfair to you. Nothing traumatic has happened to you. There are rules in this world. It would be a horrible jungle, if there weren't. You wouldn't like it either.

Being told that you will absolutely not be allowed to just do as you please is totally appropriate.

Good posting. I would add that Ruby has not yet recognized the supervisor’s right to be left alone. From her posts, I don’t believe Ruby understands empathy. She still thinks she is the victim, even after everyone has pointed out that she is the one victimizing others. She can say that she will follow the “no stalking” rule, but she either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care that she abused and traumatized the supervisor. She is not sorry. She just doesn’t want to pay the consequences of getting caught. Until she is able to understand that, I’m afraid we are all wasting our time. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Ruby you were the one doing the traumatizing, you tramatised the supervisor. She did nothing to you, what happened was a consequence of your own behavior. You still are justifying your behavior and not accepting responsibility or owning that the entire incident was your fault.

Sorry, I only meant I felt deeply hurt bc I didn’t understand at that time. Traumatized might not be an appropriate word for it. I understand that I was in the wrong, not her.

Yeah, look, can we stop telling Ruby she's not entitled to her feelings or that her feelings are wrong? Feelings just are. They aren't right or wrong. Now, her behavior might be causing her to have hurt feelings, and so she needs to take responsibility for her own feelings, but let's at least give her some compassion that these are her feelings and she is allowed to have them.

Geez.

Ruby....you are still justifying your bad behavior because you think it wasn't YOUR INTENTION in YOUR mind. In reality your intention is irrelevant.....how you acted is the problem no matter what your intention MAY have been.

Just because you don't know appropriate behaviprs is NO EXCUSE for behaving badly especially by your age. You have had plenty of years to have learned....you are the one who has always chosed not to listen to anyone who has tried to tell you you are wrong.....your parents, everyone here. You are still intetested in doing ONLY what Ruby wants to do. Until you LEARN to change that attitude your problems are inly going to get worse in your life not better. The older you become, the less tolerance others will have for the bad behaviors you choose for your life.

Ruby,

Does all this advice help you ? You have received hundreds and hundreds of replies.

Any of this sticking ?

Maybe reread this ENTIRE thread, maybe you will find some useful advice.

I thought she did a nice summary at post# 214, but it seems like it wasnt good enough for the committee!

Without knowing the OP in person, and only in the context of the thread, it’s hard to understand their thought processes.

Honestly, all Ruby wanted to know on this thread is if she will be fired for this incident. While we are delving into the deeper issue and the big picture, Ruby may not be able to grasp those concepts.

No one told Ruby that "she's not entitled to her feelings." No one told Ruby "that her feelings are wrong."

Ruby has been shown a ton of compassion on this and other thread. Responders realize that Ruby has a condition that makes some things very difficult for her.

I could cognitively grasp the deeper issue but I don’t always FEEL it. I’m slowly moving towards feeling it as well.

It's also her thinking not JUST behavior that is a problem. Thinking may cause one to feel feelings, thinking is not feeling.

If Ruby could work on her thinking/thought processes, her feelings would be appropriately adjusted accordingly

Thank you. I agree completely, seesaw.
If ruby says she feels traumatized, that means she feels traumatized and I don't think her feelings should be denied.

I cannot understand why this thread is continuing with page after page of posters bashing ruby.

No one said those words outright but that has been the sentiment.

It seems to me that this is pretty much the general sentiment.

https://www-chicagotribune-com.cdn.a...815-story.html

Above is a link to an article that explains more extensively why describing an experience as "traumatic" can be counter-productive.

This article is worth reading in its entirety, but here is an especially relevant excerpt:

"According to one study, young people increasingly believe that their destinies are determined by luck, fate or powerful people besides themselves. People who hold these beliefs are more likely to feel helpless and unable to manage stress. Trauma is a way to explain life’s problems as someone else's fault."

Ruby keeps seeing herself as the victim. That's going to keep her stuck, as this article explains. In her view, she was plunged into great distress by this awful thing that was done to her. It certainly does hurt to be fired from a job. I know this because I got unexpectedly fired from a job I liked. Lots of people have had this experience. It sure feels awful. It brought me to tears. I had to do some heavy thinking to process it.

I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how they should feel about being fired, or being rejected or any other experience. True: how you feel is how you feel. By bringing the concept of "trauma" into this discussion, Ruby is trying to manipulate how we view the experiences she's gone through at the fast-food place and more recently. This is a ploy for sympathy. It shows intelligence and a sophistication about the use of language. (Those are assets Ruby might use more constructively and actually get somewhere with.) Ruby is not going to control how I interpret her experience. Not getting your own way can be disappointing. Some people do just about lose their minds when they can't have things as they want them. That doesn't mean their experience was traumatic in nature. It can mean they have a problem adapting to reality.