My boyfriend has protection?

Jp, I am sorry to be so blunt, but you miss the point. This is a mental health forum first and foremost. It is mandated as a community for the discussion and support of subjects that pertain to mental health. As such everything is structured within that framework. So, yes, the topic of this sub-forum is relationships and communication; but, the model of this subject is within the theme of mental health. Thus, this is a forum for which to discuss how your mental health is affected by your relationships AND how your relationships are affected by your mental health.

What is happening here doesn't seem to pertain to either - except that it is evident -sorry, me being blunt again- there may be a mental health issue involved.

There are those who will disagree but I am pretty sure too there will be those who lean as I do to questioning the veracity of your stories. I am not going to validate them by giving you words of unfounded encouragement. What I will say is that I think you need some help with this and I highly suggest that you find some sort of therapist to discuss this with if you haven't already. I am super super super concerned.

Jp31 whatever is going on, we wish you well! Peace, hope, and a bright future to you You deserve it.

No one can tell you what to do, and no one is being judgmental. We are all just saying what we see as objective 3rd parties. And what many people are saying is that this man seems very shady. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to lay all the cards on his table and not use vague terms like "business plan" when he means organized crime. Yes, every one deserves a chance but not at the risk of your safety. You keep saying that there are no safety concerns, but you are ignoring that he has people protecting him. So YES, there are safety concerns and you should be concerned for your safety. If you are willing to risk that, great, keep dating him. It sounds like a dangerous relationship, and based on your accounts, he does not sound trustworthy, and I would be very concerned for every aspect of my life, getting involved with a person like this.

If that's all okay by you, and you're willing to deal with the consequences, then by all means, stay with him. Just know what you're getting into.

I think there is a concern that you originally came to the forum appearing somewhat worried and asked what we think of all this.

But when you heard opinions, which were pretty much the same, you became upset and accused people of being judgemental even though people just answered your questions and based responses on what you shared, no one judged.

So if you didn’t want to hear answers, I am unsure why you asked.

You are dating a man involved in organized crime and you seem to enjoy some aspects of it like free food and being driven around and perhaps some elements of danger and drama and power excite you or you’d end this afterbthr first date

I recommend to seek professional help and try to get to the bottom of it to see why you are attracted to such men instead of stable men living life free of danger.

No one (at least I know I don’t) wants you to get hurt so i highly recommend you take serious safety precautions.

Him running for office does NOT prove he is a great guy. Even if he is a great guy, this sounds dangerous for you. I was young once, and he sure has some great romantic moves, but really, hoping this is like a thrilling movie is really naive. I’ve done some stupid things hoping an obviously toxic situation was ok, but here you’re telling everybody and everyone is warning you off. Come on, girl, when does he say things would be safe without all the security? I would at least stay inside where it’s safer. I cant believe this!

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Originally Posted by Jp31 The impression I got about being whizzed away in the car was that someone was at that time possibly a danger, or could put him in danger. The people who take him places, and are looking over him always keep tabs on him,

If this is danger for him then its automatically danger for you.

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A court order had declared that him and his ex partner must not have contact, however she is now dating the individual who arranged and set up my date 8 years ago. My reasoning behind us being taken away so quickly was possibly that she was there alongside her cronies and this could of possibly posed a legal complication or a threat to him. I know this entire relationship breakup has screwed him up

Did he explain the no contact order? Was it for domestic abuse on either side?

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I believe that the protection measures where there when we had our first few dates to protect him from possible setups or attacks by the other parties.

Do you see the words you are choosing to describe this situation? Attacks, danger...

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By now I'm fairly confident that nothing sinister is going on, and we've had no ordeals. He's planning to move closer to his new job within the security services soon which is ironically in my town, if he was too involved in organised crimes or some kind of syndicate then he wouldn't be able to leave it so easily, surely?

What makes you confident?
I understand that the opinons you heard may not be what you wanted to hear but you asked for opinions. When you shared what you shared we only have that to go on. So when someone points something out or asks a question they are basing that on what your posts say. Its unfair to say we are judging you or being unfair if we can only refer to what you have share. Frankly I an surprised that you are not more upset about this. The adjectives you used to describe things all involve danger, conflict and covert behavior. I do not see how you could possibly not be involved with those same dangers if you are dating him. How do the people protecting him actually protect him? do they whip out karate moves, use guns or other means of force?

This is exactly what a potentially toxic and controlling person looks for. They can see YOU a mile away and they get so they KNOW if they treat a very niave often young inexperienced women a certain way they can gain full control. And they often have what is called their "flying monkeys" that follow them loyally too.

It's very important to NOT get caught up in the love bombing and intrigue. Individuals that can end up trapping someone they know is very inexperienced DO follow a certain playbook (it's called grooming) and they KNOW it works.

There are pimps Jp that look for young girls and promise them they will be protected and often their prey is young runaways. There are politicians that do this, there are teachers that do this and individuals in the mob and people who figure out how to act a certain way where they gain a lot of respect by colleges but also have a darker side to them that preys on inexperienced young women. These individuals can have a lot of power and respect like Bill Cosby who groomed many young innocent women only to date rape them and they say "I am so well liked and respected that if you tell no one will believe you". This is what a top respected news reporter did, Matt Lauer. He had collegues that respected him and trusted him that ended up being completely shocked when his darker side was finally exposed.

Often the grooming includes making the victim think THEY are the one with the power that is special and deserves special treatment. From what you wrote in your quote above, you are showing already that you are falling into this mindset. You are so inexperienced that you don't even realize that a controlling and potentially toxic individual knows just how to get you into this mindset you posted above.

When you are IN that mindset, that's when you really need to step back and really look at things. Every single victim ONLY sees it all "after they have been hurt and tossed to the curb" or when they are STUCK in the trap and can't see their way out of it. MANY predators Jp actually use some kind of "charity" or "social giving and caring environment" as a cover too. Predators always look for someone that is not independently strong and self sufficient too. Inexperienced in EVERY WAY that proves to be THE perfect target. Believe me, these individuals DO know exactly what to look for. HE has all the power Jp, and that's how he likes it.

There is NO WAY you would be able to really have ANY power.
HE has all the power Jp, and that's how he likes it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

((Jp)),

When someone "grooms" what is typically an inexperienced and still niave person to gain control over them, they ALWAYS try to make that individual believe THEY HAVE POWER and are special in some way. Often the abuser will KNOW how to make themselves appear like they need you to feel good and whole too. They KNOW who will be someone they CAN do this with too.

In your own thread here, you had a lot of different individuals "some of which were themselves victims", look at what you shared and they did see red flags. At the same time though, you were beginning to WANT the power that you were experiencing with this person. When have you ever experienced anything so exciting as this? After all, experiencing someone that has so much attention like this who WANT'S YOU is exciting.

When someone is "love boomed" they can't help but feel good and excited. After all, suddenly someone who has a certain kind of charisma is seeing YOU as special. It really creates this feeling of "empowerment". Often it can feel so amazing that you don't even see the web you are being pulled into. This is when a person "doesn't want the realism, but want's the MAGIC". Everyone loves the fantasy and the fun and excitement and to feel a sense of power.

Yet, when that doesn't last and REALITY starts to happen? That's when that feeling of "power" starts to fade and the person begins to see how much power they DON'T HAVE. They miss all that magic and power and they desperately want it back, so much so that they accept the scraps that are tossed to them. What they failed to see is WHO really had that power the whole time. They did not see that they did not have the power at all, it was only an illusion.

What began to turn you off in your own thread? People were pointing things out to you that concerned them while at the same time you were being "groomed and handed exciting power".

When that happens, the only way to pull someone back in hopes they share more and listen, is to GIVE THEM POWER. Otherwise, they will just run away to where they ARE getting power, often blindly. The HOPE is that this person listens and finds some power within them to actually PAY ATTENTION and LOOK.

When a person doesn't listen and runs to the web only to end up being hurt badly, that is when that person really feels VERY powerless and ASHAMED. At that point the ONLY way anyone can help that person even begin to recover is to "give them power". Did you know that? It can be a long, long road to recovery and having a sense of power back. A caring person, often one who is professionally trained tries to give you your power back, they don't have any other agenda than to help the patient SLOWLY regain something that they lost in a significant way.

In this situation you are describing I cannot stress enough to you how important it is for you to pay attention to YOUR OWN POWER and not the power someone else is trying to create FOR YOU in order to EMPOWER THEMSELVES. It is very important to see WHO really has THE POWER because that is always going to be the person that HAS the power AND everyone else goes along with it. In a situation like this YOU only are important as long he HE wants you to be important. That is NOT HAVING YOUR OWN POWER. A young, inexperienced person who has little to no experience with relationships doesn't see that, which often why that person is selected to be a part of.

The other posters here have lived long enough, experienced enough relationships and even some toxic ones that NONE of them would play along with this guy's game. Yet, he would never invite any of them to either, he would already know they are wise to this kind of web. You however, are not which makes you invited in the first place.

Open Eyes, this is one of the best comments I have ever seen on the forum and I have been awed by the wisdom of posters many times. It so resonates with me that I am sure it will help me in future to set boundaries and notice when my needs are not being met.

Remember luvurself, a person that wants power over you often will make you THINK he/she can make sure your needs are met.

Everything was great for 3 months, or whatever short time, WHAT HAPPENED?

It's especially hard when one is in a relationship with a narcissist. Everything seems so perfect and wonderful at first, cloud 9 until it's not. The person who THOUGHT they had the power never EVER really had it. By the time they end and get away from that relationship, they feel devasted and POWERLESS. Most need therapy, some for a while to slowly find their power back.

He's vanished.. Just disappeared mid sentence. All I know is that none of his team are about, his guys have gone, his phone rang through until it died, not spoken in three days now I think.

I am sorry, you must be worried about it. Hang in there. You are much better off. Unfortunately something like this or much worse was bound to happen.

Under normal circumstances it could be ok to stop by his house see if he moved out etc But under these circumstances I advice you to not come near these people.

Give it time to heal and move on with your life. You don’t need this kind of life style. Count your blessings.

Hugs and best wishes

Im confused how can a human being be talking one moment to someone and then in the middle of their sentence just disappear....

so are you telling us that this whole time this guy in your life was actually just a delusion/ hallucination? for how else can a human being be sitting with someone and in mid sentence vanish.

have to tell you now that you have posted he vanished in mid sentence your whole thread now makes a lot of sense to me for I have psychosis as part of my Bipolar disorder where I have had the delusion and hallucination to match then in the middle of doing something that delusion/ hallucination just vanishes.

Sometimes it feels so real when its happening but then when it / they disappear and there is no sign of it/them anywhere I have no choice but to realie and accept that it was not real, just a hallucination delusion combo related to my other problems.

what helps me when this happens is talking to my treatment providers and having my medications adjusted.

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers, tell them all that has transpired / happened and go from there. they can help you get through this confusing and stressful time.

Mid sentence can be an unfinished text or cell phone conversation. I have experienced that when the other person lost service or phone had no battery power left or was in an area where they were too far from a cell tower and lost the signal.

Jp is what amandalouise describing experiencing sound like anything you are experiencing?

Hopefully op comes back to clarify if the guy just hung up the phone mid sentence or his whole existence was a hallucination. I agree with Amanda about seeing treatment provider ASAP if it’s the later

We were chatting in WhatsApp, and all of a sudden he vanished. Not answering the door, no one had seen him, his guys were gone. He's very much real, not a delusional. I went back to his place and this time his friend answered. He is just very poorly so they are staying with him. He's sleeping a lot, apparently food poisoning of some kind. He apologised greatly, he just said he couldn't do much.

Hi JP31,

I think you should please add the Trigger Warning icon to this post. It’s the solid red dot. This post has been quite triggering to many here.

I see you are new to PC and your only posting has been on this thread of yours. You are most welcome to be here for your issues and support.

I want to say, I don’t believe your story is 100% truthful. You may be completely a troll and having fun, toying with folks here. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I see you have concerned and upset many here.

Your story just does not make sense. The details you describe do not really happen IRL. Some of them, sure, they can happen. But with all you described, it just doesn’t add up.

You don’t even have a concern on this post, as it started with asking if we think your date has protection and then it became apparent you had no concern about him, and now you continue to tease this audience with more mystery. It sounds to me like you are enjoying telling a tall tale.

He has food poisoning now? It hit him midsentence and he just hung up and sleeps for three days not answering the phone? And you aren’t even bothered by it. All righty then. I think you really need to see a professional regardless if he is real or imaginary boyfriend

I agree. This is too far fetched to be reality. No one really does that. He couldn’t answer the phone for three days? Or the door? Dropped off mid sentence?

If you cant be supportive, maybe you shouldnt post, instead of posting against guidelines.

Have you ever talked to a therapist or a psychologist? I wonder if it’s something you would consider regardless how things transpired with this guy. Personally I’d also talk to a police about what happened and they could help you to sort it out but so could a therapist. I understand you are in UK. I’d recommend going seeing your GP and they could determine if you would benefit from seeing some one. It won’t hurt to ask your GP.

Jp31, do you have a good friend or two in your offline life? Someone you can talk this over with for some comfort? Or a hug?

Ok, time for some deep breaths. I see different members trying to be supportive here with this new member and this challenge she is describing. Is it real? right? Well, I have been a member here for a really long time and I sure have seen or read some very strange things. I have actually seen someone create a false identity and pull other members into believing this false identity. Member X ended up coming up with a whole new identity too and thought it was great that so many were fooled. I watched this individual present a charming persona and how this individual learned to be very politically correct and having the right lean and slowly charming many members too. Member X pretended to be something very different than member X actually was and to my horror a lot of members were drawn to this member and I can't say enough how triggering it was for me at the time, actually myself and some others that were being badly triggered as well. And even when the TRUTH finally came out, "oh but member X is nice and in pain and deserves to be helped".

I also witnessed this IRL too where an individual can create a persona that is NOT the truth or based on reality and yet can be extremely convincing. A friend of mine experienced this challenge and got pulled into believing this individual's lies. This friend was no spring chicken at the time either. This friend of mine was taken on quite the ride too until it ALL FELL APART. This friend was completely shocked and devastated by this entire experience. And there were other people that went along with this guy's tales too. This friend of mine was so shattered and confused and I used to have to make time at night where I would talk to her as she repeated all the things she experienced with this individual trying to process this crazy trip he took her on mentally and emotionally. I knew he was real because I had actually met him too.

One thing I do know is that a person can create a false persona and can actually get others to go along with it and actually BELIEVE them. This individual could be making all of this up for attention, YET, this individual could be someone that is actually experiencing an individual that is creating something about themselves that is confusing her.

I myself have been experiencing a person that I share about here and at times I know it can sound UNBELIEVABLE. I sit across from my therapist NEEDING him to listen and believe me because the individual I am dealing with is REALLY MESSED UP. It's possible there are others that might think I am delusional or making this up for attention, but that is simply not the case.

It's possible this individual is experiencing something very confusing. It's also possible this person is having psychotic episodes, it's also possible this person is looking for attention. Bottom line, we just don't know, could be any one of these challenges. The only thing members here can do is listen, if it's too much for any member to handle, then it's ok to step back too. And sometimes, a person creates stories that have to do with themselves too, they put in things they may have experienced in their lives that they need to talk about a certain way in order to help them deal with whatever it might be.

One thing I do know is that human beings are incredibly complex and the longer I live the more I have come to realize there often is no "simple answer" or rhyme or reason. It can be hard to know how much is real or imagined or even made up altogether. One thing I can say is that I myself have been triggered on this site, but also IRL as well. I try very hard to stop and step back and sort through how something affects me and "why" and it has been at times very challenging. Often I talk about something I am experiencing IRL and a person suddenly thinks I am talking about them too or even something they said, when that is not the case. It can be quite the challenge.

At any rate, this individual seems to be reaching out for some kind of help. It can take time to see what this person may really need help with. As I have mentioned, sometimes the person asking for help is dealing with something that sounds strange, but it's the person they are experiencing that is the problem and not so much them.

This person has already stated they are not seeking help. Seems they are happy to just continue this fictional narrative, which takes away from someone who really is here for help.

Please do not post on this thread UNLESS you are offering the op support.

As a friendly reminder, to quote DocJohn:

If you see a post or a thread you think is fictitious, you are free to report it.