Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Well I guess it’s not needed yet. He said let’s start fresh today and apologized.

Great! Hope you have a good weekend!

Thanks!! You too!

A complaint I have: I have gained 12-15 pounds since being with my husband. He's gained about the same amount of weight. He does not eat the healthiest foods; I prefer to eat healthy foods, but haven't been as much since I've met him.

I've expressed MANY MANY times (probably 20 times now) my need to be thin and how that is important to me. I've tried to diet MANY times while I've been with him. He encourages me instead to eat fattening foods and will literally twist my arm to eat fattening foods WHILE I AM TRYING TO DIET AND LOSE WEIGHT.

I honestly feel like he WANTS me to keep gaining weight and to be heavier than I wish to be so that I don't look or feel as good as I used to. EVERY time I am dieting, he encourages me to eat fat. I used to be beautiful, sexy and thin. And now I'm plump, not beautiful and not sexy.

I think he wants me fat so that I cannot be attractive to other men. When we've been out, he's always noticing other men starting at me (or they used to stare). Then when we're in bed, he'll hug me tight and say things like "mine", meaning he's claiming me as his.

I am really upset at how heavy I am now. I weigh 141 pounds and I am only 5'2"!!!!!! I just bought a realistic mirror last night, and am sickened by how fat I look. I've always been thin nearly my whole entire life.

And I am resentful of my husband for not helping me to lose weight like I keep expressing to him that I want and need. He does the opposite.

I am really upset over this. I have to try to lose this extra weight, and I have to fight him on NOT eating fattening foods.

Regardless if this is true or not, by your own perception, your husband is being abusive. What do you mean he "twists your arm literally"?

If you're choosing to stay in this relationship, I would use this information as ammunition to LOSE THAT WEIGHT. Get your power back by resisting his attempts, knowing he "wants" to keep you in a form that makes "him" feel more secure.

No longer take his advice. Everytime he pushes, smile, then dig your heels. You've got this!

Thank you, MsLady.

He says things like "come on, this won't hurt you. It's just a croissant. it's the weekend" - even though I am protesting, saying I'm dieting and telling him "no". Even after I've said those things, he still tries to convince me to eat the fattening food. I have weak willpower when it comes to sweets, and he knows this.

So yeah, I'm going to have to get crazy determined, dig in my heels and get my strength back.

I'm just super pissed off that he does this to me. It's his own insecurity talking.

It's all in the mind set. Have a little fun with this, instead lol..

"Thanks, babe. I'm really craving a [healthy food choice], though.".. and smile. Make sure you're wearing something nice, too.

Lol. That gave me a laugh.

My husband isn't the healthiest eater either. And we both struggle with weight issue ourselves. We do cook but it’s too tempting to overeat or add bad things like sweets etc Honestly it’s been long time since I was 140 so I guess it is all relative. Whatever weight you find healthy for yourself

What I don’t understand is how can someone make someone else to eat what they don’t want to eat. Trying to convince you to eat something you don’t want is weird. He is welcome to eat what he wants but why is he telling you what to eat. I’d be mad. I’d cook my own food and eat separately if that’s the case.

I agree. Twisting your arm "literally" means he has you by the arm and physically twisting it. I think you're more frustrated with yourself and angry that he doesn't care about your well being. He doesn't seem to be.

Well yeah I don’t think he physically twists it but even insisting someone eats something that they consider unhealthy or simply don’t want, is not right. I am not that nice. I’d have some choice of words.

Well, yes. He doesn't seem to value my own preferences, desires and needs when it comes to food and dieting. He dismisses them. Which makes me think he wants me to be fat and feeling less attractive. He knows that feeling heavy makes me feel less attractive. He knows this. Why doesn't he want me to feel attractive is my question? It's most upsetting to me that he is dismissing my needs, especially when I've been emphatic. I do get angry about it, but not openly to him. Today was the first time I expressed any amount of frustration to him by telling him he's of "no help" when I am trying to diet. I didn't go off on him, when I probably should have.

Maybe he doesn't want you to feel like you could attract other men. Does he get jealous?

He maybe just trying to convince you to eat what he eats so he doesn’t feel as bad eating it alone or that he has company. I hope he isn’t maliciously fattening you up.

He doesn't get jealous, but he has shown that he can be possessive.

I've thought of that too. I really hope it's not malicious or intentional. Perhaps it's subconscious? I have a hard time believing this would be conscious on his part, even if it does come from insecurity.

I told him how I feel because I got depressed. He says he understands and wants me to feel better. But is he just saying that? I hope he can follow through.

I just don’t understand him telling you to eat something. Why?

I do understand him buying something bad for himself or even buying junk for the house, but not trying to convince you to eat it. I just don’t understand it.

I also don’t get how he is afraid men will look at you and wants you to be heavy so men don’t like you. It makes no sense. Plenty of men like heavier or plumper women, not taking about 600lb. You don’t need to be skinny to be liked by men. Is he really thinking like that?

That’s kind of a wrong premise that only thin women are attractive. I am just really confused on this whole story. It’s either you hopefully misinterpret what’s happening with his agenda and the whole roots of male attraction or he is a bit insane and personally I’d be freaking out big time.

What is the difference between jealous and possessive?

He just tries to convince me and twists my arm to talk me into eating bad foods. I don’t know how else I can say it. And I guess I’m putting two and two together between all the things he has said to me. No, women do not always need to be thin to be attractive to men. But most men I think prefer a healthy weight as opposed to a heavy weight. And I personally look better thinner. In my opinion.

I’m not sure?

I totally understand wanting to be healthy or look certain way.

He Is just naive if he thinks men will look at you less if you are 160 versus 140 or they’ll start all staring at you if you’ll be 130. Why is he even concerned if men look at you. Is he not trusting you? Him feeling so possessive and worrying that you will attract other men is concerning. You aren’t an object. Even if men look at you, it doesn’t mean you care about those men.

Hopefully none of this agenda is the case. Hopefully he just likes heavy food and thinks everyone else should too

Yeah he knows I don’t even notice men looking. He does though and he usually mentions it.

It’s hard not to think he doesn’t want me to lose weight whenever I say “ no” and “I’m dieting” and he still tries to convince me to eat the bad foods. So yeah either he just wants company or he wants me to be heavy and therefore maybe less desirable to other men. I just don’t know which is the case.

Possessiveness and jealousy are similar.

Difference is that jealousy is a feeling. Someone might feel jealous in private but never even tell anyone, we all feel jealous at times. It’s a feeling that we don’t necessarily act on

Possessiveness is acting on those feelings. Telling your wife that you want her to stay home versus going out with friends or not wanting her to look good because she belongs to you is acting possessive.

Just eat what you want. Is he getting argumentative about it? If he is just talking about what you should eat, ignore it