Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

I said I don’t care about the JOB. I care how I make people feel. Controlling myself is just very difficult.

Controlling yourself when you feel rejected by people is hard for you, Ruby. You unravel, you regress and you become a petulant child at work, acting out, and displaying all of your upset in front of people and in inappropriate ways.

What you need to learn is self control when you feel rejected.

Your behavior has become a employee safety liability. Your behaviors are impulsive and unpredictable, and place your coworkers and customers in possible danger of being verbally accosted and, now, racially attacked. They will not pass you and the accompanying possible problems and liability on to another store in the franchise. When you used that racial insult, you landed in realm of racial harassment which can fall under much heavier legal penalties if something continues to go on like this. They won’t mess with that kind of thing.

Seek therapy to work on consistently changing your behaviors - not just for show for employers, but in a lasting and transformative way. Without those real and lasting changes in your ability to cope and behave, you will continue to fall into this pattern and remain unemployable.

Actually you said "this job or this company at all."

If you cared how you make people feel then you'd manage your behaviors better. If you can't control your behaviors then you shouldn't be working. This is why you are a liability to an employer.

Ruby is bpd and delusional. She needs a long program of DBT and a professional which will work with her on her delusional thinking. No amount of anyone telling her how things are is going to help. As she will constantly miss the truth and see what she wants to see. Just like her insistence that they could have transferred her and all would be well. We can tell her until we’re blue in the face that she needs to change her thinking and behavior but it will have no effect. She needs long term professional help and to stay out of the work force until then.

Yes they do struggle with human interactions that’s why I and others provided advice, links, suggestions and everything under the sun over the years.

Oh yeah there are many teenagers there but she doesn’t have issues with them. It’s more with either harassing management or being disobedient with management. And those are not teenagers

Ruby had threads like this for many years. She needs more help that what we can provide

Controlling yourself at work is HARD. No doubt

My supervisor at Sam’s club pressured me to quit after my first 3.5 years. She made other excuses but I knew intuitively that she doesn’t like me “obsessing” and being “fascinated” with her. She used those terms in passing during our small talk btw.

So a year later, I returned and since I already obtained my Arby’s job, I ended up working 2 jobs simultaneously. I returned bc I was rehireable in the system and someone else hired me. I stayed another 2 years.

I was let go bc of my Arby’s induced mental breakdown and couldn’t continue to function at Sam’s Club

Btw, the GM chick left me a voicemail 9:30 pm last night and said not to come in today. She then asked me to return her call. I didn’t bother cuz I simply not gonna show up ever again. I may or may not be officially fired at this point but it doesn’t matter. I won’t even go in as a customer. Screw them. This is how little I care.

I’m just a little worried about my next job and/or online freelancing or whatever.

Still deeply hurt about the old GM. It started with me trying so hard to chat him up whenever he visits the store. And kept trying. And trying. And trying every time he’s here. If it hadn’t been for that, I woulda continued to behave myself like I had the last 3 years

You should call them back. Being fired for this behavior will impact your chances of being hired anywhere else. If the new employer calls to verify your employment, they will be obliged to tell the. That you were terminated with cause and not rehireable.

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I think you should give her a call back.

I almost regret calling out a coworker for being so mean spirited yesterday. Cuz there are more epic ways to get fired. I shoulda left a sympathy card saying sorry for your loss. Your loss, of course, being me. I’m a tell them to take their time to grieve while I walk out that door for the last time.

I can get more epic than a sarcastic sympathy card, but I’d get in too much trouble. So I won’t do those.

You "almost" regret your racist remark? I thought you said you care how you make people feel?

Ruby, I hate to break it to you. You were not a loss to them. You were a liability. You need to understand this. You caused problems and created very real unsafe conditions for other employees. Losing you benefits them. You need to understand that because you need to understand the reality of what's happening here. You need to face your bad behavior, you need to face that you are hurting others, and you need to face that you need help before you go back to work.

If this continues, you go to another job and do it again, it will likely escalate and you will end up in legal trouble. It will also make it impossible to get a job again because you will be seen as a liability and employers don't want to risk hiring you.

Stop and get help before you go looking for another job so that you can actually be successful in the next job.

Most of them are.... Grrrrrr

''family'' of origin, they all have a certain disorder.. so I am, apparently, the ''criminal'' or simply to be shunned

Im not sure what fuzzy means, but i see it as, and this greatly relates to me, that, under stress, ruby gives out whats in her bucket. I was raised with rejection, so that means everyone is first my enemy. Making friends does not come naturally. I have a people-pleasing shell, but it doesnt go very far before it cracks.

People DO make friends at work, just not ever with me. Im too weird. And i was raised not to trust people. The first people i didnt trust were my parents (at a very young age). They confided in me that they hated each other (when i was older).

I was in therapy for 40 years, and my life fell apart when i got fired from my last job and was simultaneously being betrayed by my immediate family. It was too much. I didnt have enough help to make it through.

I hope ruby can find a way to make a new life for themself, being as perceptive and quickwitted as they are.

Eta - oh, i get it! Fuzzy answered the title question! Duh! Then i agree. My family made / makes it harder for me. They dont want to just help solve the problem, they want to change ME. Thats not the right answer.

But a lot of people here have reached out with helpful suggestions.

The problem is the question Ruby posed is under a false premise that they are being unsupportive. They aren't being unfriendly to be unsupportive. They are being "unsupportive" because she is verbally abusing them.

I get not having anything in the bucket to be empathetic. I've been there. But point blank, her emotions emotions behaviors are her own responsibility. It is not her coworkers' responsibility to keep her in a good mood.

The heart of the problem is really that Ruby needs professional support to be successful, but she doesn't even seem to want to listen to that, since she's going to go right back to work somewhere else instead of getting help first.

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I know I’m not a loss to them at all. I’m saying that they sympathy card woulda been a sarcastic way to get a rise out of them. Some kind of dark humor

Btw, I made friends easily whether at work, school, church, etc. That’s how I made tons of friends left and right, cuz I’m outgoing. I lose them just as easily. In fact, I seem to be so good at losing friends that I don’t have a single one left. That makes me worse off than people who don’t make friends easily.

Because every friend lost is automatically an enemy. They give you a wide berth whenever they see you. Therefore, I have TONS of people actively avoiding me whenever I see them in town.

If I were never friends with them in the first place, I would be just a typical stranger. And people don’t normally hate strangers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011 I know I’m not a loss to them at all. I’m saying that they sympathy card woulda been a sarcastic way to get a rise out of them. Some kind of dark humor Btw, I made friends easily whether at work, school, church, etc. That’s how I made tons of friends left and right, cuz I’m outgoing. I lose them just as easily. In fact, I seem to be so good at losing friends that I don’t have a single one left. That makes me worse off than people who don’t make friends easily. Because every friend lost is automatically an enemy. They give you a wide berth whenever they see you. Therefore, I have TONS of people actively avoiding me whenever I see them in town. If I were never friends with them in the first place, I would be just a typical stranger. And people don’t normally hate strangers.

When they get to know you, they find out they don't like your personality or your behavior. That is normal for people to give others a chance until that person blows it with their personality & behavior. You have blown it with anyone who was willing to try to be a friend. You pushed them away with your own personality & behaviors. If you don't like it then YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP TO CHANGE WHAT PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOU WHEN THEY START GETTING TO KNOW YOU. (of course unless you are just liking this to get attention) only you know your REAL motive)

If you are in the la la land you sound like in your writing here, you are totally delusional & need serious help. If not, you are putting on a good act for attention.

Bingo. That is what I referenced in my last post. Your sole purpose there and here is to “get a rise” out of your coworkers and the good people here trying to help you.

It’s not ASD. It’s not BPD. You are trying to be a real live troll at work. Here? Could be. That’s why the stories get more fantastical and the described behavior escalates.

You aren’t really here to help yourself. You’re here to play with the people on this forum.

Get professional help.

It’s borderline. They say it’s treatable with 50% recovery rate. But years of therapy didn’t help. I’m no better than I ever was (like 15 ago). If anything, I’m getting crazier

I only want to get a rise out of my coworkers because I can’t stand any of them. They turned on me the very FIRST day the GM ignored TF out of me. Before I was ever rude to anyone. That day, they be like “toughen TF up.” Or “stop crying over (GM) and work. Ridiculous.”

From that day on, those comments made me cynical and I was strongly tempted to be rude to people. I gave in to such temptation a month ago.

It was liberating and exhilarating. And now that I lost my job over that, I don’t even care. I’m only worried about finding my next employment (self or otherwise) on top of grieving over that GM who used to care about me.

And it all started 2 months ago when he first ignored me…

Borderline is tough. My personality isn’t likeable because it’s a personality disorder. My behavior would more easily change if I could change my underlying feelings. But those feelings seem so immutable. So all my attempts to change my behavior failed

In depth therapy might help you to change some of your underlying feelings... if this is what you want, to change. Unless you change your behaviours, I agree with the other posters. I haven't read all your posts (as was obvious from my other reply, I've been away for a while and not a regular in this part of the forum anyway )

People are sometimes estranged from their families and might even disown their kids. I googled the percentages and it’s between 10% and 20% of people.

Would people with good relationships with their immediate family also easily cut them off over relatively little things? Or at least ignore TF out of the people in their household.

GM is friendly and outgoing with whoever he worked with (except me of course). What about his friends? What about his family? I don’t wanna feel like the only one he ignores. I don’t want to feel alone.

Ruby, family is not the same as managers or coworkers. It’s not the same thing. You are intelligent and perceptive so why are you making such weird comparisons. I don’t typically shun or abandon my family, but it doesn’t mean I must put up with bad behavior of coworkers or even be their friends. They aren’t my family

I’m just so angry. Among all the people he worked with, I’m the ONLY one he pushes away. I felt alone, so I’m just inquiring about people in his life outside of work. If only he would ignore ONE other person, anyone, then I wouldn’t feel alone.

GM transfers every 3-4 years, just like every GM does in our 31 store franchise. A guy GM worked with in his previous store (before he transferred to mine), walked into the store as a customer while GM is working. A good few minutes of warm greetings and catching up followed. That happened 2 years ago and I watched the whole thing.

The GM still likes me back then so I didn’t feel anything bad about it. In fact, right after the guy left, I started talking to that GM (forgot what about) and he joked around with me.

Not sure why any of that should change but now I feel abandoned