I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

I am sure you don’t have “nothing.” I am sure you have a lot. It’s just hidden. There are a lot of things you can do that don’t involve him or in fact any men. It just takes a minute to figure it out

Your self was buried in his detritus, but you still have it.

You still have your self.

You can now unearth it, you can now energize it, without someone constantly trying to stop you.

I understand your feelings....my ex, not long after the divorce met a woman; they have been together for over 10 years, while I.....have no one.

My sister left her abusive ex husband 9 or so times. She kept going back to him. She was married to him for 20 years. He didn’t work and lived off my sister the whole time. I think it’s common for women to go back to their abusers.

Have Hope, the right one will be out there for you, please heal from what he did first though so you don't attract more nasties

We had separated for 6 months and he moved out in November of 2020. There was an infidelity on top of abuse, so I kicked him out. He promised he would go to therapy with me and individual therapy for himself to make things right and to work on himself. He had owned up to the abusive behaviors, so I thought there may be a chance.

We got back together in June 2021, and he moved back in in March/April 2022.

There was a big fight in April that he started, which planted yet another seed of doubt. But we got past it and it was smooth sailing from May-August. Then in late Aug/Sept he started initiating fights with me - many fights, at lease once per week. He got nasty in these fights, called me names, insulted me, demeaned me, used gaslighting, projections, blame and accusations.

After the 5th or so fight, I decided I could not trust him to not be abusive. Therapy was a total waste, and he wasn't putting in true effort - he was only trying to appease me, I realized much later. He hadn't changed - not much and not enough. More broken promises, and I had had enough.

So, I've called it quits again and we are officially separated in the home. We are stuck together until one of us is able to move out, and our lease doesn't end until June. One of us being able to move out is complicated.

I am kicking myself for letting him move back in, and for letting this a-hole back into my life for a second time. I am very frustrated and am angry at myself for wanting to believe in him again, especially when his words are just that - only words and empty promises.

How do I forgive myself for doing this yet again? Now we have to go through the separation and moving process a second time. I cannot seem to forgive myself and I think mostly that I was being seriously stupid, acting on emotion vs logic.

How do I get past this self blame and guilt?

HaveHope, You are grieving, for so many reasons. The symptoms are all so familiar to me.

I do know for a fact that grief and depression share many similar symptoms. If you find your mild state of depression doesn't lift within a few weeks, you should consider seeing a doctor about it. Situational depression happens, and it's not usually as severe or as long-lasting as major depressive disorder. But, while you're in the midst of it, it can be a small hell. So please, do not beat yourself up if this turns out to be the case.

The sooner you seek assistance, the sooner you will feel better.

It's such an anxiety-provoking time to be alive right now; it's no wonder that lately, the numbers have been on the rise for depression and anxiety.

Try to resist giving him any opportunity to be nasty to you in any way, even in his little subtle ways. You are very vulnerable right now.

Re the herpes - that kind of manipulation is just evil and moronic. Hes assuming you are too stupid to look it up.

Just be happy that your out of that relationship though, but I can relate to this, I was never married though but I'm telling you you're not alone in this. I once had to deal with going back to a partner over and over again because I loved him and he always promised me that he'd changed. For years I used to blame myself for it. It takes a lot of effort and self-healing but I feel like you're on the right step and moving forward with your life. At first, I know it's going to be hard and you'll have a lot of self-doubt in yourself but you are a strong person, and I believe in you. I don't know you at all, but as an abused victim, I'm telling you that you got this!

I always took back my boyfriend due to so many emotions going through me at the time, and he would always go back to his ways proving me wrong once again, that he never did change, when he told me he did change. I think it's common for abusers to say that to win back the person. Continue to stay strong! Send me a message if you'd ever like to talk.

I STILL have nightmares (altho not recently?) that ive reconciled with one of the 3 major ex's, then they do something to make me realize i cant stay with them. That realization is absolutely the worst feeling

Plane is going to crash, mom is being forced fed, herpes in cats is caused by stress. He doesn’t give up and he tags on your heart strings. So annoying