I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Please help me to not reach out to my husband for support. I am inclined because he normally is someone I would go to and confide in for support around being unemployed. But I really don't want to open that door again, OR even let him know that I lost my job. Even so, I am still tempted to reach out to him to let him know.

I’m sorry to hear you lost your job and hope you find another soon. I’ll tell you what my mother would tell me: May your fingers fall off if you dial out to call him. Sorry if that was too harsh, it worked for me though.

Thanks Tisha.

I will resist the temptation. But right now, I'm extremely tempted.

Look at what you said when he last reached out to you. If you are no longer that person for him then it is grossly unfair and hypocritical to expect him to still be that person for you...

I never said I was GOING to reach out to him, geez. Your post comes across as harsh and really judgmental. I am suffering greatly right now due to a job loss. He has been my go-to person for nearly five years, so naturally, I have the inclination to want to tell him. But as I've stated several times now, I will not. And please stop judging my THOUGHTS.

I had a dream that I allowed my husband to move back in because I am now unemployed and need to split expenses. He did so begrudgingly, thinking I was just using him and then he decided to leave me, leaving me destitute and completely dejected and depressed.

I am having desperation fantasies around this. Of course, I will never ask him to move back in and I am still planning on divorcing him. But, I am in a desperate state of mind and this is the dream and fantasy I am having.

Oh Lord. This is just NOT GOOD.

I understand reaching out........Put a huge "Stop Sign" in your mind every time you think about contacting him. I don't know if that will help, but at least it will remind you why you shouldn't do it. If you do reach out, imagine what the conversation would go like.......he will start talking about how miserable HE is. There is an old saying, "when yu are going thru hell, keep on going.

Try to give yourself kudos for your victories.....every day you don't smoke, for instance, every time you resist contacting him. You are doing the best you can with a "mountain" of obstacles, etc.

Thanks SO much @Marie123!



I started smoking again. There's NO way I can go through a divorce AND unemployment stress. Screw that. I will quit another day when life is far less stressful for me.

And yeah, the stop sign kind of works along with thinking about the repercussions. I know he would manipulate the situation somehow, and like you said, he would likely turn it around to be about him. I think it would show him weakness and an "in" to get to me again. Nope, not going there! I will be stronger than that.

Sounds like you’re under a lot of stress with this separation and now divorced and now unemployed. Try to find a way to relax.

Have Hope is a wonderful person and deserves a amazing job

I’m under a ton of stress. I’m trying to relax but can’t very much. I’m having a hard time.

((((((((Have Hope)))))))))

Hang in there!

You are so welcome! I was going to mention that maybe you put off quitting smoking for awhile, yu have too much going on! I am also trying to quit and lose weight;I have been smoking (aaacckk) for 40 years! Hugs n Love!

I decided to put off quitting smoking for just that reason! And I've also been smoking for over 30 years myself! ARGH. But whatever. Life is far too stressful for me to take that on in addition to a job search and a divorce. Forget it. LOL.

Many hugs in return!

I understand how you are feeling been there myself.

Thank you @Buffy01, for your understanding.

Your welcome

Ugh! I bumped into my husband socially yesterday at a band . I did not anticipate seeing him, it was a complete surprise and my heart nearly jumped out of my body.

He pulled me aside to talk to me. Or, rather, he talked AT me for five mins about how sorry he is, how he never wanted a divorce, how I am "it" for him, etc. He's still in therapy and claims that he's "better" now. Uh huh, like I believe that. Then he decided to leave the venue because it was too awkward with both of us there. I was glad he left.

I was shaking inside the whole time I was speaking with him. He still has a negative effect on me.

So, that sucked.

I'm sorry you saw him again, Have Hope

sounds like he was trying to be a manipulative turd again

Thanks, willow.

Yes, he was trying to manipulate again.

He had sent a few lengthy texts too. I had unblocked him a week or so ago to discuss signing the divorce papers. He is trying to woo me back again. I am pretty astounded that he would want anything to do with me, after kicking him out of his home twice now. He is saying things like "you looked so beautiful" and "I was full of emotion after seeing you" and "I just wanted to hold you and give you love".

It does pull at my heart strings a tiny bit, I must admit. And a part of me wishes I could ask him to move back in, only to help me pay rent and bills. Obviously, I will NOT do that, because I don't love him and I don't want him anymore. A friend even asked if he could be my roommate. NO WAY. I am only sharing my deepest thoughts right now and they are there because I feel desperate. He is not allowed back in my life though. Never again. I will find other solutions - I will get a job if it's the last thing I do. I have to get determined.

I understand that feeling, every time I see the x (rarely) after 20 years I cringe.

Block him again.

I’m so sorry

I totally agree with what you said.