I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Thank you.

I go alone a LOT of the time.

How do you learn self love after abuse?????

@Marie123, do you know the answer to this question?

Ok, and.... I went out last night alone to a music venue. When alone, I am prey for other men, I have found.

A man I was standing next to struck up a conversation with me. Then he was telling me how he has a love/hate relationship with his live-in girlfriend, yet he asked to meet up with me. I told him no and said I am not dating right now and especially not men who already have girlfriends! I remained standing/dancing nearby him because the venue was completely packed and I couldn't move too easily. Then he was so bold and brazen to start touching me! He put his arm around my waist and leaned in for a kiss! I was like, what are you doing?!?!?!?!??!? It was appalling. Talk about boundary crossing! I had told him flat out "no", yet he proceeded to think he had the right to touch me and even attempt a kiss from me??? What a jerk. So I found a way to move away from him.

Another man who was there by himself, whom I had met the week before, glued himself onto me on another part of the dance floor. He was talking non-stop to me, and all I wanted to do was hear & enjoy the music. I eventually moved away from him, too.

Last night in particular it seemed like a feeding frenzy.

I look forward to the day when I can meet other musically inclined women with the same music tastes as myself to hang out with at these shows. I need to find female friends... I think I will join some women's music FB groups and see what I can drum up... it may take time to actually form real friendships, but this is how my husband met some of his now best friends. I want to try it out at least, since I am not ready yet to join Meetups.

Also, I noticed something this morning. I feel calm. Calmer than I have felt in a long while. Something has changed.

I had lunch with my sister yesterday. I told her that selfishly speaking, seeing my ex again a couple weeks ago in fact actually helped me to get past him more. I feel more at peace over this ending.... far more than I have felt all this time. I think I found my closure? I am no longer enraged with him, and I don't hold anger inside of me. I think I've let it go? I think seeing him also was a way of saying goodbye, without all the anger that I've more recently carried towards him.

This may be a part of why I now feel so peaceful, even amidst all the stress of unemployment. I am also kinda enjoying my time off, ironically. I am glad to be gone from my last job. I wasn't happy there, and I never truly felt a part of the company. I was on the sidelines socially, and it was awkward for me there.

I will embrace today this newfound feeling. It feels good... amazing, really.

Lisa A Romano in Manhattan, NY Melody Miller Inner Intergration has lots of YouTube videos.

Sometimes that’s what you need. Closure when you are more detached from the person so you can see how it could never work. You saw all these things clearly now, so now you can move on

So far, I have zero interviews this week and it's freaking me out. I backed out of continuing to interview for one job recently, one where HR felt I was a really good fit. And now I am questioning my decision because I have no other interviews at the moment. I saw many red flags about this job that made me back out, but maybe I should have continued. ARGH. I hate when I question my decisions. However, the LAST thing I want is to end up in yet another job that I feel I must quickly leave.

I want to land somewhere good and for many years to come. And for this job, I saw several employee reviews talking about how poorly they treat junior employees, how you have to work many late nights and how the company barely contributes to medical insurance, taking it mostly out of your paycheck. The role also is a new position in the company, and I've done that once before, which turned out to be a nightmare for me. I don't want a role that is new to the company. I want one where the path has already been paved, and I want other SEO experts around me, or at least one, so that I can continue to learn from others. I don't want to be the solo SEO person in a whole company. They also changed the job description, AFTER I had already interviewed with HR, so they were molding the job AS they interviewed people. I don't like that.

Sounds like you made a logical and wise decision not to try for that job. No need to question it. And gosh I know people who don't worry if they have no interviews for a month, let alone a week. I know it's not easy but as you say, you want something for the long-term and thus trying for any job that comes along may not be the best decision. But it's so difficult right now because you are suffering from losing your job and from financial pressure that it's hard to trust your instincts. Hang in there - I do believe you will find something worthy.

Thank you @Buffy01!

Have Hope you can only do what you can do, some work places are better than others

Have Hope you can only do what you can do, some work places are better than others

Great - now my landlord wants to raise my rent by $100 and he wants me to sign the new lease by April 1st. Great - just great.

Can you get help with the rent?

not from your ex

The rent won't actually go up until June 1, when my lease renews, so I do have time.

It's just bad timing right now to learn that my rent is being raised and that I have to sign a new lease by April 1.

Great - now my landlord wants to raise my rent by $100 and he wants me to sign the new lease by April 1st. Great - just great.

For real? I am so sorry.

I can try to negotiate him down by $50, which I succeeded in doing last year.

Problem is - in order to move, I would have to hire movers, which I cannot afford. And typically, you have to have 1st month's rent, last month's rent, plus a security deposit to move into a new apartment. The total cost of moving can be $4000-$5000, which I do not have.

It's easier and cheaper to stay where I am right now. Sure, I could potentially find a cheaper apt, but without any moving funds, I am completely stuck.

I hope you might be able to talk them down again. That sounds like a really high increase to me. What about affordable housing options like co-ops or nonprofits? I'm not talking about government because that can be hard to get into and not pleasant. Here in Vancouver a lot of non-profits don't advertise much so you have to do some digging to find them. We lived in a co-op here with far below market rent and you just had to attend some meetings and commit 10 hours per month to co-op chores. It was fun and we would still be there but we were able to buy a place.