Why did this rock star harass me?

No doubt about that. Very rude

You called yourself delusional in the first post 141 on this thread. Maybe that was a carryover from a previous thread.

ETA - You also said it about a friend of yours in a previous thread, but just once.

It looks this thread has all the occurrences.

Jesyka, I think it’s just the other way around.
You can’t base your self-esteem on others’ behaviours or reactions. Self-esteem has to grow or be repair from the inner.
We can’t depend so much on what happens outside. If we would do so, we were like leaves moved by the wind. Our mood would depend on what others may think or react with us. And even worse, would depend on the reasons why we may think the other person is acting the way they are. Most of the time, a wrong assumption because people make mistakes, there are misunderstandings, we have all our mood at different moments, circumstances, our beliefs (maybe the rock star believed he was only being cool, making a role at the stage) who knows.
I’ve been to a concert where the group began to insult the audience and the audience threw them tins, plastic bowls and all. They then, returned these to the audience. And they were a very famous band.
It’s very important that your next therapy work with you this point about how to repair self-esteem and also, help you with mentalizing so you will be able to reach a better comprehension of your own behaviour and people’s one.

Mentalization-based therapy (MBT)

Hope you find it helpful.

I think the most helpful thing that can come out of this thread for you @jesyka is noticing your reactions, which are happening in the here and now and not in 2000 while under the influence, right here to us on the thread. For instance, you thought that people considered you a slut and a groupie. You thought that someone called you delusional. Yet, these things did not happen. So this is how you imagination works and then you believe that other people treat you very badly. I believe this explains many of your posts. Not only do you think that in 2000 the rock star was vengeful, and he most likely wasn't but you cannot ask him, but right now you thought that you were considered delusional and a slut. And here on the thread you can verify whether what you believe is true. You can go up the thread and see if you can find written evidence. You can ask people whether they indeed believe what you are ascribing and attributing to them. You can reality check, right here. And hopefully this will lead to some learnings which you can then apply IRL.

You do have a point. I still think I’d feel better about myself if people were nicer & more considerate & respectful towards me more often.

I mentioned having misunderstood a few people on here, sorry once agaiin. I’ll try to forget about this & learn from my mistakes.

I still want to go out, so I’m overthinking things now on how to avoid being targeted again. A friend & I nhave ticketscto see two different bands in October. We’re going to a club next month too.

Her & I have only had one issue with some weird lady who tried to stop me from taking pics of this band one time. I told her to stop touching me & to get out of my fave or I’d have security kick her out.

She then went to talk to my friend & said something about the flash & helping me. I didn’t see any signs up. Weird! God, I’m a freak magnet, ugh! lol

At least I wasn’t sexually harassed!

So far all I was able to come with is this:

Be more aware of who is around me

Don’t drink to much

Don’t talk to anyone

Don’t ever stand upfront. I stay all the way in the back now.

Don’t ever go anywhere alone

Don’t ever try to meet anyone famous again.

Move if someone is being creepy.

Get a bouncer to kick out anyone who bothers me immediately.

How’d you come to these conclusions?

Don’t talk to anyone

Don’t ever stand upfront. I stay all the way in the back now.

Don’t ever go anywhere alone

Don’t ever try to meet anyone famous again.

The reason I posted my last message was not to elicit a quick apology from you @jesyka but to invite you to explore how, when and why you came to misunderstand posters on your thread and to learn from that exploration patterns that have repeatedly led you to misunderstand ppl IRL.

Although touching is uncalled for, I don’t see how it’s weird to tell you to stop taking pics with flash. There shouldn’t be any signs about it. It’s just a given. They are working on stage and flash distracts snd blinds them. She was absolutely correct. No need to threaten her with kicking her out or being rude. You could politely ask her to step aside and acknowledge that you made a mistake with picture taking.

No need to stop talking to people or stop going places.

I think the first topic with therapist could be why you misinterpret what people say and do online and in person and how to improve. Constantly misunderstanding people leads to much suffering on your part

I just think it’s me keeping myself safe.

The way she went about things was inappropriate. She didn’t need to wave her hands in front of my phone or touch me.

That’s rude. She made me uncomfortable by violating my personal space.

To me, in my experience, the case you mentioned recently with the woman touching you when you we’re taking photos - was it a loud environment and she was trying to get your attention? I’m not trying to excuse her behaviour but explain it.

I think you can take sensible precautions to stay safe and feel okay about being out but ultimately it’s about handling the situations when they occur. Unless we stay home all the time then random unexpected things can and will happen.

@jesyka

To be noted: bouncers will only kick out those who are violating some sort of club policy. Rudeness does not get a person kicked out of a club. Violence yes, fighting, harassing the staff, obvious sexual harassment, or anything else that is deemed unacceptable by the club. People don't get kicked out by bouncers simply for bothering or annoying another patron.

I've had people try to block my camera or tell me to turn off my camera light. Yes, it's annoying but I'm not going to threaten going to the bouncer about it.

If she briefly touched you, yes, she violated your personal space, but that is not going to get her kicked out of the club. Now if she started physically manhandling you, punched you, kicked you, bit you, or pulled your hair to start a fight, then yes, you could complain to staff. But not in your case.

And I agree with others. You don't need to always stand in the back, not talk to anyone, and not drink. You can drink responsibly, talk to whomever you want while being prudent, and you can dance up front if you wish. Since you will be with a girlfriend next time, or the next few times, you two can be safety buddies, looking out for each other.

I think the point people were trying to make is that because you WERE alone this last time , kind of drunk, AND up front dancing by yourself, it put you into a more vulnerable position. But you don't need to go to the opposite extremes. You can still have fun, and it's great that next time, you will be with a friend.

I’m not an expert, but it seems you have some deficit in your reasoning abilities. You take it to an all or nothing place, very child-like, saying since X happened and caused a bad experience, then you will never do X in any shape or form again.

That’s just not true. It wasn’t that you did the thing, it was more subtle factors that happened that one time when doing the thing.

I feel like I and others have exhausted ourselves trying to explain subtle, gray areas and you see only black and white.

Perhaps she was rude but you responded with rudeness too and there’s no need for that. Many of your interactions end up in confrontation but it could be avoided

You keep saying you are shy and timid but shy and timid people don’t respond in aggression. You could respond by saying you aren’t comfortable with being touched and you appreciate her not to, but you understand about the pictures. Telling someone to get out your face and you’ll call bouncers is unnecessary confrontational and sure is t shy and timid behavior

I know it. And it’s not my intention to make you agree with me.
Obviously I agree with you in that the better understanding and the more empathic people around us are, the better for us. One part of self-esteem involves also the input gotten from our surroundings, so yes, it helps.

You were asked if you were in the autism spectrum because you mentioned it in a thread? You never answered. It would be a good idea to treat this topic also with your therapist. It could be the reason why you find so hard to read social interactions however this is not the only cause.

There are self-defence mechanisms developed when kids while interact with the environment and are learnt and fixed to let us know how things work and survive. The problem is that some of these self-defence mechanisms are valid until we develop others that are more helpful as we grow, others have to be modulated so I stress again in the need you work this in therapy.

In relation to a reply you gave when you received good advices as to use the posts in this thread, people’s reactions and your own reactions, the pattern to figure out the interferences when relating to others…You replied as if relations among people could be limited to a group of norms and that’s it. In my opinion is sometimes a mistake because of overgeneralisations such as: Not going out alone. And sometimes they fall as short because each interaction takes place in a context. For example, what Disco mentioned about why this woman could have called your attention by touching you because of the noice.
I can’t say: I won’t let anybody to enter my own personal space under any circumstance. Because circumstances vary.

There’s something you repeated on several occasions: Disrespect. This happens when we are on defensive mood. And you have to work this. Obviously, if you are under this mood, any interaction is gonna fail and you are gonna suffer because you are gonna ruminate around it over and over again and get the feeling of angriness that you experimented at that situation.

Have you ever worked in therapy cognitive mistakes? It’s important to consider them. I know it’s not easy to break them down at the sudden. It takes time, I know it. But, are you familiarised with it?

It was loud in there, but not do loud to where I couldn’t hear her. What she did was unnecessary.

I specifically told her to leave me alone & she didn’t, so in that case, she could’ve been kicked out for harassing me.

I wasn’t dancing up front btw.

Disagreeing with people or misunderstanding certain things doesn’t mean that my reasoning is childlike or deficint at all.

I get upset when people are rude & disrespectful. Just because I’m normally shy & timid doesn’t mean that I won’t stand up for myself when I need to do do.

Do you expect shy timid people to never speak up for themselves? I’m confused here.