This Is Really Bugging Me!!!!!!

For the past 23 years I have been married to a man who has always insisted that the family attend a local church together as a family. Last weekend, out of the blue, he announced that he would no longer be attending church withthe rest of the family. I asked "why?" He says....."it's between God and me!"

I don't buy it at all. I think that he knows he has lost control over me and this is his way of saying "pay back time....I'll get you where it hurts!"

We got into a bit of a hassle over it this aftenoon. I am angry, feel betrayed, feel like I am being lied to. I feel this massive amount of emotions building up in me and I don't know what to do with it. If it hadn't been such a big deal all these years it would have had much less impact on me. But he always made it a priority.

A friend of mine thinks that he is just trying to get me to take a fall and land in some psych ward...Which I will NOT!!!!! do!!!! But what do I do???
AAArrgghh!!!

Sweet


"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

You made a very similar post last week, have you forgotten or is he still a problem? If so I still can't understand why you continue to degrade yourself and stay with him, lose him and get happy
Take care,
"darkeyes"

Actually I did forget that I wrote something about him last week. Based on past experience with divorcing him both my T and I agree that now is not a good time to divorce him. Also, I try to not see myself as one who "degrades" herself......but one who is waiting for the right time......which isn't now. I'll try to not vent about him anymore.

Sweet

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

it's okay to vent to stay honest with how you feel about things....constantly degrading yourself cannot be an honest assessment of yourself. venting is supposed to help put things into perspective, right? (((Huggs)))

Sorry, but I agree with darkeyes,
Take care,
Fuzzy

I don't have a problem with people venting, but if it is the same topic or same person and one doesn't do anything about it then it is difficult to offer honest support to someone, not just you so don't feel persecuted, and perhaps degrade was the wrong choice of words, it is just that when a man gets his way with what he decides, or hurts a women, I feel a woman degrades herself by allowing this treatment to occur.
Sorry, just my opinion on this, you can trash it if you wish

i agree IT IS difficult to offer honest support when someone vents and doesn't do what we think is best for the person. but why do people vent? i certainly DO NOT vent to get advice (i'm not saying others do the same). i really don't care about getting support either (again everyone is different). thank goodness everyone has the choice to read someone's post or not (typically, i do not read anyone's post over 10 lines long). what the heck is my point? well, this isn't a counseling medium...nor an advice column....it's a forum for support and we chose to give support or not....BUT INDIRECTLY telling someone not to vent about their problems because they do not do what we think that they should do....ummmphh....nevermind, i'm probably overanalyzing the situation...doing my breathing exercises now...sowwy.

Actually I see both points of view. From readind sweets previous posts she is dealing with ALOT right now and I would also have to think that her T probably knows her and the situation better than we do so she should follow his advice. He is the professional and he is dealing with her situation in her best interest.
I think its ok to vent. Some things are harder to deal with than others and some things take more time for us to work out.
I agree she should leave her husband for good but she has to do whats right for her and she is getting assistance.
If he doesnt want to go to church with the family than that is HIS loss and I think you should just continue doing as you normally do.
If you need to vent or whatever you can pm me anytime.
Heidu

purebugg, if you read this I DID NOT say it wasn't okay to vent, no one said venting wasn't allowed either.
If you look at the "home" page these forums fall under the category "support forums".
I am sorry if some people including myself say things they personally may not want to hear, but this is a free forum for anyone to say what goes with the comment posted/inquiry and or reply.Just like what you are saying here to me! Sorry sweentgentle and the others, I'll be sure to not to reply, to any of your ventings, whinings or what ever you wish to call them as you so choose. I'll be sure if I do, to "candy coat" them and work my damndest to say only what you'd like to hear.
For the others, I'll remain as my down to the earth person, and continue to answer from my heart and mind, there are many people that can handle the truth.
Thanks

Everyone.... Please stop...I did not intend for this to become a war. My only intent was to vent. I like everyone here and I am a non-confronrtational person. So please...let us all remain in peace with each other.

Sweet

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

Hi Sweet,

I can't read too many previous posts. I don't really have the time or inclination, and it's in the past and I want to deal with the present. I can't even begin to know or understand what your life has been like these past 23 years, what you've endured, what you've discussed previously. Please understand that whatever I post here is from a very naive standpoint. I am responding to just the words in just this post.

My first thought was, does it matter? This is how I'm trying to live: no matter what anyone else does, I am responsible for the way I think and feel. I could let it affect me negatively or not. I try to choose not. My second thought was, if it really is between God and himself, what can you do? I guess you could try and ask what God said, but it may be more important to ask yourself, what do I want to do?

Maybe the best thing you could do is to show that it doesn't bother you. If what he's after is to push your buttons, then, to me, the best response is no response. If open communication is not an option (and I think it should be the first option), then by not responding, by doing what you want to do (maybe continue going to church without him?), gives you the power and not him.

I think that any time we let someone else influence how we feel, we give that power away. Take back the power by showing what he does doesn't affect you, even if you have to pretend at first. These are just my thoughts and opinions.

Take care, Sweet.

splash

You don't have to "sugar coat" anything for me......I'm ok with other people's opinions. Sometimes I need a good boot in the behind to get myself to wake up and smell the roses. It's just that right now...as my T has said to me...just isn't the right time for me to file for divorce. I do plan on doing so down the road.......I'm just waiting till the time is right.
Take Care, (& I'm sorry tis turned out to be a battle rather than just me venting)

Sweet

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

No battle, no problem
Peace

yes darkeyes, i re-read this again and realize i was jumping to conclusions. i'm sorry.

i think that Sweet was feeling like she was unable to vent. i think i was wanting to reassure her she could vent all she wanted about her hubby. i'm sorry for going off in a tangent. (((Huggs)))

Control ! You said it. I definately agree that what your partner wants. But you are you ...so just be that! If it isnt what your partner wants so be it. At least you are being faithful to yourself.
I read a T shirt the other day , your story reminds me of it. The Tshirt read " my husband i divorced over religious differences. He thought he was god and i didnt !'

Control ! You said it. I definately agree that what your partner wants. But you are you ...so just be that! If it isnt what your partner wants so be it. At least you are being faithful to yourself.
I read a T shirt the other day , your story reminds me of it. The Tshirt read " my husband & i divorced over religious differences. He thought he was god and i didnt !'

Go girl.