Roll Call 25

i went to petsmart and asked about volunteering but i just couldnt bring myself to do it. i figured out i have a lack of motivation severely. i just cant bring myself to actually do things sometimes even eat or goto the bathroom.

i struggle with motivation too. my T told me that sometimes u just have to start doing it and the motivation and desire comes after u start rather than feeling motivated and THEN doing it.

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been on for the past days I was spending time with my Fiancé
he took off from work so we could have some fun then I found a baby kitten outside I couldn't find it's mother and I looked for a long time I even left tuna outside to attract the mother.I couldn't leave it out there all alone,SOo I decided to take it in and have been bottle feeding it with kitten formula and taking care of it.It's a cute orange and white striped tabby kitten.How's everyone been doing?

sometimes i dont know whats a product of my schizophrenia or whats just me. today i saw the boards on the porch warping and moving. i didnt know if that was just me or was i having visuals.

also other things like voices and thoughts.

i feel so confused all over again

I have wondered the same thing. Apparently, insight is common in the prodromal phase. It is lost during acute psychosis. This is based on my experience and some psychiatry textbooks I have read. Some people appear not to have insight during the prodrome at all.

Apparently, insight is more common with hallucinations than with delusions/thought disorder, because they are sensory experiences.

I suspect the level of insight impairment and the severity of the illness are directly related.

And if you're hospitalized for noncompliance, first thing they'll do is put you back on meds, right? So there is no benefit to not taking meds to avoid weight gain. Take your pick:

1). Gain weight on meds in the hospital where you have no freedom

2). Gain weight on meds outside the hospital where you at least have your freedom.

Want you to be ok, Newtus.

Taking your meds for someone else's sake isn't going to work long term. Unless you do it for YOU, it's not going to work out.

It's like trying to quit drinking/smoking/cutting/whatever for someone else, it just doesn't work.

My advice is to look out for yourself FOR YOURSELF. I know your self-esteem is low but I implore you to see reason here. I get that weight gain is not fun, I've dealt with that before and I'm still trying to get the weight off myself so I get that it's difficult to live with. But seriously newtus, you're not fat.

I'm currently on depixol depot, is it possible for it to make negative symptoms worse? It's getting harder and harder to just get a shower I go days without one and I feel really slow and distant. What do you guys think?

We don't have that one in the US but I'm wondering if what you're experiencing could be the beginning of some sort of depression? I only say this because when people first get consistently medicated they often get depressed as they are returning to the reality of this world because at least for me the world was a lot more boring and I was a lot less important than what I was in my delusional/hallucinatory world...

im definitely hearing you guys.

i just...i feel very disoriented today mentally. very depressed and lonely. its hard to explain how i feel. its very deep and peircing to my soul. im not even alone. these past 2 days my dads been off. i cant imagine being home when hes actually at work...
im borderline very suicidal. i keep taking everything except my haldol. but no i need to do some of that for my dad and me.

I thought about that because I definitely felt down at first because of the reasons you said, but I don't really feel sad just sort of numb. I can laugh and enjoy some things, not that I really do much though. So I don't think I'm depressed. No idea what's going on

I would feel like that too if I was alone all the time so I understand why you feel so depressed. You really need to find something to fill your days newtus hun

Hmm don't know---definitely bring it up with your pdoc though and perhaps someone else will have a better idea...?

Thanks yeah I will do next time I see him. I'll ask my cpn too she seems quite knowledgeable

Michael Friedman, L.M.S.W.: You Can Be Depressed Without Being Sad
OK so just found this either you have to be really sad or you have to have anhedonia (lack of pleasure) which is a sz negative symptom too so theoretically you could still be starting to get depressed...you need more symptoms for an actual dx but something to consider because basically you're choosing between something untreatable (negative symptoms) and something treatable (depression).

I'm so sorry that is where you are at right now...

Can you tell your dad how you're feeling maybe you guys can go do something fun together?

That's interesting you kind of assume you have to be sad to be depressed.

Yeah I thought so too but given the variation in a sz dx I suppose I should have realized that depression is not just one thing either...people are complex...

That's a very good point people are complex. Not everyone fits neatly into a box like psychiatrists would like us to

yea we went to the mall and the asian market and just got out for a bit. but nothing is making me happy. sometimes i think i can never be happy. like somethig can never make me happy. i need inner peace or something or get closer to my religion.

justmeandmyhead described feeling numb earlier. thats how i feel mixed with depression. i just had a panic attack at walmart. almost threw up in the parking lot. anxiety makes me vomit sometimes. and im seeing and hearing things right now. borderline bad. i need my meds as a prn if anything right now. but ive been taking my celexa but now its on a higher dose. so its like its starting over.

Sorry your feeling like that newtus no advice but here's a *hug*

thanks justmeandmyhead

i took my meds. the haldol and celexa. i hope something kicks in soon. i cant take much more of this...

im having a lot of troubles right now with my dad working. my weight. and troubles with my mom. and a lot of financial troubles.

What is the Asian market is that like a food thing or like trinkets or what? Sounds fun....

The only way to move forward is to set some goals and move slowly toward those....its going to be slow and arduous but when you get to the other side things will be alot better...you have to decide what you want out of life...things that will make you happy...people activities whatever. A lot of times we set goals like I want to not have X ie voices weight gain etc those goals are not as useful pick what you actually want and not what you don't want and you'll realize what it actually means to be happy...

@Newtus I think we have similar views on meds in that we don't like taking them. What I've been thinking is maybe the way to be off them is develop good coping strategies and find things to fill our days if we don't want to be on them. We have to find ways of coping rather than just do nothing if that makes sense. So maybe if you had some talking therapy you could find ways of managing your illness? I might be talking **** but it makes sense to me

its a tiny inside asian strip mall. with the main attraction being the grocery. imported goods. everything from asian fruit to sodas and different brands of noodles and herbs and more and live fish to eat. even live turtles to eat. everything. and then like an asian bank there and bakery and some trinket shops.

anyway i just asked my dad to quit his job for me and he got pissed. started ranting how i need to get a job or find friends. theres something you guys dont know or maybe you do...im attached to my dad at the hip figuratively...hes my best friend and id be right in the hospital if he died or killed myself. but hes still my parent i know that.

i just...im having negative symptoms of schiz too and sometimes it feels like depression but its not but this time it does because ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. about my life and financial troubles and weight. and troubles with my mom and my dads working so much. and just so much other crap.

i just...idk