Roll Call 41

The weight gain may be inevitable.....it's best to pick a time where your weight won't matter as much....maybe after your sisters wedding? When is that again?

its on feb 14

So maybe set a goal to either be on the meds consistently or try the depot after that.....I think it might really help with going back to school...however you may have to do it sooner if you get too unstable.....just the luck of the draw....

Way too thin in the picture.

ive always been like that tho before i got on meds consistently. that was naturally how i was. thats how my body is built. and thats how i still want to be.

i start school in less than 10 days. idk if i can even do it not just cuz of my illness but because its school. i like school but never been good at it. i dont see my pdoc til jan 7 anyway. im afraid i wouldnt be able to think critically enough for school. i have never been able to do school on meds in the past ever. i just lay around and sleep all day dumbed down on meds.

ugh i think im just going to be like this for the rest of my life hearing voices and having paranoia. also i still cant converse very well off meds - like keeping on a conversation. im very confused all the time. but then on meds its just not better either.

idk what to with myself. either way its bad. really bad.

no matter what i accomplish - no matter what i do or where i go - i will always have this illness and it will always be holding me back and i will always be in the cycling mental health system.

my mom just called me and told she broke up with her boyfriend cuz she found out he was cheating on her and shes kicking him out of her house. she said she will be ok but i am worried. i am worried what if he tries to hurt her??? i feel sad and scared.

Considering where your mom works I would be more worried about the guy getting hurt...I'm sure your mom has some moves

We all have things holding us back...we're all stuck dealing with the mental health system....maybe forever...all you can do is try and try again until something works out...

thanks. theres a lot going on. with getting ready to move, dealing with my ****** landlord, and now worrying about my mom. my sister is in the process of moving too. i dunno. this week has been overwhelming

i feel so sad for my mom. this guy has been the only person shes been with since my dad died. my dad died when i was 10 and she didnt start dating this guy till i was like 19 or 20. theyve been together for 7 yrs or so. i dont want her to feel alone and lonely. i dont want to cry but i already am. i hate this guy and what hes done to my mom. people suck

My anxiety seems to be getting worse again. It's extremely cold in my apartment today. The wind changed direction and freezing rain drove down in sheets.

My anxiety got better. The late night does wonders for it but then I get to sleep much too late. It's amazing how much better I feel though between about 2 am and onwards until sleep.

Morning all,

I didn't sleep that well last night, kept waking up from dreams... I think that perhaps the Abilify is affecting my sleep taking it at night, especially now at 10mg, so I'm going to switch to taking it in the morning.

Even though I've slept ok largely speaking on 5mg, I noticed my eyelid has been twitching the past week or so which I think is because of lack of good quality sleep.

Bit nervous about that but I'll be waiting until tomorrow morning to take my next dose.

Going to school may help you, it never hurts to try. You have a chance to improve yourself and your future. I know it may be difficult for you, but you need to start planning a life for yourself.
Your parents aren't going to be around forever and you need to stand on your own two feet. You can't keep using your MI as an excuse to curl up into a ball and do nothing.

hm
i actually havent been doing "nothing". i volunteered at a Petsmart (an pet shop) from august til early november of this year. and before that I had been visiting family i hadnt seen in 7 or so years in two different states. i also have been working on losing weight (which can be a full time thing) and have been kinda successful losing close to 20 pounds so far. and some other things.

my schizophrenia personally doesnt make me want to curl into a ball or sit around. as long as im off meds i have a huge drive to do things. i may not be successful at them but i do things. my paranoia and voices are always in the way bbut as long as im off meds i still have a drive. thats why i dont want meds. meds make me sit around and do nothing. theres something about psychosis that makes me hypervigilant and keeps me moving.

for some reason psychosis gives me a drive. most of the time. sometimes i do bad stuff or the wrong things but it still gives me a drive.

I take it after I wake up too. There are some mild side effects but not too bad for me. Except for the weight gain.

Hey everyone.

Tim: I hadn't had my period in like 3 months. I'm finally having it and don't feel quite as depressed.

How are all my roll call friends?

Hi sunshine!

I had trouble sleeping last night so today I've been tired all day. I've been doing volunteer work today and the British Heart Foundation furniture and electrical shop. So at least I haven't been sitting around doing nothing.

Other than a bit of TMI, I'm doing good today!

How are you?

Only thing is I'm smoking a lot now, like 17 cigarettes so far today & I've used my Nicorette spray a few times too.

Really want to give up but it'll be hard whilst on APs I think.

I feel like a horrible person...

I'm suffering and in a very nasty mood. Everything is getting to me. The tenesmus is really bad right now and I feel like I have a slight fever which isn't helping my mood at all.

Hey, yeah aps make me smoke more too. Idk, what can be done about it. It just well, sucks.

I've been ok. Pretty depressed, but this is normal for me in the winter. Luckily it hasn't snowed much here. I've been watching a lot of news with all the protests going on. I'm gonna do my best to do some cleaning today. I hate cleaning .

Anyway, really enjoying my new kitten. He's calmed down a bit but still tries to nurse on my other cat tiger, lol. But he's finally cuddling more with me.

My son is doing good but he failed English in college. I told him to take more science classes for awhile. He's really good at science. He wants to be an astrophysicist. We will see...

Anything new with you?