Roll Call 144

Got my lab results today. Not great. High LDL Cholesterol, low HDL Cholesterol. Total Cholesterol is okay though. And triglycerides are okay. My Glucose is 1 mg/dl over the range which could signal pre-diabetes. And something to do with liver function is way high. I see the doctor in 12 days. I'm a little worried about the results but at least the doctor can help me fix things or treat things. I'm pretty sure I just need to lose some weight that I gained on the AP although I'm finding that difficult, and I need to drink more water. I'm trying to talk my dad into buying me a fitbit so I can keep track of my exercise. I could do better than I'm doing that's for sure. Sigh. At least I know what's wrong. A little worried about the liver function thing though. HUGS Kit

Talked to my therapist. I told her about how I got depressed and drank alcohol then got a panic attack. I told her about telling my mom that I was depressed and how my mom said to get a gf and told her that I don't want a relationship that I'm bisexual I don't want a bf either and it could be the injection making me asexual. We argued about my psychiatrist lowering the injection but she said to talk to my family doctor about it as well. The fact that I like the delusions of grandeur at the end of the injection but she said that it should be stable medication and the end of the injection thoughts could be messing with my mind.

She said that it's like her bipolar patients saying that they love their hypomania but it's dangerous because they can go into full blown mania and spend all of their money etc..

I told her that I find sex disturbing because of what happened to me in the hospital



I told her about how traumatized I am etc.. I went to buy cigarettes after the session because it feels wrong for me to talk about traumatizing things.

She referred me to an addictions counselor and group therapy for addiction because of the alcohol and cigarettes and I told her about...



She laughed and said "Lol why????" and I told her that "It makes me not be my thoughts and rather look at my thoughts instead." She said that that stuff could be any chemicals and could kill me. She said to tell my doctor about it and how it could affect my prescription controlled substance use but I said it's fine because they don't provide the same state of mind..

I then went to the college to fill out my disability papers and now I work in an hour. I don't feel mentally well after talking about these things and talking about my problems. I'd rather keep it to myself but I'm a pretty open person like Newtus so w/e...

Glad u went hope u feel better soon desoxyn

(((Hugs)))

It was from a video bluebird posted earlier....

Did she give you any advice? It sounds Ike you got a lot of stuff out.

Crimes of Grindelwald is available to buy on the 12th, can't wait to get it. I saw it in the theater and it was amazing, everything, the visuals, soundtrack, stunning. Johnny Depp was perfect.

Hopefully comes to rental soon, I missed it...no spoilers....

It was mostly me arguing about wanting a lower dose of the Invega but she said maybe I need a higher dose. She reassured me that it's ok to miss my delusions of grandeur that that even regular people become successful because of slight delusions of grandeur. She said that it's good to talk about my problems and she can hold onto them without them effecting her like it does to me.

She said to write down my thoughts in a journal for the next two weeks and explain everything to my doctor.

I can't stop smoking my pack of ciggies. I love them :/

I believe what she means by the regular people

I see....I take it she’s A talk therapist rather than cbt. Nice thing about cbt therapists is they give you actionable items. Do you like having this kind of therapy or could you get cbt somehow? I’m not sure how it works in Your country.

When I'm not suicidal depressed, I seem to be good at metacognition. So I replay thoughts in my head like before I sleep talking to my therapist in my head and making up things that he/she would say like "Yes, no, maybe" and I say in her/his thoughts, "Maybe you should do this, or that" and I said "But what if.." then he/she says "Yeah but yknow this could..."..

My thought pattern is that of a shroom.

Only slept 4 hours last night. It's going on 4pm but I just took Benadryl, going to try to sleep

Feel like I need 24 hours to just lay here, close my eyes and rest. Then take a shower and start over. I paced for a couple hours, need to relax

I was thinking about my dad. I didn't meet him till a couple years ago when I was 21, I never talked to him till I was 16 because my aunt found me on Facebook. He just walked away when I was 2 months old (drugs) Has a few younger kids that he at least is somewhat involved in their lives. I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it, I mean my life was quite difficult growing up but I wouldn't change any of it and my mom was amazing so I don't feel like I missed anything by not having him in my life. I guess sometimes it just bothers me that half the reason for my existence had no idea where I was after we moved when I was 8 (he never showed up even when I was still living here, no birthdays, nothing and I didn't meet him till I moved back here a couple years ago) he wouldn't have known if I was dead or alive my whole life, and he wouldn't care, like just some mistake he walked away from

Maybe it bothers me because I look so much like him, Idk

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, you may have had a better life without him....

Physical appearance means nothing, you have a wonderful heart and that’s all that matters. I do understand why you get bothered by it though

I agree. Can’t wait for the third movie. Funny that before the movies, I always imagined Newt Scamander as an old, wise, and charming man like Dumbledore. I forgot the fact that people who are really good with animals tend to be socially awkward around human.

Thinking about getting this baby sometime this week. My regular online shop sells the travel size of it.

I send my thoughts to the adventure land before I sleep.

I want a career in studying brains

Thanks guys

I just drew for the first time in almost a month. I just let myself draw whatever without being a perfectionist about it like I usually am.

Drew the clover sign of the holy trinity

Do Dr. Peter Breggin's beliefs have any validity?

Yes cuz Big Pharma is evil

Love and empathy cures mental illness a little