Roll Call 144

Im exhausted. Ive been cleaning since i woke up. Thats only 3-4 hours but yea. I drank more coffee and it made my stomach hurt. I cant drink but one cup a day, physically. But i needed the extra cup, mentally.

Resting now.

Seems like when i dont work i usually find something to do. Like clean or care for the pets. Its always something.

Im glad i been staying busy for the most part since i been here. What a life!

Maybe I need to meditate?

Is it worth being on the moodstabilizer I'm on if I don't feel euphoria anymore? That was my happiness, it made me feel like I had a gift, it would come in rushes and I miss it so much. It made me feel amazing and connected to God and wanting to learn about everything. Maybe this is normal and it just feels really bad to me, I'm used to feeling electrically happy, so intense, physically better than getting high on drugs. It's gone though

I used to be so inspired that I had so many things I wanted to learn and do, I hated when the day came to an end and liked staying up because I could do even more, I felt like I would run out of time if I slept.

It would make sense to lower the mood stabilizer and have a good antidepressant so you feel more hypomania, not able to get full mania and decrease depression.

My heart was 95bpm then I drank coffee and it decreased to 75bpm and I feel sleepy

Obviously someone put benzos in my coffee

I'm gonna make another coffee

Same

Ii hate sleeping now but once im asleep i stay so tired.

Long day but everything is set.
We may have to drive out tomorrow and formally ID the body for the ME again. They won’t know for sure until the morning. Apparently Friday’s and Saturday’s are not good days to die if you need the ME.
Family is watching Final Destination 2. Yuck! I don’t like movies like this. They give me anxiety. Impending doom.

I finished my book today. I'm officially done. Now I just need cover art... which I have no clue how to do. Philosophy books typically have the worst cover art, no lying just fact. But im good with Microsoft Paint so I should be able to do something, I just don't know where to start. Maybe storm clouds with a fancy type will do, I can do that if I catch a stormy night... I wish I could just google images an use those freely.

If you’re self publishing a lot of sites have cover design built in. You can also pay a small fee for better covers independently

Took benadryl then took a shower

I want a copy!!!

Try canva and there are free stock photos Sea Sky Clouds - Free photo on Pixabay

Are you still taking a break from psych meds? That could contribute some.

No, I've never taken a break from them. I went off Invega a year ago because of developing tardive diskinesia, which went away after I was off it for awhile but I've been on all my other meds still. Mood stabilizer, andtidepressants, seroquel at night for sleep etc. I was crying because I was trying to heat something up in the microwave and was confused and irritated that I couldn't figure it out for a couple minutes like I forgot how to use it, I don't know what's going on

Blue_Bird, I also felt happiness in my life before psych meds. In my case what provided it was my daily physical exercise. And my beloved cat.

I still get happy at times, usually when I'm talking to/being with my friend. Otherwise I can get pretty down. I could try walking around the halls here I guess.

When my emotions are intense it's actually difficult because my sadness is so deep. So I rely on Prozac to dull it all.

Oh, ok. For some reason I thought you'd come off all of them. That happened to me too, about 12 years ago my pdoc at the time was trying to get me to take AP but tardive dyskinesia started coming back. So I quit the AP and started taking a mega daily dose of the best vitamin E. I forget exactly how much. Anyway, I did get rid of the movements.

Now that I'm on an AP again I don't know what to do if it comes back. There are a bunch of people here who have it and I'm really dreading it. Maybe you'd feel better on a different AD? Prozac is the only one I'm on (of ad's). It either makes me numb or the risperdal does. Probably both.

But try taking long walks if you can. I used to walk 2-3 miles per day with my music in my ears, singing. All you need is a good pair of shoes.

Oh, and depression and stress can interfere with cognition, so hopefully the confusion will go away soon.

((((((((Blue_Bird))))))))

Thanks Angelique

I'm going to talk to my doctor about switching the antidepressant, I was thinking along those lines as well.

How have you been?

I'm ok thanks. I wish I were in my own place though. There were at least 2 books I wanted to start on (astrology textbooks). I don't think I can write here. I can't have a computer or tablet here because anything would be taken. And there's way too much noise in my room to be able to concentrate. So I don't know. I don't have my notes and case files here. I guess I could write on my phone. I'll think about it. I don't want to forget my ideas lol.

I think that's how Prozac works. Only for severe depressed deep sadness. Which isn't a bad thing. It made me feel too numb so I got severe panic attacks because I was wondering what happened to my emotions...

I just got a call from SNHU!!! I got accepted.

Just filled out to send my transcripts and everything!

seeing my therapist today

my hair hurts

Watching Ellen videos on Youtube and also Melissa McCarthy when she was on SNL, laughing my *** off