Meditation anyone? 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks... you in?

That is so cool you've been to San Francisco ((((((ss))))))) I don't actually live in San Francisco, I live across the Bay from it, so when I hike in a particular regional park I get great views of the city and the bridge (unless it's foggy!!)

I've been to Victoria and Vacouver Island! That's my sole experience on Canadian soil. And it was a beautiful experience!!!

Here is a picture that I took from "my" bench in the regional park I hike in most days!! Everything is still very green because it's been so wet. In a few months the green grass will be brown!!!

Very funny Sun... you silly girl

(((lavie))))) It is so nice to hear from you again. I am sorry your journey to the sangha was not as restful as you had hoped. I pray you are able to trancend this too so you might find the calm and peaceful place you speak and your spirit craves for you to experience again.

I know you will overcome this temporary unrest. You have the knowledge and wisdom and heart to discover the gifts that you were given at the sangha underneath the restlessness you feel. To come to that place of understanding its purpose in your life and at this moment. This may not be the time for such contemplation but when the time is right you will receive the understanding.

Please be kind to yourself and do try to avoid the pressure to beat yourself up about anything. Nothing you do deserves anything but love and self kindness.

Perhaps something of my experiences can help you to find your own way to turn the tables on the emotions that can sometimes pull us away from feeling deserving of self love. We need to nothing to earn. We need only to step towards claiming it and professing it until it is planted so firmly in your heart that you return to it especially in those times of need.

Bless you my friend and may the fatique and uneasyness you are feeling be lifted so that you might once again sit peacefully in the quietnees of you own heart.

I am so grateful you came to let us know of your struggles so that we might lift you up in our meditations and prayers. You are a precious gift. We will always be here for you.

Thank you Sun. The ceremony was very healing and comforting. Just being able to get out of my head and stop the garbage talk for awhile was a blessing. I sometimes incorporate it into my meditation but it is different from when I am in search of healing and comfort.

I am feeling better about my rash. Pretty certain it is eczyma so as irritating as it maybe I am relieved it is likely no more serious than that. I will see the doctor on Friday and discuss it and some of the other symptoms that I am having since increasing the Lamictal. This kind of stuff is still a major trigger point for me. I am always in armed combat with strong urges to flee and hide. I don't want to go there this time. I can't go back to square one again.

I was pretty warn out by late afternoon from the morning's drama. I picked up my boy from school to take him to the gym and by the time I got home I was just looking to lay down for awhile. Remembering the last time I wanted to take a nape because I was beat from drama, I thought okay maybe I will try to walk a bit and take in some fresh air.

I managed to get around the block while doing some focused breathing. While I felt a little more even kealed I was still very tired. I had an appointment for a much needed hair cut within an hour so I decided to go ahead and lay down for awhile. I must have dozed off because one minute I look at the clock and it is 5minutes passed the hour. I thought, 'okay, another ten minutes'. The next thing I knew 30 minutes had passed and I ended up being 15 minutes late. A rude awaking to say the least. Didn't even get a chance to change my knock about clothes. But I am happy with my hair cut. It always makes me feel better.

Slow and easy night tonight. I plan to sit for awhile again before bed... for how long will depend on whether I start to doze off again.

That reminds me.... a strange but actually cool thing happened during my sit last night. I keep yawning. It was like a tired yawn but something different. But I went with it anyways. Each yawn became the inhale and the letting out was the exhale. lol... I am so sensitive to yawns just typing the word makes me do it..... there I go again .... I just did again.

Anyway I just thought that was the oddest thing. Even more so to discover it wasn't any kind of distraction but an aid to breathing more deeply.

I am persisting to type here even though I can't seem to not make mistakes that I have to backspace all the time to try again. Its only a little bit irritating!

Wow!! Sun that is absolutely breath taking. What an amazing to enjoy a sit. I can see why it is manditory for you to keep your eyes open. What a waste not to. Especially on such a beautiful clear day. Did you take the pic? It is awesome.

I loved my visit down there. I went with a friend and we stayed with her cousin who is a San Fran police officer. Man did she have stories to tell. My friend and I had to be careful because her political views on things were quiet different then ours. We remained respectful of where we were and that we were guests in her home. She was a wonderful tour guide. We did some of the usual tourist things but she took us to more out of the way places too. She lived atop a canyon and I loved sitting out on the patio every morning and just taking it all in. I think if I were to live in California that is where I would pick. The climate would suit me. Not too hot and not too cold. Perfect!

You took in one of the prize cities of our province. Definately the most visited. Did you go by land or ferry? Victoria is our capital city and the British influences are still very strong over there. It was a favourite place of Queen Victoria, thus the name. Love for her continues to this day. The whether is so mild in Victoria all year round (part of the Pineapple belt that comes up from Hawaii) that flowers bloom even in the winter. Not a lot of action but they stay green and flowering. No frost over there even in the dead of winter. My sister lives mid to north island while her daughter lives in the south just about 30 miles or so east of Victoria.

I live closer to home on the mainland, inland about 150 miles from Vancouver, know as the upper fraser valley through which one of our major rivers, the Fraser River runs. My town is at the eastern tip of the valley along side the river before it heads up the Fraser Canyon to meet the Thompson River. Lots of white water rafting with the Mighty Fraser so wild it is not for the faint of heart. The Thompson was enough for me when we dared to give it a go. It was a lot of fun actually. No one went over board but almost a couple of times.

I have a beautiful song I want to share with you guys. I hope you will listen to it. I go to it once in a while to just receive its blessing. Was thinking tonight as I listened to it that it might be something nice to meditate with. I hope you enjoy its peacefullness. It is a Navaho prayer song for Happiness and Prosperity.



It can be very relaxing to just listen, to sing or hum along to.

While I am at it... maybe you would enjoy hearing some hand drumming and singing a song of the earth.

Well done for getting out in the fresh air ((((((ss))))) So glad you made it to your hair-cut! I agree that a hair-cut is a really good pick-me-up.

Good luck at your appointment on Friday. Dealing with med side effects sucks. I really hope it all settles down

I did take that pic, which is why the horizon is not straight! Apparently I have a really hard time holding the camera straight because that happens quite a bit in my pictures (that the horizon slopes downwards or upwards! )

We visited BC by cruise ship. I went on a family cruise with my husband's family about 8 years ago. We left from San Francisco and our first port of call was Victoria. Then it was on to Alaska. It was early June and we did a guided nature walk on Vancouver Island. It was spectacular! I could really see the British influence in Victoria. The gardens were so English! It was definitely very touristy, but beautiful nonetheless!

Cool! Thanks for those links!! (((((((ss)))))))

Thanks Sun.

The horizon is not so far off that it is noticable. In fact had you not said anything I wouldn't have seen it even with my keen eye. I used to have that problem. Taking garden pics has helped a lot. I have become more aware of how I am lining up with the fence or the walls of raise beds. I look for it now. Sometimes that is about all I can really see while I try to frame the rest because my eyes are so burned out. That is why I love takiing pics of my garden. I get to see them better enlarged on the screen. Were there is a will there is away.

Yes Victoria is very touristy. I have always wanted to do that cruise up to Alaska. Almost did it once. You did at the right time of year. Sounds like an amazing trip. Funny how tourist take part in these things then the locals. Another example of forgetting about what is in our own back yards.

I did travel up the coast as far as Rupert by boat. I worked on gillnetter fishing boat one summer a cook and deck hand. That is definately a local activity. I loved it. We were gone for 2 months just living on the boat and going into port to unload fish and load up on groceries.

Okay getting back on track with a focus on meditation.... I came across this... Quotes From The Buddha On Life. A nice way to start or end the day or to prepare for a sit. Enjoy...

http://www.youtube.com/user/1Gautama.../0/nFXHW9Wtev8

Thanks for your lovely comments (((((SS))))) and ((((((Sundog))))))). Sundog, I didn't know you lived so close to SF. I spent a week there and always felt that I'd love to live in that area, if I could get unstuck in my life, gain more inner stability, and pull up stakes here. And SS, your corner of the world sounds gorgeous, too. I'd love to live in a year-round moderate climate. So tired of New England winters. Maybe a future, longer-term goal of a move and getting to travel again (not alone anymore, however) might motivate me. I brought back from New Mexico a casette (remember those?) of Carlos Nakai (?) native american flute music, which I loved. I'll definitely play the links you provided. I'm going to try to stay in the day as much as possible. Love to you both.

Good morning

A longer-term goal of moving sounds like a great plan ((((((lavie)))))) Especially if you move to San Francisco!

Love the quotes and images from the Buddha clip (((((((((ss))))))))))

Just getting started here so not much to report so far other than a brief sit in my backyard this morning (and one before bed last night lying on the floor).

Wishing everyone a beautiful day

I could never survive in that cold Lavie. I lived further north of where I am now and the winters killed me. -20C for days and days. Growing up where I did we never needed more then a warm sweater and rain coat in winter. My first serious winter coat was when I lived in that cold. Moving home the first thing I did was give away my heavy coats. They would just be collecting dust in the closet otherwise.

My ex moved over your way to London Ontario. He grew up in Saskatchewan and Manitoba were the winters can be brutely cold. He moved to BC and spent 20 years here before deciding to take the job in London. He told me the other day he was done with the cold and wanted to come back west. It didn't help when I sent him picture in mid February of the spring bulbs coming up.

Yea cassettes hey.... I am old enough to remember when they came out with 8 tracks. Now that is going back aways. lol. I love native flute music and I am familiar with Carlos Nakai... wasn't sure about the spelling either so I searched for something of his on youtube.

Will post it here for others to share. Do you find it helps you practice mindlessness of to even meditate with. I find it almost transcends me into a different place altogether. I have always been enchanted by the wooden flute. I have a friend who makes them they have a beautiful sound to them. I am waiting for her still to give me one. lol.

I am with you on that Lavie... staying in the day. It can be challenging when some of the pressures of life won't leave you be. Pushing though... or I more accurate perhaps... letting pass through seems to be so contray to the need to control the now and project into the future.

I believe victory begins with a declaration of will. Even if our efforts seem less successful than we might have determined success to be I think just expressing a willness is a victory.

I forgot to leave the link to Carlos Nakai on the flute. Some flute music can get too high pitched so I have to be selective. This one is very pretty and the pics are awesome. I was in New Mexico back in '94 and just loved travelling by car through Idaho, Navada and on into New Mexico. The colours and sacredness you feel is something that never leaves.

Beautiful pic Sun. Songs of spring. I saw my first robin today. I was almost dancing as I greeted him back. My cat was chattering to get outside when she spotted one out the window. Sorry kitty you are stuck in here unless I go out with you.

I am glad you like the Buddha quotes. I thought there were pretty cool too. The brought me a sense of calm optomism of sorts.

I didn't get a chance to sit either last night or this morning. A good friend living in Switzerland, we had actually met there but she originally comes from Manitoba. We have remained friends though sometimes there are years between communicatons. Anyways she called last night at 11pm. Just as I was setting to get in to bed. It was 8am there. We talked for 2 hours about this and that. It is usually a long call when ever one of us decides to call. It was wonderful to talk to her again.

By then it was 1am and it took me an hour or so to unwind before I could get ready for bed. I did some focused breathing but it didn't really get me to where I was able to shut down my brains so it was probably another hour or two before I was able to fall asleep.

I got up to the alarm at 7:15 this morning to get my son off to school. I went back to bed when he went into the shower. Little did I know that he had fallen asleep again after his shower. I only dosed while waiting for him to come say good bye before catching his bus at 8:10. I woke at 8:22 to what sounded like a grunt. I thought don't tell me he missed the bus and I am going to have to get up and drive him. Sure enough when I opened my doore and called for him he was still there. He had follow back to sleep while drying off. The grunt was his surprise that he had actually fallen asleep. I couldn't believe my ears. Before I could catch myself I kind of went balistic. I swore and slammed my door and begrudgingly got myself dressed. I was so ticked that I was going to have to get up out of my nice warm bed and drive him to school. Early bed time for him tonight. ARG.

While he finished getting ready I took a few minutes to calm my breathing and settle my frustration. By the time I came out of my room to see if he was ready my mood had completely flipped. I remembered a dream I had just woken from and it was so bazaare it was funny. I told it to him while driving to school and it totally cleared the air.

I came home to find a robin sitting in the tree and danced with joy.... i think i said that already. Oh well... it bears repeating. The robins are here so spring can't be far away now. YIPPEE!!

I appreciated the quotes from the Buddha, and the Native American music. Thanks, SS. What stood out among the quotes was the message that what is not good and useless is easy; what is good and useful is harder than hard (like concentrating the mind). To answer your question, I can't listen to Nakai for meditation, as I don't have a cassette player anymore. I'll have to search the public library system or download from Youtube for good meditation music. It would also be extremely helpful to block out the inner "music" when I can't stand another second of that. It's the reason I bought an MP3 player with ear buds. Sometimes, it sounds like Native American music and Gregorian chants, but I'd still prefer that it go away. Alas. At least, it's not metallica.

lavie, let me recommend Crystal Bowls, and Crystal Bowls with Harp,,, i'll hunt up the actual names and artists,, but they are very soothing ,,

No kidding Lavie. I guess that is a small blessing that the music in your head isn't something like metallica or such thing. Nevertheless I image that any music inside your head would be hard to take. I hope it does go away one way or another.

Hi Gus. Nice to see you here again. I look forward to hearing the music you are recommending. Maybe there is something on youtube.

I got a package in the mail from Centre Point. I haven't listen to the CD yet but I look forward to listening to it soon.

Thanks for sending me on a journey to listening to Crystal Bowls. I couldn't find any on youtube with a harp. I really like the harp. I have always wanted to learn to play the harp. But I did enjoy some of what I found. I saw some with singling bowls too but didn't listen to any yet.

Surfing around I came upon this amazing moving mandela. The imagery that I could see shifting shapes was captivating. I have never experience such a thing. The shifting images were almost 3 dimensional. It became kind of hypnotic. I watched it three times and by the end of the last time it became harder and harder to keep my eyes open. It was so incredibly peaceful and relaxing. I watched it with out the sound. I found the music distracting. I appreciated the quiet.

It was the perfect combination for me.... mandalas and shape shifting. I am still feeling the high off of it. I highly recommend it. I am going back to watch it again. Full screen, no sound, lights out.

Still no appearance from Sunset for a while. I pray all is well with our good friend.

Cool that you have a good friend in Switzerland and that you had a really long chat with her last night! ((((((((ss)))))))))) Sorry about the stress with having to unexpectedly rush to drive your son to school this morning. Glad you were able to restore some calm by re-counting your dream!

I really hope the music inside your head stops too ((((((((((lavie)))))))))))) Isn't it so true that what is good and useful is harder than hard to do? Listening to the Pema Chodron CD she emphasizes that EVERYONE struggles with this (even her!). She says that it's our natural tendency to try to escape unpleasant feelings, but that this only causes us to dig an even deeper hole for ourselves. What we need to do is learn how to turn toward difficult emotions, instead of turning away from them. But she fully acknowledges how hard it is to do this!!

The moving mandela imagery sounds wonderful, and so perfect for you, ss!!!

Hi ((((Gus)))) Nice to see you!!

I heard from SunSun via PM a couple of days ago. She has been incredibly helpful to me by sharing her naturopathic knowledge and experiences, and allowing me to tell her about my own treatment with my naturopathic doctor. I do hope she is doing ok and that she will pop her head into this thread very soon to let us know

Time for me to head up to bed for my night-time sit. Sending much love to all and wishing everyone a restful night

Thank you sun for yet another amazing picture. They always make me want to be there and for the time I spend looking I almost feel like I am.

Thank you to for the update on sunset. I am glad you are benefiting from your exchanges. I wish her well and hope to see her here again if and when she is drawn back.

I had the most amazing sit last night in my chair. It actually went on for about 2 hours and I still didn't feel ready to stop. After looking into the Mandela I posted I went to another one labeled a chakra meditation.

Even though it had a lot of reds, a colour that can often trigger instant anxiety, felt none. Even though the music hit some very high pitched sounds there was none of the expected anxiety. I felt an auto-response to remove myself but within seconds I realize I didn't need to run.

The imagery was incredible. The shape shifting amazing. During the whole experience I was breathing very deeply both in and the out, inhaled every bit of breath that was possible and expelled every bit of breath that was left. In between times I sat in calm breathlessness before breathing in or out again. The intensity of the peace was kept growing and enclosing me as if in my mother's womb.

I closed my lap top and sat in the dark silence of my room. I was expecting it to be a time transitioning out. My breath became slow and relaxed. I have never been so relaxed ever nor has my breath been so soft and gentle.

After some more time had passed during which I entered into an even deeper place of peace I was suddenly startled by a sensation that my heart had actually stopped breathing. When I took a breath I heard from behind my left ear what sounded like my son's voice say very audibly "love you".

When I opened my eyes in the darkness I noticed that another half hour had passed. I thought it must be time to stop. I turned on the light to get ready for bed while maintaining mindlessness only to be drawn back again to sit in the silence.

This time I began to slowly, very softly in a flowing motion, barely touching my skin with the tips of only my fingernails, stroke over my face, my neck and along the edges of my ears. I felt pampered by the contact. The sensation drew me even further into the peacefulness. When I was done, I took a few deep breath to close the session.

I slowing moved into bed and after what felt like seconds I mindlessly drifted off to sleep.

Too be continued.... if you can bare to read another of my long minute by minute accounts.

I woke this morning still feeling relaxed and peaceful. I laid in bed for awhile taking it in before getting up to wake my son. I went to dress while he showered and I spend a few more minutes sitting with my breath enjoying the continued sensation of calm.

Expect to find him dressed and ready to go, with the clock showing he had 10 minutes to to catch his bus I was disappointed to see he was sitting in his robe at the computer. I charged into the room and told him to get off the computer before he was late again. Not impressed with how quickly the bubble of peace had been broken I returned to my room to stop the frustration from escalating into anxiety.

A few minutes went by and I couldn't resist going out to see if he had left for his bus that would come within 4 minutes by now. We live right across the street from where the bus picks the kids up and my son takes full advantage. I looked around and then called his name totally expect no replay. But he did replay and I found him still only half dressed. He hadn't a care in the world and with total confidence he wasn't going to be late.

The frustration and anxiety began to tighten its grip on me and the intensity broke me and I began to cry under the pressure. As I turned to walk away I said to him, "you know how stressful your doodling is for me but I know that means nothing to you since you always say it is not about me. Why should I expect accommodation from you." I made my way into my office and silently broke down. I was shaking and crying and my breathing was rapid as I crumbled under the pressure.

"Where had the peace gone", I cried out. I sat for a while and focused on calming my breathing and settle the shacking of my hands. Having learned by now that my best choice would be to head outside to level off with some mindless walking. But I felt a need to talk my way down by writing about the all that I had experienced in the past 10 hours or so.

I feel empty of the telling and will now head out for a short walk before I prepare myself for a meeting. A nagging though is that the session last night had triggered a kind of low level mania and this morning was the crash into a symptoms cycling me down into depression. Thinking that made me cry even harder. To imagine something so beautiful was actually harmful to me. I felt such self pity at the trick played on me and then such anger that I was denied access to to peace I had so enjoyed.

The tears well as I even say that bring up again the anger and sadness. I know I can walk past it while I walk in the beauty that awaits. I will shake this nagging sadness of a gift being torn from my hands. I will be able to cut off the over dramatizing and find that place of understanding and acceptance.

It has been a hairy ride but it will soon be behind me and I can move forward with greater awareness.

Peace be with us all.