It gets better

We arn't trying to be mean 17. You say you want to fight but you won't talk to anyone or call anyone. You've tried fighting by yourself, and it doesn't seem to be working for you. If you don't let others in how do you expect to find help. Trust us, it doesn't magically appear. We're trying to help, but just like your T there is only so much we can do. We offer tips and advice but you don't seem to be willing to take any of it. It's okay to not deal with your parent issues in therapy yet but if there's something else you feel ready to work on, maybe you need to suggest that to your T.

I dont really see a point going back cuz i felt like we werent doin anything. Im not ready to deal with my parents, but i dont see why were not tacklin anything else.

Im coward, i know that. Its the only reason i probably am still around. Im just gettin so confused, so basically i dont want help so i just shouldnt go back. I dont know what else im supposed to talk about. Whatev, i think i just shouldnt go to a t anymore.

Can you talk to your T about the fact that you don't want to deal with your parents right now? Why don't you want to deal with your parents?

I dunno why, maybe i just not ready. It might bring up a lot of painful stuff. I think he was ready to put that topic aside and deal with anything else. Im just not sure what i was supposed to say or do. You keep forgetting that im not really going to my t and i might not go back.

Im in a horrid mood. This past week all ive been doin is drinking, cutting, and throwing up. Im so confused, what would i be gaining by going to a t? ( and actually talking). I feel like im losing focus, wats the point in a t? How does one accomplish and grow by goin to a t? Ad of now i have no plan for the future and everyone is pressuring me about it, but hobestly i see nO point in making plans if i feel i wont be around any loonget by then. Im just so torn and confused, like wats the point in living?

This is what is supposed to happen in therapy.

And this is better then dealing with your pain in therapy?

Keeping your pain inside is what is causing your pain and what is causing you to drink, SI, eating disorder and be suicidal. Get the pain outside in therapy.

Please go back to T and talk to him about this pain. Just talk to him first about it and how therapy works before you start talking about your parents.

How does one speak about pain? How is pain dealt with? Its not anything specific i just have morbid feelings on many things. Why does my pain affect me physically( like the things im doin) wat am i supposed to say? In a way cutting and drinking n throwin up is better than talking for a reserved person. My mom is pressurin me to go to a t however i shud try a new one. I dont wanna. My problems is not so much to do with my parents- my mom feels im socially awkward and that ive got no relationship with her. But by goin to a t im not really dealin w that cuz im not intrested in having a relationship with her.

Then speak about them in session.

Because you aren't dealing with it emotionally.

Nope, don't agree.

Are you angry with your mom?

I dont find them painful, i think its the wrong word, i just feel uncomfy speakin about stuff.
Im not sure wat my feelings r toward my mom prob some anger is mixed in their along w maybe betrayel. Dunno i just cant stand her and have no intrest in her. I dont want her in my life, however theirs nothing i can do to avoid her being there. Why is talking a way to deal with your pain or whatever. Wats the purpose, does it actually work? Why is it that its considered effective?
Im a bit scared cuz im not eating much and whatever i am usually cone right back up and im drinking and take loads of tylonal plus my nicotine intake, im scared with wats goin on in my body cuz lately im really sleepy and weak and nausous and get exausted real fast. Besides for stomache pain being the norm, just like headaches

You're having physical problems because you're slowly killing your body. I'm sure someone has said it on here before but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That's what you are doing. Yes, therapy is uncomfortable, but yes it does help and no I don't know exactly why. Like you said there is nothing you can do to keep your mom out of your life so you might as well figure out what your problems are with her and make the best of them.

So im insane- no news.
I dont want to even think of my mother i cant stand her. I do not want her in my life at all. So im killing my body, i guess ill continue doing so since i want to kill myself, either way.
Im like the polar opposite of a person just spewing out information about their life. So i feel i tried t it didnt help so too bad. Either ill deal with it or ill just give up. Wats t supposed to be about anyway?

Your mom betrayed you?

To become an emotionally healthy adult child development needs to go reasonably well. A child needs to have a healthy attachment to a caregiver, they need to feel loved and valued and taken care of, get their needs met so that they will be able to do it themselves, learn how to express their feelings, learn to trust, learn to feel competent, have healthy self worth, learn healthy boundaries, feel empowered, etc. If any of this doesn't go well, it needs to be fixed. Going to a therapist can help with any of these things. If your mom has messed you up this needs to be discovered so that you can be fixed. To figure out what went wrong you need to talk.

If you didn't learn to express your feelings or weren't allowed you will have stuffed feelings. This can cause depression and anxiety. These feelings need to be released in therapy.

Lack of nutrition will cause low energy/weakness and nausea. How long have you been unable to eat? What do you think is causing this? What is your mom saying about this? When was the last time that you went to the doctor?

I hope you're okay.

I am so sorry you seem to be feeling so depressed.

It is up to you to deal with your issues.

Talking about them does help.

Don't give up.

Everyone deserves to get better, even the ones who seem to be in very dark places.

Never ever give up.

Billi

Im not sure with my feelings towards my mother, but ya perhaps betrayel is included.
My mom has no idea that im not eating or that im throwing up. Its goin on for approximately a month. I went to a doc not long ago, perhaps two months ago for my yearly, however i didnt have a blood test.
Why can a t help one with these things?How? Why does it ( feelings) have to come out by a t if one doesnt want it to?
My mother is not the only one that killed me, though she is the root of it
Sorry i keep repeatin q about t im just so confused and lost and i have to decide if i want to go back. Thnx!

The fact that your mom is unaware of your eating says something about how much attention that she has on you. How about going back to the doc about your eating problem?

I don't know how to explain to you how a T can help. You have to cooperate in order for it to work, though.

So i guess it wont work for me

Not the answer that I hoped for................

Not what i wanted either. Yet theirs nothing i can do, i tried and got an outcome, though not one i would have prefered. Im stuck, dunno hos to continue foward at this point. Seems like the only thing i did was that i acknowledged the fact that i needed therapy and i shut down after addmitting so.

Of course there are things that you can do! You have a little trouble moving forward so you give up? Get moving!

And do what, may i ask?

I will just share something right now, strictly from my own experience.

This is why I am still alive today, surviving another year.

Last year, my depression just about killed me.

I was at the end. I was.

Therapists had given up on me, I could not attend grief group at my hospice for my aunt's death because I was just so upset and so unable to trust any process. And I had seen so many of them that had not seemed to care and like you I had a lot of trouble trusting it and opening up.

I don't trust therapists or professionals because of what I went thru with them. It was a vicious cycle, too, because when that happened, I could not let them help, even when they said they wanted to.

However, I did find someone that I could trust, my mentor. I had to find that person that I could trust and open up to. I know there are some therapists and others that we can trust and who will listen to us. I have not found one like that yet, but I did find my mentor.

If you are like me, or if you, like me, were brought up invalidated, or treated like your feelings and problems were not important, you did not learn to open up or share or talk. Is this a new thing for you, trusting and opening up? Did you get hurt, once upon a time when you did open up? Did your mom hurt you emotionally or physically when you trusted her a long long time ago? (you don't have to answer; it's okay)

Anyway, my mentor was abused all his life in a very alarming way; he had been at an even lower place than I was. And he was still alive and happy many years later; he also found some people who were able to help him, too. Like me, though, it was hard for him; he had to trust too.

He learned how to believe in himself. He learned who he was, even though it seemed so many people and things were against him. He learned that he was okay and that it was okay to accept himself and treat himself well.

He taught me never ever ever to give up on myself or on faith in humanity.

He is not a therapist, just someone who lived in h*ll for a long time because he did not accept his reality (understandbly; it was pretty horrible) or accept himself.

He passed on his healing to me and brought me up from my hole.

I still have problems, I am very isolated, very scared of people and of myself.

But I have not given up.

I hope you will not either.

I get out of bed every day, even when I do not want to.

My mentor helps me process my profound grief at the loss of myself and at my aunt's betrayal of me. I still have trouble eating and he sits with me and helps me eat.

I am sharing this because there is still good in life and in the world, even if it seems like there isn't any left.

you don't have to agree with what I am saying.

I do believe that you deserve to live.

My aunt had made me believe that I did not deserve to even be alive and I am healing from that. As I write this, I can still hear her angry voice telling me, "Billi, how can you say that about me?!" but I know it's her pain, her problem; she could never own what she had done to me.

I am so sorry about your pain.

I feel such profound pain in your post.

You deserve a chance.

You deserve to give it to yourself.

You have you, still.

And it's okay.

Billi

Do whatever you need to do to get better. (And this is going to include therapy).

You have a mentor, u were able to survive. No mentor= i dont have reason to survive. Its not a new thing to trust since i never started. I cant bring myself to trust a human being. My t knows i dont trust him or any professionals and we had many conversations about it, going in circles. Its impossible for me to say anything remotely personal at times i just reply with a shrug of the shoulder or a " dunno". I dont recall anything that should cause ne to not trust anyone. I do remember one incident involving my mother however it was on a smaller scale also its a recent incident. I do not recall ever opening up to anyone.
Why is it that ppl that have suffered in the past are the ones helping sufferers now and not sh#* y professionals?
U have reason to live. U have a mentor to follow. Just con. Doing so

I tried t, if u recall