Hate myself!!!

I hate myself for being a pathetic loser....been trying but I've been cutting my arm again to get out this frustration inside!!!

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much at the moment and can definitely understand the urge to cut to relieve some of that. Hang in there. It is hard but the feelings do pass. It is possible.

If I can ask, why do you feel like a loser? Sometimes it can help to talk about it if you are comfortable doing so.

Because I've been trying for over 8 years to meet someone,just 1 rejection after another,why? Women say I'm "too nice" for them.....8 years its been since a woman wanted to be with me! It's not like I haven't tried.....I'm so fn pathetic!

Just because you haven't been very successful with women lately that doesn't make you pathetic. It means that you're either going after the wrong girls or there is something going wrong in your approach. None of that means there is anything pathetic about you.

The only thing I'm doing wrong is being "too nice". One rejection after another because that's what they say....every where I go even the 3 couples that live in the other apts here I see these women in abusive relationships,they won't leave because they say they "love him"...??? After the fighting I hear them having sex,in the morning after they slept good I hear them laughing and joking,than in the evening thr fighting starts....these guys have tattoos piercings,,,I've asked several women they said tattood are hot on a guy...I'm going to get one on birthday in hopes I meet somebody...

I'm a woman. I hate piercing and tattoos on a man. It's a total turn off. Don't mark up your body or change who you are to impress anyone. The girl that's worth your time will be impressed with you for you. If you want to get a tattoo for your own pleasure, that's great. Don't think that women will suddenly change their opinion of you. Not all women like the same thing in a man.

You don't need to be an asshole to attract women. You do, however, need to be confident. We love that in a guy. That's why you see all of those jerks getting girls. They are overly confident. When we say a guy is "too nice", typically that means "too shy" or "too insecure" or "too nervous". Judging just based on the nature of this post, maybe the reason you can't seem to get a girl is because of all of your self hatred. I struggle with self hatred too and I don't think I'd truly be able to have a healthy relationship until I resolve that a little.

Women in abusive relationships don't leave him for a variety of reasons. One being that he manipulates her by destroying her self esteem so she feels like she needs him to survive or that she'll never be able to find another man. It's not real love. It's fear and manipulation. Do you really want that? Don't you want a woman that loves you even though she doesn't have to? The way I see it is that if your options are being single or being in an abusive relationship you're better off single.

I'm lonely I could never hurt a woman but is it so wrong to long for that love the abusive man knows? He never has to be alone at night....I'm a survivor,I'm strong and my counselor helps,I take my meds ,was doing great for years and in may I had a severe relapse in my symptoms....I'm not weak physically,I work out and walk a lot do 100-200 pushups a day...its not like I can't protect a woman ,I feel from what I see everywhere that if I don't change my attitude and start being abusive I'm going to always be alone......

The abusive man doesn't know love. Well at least not real, true love. The love that takes place in an abusive relationship is distorted. Maybe he feels feared or needed by his woman, but he doesn't feel love. Any person who truly loved their partner would never abuse them.

If you want love and you want a woman who is deserving of your love, be the man you already are. Be a strong, compassionate man who is not afraid of protecting his woman but respects her at the same time. That's what every girl (well at least 90%) is looking for. Maybe they'll mess up and accidentally think an abusive man is what they want because abusive men are often very confident and very charming. But at the end of the day, the qualities you described are the qualities that women want a guy.

Women are just crazy. We want all of that, but if a guy approaches us that is soft spoken and eager to please, unless he looks like a young Brad Pitt we friendzone him. I don't understand women. Do you think maybe you're coming off a little desperate? You could just simply be pursuing the wrong type of girl. If all of the women you pursue fall into abusive relationships, you are pursuing girls that aren't looking for a "nice guy".

when I had girlfriends I treated them with respect,kindness and compassionate,but they left me for abusive men....they say they "love him". Ive never known that love like abusive "macho" men know from a woman....I was really never this desperate until this past May...I realized I'm only getting older,I've got this passion for life,but no one to share it with.....I've asked single women out that I know where I volunteer and from the neighborhood,not sounding desperate,the only answer I get is always "See You're so sweet but,or Oh You're too nice someone will be lucky to go out with You". Why not them? They should really say thr truth ..."You're a pathetic loser no one wants to be You!

Abusers do not know love. They sometimes know devotion through fear and manipulation. There are many reasons someone winds up with an abuser, either by mistake or intentionally, but for love isn't one of them. Implying you think being abusive would be a good way to get someone to love you is actually pretty offensive.
Being alone doesn't make you pathetic, but I can understand being lonely. Do you have friends and family you spend time with? Can you crreate other ways to be social in your community and neighborhood? I hear you that its frustrating. There is someone who will appreciate you, and want you to appreciate her. I'm sorry its taking so long to find her.

Thank You I don't mean to sound so negative.my family lives in Brooklyn and they don't understand why I get deppressed they think if I have a few drinks ill be fine problem is I need more than a few.....when I feel this way been through rehabs,lived in halfway house 3 years....I never drank when I had a girlfriend and I was never violent.....mostly listens to music....slept and worked the next day.....I know I sound childish when I say I get sad inside when I see couples together....I'm confused about what love is I always treated women with respect and when they leave me for a jerk I wonder what I'm doing wrong? I gota change but I would never hurt someone tho I probably could I would never especially a woman....I'm confused when I hear them say they love the abusive guy they're with..I was physically and sexually abused as a child and I know the pain and scars it leaves in ones heart...yet I'm always alone because I'm not "macho"...? What am i?

I'm sorry your family isn't understanding. And I didn't think you were overly negative. It is sad to feel alone. It must hurt to have someone pick a "jerk" over you, but their poor choice only says something bad about them - it doesn't say anything bad about you.
And I don't think its "macho" to take advantage of and/or hurt someone who is physically and/or mentally weaker. I think its macho to be supportive and empowering towards others. And I know there are other people who think so too, even if they seem to be in hiding right now. Stay true to your beliefs and values. The right person will hold the same ideals sacred. In the meantime I hope you can take some comfort from friends, and find as much enjoyment as you can on your own.

Thanks,I'm not a bad person....I was awarded 2011 new York state volunteer of the year award ....its my nature to help others ,I just couldn't stop them from dieing,I couldn't stop my mom from dieing,I couldn't stop my girlfriends(tho few they have been)for leaving me for an abusive man....I can't help being nice to others.....I've done fine for years til I finished the memorial stones for the residents where I volunteer....I have made a lot of good friends on PC who are probably sick of me talking about my loneliness but I need to get it out...and to supportive people.....I'm working on it with my counselor,,,,I'm just confused about what love is....I don't know anymore,it disturbs my mind when I hear women say they love a man who hits them,who cheats on them,who disrepects them,who has tattoos all over their body and drink cuz its supposedly "manly". Yet they watch a bunch of men in tights grabbing each other over a ball and cheer for them...I'd rather watch WNBA and watch a bunch of women run around in shorts then cheer for men grabbing each other(besides women play basketball better than the men anyways..nnn..

If a person hurts himself for a problem he is going through then that is the worst decision ever.Hurting yourself is not going to solve your problem and its bad for health.So don't ever do it again.

Upto 200 pushups ? That is impressive. Is that 200 pushups you do continuously or 100 pushups then a break and then 100 ? I can do only 100 to 110 on average and rarely 125.

Trigger Trigger

I haven't cut or burned myself in so long...I thought I was over all the negative crap in my life....until this breakdown....actually..I kept it drafters for years until I went to a rehab in 99 and moved into a MICA halfway house....I couldn't drink there and didn't know how to deal with all these emotions,so one night I was looking desperately for something to cut my ARM..not suicidal,there's something about the physical pain....in a way it relieves my emotional pain....I could handle physical pain I just can't handle emotional pain....its something I can't see...I always cared for my physical wounds myself...I'm not saying its right,because You are correct,that night I couldn't find anything except a pair of scissors I used to make collages,,,,I put a towel under my ARM...I wanted the emotional pain to stop,I was hurting inside...I grabbed the scissors and stabbed my forearm.....its strange because i felt relief....not pain...I wrapped my ARM in the towel So as not to bleed on carpet and asked staff for a band aid...said I cut myself with a pair of scissors...it was around midnight....she got the band aid and wanted to.see...I removed the towel which was drenched in blood...she said ,Dave what did you do you need stitches....she took me to hospital...first time I cut my forearm and had to get stitches at a hospital...I took care of my upper ARM so many years on my own....that's when people found out I would cut.....they didn't understand,and sometimes I felt I deserved the pain for something that happened to me when I was younger.....also I do 10-20 pushups at a time and lift weights throughout the day till it hurts especially when I'm frustrated cuz no woman wants to be with me....

Don't know the entire circumstances of your situation or relationship but all of the women I have dated wanted to be liked and feel special. Perhaps when they say you are too nice, then mean you don't go for what you want or make them feel special. Backing down from intimacy or not pursuing physical interaction can leave a woman feeling rejected. I'm not telling you to be a sleezy guy or just think about sex, but women want to feel attractive and good about themselves. Being chased and sex can fulfill that need for some women.

Everyone is different and some women look for a certain types of guys. It could be very possible that the girls you have dated just weren't into you. That doesn't mean you are a loser or anything. It just means that the girls you dated didn't work out. Earnest self esteem will never come through the affection of another. No relationship will make you happy. In the beggining you may have butterflies in your stomach and feel amazing, but overtime that will sour if you have other things in your life making you depressed.

I found and eventually married someone. Thing were good in the beggining and I can say I was happy with the new found relationship, but over time all of the stuff I put aside emotionally started to come out. Then came back the depression, withdrawing, self harm etc. My spouse blamed herself for how I felt. While she did some things that made me feel bad, it wasn't her fault for how I feel but my own. I am the one with unresolved issues, a severe lack of self esteem that border on self hate, depression etc. Those things were part of me before we meet and they still are. Being in a relationship didn't change anything in regards to how I felt. When those things started to emerge and I began to withdraw, she blamed herself and felt like she was being rejected. That can lead a person to resentment or other things that are unhealthy for a lasting relationship.

I reccomend you work on your life and get things into a better place for yourself. That makes relationships much easier. The biggest positive for me is having someone and having depression is that I have a reason to keep going. I'm not saying I would end things if she left or am trying to manipulate her, but without my marriage I feel like I would be more likely to self destruct. Having someone that depends on me, helps me to think about the consequences and in the times that I am filled with self hate, knowing that hurting myself also hurts her tempers my actions and I better resist the urges and impulses to do self destructive things.

That isn't exactly a positive from her standpoint. I can't imagine going into things, if she knew how bad things get for me that she would have pursued it. I could be wrong. The point I am trying to make is that my issues don't help my relationship and are a issues that tends to drive a wedge between things when I don't ackolwedge and address them. The issues were there before her and did not go away by being with her. They are mine to deal with and when I don't, they cause issues between us.

I do appreciate what You shared,,,I'm not bragging or anything but since I got my first apt at 21 when I had a girlfriend we were very sexually active,even trying new positions and different places.....I always made them feel special and beautiful,even their parents would tell me they're glad she met a nice a guy for other guys she was with were mean to her,to put it mildly,but sadly afyer a couple weeks they said I was TOO NICE for them....heck a couple girls thought I didn't love them cuz I wouldn't hit them? They go back to ex who was very abusive or cheat on me with an abusive guy ,I'm no wimp,physically,I work out,several times when I found out the *** hit a girl I went with I wanted to go over and teach him a lesson....if these women are scared to leave the *** all I need is a bat to take care of him...no I wouldn't kill him....just bust his hands so he could never hit a woman again.....twice my counselor I've known since 2003 who is leaving had to stop me from teaching these jerks a lesson....I was abused as a child,my mothers first husband abused her,the only thing I hate in this world are low Lifes who abuse women yet these women stay with them,why? Because they say they love them....over the years I've been doing great,volunteering,working,painting,drawing,socializing...it wasn't til this spring when I got fed up with all the rejections cuz I'm too nice....I realized how alone I am in this world.....

I think it is the girls you are dating then. People that come from abusive enviroments often feel like it is normal to be at someone else's control. For them, that is what love feels like. They may know it is abuse, but they may not care enough about themselves to want it to stop. It sounds crazy that people would put up with it, but a life of tramatic events can lead people to make bad decisions for themselves.

I think you can find someone out there that is into you. Sounds like you have had a bad run of girlfirends. You shouldn't blame yourself. There isn't anything wrong with being nice or kind. The girls you have gone out with lack appreciation or have their own issues that make them feel like they don't deserve to be treated well. That is their problem, not yours.

But it confuses me...I was abused several ways and know the pain and scars it brings and I would never want to go through that again and would never inflict that pain on others espcially women...except I would to those men who abuse women.....

I think abuse makes people do one of two things. They either release it is wrong and fight back or run away, the natural fight or flight response takes over. The second thing is they break down emotionally and feel like they deserve it. They feel like being abused and controlled is what love and caring feels like. It is really hard for to break that cycle and try to have a better life. They get stuck in a mindset that they have to stay because they can handle things on their own.

People that are completly submissive find it much easier to take orders than to take control. Being abused as a child can stunt a person's emmotional development, so they aren't emotionally mature enough to make reasonible decision. I think that is why people stay with abusive people for so long. They have to reach a breaking point before they get out of it.

These women who left you to go be with asshats shouldnt be worth your time. You can only be you. If they can't appreciate the tenderness and love you provided them, then it is wasted effort trying to make it work. It sounds like they need some counseling to deal with their own issues.

Try to keep your head up. I have faith that you will find a person that you will mean the world to. Think of it this way, you only have to find that one person, and it isn't like there is just one either. There are probable hundreds of women that live near you that you could start and developing a meaningful and lasting relationship with.

Maybe talking to a therapist could help you. It may give you some insight as to when thing in your relationships when sour. What events led up to the other losing interest and going away. It may have been all their fault or maybe you did something without realizing it.

For example my wife sabotages herself a lot. She puts herself in situations where she is set up to lose. She doesn't consciously do it. She sometimes acts impulsively and without thinking of the consequences. Some of her actions almost led us to divorce. She didn't realise what she was doing until things blew up. I mean she had control to make decisions but she didn't think of the consequences of her action until afterwards. Even though she had no means to support herself, I gave her no reason to want to leave, but still she jeopardized her marriage on something that had little benifiet or gain to herself. I don't think she got the gravity of all of it until I was going to move out and I stopped talking to her.

Doing a little bit of therapy can help you understand yourself a little better and maybe stop you from doing things you don't realize you are doing.

It is also possible you did nothing wrong and just got unlucky in a string of girlfriends that were very good.