[SheHulk07]

***TRIGGER WARNING***

I've talked to my T before about thoughts of wanting to SH in more intimate parts of my body. Before today it was mostly thoughts, but today I did SH on an area. Not bad, but I still did it.

I feel like a crazy person, and I don't know who to talk to or if I should just keep this part of my SH quiet.

Has anyone else SH on areas like this? Usually I go for my hips, but the last few times it hasn't felt like enough.

i think you should at least talk to someone,

no matter where you do it- it still amounts to the same thing.. self harm is self harm.

to answer ytour question, i too have recently found that the wrists/ arms just isn't doing it for me (i still do it,) but i've also moved on to my feet and face

I actually did two days ago. I've been having the thoughts for a loong time, though.

[RedSun]

Yes, I do this.
I used to do it when I was much younger, recently I've done it again a few times.
Hopefully I've stopped now. I talked to my T, she was concerned because I can't see how much damage Im doing.
I'm sorry that things have been difficult for you recently Amyfed,and you too Breadfish. And I know that feeling of being crazy,this is a crazy thing to do. I didn't know anyone else who did it. Do talk to someone like a therapist if you can, it may help, and someone needs to at least monitor your harm and make sure you're safe.

[Mully]

Thank you to all of you who have shared on here for posting. I'm sorry you are dealing with this as well. I shared something really tough in my appt yesterday and did some things yesterday as a result- so I understand. I'm scared to tell my T as well but I'm thinking I should. This sucks.

[SheHulk07]

I'm glad I'm not alone with doing this. My T is pretty good at keeping up with asking about SH every session and checks in about how severe it was. I'm sure it'll come up next time he asks.

[RedSun]

It's a good idea to tell your T if you can.
A couple of weeks ago, my T said that she would need to contact my GP if I harmed in that area again.
So, now if I do it, I have no one to tell.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by RedSun

It's a good idea to tell your T if you can.
A couple of weeks ago, my T said that she would need to contact my GP if I harmed in that area again.
So, now if I do it, I have no one to tell.

I don't even know how to tell T, since it's so private. I couldn't even tell him before that I had the thoughts, I just told him I had thoughts of SH in other areas. He put 2 and 2 together and asked if I was talking about genitals or breasts.

[Mully]

How are you? Did you tell your T yet?

I told mine what happened on the phone the last couple of days. I feel humiliated and yucky and I'm struggling. But I'm glad I told her because I know I need help and it needs to stop.

[Mully]

Originally Posted by RedSun

It's a good idea to tell your T if you can.
A couple of weeks ago, my T said that she would need to contact my GP if I harmed in that area again.
So, now if I do it, I have no one to tell.

I'm sorry that you feel like you can't talk about it with anyone now. I'm glad my T doesn't work the same way because I would feel the same way you do, and that's so tough.

[SheHulk07]

I haven't seen my T yet again to talk about it, but I see him Monday morning. I ended up seeing a primary care doctor this morning for one of the places along my bikini line. I was definitely felt humiliated, even though I don't know if that was her intention. Being covered in a paper drape isn't comfortable, much less she lifted it up and exposed everything when I told her ahead of time exactly where the cuts were.

I just wanted to cry there and then, and don't think I'll be going back regardless of where I SH.

[SheHulk07]

So I posted this like 2 months ago, and other than along my bikini line, I've refrained from cutting near the genitals. That is until this morning.

Possible trigger:

I ended up cutting on the area this morning. I've been so triggered the past 2 days from my husband SA me, that I cut and X there.

I didn't even tell T1 this morning about where I cut, but he does know that I cut this morning before seeing him. I see T2 this evening, so I might bring it up to her. I just don't know how they will react to genital self harm????

[seesaw]

I tried to cut my nipple off once, and I have scars on my breasts...I never went for the genitals though. I also cut a lot on my face and have scars from it.

Seesaw

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs...did you end up telling T2?

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I tried to cut my nipple off once, and I have scars on my breasts...I never went for the genitals though. I also cut a lot on my face and have scars from it.

Seesaw

I'm sorry that you tried to do that. I don't go for my breasts since I'm currently nursing an infant.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs...did you end up telling T2?

No, I didn't. She didn't ask about self harm, so I didn't bring it up. I know I'll end up telling T1 next week when I see him because he makes it part of our check in to ask how often and where.

[ThisWayOut]

I know i'm coming late to this thread, but I can relate... I was actually hospitalized several times for it (because it was really severe). I'm trying to move away from it, but it's difficult. It's very much related to csa for me. That makes it really difficult to get help from emergency providers, so I'm trying to keep it in check.

T and I try to talk about it as needed, though even now is difficult to bring up with her. She tries to minimize the shame around it for me. We talk about it to keep tabs on it. If it gets bad again, we talk about it and I try to get in to see my gyn. They have permission to talk to each other about it if necessary...

I hope you are able to keep talking to t about it. Did I read correctly that it's because of sa from your husband? I hope you are able to find safety soon...

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I know i'm coming late to this thread, but I can relate... I was actually hospitalized several times for it (because it was really severe). I'm trying to move away from it, but it's difficult. It's very much related to csa for me. That makes it really difficult to get help from emergency providers, so I'm trying to keep it in check.

T and I try to talk about it as needed, though even now is difficult to bring up with her. She tries to minimize the shame around it for me. We talk about it to keep tabs on it. If it gets bad again, we talk about it and I try to get in to see my gyn. They have permission to talk to each other about it if necessary...

I hope you are able to keep talking to t about it. Did I read correctly that it's because of sa from your husband? I hope you are able to find safety soon...

Thank you for responding. I haven't yet talked to T about it, but I'm hoping to find the strength to talk to him on Thursday about it. And yes, it's because of sa from my husband.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you're going through stuff like that from your husband part of me is really mad at him, because he should know better. He should be respectful and caring, not traumatizing.

Is there anything that might make talking to t about it easier? Maybe communicate it before session somehow so he can help you bring it up? Have you talked to t about the sa?

My t keeps trying to remind me sh like that is not something new to her (she's had clients before who did it) ... and even though I was the first person my gyn saw because of it, she's seen it since...

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm sorry you're going through stuff like that from your husband part of me is really mad at him, because he should know better. He should be respectful and caring, not traumatizing.

Is there anything that might make talking to t about it easier? Maybe communicate it before session somehow so he can help you bring it up? Have you talked to t about the sa?

My t keeps trying to remind me sh like that is not something new to her (she's had clients before who did it) ... and even though I was the first person my gyn saw because of it, she's seen it since...

Part of me is angry, too, at him, and that we've been together 10 years and I've been letting this go on for a year now.

Anyway, I don't know what could make it easier to talk about with my T. We do talk about my self harm, and he usually asks where I've cut at. So I guess I can just slide it in if he asks next time. It's just very embarrassing for me because it's in such a private area.

He does know about the SA, we have been talking about it at every session lately. I really don't want him to tell me to see my gyn about it, though I already have an apt with my gyn in a few weeks and she knows I cut.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

Part of me is angry, too, at him, and that we've been together 10 years and I've been letting this go on for a year now.

Anyway, I don't know what could make it easier to talk about with my T. We do talk about my self harm, and he usually asks where I've cut at. So I guess I can just slide it in if he asks next time. It's just very embarrassing for me because it's in such a private area.

He does know about the SA, we have been talking about it at every session lately. I really don't want him to tell me to see my gyn about it, though I already have an apt with my gyn in a few weeks and she knows I cut.

My t only found out the location of the cutting because I was hospitalized for it (didn't realize how much damage I was doing)... there's certainly a lot of shame around it still, especially when someone new finds out and looks at me in disbelief. The three trauma t's/sexual assault therapists have never given me that look though. Actually, none of the t's I've told have, just the medical personnel if I had to get emergency treatment... Maybe writing it to t before hand, or talking about a different place to cut that is embarrassing to mention might open the door to the conversation? I'm still unable to say where I cut, but most t's have been good about figuring it out (relatively easily actually, which makes me believe it's more common than we may think)...

Don't be so hard on yourself about "letting" it go on for "so long". I'm sure there are many factors that play a role in it. I don't know your history or the quality of your relationship with h,i but for me, sa continued because it was 1)safer than fighting back or arguing, 2)what I was taught to do my whole life, 3)I was afraid, 4)it was one of the few times I could do something right with him... it can be really complicated. I hope you can find safety soon... glad you are addressing it in t.

If you have an ok relationship with your gyn, maybe it might not be a bad idea to talk to her about it? I dunno. It can be touchy. Every time I went to mine for help with it, I had done too much damage and it threatened my life. That scared her, so she hospitalized me. She hasn't seen me since at a time there was evidence of current cutting so I'm not sure if she would do it again were I to admit it again to her. Most medical professionals get really scared by it and jump to drastic conclusions. Perhaps talk to your gyn abut the sa, and leave the sh piece out unless you need medical attention for it? I don't often advocate deliberately avoiding that stuff with providers, but if she'd act counterproductiveLy, then it might be better just to deal with it in therapy. Having a history of sa, it's especially difficult to be forced into an exam with a random provider... sorry, that's probably more anxiety- inducing than helpful :/ hopefully t won't force you to seek medical attention for it if you do end up talking about it...

[SheHulk07]

Thank you. I told my T about it today, and started laughing when I told him....laughing is such a nervous twitch for me so I don't cry. He said he was proud of me for telling him, because I haven't told anyone else about it. But he is also very worried about me when I switch to a new area, esp this area which I've never done. He said it just shows how much pain I'm in lately, and we'll keep working on it.

[SheHulk07]

Possible trigger:

I have done it twice since posting this. This morning was the worst one I've done in that area. I already had an appointment today with my obgyn for a pap, so she looked at it and just said it didn't look infected.

I don't know whether to tell my T this on Thursday but....

Possible trigger:

This weekend I had horrible, severe urges to cut off my parts of my genitals....won't say what. I got so triggered from my husband continuing to molest me in my sleep, and I thought that if I did that he could never touch me there again. I didn't do it though.

Gentle, gentle comfort to you.