My mom asked why I liked Nazi films, is it time to tell them?

Not sure how it came into conversation, but my mom asked me at dinner why I liked watching Nazi movies. I have thought about this conversation for a long time, but all I could say was "uh...I don't know."

I should have said something like "Do you really want to have this conversation now at dinner?" or "I'm not ready to talk about this now."

But I get so caught off guard when they ask why I'm into WWII and Nazis.

To me, it's like coming out as being gay. It's not something you can answer in 30 seconds. "I'm a Nazi fetishist. I get off by watching Nazi movies and dressing like a Nazi."

I don't know when the right time to tell them why I'm into Nazis, if at all. To me, it's a sexual thing, and do my parents really need to know about what gets me off sexually? But they worry about me and don't understand why I feel this way.

I tell my parents everything, but this is so personal, and I'm so worried they'll try to convince me out of my feelings or be mad or make me feel embarrassed.

What should I do? This is the third time they brought this up.

I really don't see why your parents need to know about your fetish. To me it's not really like coming out as gay or something, it seems more like telling them the specific details of what you did in the bedroom with someone. They just don't need to know those kinds of things, even if you have a really close relationship with them or something like that.

Just tell them you find WWII and Nazi things really interesting. If you're comfortable with this, tell them that you just find certain aspects of those things to be attractive (the uniforms, certain personal stories of those involved, whatever). It's not the complete truth but it's also not a total lie, and either they will leave you alone about it or they'll kind of figure out the whole truth themselves, and still hopefully leave you alone about it.

I'm just curious if you have a good understanding of all the horrible things that were done in WWII by the Nazi's.....all the killing & horrible testing that was done not just to the Jewish people, but to all the mentally ill & disabled people they killed because they thought them less than human?

I know that fetishes are not always logical by any means but with all the horrible things that the Nazi's did in Germany during WWII, I can't even imagine having anything but disdain for them.....& I am sure that's where your parents would probably be coming from also.....the farther displaced from the horrible atrocities that occurred, the less real them become to the younger generations. Having met & known people who lived through that what the Nazi's did to them.......the older generations don't look at anything Nazi as anything sexual but as cruel & unacceptable torture.

If you aren't willing to hear what your parents have to say about it, then I would definitely Not suggest that you say anything to them about it.

I know what they would say. I know they wouldn't be supportive, and I don't want them to simplify it as "it's just a phase" or "how could you be attracted to murderers?" or think less of me.

For me, it's a sense of power and danger that I don't necessarily have IRL that I'm attracted to, as well as the uniforms and the accents.

It has nothing to do with the fact that they murdered 11 million people. That is actually rather irrelevant to the fetish, and it's not something I'm oblivious to. I'm well aware of what they have done, and that's not an aspect I'm attracted to.

So - did you read The Diary of Anne Frank? Have you talked with a therapist about your fetish? Also, I wonder if it's a little premature at this point in your life to call it a true fetish, as that to me implies a necessary condition for sexual gratification, ie you can't "function" without it. Not simply an interest or attraction?

I've learned about the Holocaust in school, yes. That's where I found my secret adoration of Hitler.

I have talked to my therapist about it. He encourages it. There's nothing wrong with what I fantasize about. He knows it's not the Nazism and Holocaust itself I fantasize about and he knows there's no secret motive. It's too hard to go into it. It's a fantasy of mine and I own about $500 worth of paraphernalia, including lingerie.

What I've learned about BDSM from fetlife is that there is no such thing as a "true" anything. There's no "true" way to be a master or slave, there's no "true" definition of a fetish. The definition of fetish can be applied loosely. You may have fetish confused with a sex-addiction.

First a question: If it is something you can control, why would you act on it and indulge it? (Seriously. It is a question, not meant to be a suggestion.)

Honestly, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around fetishes, and this fetish in particular. But I feel like I can put myself in a parent's shoes if I were to find out that my child was in to Nazi films. First I would be worried that they were becoming some sort of skinhead or neo-Nazi. That they were filled with rage and hate. That they felt that harming and torturing others is okay. I might wonder if my child did things like torture animals or small children. I might worry my child has a very serious psychiatric disorder.

Now, as far as I know, none of these things are true for you. However, I say them by way of showing you that what your mom is thinking may be even worse than reality. It is unlikely to be beneficial to go into deep details, but it might be reassuring on some level for her to know it is "just" a sexual thing.

EJ

Why would I suppress my sexuality? Why hide from it? Why not embrace it? Because people don't understand? Because people don't want to understand? Because it makes people uncomfortable?

I don't like to share this because I don't want people advising me against it when they don't understand it. If I had a fetish where I liked licking feet, would you tell me to stop licking feet because it's nasty and dirty? If I told you I had a chocolate fetish and enjoyed rubbing mysef in chocolate, would you tell me it's unhealthy and that I should stop? There's really no reason not to indulge in it if: there's consent from all adult parties, there's no real harm or danger, it doesn't involve animals. If Nazis and wearing uniforms are what gets me off, then so be it. It's how I like to express myself and feel empowered, and I don't like sharing this because I know there's very few people who will understand.

I will try to talk to my parents about it, but I have no clue how to do so without making the situation worse.

First let me say that you absolutely have the right to do what you want with your body and your life. I am not attempting to talk you out of it or anything.

Now let me speak for myself and why I cannot understand your fetish. For me "it feels good and it isn't hurting anyone" is not sufficient justification for doing something. For example, Chic-fil-a may have food that I want to eat and eating there doesn't directly hurt anyone. However, I find their anti-gay agenda horrific and so I will not engage in eating their food even if it would feel good and not hurt anyone. I think sometimes you need to put your urges aside for your principles.

I also don't think of choosing not to act on an urge is the same as suppressing your sexuality. I think you yourself said that this wasn't the entirety of your sexuality. Fact is, if I am bi and want to keep my monogamous hetero marriage in tact, I will have to suppress some aspects of my sexuality (e.g., having sex with women). I don't consider that suppressing my sexuality, I consider that choosing to express myself in one way rather than another.

Not attempting to get you angry. Just trying to contribute to a discussion.

EJ

Sounds normal. It's a popular theme...has been for decades. Particularly in the BDSM Sm/D/s lifestyle. Some people will not understand. Most probably won't. Sex is an odd game. GAME. Nail on the head. Dr. Skipper in using the paraphernalia for it's sexual fantasy effect is not looking to stroll thru town spewing the silly doctrine that comes with neo-Nazi party poop. I'm pretty sure anyway!

As for your parents? If they know you at all they probably aren't too too concerned. Curious yes. After all the Nazi thing has a pretty bad rap as well it should. If they catch you handing out pamphlets on party politics downtown then they should worry. Tell them you're fascinated by the way the fashion influences of WW2 are so eternal. Tell them it's a history interest, assure them you're not in any way interested in the politics just the style. Tell them it makes you horny as hell...oh wait...that may be the embarrassing one...don't do that. *grin*

You're really asking if morals and principles should come into play during sex?
Sex is a game. In the BDSM world, people act out rape scenes, Daddy/Daughter scenes, whatever bizarre/taboo scene you name it. Yes, morals may affect your decisions, but ultimately it's the consenting adults choice. You don't need to be in love or have morals to have sex. And the Nazi fetish does plague my moral compass. Am I an evil person because of it? No. Am I immoral? No. Am I likely to become a neo-nazi and shave my head? No. To me, this is not a moral issue. It's not a political issue. It's strictly a sexual issue, and the next time I talk to a T, he may tell me it relates to my subconscious and past experiences and it may be a way to deal with problems I don't know how else to deal with. It may be a phase, but I'm running with it and not from it. I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

Hey doc.

I remember well your draft of your post to fetlife you posted awhile back, so I understand your perspective. Why not link it here? I don't think anyone is trying to pass judgment as much as to understand.

That said, given this is a fetish of yours, I don't believe it necessary to tell your parents. It would be equivalent to telling them at length any other sexual interest that you could imagine. It's not entirely an open subject. I would simply tell them you have a fascination with the time period or the history or something. It is not a lie, but it keeps your privacy intact.

Take it easy doc. Hope I was of help.

And... you never said if you actually read The Diary of Anne Frank, the whole book. or saw the movie, the one with Shelley Winters. You don't have to answer, of course. But I wonder about you compartmentalizing, not developing the tender emotions. You're very efficient in talking about sex, which I find kind of sad, really. At your age, you should have enough hormones to keep you bouncing off the walls naturally despite any meds, why do you need anything else? if I remember correctly. but I wasn't medicated back then, prozac wasn't even invented yet. fire was...

Harley, I'm not even comfortable reposting here anymore. If they want to read it, they'll have to go back and look for it via sexual and gender issues or via my profile. I'm way out of my comfort zone.

If my fetishes and interests are going to be dissected and analyzed, then I'm no longer interested in discussion. That is what a psychologist is for. There's nothing wrong with me; I can separate fantasy and reality just fine.

The Nazis - and Hitler specifically - had a public image to maintain. Which they did. It was about national pride and getting jobs for everyone who wanted to work and getting rid of the inflation that had been a serious problem after WW1. Hitler was known for his exceptional charisma. So the stuff about concentration camps and war crimes that we know about know was still in the closet back then and wasn't part of the image. People don't need to jump on it.

My guess is that your parents aren't going to be prepared for a complete answer any more than people here seem to have been. So you will have to make up something else or tell them that maybe some movie or another triggered your interest.

Last I heard, people, this was a Sexual and Gender Issues forum, not a history forum. Geez.


I don't think you should tell your parents straight out. There's no reason to. As close as I am to my parents, I don't let them know anything about my sexual life. They don't need to know. There's no need for parental supervision in that area.

Now as far as her question, I'd just answer that you're intrigued by WWII things. Specifically the German side. And if you want to add more detail, say their fashion of the time. It's simple and you're not lying.

Hi Dr. Skipper - Personally i don't see the point in telling your parents - if you wish to do so because deep down you're seeking reassurance or acceptance and you feel your parents won't react well then its probably best you keep the matter to yourself. Hopefully telling them you have a fascination with the period should satisfy their curiosity. Im sorry if ive misunderstood what you were asking but this is how i interpreted the post. All the best.

I thought so too, but I guess people would rather make this a political debate and inform me of what the Nazis have done and how I'm somehow ****ed in the head because of it.

So yeah, please proceed to tell me of my sexual inconsistencies.

I am disappointed in all of the posts in this thread that are asking if the OP has read such and such book, if OP has seen such and such movie...

If I came in here and said I had rape fantasies, people wouldn't jump on my back and tell me to start reading a bunch of feminism books.

Or maybe they would.

But it's shameful. Really shameful.

Sex and fantasies is NOT the same as real life. No one chooses to have a fetish. More understanding and less judging!

I agree largely with InTherapy, especially as I myself have an embarrassing fetish and basically no one chooses these things as fetishes, really, you think we'd choose something others find abhorent, I think not.
As for my response to the question. I think you should tell your parents, but less emphasis on the sexual part of it. I would suggest more that you emphasize/express how you like the era, clothing choices, and accents. I think you do need to address the issue because with them bringing it up so much they're probably worried about it, and understandably so. If you haven't addressed anything about it with them, they probably are linking your interest in them to possible interest and/or approval of their actions. I can completely understand how you can ignore this link, but as you've witnessed from the responses, most people cannot. Like I said above, I wouldn't emphasize the sexual part by any means, and if all you say is that your therapist knows and is comfortable with your interest in Nazi's that may be enough to at least calm them a little.

There is a difference between support and unilateral acceptance of actions. I think posters on this thread remained quite civil and did not attack Skipper as a person. They questioned and challenged this particular behavior, yes. But this is what happens everywhere at PC. For example, if someone posts on the psychotherapy that they were really nasty to their therapist, they are sure to get a few responses that question why this behavior occurred and whether it is a healthy thing.

PC is about mental health and so it seems logical that people would question how such behavior fits in with mental health. If this is not the type of feedback Skipper is seeking, I'm sure that there are plenty of pro-fetish websites out there that will embrace this behavior.

Best,
EJ

I'm not looking for unilateral acceptance, dear Eliza Jane, I'm looking for support and what is supportive about questioning my mental health and my moral judgement in "choosing" Nazis as my particular fetish, however rape fantasies, foot fetishes, even those who have posted questions of feelings of pedophilia are quite understandable. It would be understandable to be curious about my fetish, like a few on PC whom established a relationship with me and have grown to understand, but I was not expecting such a sway from the original post as if we were discussing Nazism and not fetishism. It may seem like posters did not attack me, but I feel overall very judged and unwanted here.

Please, Eliza Jane, correct me if I am mistaken, but the majority of posters here have failed to recognize what a fetish is. On PC one can choose from about 100 different mental illnesses and disorders, including fetishism which you can find listed under my mental health concerns in my "About Me." A fetish is very much a sexual issue and can very well be a mental disorder, defined as:

"the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)"

or

as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life "

I am saddened to see what support I have been shown towards a sexual issue on a Sexual and Gender Issues forum, where, as stated, is for "frank and open discussion about sexuality, sexual identity (gay/lesbian/transgendered/bisexual), sexual problems and sexual issues."

I've shied away from the trigger button because quite frankly I have no need to. The word "Nazi" is about as big of a giant flashing neon sign as it gets, the trigger button only redundant to prove that anything worse will only be against policy. Therefore, if you are not comfortable reading posts from or speaking with a Nazi fetishist, then keep in mind that you are not obligated to do so. This is a safe place for me--the only place I can speak my mind about my mental and sexual health issues without being judged, and for the moment I'm feeling very much judged.

Finding another website with "other" Nazi fetishists is just not possible because my dear, I have been there. It is not a safe place on those websites. They do not talk about mental health on those websites, they talk sex and finding other fetishists to have sex with, and I get flooded with emails of people who want me to do such and such to them without them ever knowing who I am or what I look like. Is that really a safe place for me to talk about my guilt, my worries, my conflicting moral views? No, so I stay here, and there are a few people who understand who I am and who I am not on PC, and I would be comfortable with answering questions about my fetish to those who are curious, but questioning my sanity and my moral judgement is where I draw the line, because I am not a Nazi and I do have feelings. I've never bragged about my fetish, I've never gone into detail about what I fantasize about unless asked, I as a person am just your typical American college student, and I have given no reason to make anyone uncomfortable aside from my fetish itself and I feel very much unwanted and judged.

Skipper: I am sorry to see that everyone has jumped your case here, after all where is the support, most of what i see is judgement. (not saying that everyone is but most. there were some very supportive people.) Now my advice would be to give a half-truth of sorts don't completely lie but tell them enough to ease their minds that you are not into the politics of it... just the style. I sort of understand your fetish, because I understand that Power is a very big turn-on.. I love a dominate partner, do i understand why? Hell no. I hate Dominate people normally but when it comes to sex it is a huge turn-on for me. anyways, if you need me or want to talk to me i try to check my page daily now. Feel free to get in touch.

hugggs

I was surprised to read in your most recent post that you feel that your fetish is an "issue." Perhaps if you had presented it that way, people would have responded differently. Other posts have made it seem that you don't think it is a problem, you are proud of it, and everyone who disagrees with your behavior is wrong. I had no idea that you had guilt, worries, and moral conflict.

Again, my intention (and likely others here) is both to understand you and to encourage you to think through your decisions. Honestly, I find it impossibly hard to understand how you can be okay with this. I was trying to understand. I suspect people made the book suggestions from the same place. Maybe they figured that the only way you would be comfortable with this was that you had only been exposed to limited aspects of the Holocaust.

Only you can decide what is best for you. Don't feel that you as a person are not wanted or accepted. People are not trying to drive you away from PC.

EJ

I've been making threads about this since April, and I've voiced my concerns in other threads. Only a few people have been following I suppose, because I don't recognize most of the people here in this thread.

In April I began having Hitler fantasies, then started having imaginary Nazi "characters" in my head, and then I began creating my own uniforms for the fetish. Now all I watch are Nazi movies, listen and speak German, and trying to find someone into the Nazi fetish.

It's still something I'm trying to accept. I'm not trying to change it, but it's affecting my relationships and I'm afraid it's going interfere with my classes and my work.

I don't want people to think I am a bad person because of it, but I don't want people to think I need to change because it's not a bad thing, it's just misunderstood.

I currently don't have a therapist, my last therapist was temporary but he knows that I understand the difference between reality and fantasy and that I don't support what the Nazis did. My T encourages it as long as it is healthy and no one is hurt by it.