[youOme]

I went to a party recently, had more then a few drinks, and laid in bed with my best friend and her husband. Her husband was in between the two of us. We we're all very intoxicated. I'm normally very comfortable with my friend and her husband....more then with anybody else. I laid next to my friends husband and next thing I know we are fooling around under the blankets with my friend sleeping next to him. We didn't have sex, but we wanted too. I know what I did was wrong and betraying to my friend, but I can't help feel this overwhelming urge to attempt to sleep with her husband. I really want him now ever since then and I think he wants me too.

I'm married, but my husband and I never have sex and when we do I roll over and let him do what he needs to for a couple minutes then it's done and over. He does not attract me sexually AT ALL anymore. When my friends husband was touching me I felt amazing.

My question is would it be very very wrong of me to sleep with him one time and one time only.....for my sanity, for my selfish need. I've known these people for over a year now and I know he's clean and safe and I trust he won't tell anybody. So the risk of anybody finding out is very slim.

Tell me the truth...

[chalmette70043]

yeah but if you do, it may lay heavy on you. something you end up regretting and have to live with. i wouldnt take that chance.

but then the little devil on my other shoulder is saying, yeah yeah go for it.

tough decision

[_Hope_]

it is hard to figure out, and you never really know how you will feel until after, this may sound lame but i think i would come up with a list of all the bad things that might come from this one night stand and see if i think i could live with the worst possible out comes if they should happen,

i personally wouldn't risk it
Linda

[bebop]

it is very wrong! you are both married to others. that is adultery. my advise is get some big girl toys. cheating is just wrong hon.

[heyjoe]

There are many fish in the sea besides your friends husband.....no one may ever find out but you will know and will think about it everytime you see her.............actually the three of you winding up in bed together in the first place has me wondering...........

[youOme]

It is a tough decision. I already feel awkward about the fooling around and if it was anybody else it would definitely make me feel guilty, but this time it has not. I think it's the fact I know him so well and know how she is. They've asked me to join them in bed a few times before but I can't imagine being with my friend.....or a girl for the fact..if you get what I mean. Anyway, yes....it's probably wrong to do and if it were me, if I was my friend, I'd want to kick my *** for sure. As far as feeling bad towards my husband...I'm beginning to think that it would benefit us. I've had two very good friends tell me a secret one night stand saved their sex lives with their husbands. Maybe it could do the same for us...because we have no sex life.

We ended up in bed together that night because first, we were all very drunk, and second I think deep down I wanted my friends husband for awhile...and drinking some how releases those suppressions. I'm not asking for a relationship with him, or love, nothing reallly....purely sex, just a one time deal.

Either way, my desires aside, I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon anyway. My friend seems very anxious and kept saying things like "I know he wants you" and "he loves your ***"....stuff like that, which she normally doesn't get into. Maybe she suspects or felt some movement the night we all laid in the bed. She's the very jealous type so I expect the one night stander will not happen..but that won't stop me from wanting it.

[DocClyde]

No matter what they say, I would feel that it is wrong...I mean, who hasnt seen someone else that they wanted to be with physically?

YET, you do this, and your gf's relationship with her husband may be shattered--they may divorce, and she and he may never speak to you again?

Is it worth taking the chance? I mean, you are an adult, so you can do what you want, I think it is just the idea that we all worry that even one time is too much.

We all know how you feel, really...I mean, I liked girls (when I was a boy) and women (now) that I never could have a chance with myself...

Hope things work out well for you

[dragonphoto]

I would have to agree, before I got married I was with (not sexually) this girl that I met in the bar, We walked down the beach and kissed and held hands. I was drunker than I had ever been and had to go to work the next day. I felt very guilty about what I had done, and when I finally did confess (btw my wife knew about it) It was like I was still not able to breath, because I knew that my wife would think about it every time we were intimate. To this day she may still. The guilt that I felt was worse than any pain you can ever imagine. To look at the person you love and promise to spend the rest of your life with and keep a secret like that from them will break you in the end. My suggestion, if you have fallen out of love with your husband recommend that you start to reconsider the relationship and give him a chance to express what he feels. I would not go off all willy-nilly and be with someone else, especially my best friends spouse.

So NO DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!

[Perna]

It's a chemical/lower brain/"animal" urge to reproduce. Why would you give in to that in this way when it can hurt your relationship with several people, yourself included?

Do a little work on communicating and getting the sensual feelings/chemistry back with your husband. He's there for "free" and no strings attached that will hurt you or others. It's not greener on the other side of the fence, that's male bovine waste product thinking.

[(JD)]

I have my opinion on this and it's a strong one.

I'm more interested in how you would feel should you lose 1) your friend 2) your friend's husband and 3) your own husband because of this "one night stand?"

sorry if this upsets you and everyone else
but don't you find it odd your friend wants you in bed with her and her husband?
that no friend

and the answer is No do not do it

[heyjoe]

the wife wants her in bed with them, that must be female bovine thinking................the things you can learn online

[bebop]

lol but I suspect the wife wants it to please her cheating husband.

[LMo]

I guarantee, without a shadow of doubt, that you will come to regret it if you follow through with the one-night-stand with your friend's husband. Maybe not right away, but you WILL regret it someday...

Don't do it - you can't possibly even imagine the regret you will later feel.

[youOme]

**warning detailed sex experiences**

The situations gotten a little more cloudy since this short time has passed since I posted last. I'll make the situation brief so it makes a bit more sense, because it is a unique situation in itself. My best friend and I love each other and would do things for one another. So we expressed to each other what happened and how we feel...she's not even mad about her husband and I fooling around, I think in a way she found it arousing.

Remember, I'm 21...and there 19-20. I've never been with any other man besides my husband and her husband has never been with another woman besides his wife also. We've all been very close and we all do love and respect another....we have been honest through this all. My best friend knows how sad my intimate life is...theirs is the best of course. I think she wants to share a little bit of her happiness with me...because she loves me. I truly believe this. I told her a week or so ago that all I wanted was a "one nighter" with someone I know, trustworthy, clean...etc., and that be it. She's offering her husband to me for one night....I do not see the problem.

Last night I did have a strike of weirdness, after all I've never done anything even close to as freaky as we've been talking. I wanted to be intimate with my husband....he refused. Then when I explained that I wanted it...now...bad...he took his pants off a laid there....didn't touch me, didn't kiss me....nothing. My husband and I haven't kissed in years.

Some of you may think this is horrible...I could lose friends a marriage...but like I said it's flourished to the open in the last couple days and I'm wanting him even more. Does this make me desperate...some hormonal flash from hell. Just please understand...I am 21, never experienced an orgasm and am mighty lonely outside and in this situation. Even if/after we do "the do", there's a possibility it may not help me, that I might want more, that friends/spouses get jealous...something. I'm wanting to risk it for one good night...it's impulsive and somewhat pathetic I know.

[youOme]

I wanted to note that recently I've changed, dropped weight, bought new clothes and experienced a dramatic appearance experience. I feel sexier and prettier now and it feels wonderful being wanted. Before I felt hideous. Like I mentioned before when my friends and I were at the party that night and ended up together on a small futon mattress on the floor (avoiding drunk driving, I always end up crashes where ever I party **only friends houses of course**) I felt good being gently held and kissed and so forth. It's natural isn't it...my experience. Is being natural wrong?

BTW, I'm not offended that almost all of you disagree with my actions. The point of me posting was for ya'll to be truthful with me....and I do appreciate your responses...even if there not what I want to hear.

[GYPSYEYES]

just a question... if your willing to RISK your marriage for one great night of sex... why dont you just get a divorce?

[LMo]

Don't you think your time would be better spent reevaluating your marriage? You're only 21 -- a 1-night stand is going to satisfy you and keep you on cloud nine for how long? A month? You've got the rest of your lifetime to spend with a partner who can/should make you feel like that all the time.

What if you and your friend's husband fall in love with each other? Won't you feel just a little bit bad about how your short-term need impacted her future?

I'm concerned that you are only 21, married, and have no sex life or attraction to your husband. I agree with the idea of reevaluating your marriage.

If you love your best friend, don't do this to her.

Also, in your first post you wrote that the chances that anyone would find out about this are slim. Please don't believe that. It's not like you would be having a random affair with some guy you met at a club that no one really knows... this is your best friend's husband. The chances that someone would find out are pretty great, considering the closeness of the relationships involved.

[youOme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
GYPSYEYES said:
just a question... if your willing to RISK your marriage for one great night of sex... why dont you just get a divorce?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

We've been discussing separation and possible divorce. We met when I was 16 and he was 28 and married. I'm now 21 and more aware of myself and what I want. He can't control me as well either. He's abusive, verbally sometimes physically. I basically use my friends house to run too all the time because it's horrible here. I stay here till my kids are awake, then leave to her apartment in the same complex.

[youOme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
LMo said:
Don't you think your time would be better spent reevaluating your marriage? You're only 21 -- a 1-night stand is going to satisfy you and keep you on cloud nine for how long? A month? You've got the rest of your lifetime to spend with a partner who can/should make you feel like that all the time.

What if you and your friend's husband fall in love with each other? Won't you feel just a little bit bad about how your short-term need impacted her future?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I've given my gratification and how long it would stay that way considered. I imagine your right and it wouldn't be enough, eventually nothing ever is to me. My biggest fear would be that I would want more and more....then a relationship may involve which is the last thing I need.

I do love him in a way, because they've been there for me for awhile now. But he's 19 and naive and still has some growing up to do. Then again, it can still be a possibility...loving him and him loving me...especially if he slept with me first. That's a scary thought actually.

[Raynaadi]

I have to say, get out of the marriage. What is keeping you in it?

As far as the friend/husband thing....I find it very strange that she wants to share her husband, but I do know there are people out there like that. Swingers and such. My boyfriend is great in bed and if I had a girl friend in your situation, I'd feel bad for her, but I couldn't offer up my boyfriend as a solution. I just couldn't. But thats me. If you choose to do it and she's ok with it, then have a good time......

I do worry that one night will make you feel great and then you'll crash from the letdown. Its not going to solve anything......

So again....why are you still in this marriage?

[youOme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Raynaadi said:
I have to say, get out of the marriage. What is keeping you in it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

At this point....just the kids. But it's all coming to an end soonish.

[Raynaadi]

My parents stayed together for me. Let me tell you it did more damage than good. I wish my parents had split up so my mom could have been happy. My mom asked me when I was 10 years old what I would do if she left my dad. I just said "I don't wanna be poor." I was 10. I wish she would have decided for herself.

So in my experience, staying together for the kids is no good. They know you're unhappy and if they're anything like I was, they'll think it was their fault you're unhappy. Took me till I was 27 to understand it wasn't my fault.

I totally agree with Ray, both posts and gypsy.