[youOme]

4 months to be exact!

Before I was lucky if I got "some" once or twice a month.

Sex is now completely non existent in my marriage. I am 22 years old, young, hormonal and dammit I want sex...and I want it with some damn effort too.

I've blamed him for a very long time and thought maybe I was getting fat and unattractive...but it's not it. I think deep down although I'm not getting laid, I'm relieved. Before when sex was at a normal pace (feels long long long ago) I felt disgusted when my husband touched me and he never turned me on in anyway.

Sleeping next to him in the same bed is nonexistent as well now. We don't even sleep together, have sex, give oral, not even the quickie bathroom sex before he goes to work....nada, nothing.

Everyday I tell myself, well if I lose some weight and get toned then I can just make a "friend" and get sex that a way. Now I know why people complain when they don't get any...because now I want some too and odviously think and plan of ways to get it.

This is soooo dysfunctional and just a tip of the iceberg here.

What should I do?????

Have you two ever talked about it? Are you able to? If not, would you both be willing to try couples counseling? At least that would open the door to talking about difficut subjects.

c

[Rhapsody]

I have two questions to ask.....

Do you know what happened to bring this situation about?

Have you ever thought about investing in an adult toy or two?

I thought you recently slept with a friends husband and you said you have helped your marriage and everything is going good now.

[AAAAA]

youOme,

I know I've said this before, but why are you staying with a man that gives you so much grief? I know that you think this is what's best for your children, but look at it from their perspective. Kids know when you're unhappy they know a lot more than you are giving them credit for.

Think about their future too, do you want your daughter to learn that this is all there is in a relationship? Do you want your son to learn that this is how he should treat his wife?

Either the two of you get help and develop a healthy relationship or you move on. The relationship the way it is now is just a mattter of time before it gets to the point where it cannot be repaired.

Good Luck!

[youOme]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Tishie said:
I thought you recently slept with a friends husband and you said you have helped your marriage and everything is going good now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sadly is was very shortly lived...

Well that was not four months ago more like one.

[GYPSYEYES]

me thinks Trish the dish is correct about this

let me see if Im undertanding this correctly... since November.07. you had a one night stand.. which did help your marriage.. and thing were going great sexually with your marriage..and now in Jan 08.. you havent had sex in 4 months

OK...im really confued now.

[Rhapsody]

Maybe she is talking about not having had any sex with her husband in months - or at least any good sex that pleased her too.

#698358 - 12/08/07 09:36 pm Edit Reply Quote


I did it and faced him fine...it was a secret night of sex amongst good friends...it was good, it;s out of my system and we've (husband and I) have been great since. Nothing happened between the friendships either...we're all normal and okay...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



You could be right, sex wasnt mentioned but this was only a month ago not the four months quoted I am a little lost I must admit.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Tishie said:
it was good, it;s out of my system and we've (husband and I) have been great since.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

IDK - for she defiantly said she had sex with another guy - but unless she said directly that she had sex with hubby since then - I would not necessarily take the quote "we have been great since" as them having sex.

Maybe she will come and clear this confusion up?

[50guy]

What is the point? Why are you questioning if it was 2 months or 4 months? It is apparent that YOM is having a tough time with her sexual relationship with her husband.

YOM, you are so young and in the prime of your life. Has your husband been seen by a Doctor? It could be a physical problem. Is he by chance having an affair?
Are you so overweight as to be repulsive to him? Men are so vain. They are driven by what they see. It is not till later in life that they appriciate the personality of a person over the physical attributes.

You and your husband need counseling. If you have children together you should consider getting it sooner rather than later. Don't just suffer in silence. It will destroy your marriage.

Best of luck to you and I will be thinking of you .

Eric

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
50guy said:
Men are so vain. They are driven by what they see.
It is not till later in life that they appriciate the personality of a person over the physical attributes.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank YOU (a man) for being so honest on the subject of males and looks do matter.......

and I thank God that he gave me looks way back then and that I got my husband due to them - for now "with age & maturity" my looks are starting to move from the face / body and into my heart.

(p.s.) - same with hubby.

[youOme]

Jeeziz...feels like 4 months...excuse me for miscalculating. Whatever. Does it matter anyway? The point is I never have sex and haven't in a looooooong time. Isn't 2, 4, 6 months along *** time to not have sex with your husband?

This ain't even about my one night stand either...that was like 3 months ago or some %#@&#!. Long lost and forgotten ya know.

[youOme]

50guy: thanks for understanding what I meant without getting all technical.

It's not physical, I know for a fact...he's perfectly fine in that department. But as far as me there's a possibility it's physical. I have put on weight since....years ago, and have stayed about the same ish since. If it was my weight I think he would have reacted then after I had the babies rather then now...when it's all been the same.

Hell, it could be anything...I'm beginning to not give two shits anymore. The couch is relatively comfortable and I like falling asleep with what I want on the TV.

[salukigirl]

youOme - from reading your other posts I have to say that there are many psychological issues you need to deal with before worrying about how much sex youre getting. You need to deal with your own and his own problems before you can work on the relationship as a whole. I think there is something seriously wrong when you talk about your husband the way you do then complain because of lack of sex. there are issues here that run much deeper than that and thats what you need to figure out. Chances are its not physical. If you know and love someone, theyre attractive to you. Someone who you might have never looked at, if you like their personality, can be the most attractive person in the world to you. So if your, or his, feelings are dying in that department, maybe you should look for the source, instead of just treating the symptoms.

[heyjoe]

if you are going to throw something out there, you have to expect questions to clarify if a person doesnt understand. \

If i was going to be shallow id much rather marry for money than looks.

[youOme]

People have care free "no strings" attached sex all the time with no emotion involved. There were times when my husband and I would despise the sight of each other because of some event but still manage to get a little frisky. I suppose there is some under lying problem here I'm possibly not seeing. I wouldn't necessarily say it's all on me because I've been willing, but obviously not making enough of the effort., Because we all know a man's easy to lay up with if your provocative enough (no offense intended, just sayin)....especially my husband for some reason, he's easily satisfied.

I'm just as equally at fault here...I know I am, but I'm the one...with boobs, I'm young and firm and exciting...shouldn't he make an effort too??? Shouldn't he appreciate that??

Anyway, about my psychological stuff...my lack of self esteem probably contributes...my temper and so forth. I have put on a lot of weight since we first met before children....like 50 pounds of baby weight, one on top of another and I haven't made much of an effort to take the weight off. I'm 5'7 and 168lbs. I'm not obese but chubby...yes.

It's frustrating, truly is. If it were up to me we'd be happier and more sexual and get along...not just for the sake of the kids but for the sake of love and our marriage. It probably is up to me, at least 50%...*shrugs*

Sex has it's importance..there's a connectivity there that we have been lacking for awhile now.

[50guy]

"I'm just as equally at fault here...I know I am, but I'm the one...with boobs, I'm young and firm and exciting...shouldn't he make an effort too??? Shouldn't he appreciate that??"

Yes, he should and why he isn't is the question. If he has lost interest there is a reason. Overtired, overweight, not enough time, not enough interest, drinking, drugs, another woman, something is not right and you haven't nailed it yet.
Maybe, a nice sit down talk, no accusations, no tears and no demands will get to the root.

Good Luck,

[50guy]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rhapsody said:

Thank YOU (a man) for being so honest on the subject of males and looks do matter.......

and I thank God that he gave me looks way back then and that I got my husband due to them - for now "with age & maturity" my looks are starting to move from the face / body and into my heart.

(p.s.) - same with hubby.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You are welcome.
I'm a rare type man, although I am the Alpha male I also am not afraid to admit what most men won't or can't because of ego.

[AAAAA]

I think that the question of time, was more to make the point that perhaps the situation is more exaggerated in youOme’s mind. And of course it would be because she’s the one that is not getting the affection that she needs.

I must firmly state that I really do not believe that people can have random casual sex, or perhaps I should rephrase that, I do not think that people can have HEALTHY random sex; neither physically or mentally. As you stated “sex has it’s importance..there’s a connectivity there that we have been lacking for a while now.” you’re not going to get any connectivity from a WBTM (a term perhaps before your time.)

I really do wish that I could be of more help, you seem to be unhappy with all areas of your marriage and that is very sad. A healthy marriage is a wonderful thing, there are ups and downs of course. Have you and your husband discussed this? (I think you have based on the “should we have a baby thread”) It sounds like there might be hope if you’re communicating. The next step is healing a very ill relationship. Both partners need to take stock of what there are contributing and what they are draining from the relationship. IMO that is best done with a counselor, pastor, life-coach etc.

I really do hope that you're able to figure this out.

[50guy]

I agree with you AAAAA and just so ya know you are a newly wed. I've been married to the same woman for 35 years.

[salukigirl]

and also, there is something to be said for being on your own a while. if i remember correctly.... didnt you say a while ago that you went straight from your parents to your husband? no time to yourself? maybe some of your issues are because youve never really "grown up". y'know what i mean? my boyfriend is working on that now because he went basically from his parents house to my apartment and never had that self-reliant/growing up stage that most people get. so hes learning now to get through it. a healthy relationship should be focused on helping the other person grow as a person. if you find youre doing anything for your own satisfaction, then its not really loving anymore is it?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
youOme said:

Sex has it's importance..there's a connectivity there that we have been lacking for awhile now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If the connection isn't there emotionally, then trust me, it won't be there sexually either.

If you're relationship with your husband is badly damaged, don't expect sex as a means of connection. Most of the time the emotional piece has to be repaired before the sexual one can even begin to resume.

[GYPSYEYES]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
heyjoe said:
if you are going to throw something out there, you have to expect questions to clarify if a person doesnt understand. \

If i was going to be shallow id much rather marry for money than looks.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank you my dear Joe for undertanding where i was coming from..must be our NY connection

Must be my NY intinct to question the whole thread and i was confused about the whole thing......but oh well doesnt matter...shame on me for posting again to a specific poster.