total confusion - hurt - angry - scared

I am 45 years old and just learning that my father 83 years old has molested children. Not really sure of all the details and who all of them were or how many or how many times. It appears his sister, sister-in-law, nieces, possibly son, brother and peeped for several years at many others. He is now elderly and in need of help - he is living with me and I am taking care of him and have been for almost a year but just learning this in the past month, not sure how I feel about my responsibility to take care of him. My emotions are numb, my head is spinning. I have two sons I am concerned for what may have happened, with either or both of them, scared to ask, scared not to. I can't remember much from my early childhood, now I'm not sure that I want to - too scared, but feel that I probably need to . I don't know what I'm looking for just trying to sort this out in my mind and see if any one else has been through such a screwed up mess and if they may have some advise. Thanks

Welcome to PC bbren..here you won't have to sort through it alone....

I can imagine how difficult this has been for you.. not having any clear memories of your own childhood, you wouldn't know that he was capable of such a thing.

Have you talked to him about it? I think its important to talk with your sons because if he molested them then they need to be in therapy as soon as possible so they can begin the healing process.

I didn't have any clear memories of the abuse I suffered until my father passed away.... and then I was flooded with memories, a started therapy a year ago and am working on healing..

Im sorry you are hurting...talking helps... peace, Faith

(((((((( bbren )))))))

Wow! Again, we are living some identical pattern in life from different areas. I can relate to your story here, as well as the other board. My father made an admission to me very similar while I was careing for him when he was dieing.

Just know our lives are oddly very similar and my thoughts are with you. You seem to have a ton on your plate right now. As you know, please try to take care of yourself during your trying times.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

My heart goes out to you. Please know that you are not alone in this experience. For me it was a confusing time - I had a very simliar experience about 3 years ago. My Dad acknowledged and in his way let me know he was sorry for the things that he did.

Sending good thoughts your way...

Hello. I am sorry for your misery at this time. The first thing that comes to my mind is stay SAFE. How old are your children, some molestors never change, even at old age. Please do not take your childrens lives for granted. If for one second you feel threatened move, or have then move, and let an aide take care of this person. You owe it to yourself and your family to have something to give to someone else. I frankly feel that you ahould have someone else look after this person, and stay safe. Period. Only because it sounds as if it is causing you a lot of pain and confusion, and you do not have to feel like you have to be unsafe. There are aides that can take care of people, and help keep the family structure in tact. Be wise and be safe, if you have a Dr and therapist ask them how they feel that you should handle this situation, your mental health is priceless, and it is not fair to you to have your mental health damaged in this manner, by anyone. It is okay to get help that is needed, to preserve your integrity, and family. Take care I really hope the best for you in this situation. Sincerely Soidhonia.