I'm from the Southern US. As a child I was taught to call all adults ma'am or sir, Mr. or Mrs. As an adult this carried over into the business world. It would have been a serious breach of etiquette to address a client by a first name. Some Southerners are liberal with the use of "honey," "sweetie," "darlin'," and such, but generally not in a business situation or with someone older than yourself.

Today while I was having my knee x-rayed (turns out it's a chronic condition, not an acute injury) the technician addressed me as "young lady" and then as "girl." I'm nearing 50, and I wondered how old I have to be before I'm a grown woman, not a girl. Furthermore, where I'm from, "young lady" is what you call a naughty child you're scolding. "All right, enough of that, young lady, you go to bed right now!"

I have yet to see anyone at this health facility step into a waiting room and ask for Mrs. B---. It's always my first name, and most of the time they mispronounce it. Then when the "young lady" and "girl" comes in too, well, if it's someone older than I am, I get the message, "I don't yet think of you as an adult and equal to me." If it's someone younger, I get the message, "You're not important enough for me to have to show any respect to."

But I do understand the dilemma, because in other parts of the country, I've seen women get huffy about it. "What do you mean, calling me ma'am? Do I look like an old lady to you?" I've read beauty articles that claim to offer tips on how to look younger. "How to avoid being called ma'am at the grocery store." This confuses me, because I tend to think, "Why would anyone want to avoid being respected?" In my experience, teenagers are "miss," but any adult woman is "ma'am," especially if she's married. She doesn't have to be old.

How do you feel about it?

[gayleggg]

I, too, grew up with "yes, sir" and "yes ma'am", which I still use all the time. I'm 61 and I refer to anyone regardless of their age. Sometimes I do get strange looks from young people but I was just taught it was proper to say. I'm sure I will never change that habit and hope I don't offend too many peolpe.

[growlycat]

I'm from the northeastern us and ma'am does have old lady connotations

[BlueWisteria]

I've had people call me "sir" and I'm a woman who looks female (I'm pretty sure anyway), so I'm generally nonchalant about people applying m'am or similar to me. Though I'm from the north and m'am is not very common. I more often get called Miss. My spouse sometimes calls me madam if he's feeling jovial.

I get referred to as a kid all the time, especially at university, and I'm nearly 30. It's annoying but I tend to take it as I still look young so it can't be all that bad...

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I don't mind being called mam at all. I think it's a respectful, polite term to address someone you don't know. It bothers me when I know they know i'm married and call me miss instead of mrs. because i'm married. I would feel the same way if I were called young lady. I am an adult, I am a lady. I agree with your thoughts on that. I would not like to be called lady though because that is Not used as a polite term for a woman. The largest problem is ignorance. these things are not taught anymore and not enough people read books that aren't new and popular to understand the connotations of each term. the only things that I feel add age to you are granny, grams, grandma, nana, etc. It should also be forgiven if they have no idea to address you, that's not their fault. Another problem with today. People are so easily insulted, and nothing is the right way.

[jadzea]

I don't mind being called ma'am. I also think it is too familiar for someone who has never met me to call me by my first name, especially if they are younger than me. I prefer Mrs. ___.

Around here they call me Miss. I hate it. I am not Miss. I wear a wedding ring and I am old enought to be these kids' mothers. I'm sure they think they are being polite but I find it ignorant. I also find being called young lady insulting. I am not old but I am not young. If people call me that I think they are making fun of my age. I am proud of my age. I love this stage of my life and I have earned every scar and wrinkle. Don't belittle me by saying it is not so.

I have started correcting people who use those two terms toward me. The speakers look at me like I am crazy and don't understand what I am talking about. These kids need to learn some manners and social skills.

I was just now wondering why these things happen more to women than to men. I think the thing that galled me most about yesterday was "young lady." "Girl" is bad enough, but that was worse, with the scolding a child undertones. By contrast, my husband says he hasn't been called a boy since he actually was still a boy, and I have never heard him addressed as "young man." I'm reasonably certain his mother used to call him that when she was disciplining him, back in the day, but by gosh, he's 50 years old, and she doesn't do that anymore.

So why is it that people (either male or female) feel so free to call me "girl" and "young lady," when they wouldn't take the same attitude toward my husband?

[healingme4me]

Miss, tends to be more common, in the Northeast. But, if someone with a southern drawl, addressed me, as Ma-am, I wouldn't take offense.

I am with you in the category of being referred to as 'young lady'. I take it as a compliment, that I still appear 'young'

[growlycat]

I would be offended by "young lady" etc because I've noticed, especially at doctor's offices, it is affectionate but in a tongue-in-cheek way...like saying "hey there slim" to a fat guy. Same idea. Not flattering.

[growlycat]

I would be offended by "young lady" etc because I've noticed, especially at doctor's offices, it is affectionate but said in a tongue-in-cheek way...like saying "hey there slim" to a fat guy. Same idea. Not flattering.

[Fresia]

"Ma'am" I don't mind (I do feel old though when I hear it but I appreciate the respect) and can appreciate it also much more than being called other things, such as "young lady" as mentioned above or even "missy"; as the sarcasm just drips from them and being so derogatory from these. That last one in particular drives me up a wall. I can understand the Miss vs Mrs. from younger ones if not knowing or understanding the difference; even if married to say Miss, it still seems respectful to me until someone has a chance to politely correct them. I remember as a kid not always knowing, so asking someone's preference, but some children even teens are shy to be able to ask. It would be nice if parents helped them. Then again, some children don't care, and still should be corrected with what we prefer to be called.

Originally Posted by growlycat

I would be offended by "young lady" etc because I've noticed, especially at doctor's offices, it is affectionate but in a tongue-in-cheek way...like saying "hey there slim" to a fat guy. Same idea. Not flattering.

Exactly! Some people would say "young lady" to a woman in her eighties, and I think that's just belittling. On a side note, I think it's way hokey when people say something like, "I'm ninety-five years young." There is nothing wrong with getting older, or being old.

[RomanSunburn]

When I worked retail, both in New England and the Midwest, I used "Miss" for women that looked close to my age or younger and "ma'am" for anyone that looked closer to my mom's age. It was my way of being respectful and polite. At the time, I wasn't cognizant of wedding rings.

I haven't experienced the Miss versus Mrs issue, but if I did, I would not appreciate it. I am most definitely a Mrs. When I write letters to my unmarried aunt, I address them to Ms. Roman's Aunt. I see it as a distinction that she is a mature woman. I also use Ms. for my married cousins that kept their maiden names.

In waiting rooms, people generally call my first name because both of my last names have been difficult to pronounce. Luckily, I have an easy to pronounce first name. My mom wasn't as lucky and her name just gets butchered every which way.

For me, young lady wasn't generally used when I was in trouble. My mom would use our full name (hah, usually with Miss in front of it!) or "Babe." Like... "You better listen to me, babe." But I also got a lot of "young lady" as compliments -- "Aren't you just growing up in to a fine young lady?" I can't remember the last time someone called me young lady, so it either hasn't happened recently or it just didn't leave an impression on me. I'll definitely notice it the next time, though, after this!

[unaluna]

I'm with BlueWisteria, I get called Sir so often, I'm freakin ecstatic if they think I'm female. Do I have to start wearing my underwear on the outside or what??

I have good news.

The health care provider took my letter seriously, and says that management will speak to staff about how they address patients.

[NWgirl2013]

Not at all. I am around the military and it is common and respectful. I say 'sir' & 'ma'am' without even thinking about it. I call women much younger than myself 'ma'am' and they never flinch.

[healingme4me]

Well, I still look young for my age. So, I don't fully agree with the unflattering aspect.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Miss, tends to be more common, in the Northeast. But, if someone with a southern drawl, addressed me, as Ma-am, I wouldn't take offense.

I am with you in the category of being referred to as 'young lady'. I take it as a compliment, that I still appear 'young'

Originally Posted by growlycat

I would be offended by "young lady" etc because I've noticed, especially at doctor's offices, it is affectionate but in a tongue-in-cheek way...like saying "hey there slim" to a fat guy. Same idea. Not flattering.

(it's usually from men, fyi)

Where i live, children are pretty much required to say ma'am and sir to any adult. When i ws a teacher, i required my students to say yes ma'am and no ma'am. I do the same thing to other people, of all ages (younger, older, even children) as a sign of respect-- it has nothing to do with age.

[sunshine-girl]

I'm still young enough that I get "Miss" when people talk to me. I am ok with "hun" but anything more affectionate than that, from strangers anyway, makes me feel weird. I am definitely not ok with "young lady" or "girl" :P

I am from Canada, and growing up, in school and whatever, the generally accepted titles were "Sir" and "Miss", regardless of age. I very rarely heard "Ma'am" used, and always felt uncomfortable using it myself.

[Dianerrs]

Ma'am bothers me. I prefer 'miss'.
Ma'am isn't really something I was brought up with. It just... doesn't work for me. I'm 21. I suppose it just has old lady connotations, as others have mentioned here. It doesn't offend me, I would just prefer to be called something else.

[reesecups]

I agree being called young lady at my age (50) would offend. Ma'am and Sir were what I was raised with and if I don't know marital status or a woman is single, I will call them Ms. I guess because I prefer to be addressed that way. Ma'am does not offend me in the least and I think it's very respectful when someone uses that word when talking to me when they don't know me.

[sunrise]

In my part of the country, being called ma'am is kind of unusual. When someone uses that with me, I don't take offense, though. I figure they grew up in another part of the country or maybe in military culture and are trying to be respectful and polite. As for Miss vs. Mrs., I prefer "Ms." You are never wrong with Ms. It takes the guesswork out of the equation.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was born and raised in Kentucky...I still address others with ma'am and sir. And, at time, they may be younger than me.

[1776]

I like ma'am. It's affirmation that I've come a long way in life.

[Sabrina]

I don't mind being called "ma'am". It is respectful. But don't call me "lady" (not even young, just plain lady), that gets my goat every time.