Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

i saw my first bumblebee of the summer today!. (ugg!), and i'm alergic to bumblebees

dam.. been anxious all day about bees and wasps coming out from hybernation

now i've seen 1, their will be a lot more to go

edit: and since i also feel bugs on my skin this time of year.... just ugg

I dread the morning, I wake up super anxious, jittery, warm, feel like I'm about to explode or rip at the seams, the pressure builds and it takes me 2.5 hours to calm down. I wake up at 4 am , go to sleep at 6:30 , wake up at 7 for work. it's hard to handle.

low anxiety today.

updated: no more bees yet (hurrah!)

was a little anxious yesterday evening because my tummy was in a bit of pain- and when it happens, i always dread the worst things possible are about to happen to me

thankfully though it turned out okay and my anxiety is low today

Last night it peaked. I went to a sports event and my ticket was in the nose bleed session. The place was sold out so full up. I was anxious at the realization I had no easy escape should I need it - not to mention my fear of falling going down the steps. To add to the stress, there was the irritation caused by a baby screaming and crying through the entire 3hr event - added to by fact parents completely ignorred her.

As for this morning, it has thus far been quiet. I have some anxiety. The day after tomorrow I have some minor surgery. It is completely routine. Yet I am growing worried of the results.

Last night my anxiety was high. I went to socialize with a larger group of people than I've been with for a few weeks. It was gaming night. I had a little more to drink than I should've, but it went pretty well. My character even got laid!

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Have woken up this morning and it's there, that feeling of a weight on my rib cage making me overly aware of every breath. Going to be a day of managing the anxiety symptoms the best I can.

I couldn't sleep - one of those look at the clock every hour on the hour nights. I have my minor surgery this morning. It is very minor; just removal of spots, bumps and worrisome moles. I am anxious that something might be found positive in the lab afterwards. I am also anxious that a few of these are on my face. I am self conscious about the stitches and anxious about any scarring.

I had managed to mantain the anxiety at bay. The medicine and the mindfulness had helped a lot, just a little scary that I would come back to my terrible habits. I'm doing excersice like walking at 6 and my swimming fitness and studying. Feel better and I have not cried in weeks.

anxiety attacks in the morning... they wont subside. the lesser of 2 evils is to have them at night. at least I have a chance at sleeping. but I get them 2 hours before work

It isn't as bad as I thought. In fact, I refuse to hide all week waiting for the stitches to come out. I have a function to go to tonight. Still, the thought of being in public with stiches on my face makes me really quite anxious and self-conscious. But dang it, I really want to go to this function. So I am determined to push the anxiety aside and go anyway.

I have been busily doing CBT work regarding this and it is very much helping me come to the decision that I can cope with this and manage the anxiety tonight.

I've been very anxious this week. It's getting worse today, especially because I'm planning on going out this afternoon, and I'm going back to work tomorrow. I don't want to do any of it. Monday morning t and I started to barely brush the surface of some past abuse, and I've felt terrible ever since.

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I've stopped leaving the house since January and seeing people as well. I spend time mostly on my own, contemplating myself and the reasons why I'm all alone again and why my personality caused someone to physically and verbally attack me. I only see my parents, both very narcissistic and I know that I'm also a Narcissist.
Let's say that I started to see myself as I really am and that makes me depressed. I don't want to deal with people anymore, I cannot let myself go out. It's not that I totally resent myself, but also I am very scared that I won't be able to..."lead" myself, have control over such wired and weird personality.
Actually, I cannot stop myself from thinking, that as a Narcissist, I cannot be a good person and that it's gonna get bad: I'm gonna end in jail, get crazy and/or hurt someone. I'm having really bad thoughts about murder and getting psychotic, which probably is just a part of my OCD. But then "what IF" comes out.
And then I get suicidal ideation because I start to feel that I cannot bear myself.

Is seeing a psychiatrist a possibility? There is help out there no matter how bleak it seems, if you're willing to try.

I woke up great. But, I have a dinner to go to. I am already growing self-conscious. What can I best wear that will hide all the weight I've gained? What if while I'm walking down the stree someone laughs at me? what will those driving by notice about me? The way I walk? Will I somehow walk funny? My weight? Will they criticize my clothing? What about my hair? I was invited to dinner, does that mean they will offer to pay? I can pay it but it will put a lot of stress on until the end of the month. THink, think, think, worry, worry , worry...

Insanely anxious tonight, actually have this heavy feeling pressing on my chest..

I was trying to figure out what job I'd like to do/which school to go to, but just felt really empty about the whole thing, so I put my focus back on my therapy work. I started to feel utterly useless, good-for-nothing and extremely selfish..

Can someone please tell me this is just the anxiety/my mental disorder lying to me, that I actually am good for something and in time, will figure out what that is..? Now, I just don't have energy for anything other than healing myself..

i will pray your surgery goes well. others here i get anxious and it is getting less as i get older.

I've developed a phobia of my job. My anxiety is so bad it's making my POTs and fibromyalgia rage out of control. My psychiatrist won't prescribe higher than 1MG of Xanax... I have a high tolerance to medication though! It's the worst.

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Anxiety levels are heightened. I get the results of a biopsy today

I've mostly been checking-in in the depression forum... although it's fair to say I've had a mix of both over the past couple of weeks.

My anxiety was getting so bad, I was convinced I was ill because I was cold/shivering, yet my face felt hot & I was weak. But low and behold my GP prescribed me some diazepam & after taking it, it went away so it was just anxiety... I sort of knew deep down it might be.

I've since seen my p-doc & have started back on Citalopram, which worked wonders for my anxiety before. Hoping if my depression stays it'll help that too.

Today is the second time I had to use a diazepam. Trying my best not to... but my thoughts were out of control. Hard to calm yourself down when you can barely control your thoughts.

I got told off by a teacher yesterday for walking my dog on school grounds... I didn't realize it was against the rules and it was far after dismissal, but I got so scared and started panicking. There were other people there, too, and I literally just started crying... Now, the next morning, I can't stop thinking about it...

And a bunch of other anxiety thoughts-what if I killed my pets, what if my parents died, I hate myself and I'm a horrible person what did I do...

Plus I had several nightmares last night which just makes it worse. Not a good day, overall.

Today I woke up thinking about my past. Usually I can drown it out in my head by thinking about other things. Today I'm not doing so well. If I try really hard I can pretty much almost forget details of my childhood. However they'll resurface if I'm under extreme duress. I'm still laying in bed, feeling panic stricken. Please let this pass quickly...

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Okay, I need to dump this here.

I've been barely functional for almost a week, then today my brain finally kicked back into gear.

I've also written on this site how I've been unemployed for years and on welfare for almost a year, and how much it distresses me.

Well, it kicked in again and I've been a jittery mess trying to compensate by submitting mindless applications on Indeed...then I broke down and went onto CityData, to read about how anyone who can't pull their weight should be executed, how useless, lazy and weak my generation is, and indirectly, what an awful, despicable, evil scum-of-the-earth person I am. I hate it. I hate what I am. I hate that nothing will ever be able to change it - even if I clawed my way up from a low-end job, paid off all my debts of conscience, became totally self-sufficient, I will never be able to say I've never taken a handout, never taken welfare; I can't be like my mother who would rather die in the street than take benefits. In fact, apparently, I should be dead. A single, able-bodied, childless person should not be able to receive welfare; apparently, I only got in because an advocate from the psych ward believed I was abused at home. I wasn't. I deserve to be dead. I might actually ask them to close my case tomorrow, since I have an appointment there.

At least I'm fully immersed in reality again, but oh god, is it any wonder I preferred to be obsessed with abstractions?

Oh, and of course, posts like this, my entire online life is also despicable - whining instead of doing something about it, crying about my "mental health problems" that no one actually cares about and probably aren't real.

It's true, I'm a generational stereotype: lazy as all hell, entitled, gives up easily, stupid beyond belief, was coddled and babied like crazy growing up, utterly worthless in every regard and I'm freaking out. There's failure everywhere; even my panic and pain are just signs of how weak and inferior and doomed I am.

I just needed to write this to calm down a little.

Yesterday was a bad day, so I made plans to take care of myself after work. Went home, took a shower, and curled up in bed to watch tv for a couple hours with my bf. I was feeling better, until after he left and I went on Facebook. I found out that there had been an armed robbery/carjacking not even a mile down the road from me, about an hour before I heard about it. There were updates about the police being stationed just around the corner with K9 units looking for the suspects, but they didn't find anyone. It took my bf telling me that things would be ok, and reminding myself that my doors were effectively barred, before I could start to relax to go to sleep. I was just so afraid they would come closer to my building.

I am so anxious that I can't function, nothing is working for me now. No way to find a good tool in mindfulness or cognitive skills that used to help. It is this major depression and chronic anxiety talking. I am so numb, I can't move or do laundry, cook, clean, I am totally down. Maybe I should give the new medication time to help me. New medication dose it is what my PC doc gave it to me a week ago. So here I am ... if anyone had had this issues for more than a decade, please feel free to share with me, because we are in the same boat.