Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

Before bed last night I had a bad episode, I'm not even sure it was anxiety. I had constant panic attacks for almost an hour, and just pure paranoia that all these horrible things were going on. I felt my usual fears that someone was trying to get into my apartment, but then there were all these other thoughts about terrible things happening that I know weren't actually happening, but I was reacting as if they were. Like I kept feeling like my bf was cheating on me, even though I know it was a ridiculous thought. Then when I finally made it to bed, I was terrified of falling asleep. At first I was afraid I wouldn't wake up, then later I was afraid I would wake up but not be me. I am so grateful to have some ambien, or I may have never fallen asleep.

Doing fine today.

Been having a lot of anxiety over my physical health the pass few days but it appears to be easing a bit as things thus far today have been less anxiety ridden. Haven't been sleeping much this week so I hope that changes as I know it contributes to both my anxiety and my lupus.

Very full day tomorrow and this weekend. Anxious about my stamina and enthusiasm to do it all.

hope your weekend goes okay!. (((((hugs))))

Thanks shattered!

I got up this morning and drove the car to the car wash. Driving is a big thing for me. I sewed a little. My aunt called me but I didn't feel like we had much to talk about. Today is my daughter's birthday (28). I got her favorite dinner in the crock pot.

When I got up I felt very little anxiety. Now I feel like I have done something wrong and that something bad is going to happen. Sigh!

It just hit me out of no where anxiety and panic. Feels awful. Haven't had a damn panic attack in ages. Ride it out, ride it out.

So I am dabbling into supplements and have created a bit of a stack at this point. Currently each evening I take valerian root, skullcap, taurine and magnesium glycinate. Prior to now, supplements have been nothing but a let down. Tonight, something clicked with these supplements. I am completely calm. I can't stop yawning but I am actually calm. I have no idea which supplement did it or if it's a combination, but right now I can actually picture life without a handful of prescription medications every day.

I have lemon balm and holy basil being shipped from Amazon, both have a good reputation.

No panic or real anxiety today...back to depression...gee!

Today has been terrible. I keep worrying that something terrible is going to happen. Earlier I was panicking over not getting immediate replies to the texts I sent my bf, I kept thinking it was because something happened to him. I was starting to have a pretty bad attack, but I think I'm calming down now. I'm still anxious but I'm not shaking and crying anymore.

Since I started to taking Cogentin a few months ago, my anxiety - or I should say the physical attributes of anxiety - are mostly gone. But the mental and emotional anxiety remains. I'm having scary things happening with my body which are causing anxiety for me. I'm appalled by it at the same time I could hardly care less.

And my memory is just very bad now. I can hardly hold a thought in my head anymore and it has me petrified.

My new problem is a terror of the stairs. I live on the 2nd floor and there's a steep long staircase to get downstairs.

One of my better neighbors did me the tremendous kindness and, at my request, went in front of me down the stairs, so that I wasn't panicked by seeing the steps ahead of me. I doubt he will want to do that tomorrow too. I'll have to try the best I can.

Anyway, I managed to go out, with my neighbor's help. But then I came back. I had to climb the steps, which used to be harder for me to deal with. But I started up the stairs, with increasing fear and panic, and at the last step I tripped somehow and fell up onto the landing. Straight down on my barely functioning knees.

Another nice neighbor tried to help me get up but I just couldn't. So she helped me with the doors while I slid on my bottom, through them. So, once I was in my apartment, I tried and finally successfully got myself back up standing.

So I'm freaking out because I am so scared of the staircase since maybe the last week of April.

I did have this panic/phobia once before. It was after my hospital inpatient stay I had in 2013. I decided not to worry about it. And after a few weeks, it went away. Unfortunately I dont have that kind of time now, not at least while I keep having to go to appointments.

I'm not sure how to cure myself. Even the specific thoughts I have to self talk didnt work. I just keep saying I'm over it but then my legs lock at the sight of the stairs.

I have a health condition that causes syncope, stairs really scare me too. I keep thinking "What if I pass out here?".

Perhaps try wearing some headphones with music as you try to walk down them? Maybe it will help distract you.

On my worst days, I go down the stairs on my butt. I know it'll probably look crazy to my neighbors but I at least know I won't fall. I'm also on a second floor apartment building.

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Yes, me too, I was thinking I might just go down them on my butt! It wouldn't be the first time I've done that. I think I did it when my knee pain was really bad.

I can't do it that way when I wear a skirt for apartment seeking, but today i just have to go to the clinic. I shouldnt worry about skirts today. Maybe the panic will subside by the time I'm wearing a skirt.

It's interesting that it came on, each time, in the weeks after a hospitalization.

Yes, I just bought some new ear phones yesterday since the ones I had got packed somewhere. So maybe that will help me too.

I feel like I can get down the stairs either on my butt, or in back of someone, but not be able to get back up here because the railing ends on the last step and I have to push up with my traumatized knees onto the landing.

I don't want to give in to this fear by avoiding the stairs, but since falling yesterday while I was out loud saying "everything is fine", I'm really scared today and I think I'm going to cancel my t appointment today. :/

I'm too damned afraid!

Just because I had that accident and my knees are swollen and my arm in significant pain from wrenching it badly, I did cancel my appointment. However, they did not ask if I wanted to reschedule. :/

I keep thinking to myself that maybe if I get down the stairs again one more time, I might never have to go back up. It's just wishful thinking. But I really did myself in with that accident. Now instead of being a phase that can end, it's a full blown panic that will last to the end of time. I don't know wtf to do other than see if someone would follow me up the stairs.

God God God

I thought I was better. Why did I read the book of How to be miserable that recommended? I knew that reading it was causing me pain or making my OCD go nuts, but I read it again.

I use all day internet. I honestly use it from 8 to 8. Oh, now I do exercise, I work, I went yesterday to a night out with friends and played video games and talked into 2 am, but reading the part of Internet and gaming addiction and misery and I feel the anxiety coming again.

Is my mother depressed? She goes to breakfast and goes to her club and her reading session but she spent so many, many, many hours in the iPad watching soap operas and are times that she slept until 2 or 3 am and I want to cry writing this. She is going to see a therapist by the end of the month, the same one that helped her during the divorce but how could she have depression? Why her? Why? Oh god, I feel sick.

And me, I had slept or eaten and I'm on the internet and honestly, I'm never into social media. This is the only forum I visit and i do it sporadically. I read fanfics, I watch 9gag, I see porn, I read Tumblr and I collect sexy images, I download books and my therapist that there is no cure for feeling relaxed and what it works it works but this is a book recommended by the site and god

I have depression and anxiety so should I leave the internet? But what can I do? The other thing I have is reading and now that I work and study for my exam and my swimming class I got them at 8pm. I had a lot of audiobooks but isn't that the same thing? I live in the internet. I see and do everything there, is that why I still suffer so much? My OCD can't stop now.

Why, if I feel so bad, reading that damn book. Oh god, tomorrow I need to be at work at 9am and my exam is this Sunday and my mom just wants to make me feel better (she watched me cry in front of her)

I'm going to do exercise on my bike and maybe do something. Sleep well tonight. ahahafehsdfhfkjh

I think I'm going to throw up.

I have a question about the 'type' of stairs. Are they those kind which have no risers (you can see through the backs of them)? Such stairs give me a great deal of grief. I have a worry too I will trip over my shoes. I take my shoes off sometimes and carry them up/down the flight.

No, they're closed in the back. I also have had issues in my life with the type you mention, and now I'm afraid of the closed kind too.

i've been having problems with my right ear again.

feeling like i can't hear out of it

hoping it's nothing big- still leaving me a little anxious though

The last little while I have felt relatively well. My stability seems to be better controlled. In the last few days though, with a psychiatric appointment looming, I am concerned about the ramifications of being somewhat emotionally healthy. As I've suggested before, I am terrified to go back to work. I've no clue what I'd do. Not to mention, I have a 30 year history of being unable to hold down any employment. I've trauma associated with my last workplace too. For days now I've been tumbling into deeper and deeper anxiety with worry my doctor will have me cut off of assistance.

My routine is being thrown off today and I am so worried about it. I work 10-hour days, and every night I come home to my bf waiting for me at hme, so we can spend a couple hours together before we need to go to bed. Tonight he's going to a show out of town with some friends. It'll be the first time I've come home to an empty apartment in a very long time, and I'm not looking forward to it.

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I rescheduled my therapy appointment for today because I didn't think I could handle it yesterday due to my anxiety and my anxiety level is even higher today. My appointment is at 4:15..about 6 hours from now, and I'm already feeling that seed of dread in my stomach. The caffeine I've just consumed is make the anxiety worse.

I hope everything goes well. I have also many times rescheduled appointments due to anxiety and fear, so I know what that's like. Some days, though, I find that it was lucky that I did.

so, today i pulled myself together this morning and drove an hour to sub at a school only to find out it is Tomorrow i am scheduled. i was relieved actually, but slipping now, knowing i have to do it again in the morning....reminding myself i will be ok once i am there....as is so so far...