How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

Today I feel depressed, overwhelmed, and hopeless...

I'm Bi Polar - severly depressed. I have a hard time getting dressed and cleaning up every morning. Simple tasks are super hard to do and I find myself putting off cleaning the house until it's a dirty, dusty place. And then I want to cry as I clean and wonder why this is happening - is this part of being Bi Polar/severly depressed? I'm on meds but they don't seen to help me with these issues. I tell my self that I'm just lazy, that I'm no good to anyone, and I wish I just wouldn't wake up in the morning. I find my self not getting dressed up after noon, sleeping until after 9am, going to bed early at night, and just finding peace in sleeping. Is this normal for a person with manic depression? Or am I just lazy.... I just can't seem to get the energy to do anything... I have no energy anymore. I take my med on a reg basis. I've started to take half mg of xanax in the mornings and it's taken the edge off of the anxiety that I feel constanly. I just want to know if my being Bi Polar causes me to be lethargic. I don't even find peace in the things I used to love - scrap booking, reading, knitting.... I just sit and have to push myself to find the energy to do the smallest little thing.... I'm so tired of this.
Thank you for listening.

I feel that way too - every day..... I just want to be normal again. I use to be busy all the time, full of energy and active. Now I just can't seem to find the strength to do anything.

lilred3382 yep I have those days alot so don't feel alone

kadesgirl09 I am glad to hear you are leveling out and trying to come off your "other medication"

afraid good luck facing the storms on the horizon. We are all here for you.

Denise26 I'm sorry things are still so very rough. I think you gave dreamweaver some good advice that this to shall pass. Things look the worse when we are in our darkest time. Keep on pluggin and don't give up Denise, things will get better eventually.

Dreamweaver welcome!!!

Lauru just remember things will eventually get better. I'm rooting for you.

BashfullOne Don't feel alone I am struggling with the same thing. I also find it difficult to do the smallest task. Most of the time I don't even find my way out of my night clothes unless I have to go somewhere. This is definitely part of depression and yes it makes me feel like I'm lazy too. Unfortunately it may mean meds need tweaked if it has been going on for a long time. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I'm doing my best to fight off the depression that is trying to consume me. I keep telling myself I have to stay strong for the kids. I don't have a choice. I just keep taking my meds and hoping for the best. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I feel so lonely right now. I have no-one to turn to talk things out. Wishing time would quit going by so slowly, it hurts so much. I miss my husband so bad. He is the only support I have and he is so far away right now. I just wish he could come home, but he has to try and find work.

Thanks Vj and you are right this too shall pass I just wish it would pass more quickly. I am considering selling my dog as I am getting to the point I cant take care of her either...

Bashfull, just take a look at our posts and you will see that is a "normal" part of the depressive side of being bipolar. I wish I had some advice for you but I am on the verge of quitting life myself right now..

Any one ever heard of "The Secret" or the "Law of Attraction"? Well why doesnt it work for death?

I want to die.

Oh Denise... massive to you. Having been there so many times, I know how it very much sucks. It does pass, though it sure doesn't feel possible at the time. It will. Know that I am very much thinking of you, ok?

Let's see. Lately I'm feeling like the butt of a big cosmic joke, but I'm the only one not getting the punchline. Emotionally exhausted on every front. Drudging through and trying to remember that it will pass. Bleh.

Ty Inner, I know it will pass. I know this so well that I know it will come back again also. I am tired of the battle. I dont care to win or lose I just want to quit playing this game. I need help so bad and none is forthcoming..

Denise, I had a depressive episode from October until just last week. Actually, I've been in a mixed episode for over 2 years, but it's typically on the depressed side. I just haven't had a period of recovery. During this time I used similar phrases as you: "I'm tired of playing the game of life." I also thought: "Even if this mood passes, it will always come back." Life seems pretty bleak, I realize. I know it doesn't help you to say that I've had a solid good week on a new medication, but perhaps hearing that someone else who was hopeless now has hope will bring you a glimmer of hope yourself. The only thing you can do is make changes. Whether that's with meds or therapy or trying something new. Anything different offers the promise of a change in your mood. Please don't give up. I've had 7 good days and that made all those months of misery seem like just a bad dream. This is a bad dream and you will wake up from it too. And if it ever comes back, we will be here for you just like we're here for you now. I know this sounds oversimplified, but all we have is hope. We lose it and regain it over and over again. It's a tough game to play, but all we have is our life. Death will find us one day whether we're enjoying it or not. So there's no need to go looking for it. The key is to try to make the game worthwhile again. Without the meds to give me a boost, I could have never done that. Tell your pdoc that your meds are not helping. Get something new. Sorry if this is at all sounding overbearing. I just know what it's like and I'm saying to you what I would say to myself. Here for you.

Thinker22: If I could afford my meds I might take them and they might could help but alas I am homeless, jobless, penniless, friendless, tdoc-less, supportless, Hopeless. And completely terrified of change as THATS how I got where I am now.

It sounds like you need a caseworker to help you. Have you applied for SSDI? It's the only way I can pay rent and groceries and the copays on my meds. I'm also on my state's disability insurance plan. Do you have access to any help at all? I'm sure there are some state programs you would qualify for. I'm going for an assessment today at the county mental health building to get one of their psychiatrists since my school insurance is running out and all I have left is the state plan. There has to be a county mental health department near you that deals with low/no income persons. Let me know if you would like me to do any research for you. PM me your county and state if you want me to help.

Thinker: I have applied for SSDI and am awaiting a decision. Its just now month 3 of the process. I do have an advocate who says I have a good case but in the meanwhile I am supportless. I am on meds through my local mental health office and was in therapy until my tdoc left for a better job. I have food stamps but being anorexic that is of little use to me. Being 26 and childless I do not qualify for medicade or tanf. My pdoc was supposed to have a caseworker call me yesterday but never did. So I am considering selling my dog and going in the Adult Residential Treatment center, its just so hard because I searched for so long for the perfect companion and finally have her I am loath to give her up. Plus she just happened to have the same name as my tdoc (go figure) and I miss my tdoc so much.. She was the only support I had.

Wishing for a life raft right now because I feel like I'm drowning. Just when I get my head above the water something pulls me back under. I'm so tired of being a yo-yo, I'm so tired of being misunderstood by my husband who has decided he'd rather look at local porn girls than me. We have a 3 yr old son who I stay home with but I'm scared of how my mood shifts are affecting him and I'm afraid of losing control. I am seeing a new T tomorrow for the first time in over a year, have been through a lot in the last 8 months and thought I was doing good, then my meds kicked me into a horrible mania, so meds have been changed. As of yesterday I have thought about giving in to the depression, I try really hard to pull myself up and out of it, but then every time I see my husband I feel like I'm getting slapped in the face with his inconsiderateness(not sure if thats a word..lol). I'm about to graduate with a 2-yr deg in psych..lol..some therapist I'll make. I am not me right now, this is the depressed me, the hopeless me, the extreme me, the me that no one wants around. The me I hate. Maybe one day I'll find my way out of this hole....How do I know when I should be hospitalized?

As soon as you feel the need to ask if you should be hospitalized probably....

Right now I feel suicidal, have called out for support in many different forms today and have gotten none. How do I know when to quit trying and give in?

As soon as I feel the need to ask?

Denise26 suicide is not the answer. I know it seems like the easy way out, but your life means more. I know things are bleak right now, but they will get better you just have to have a little faith. I understand you are going through alot, but you can make it through it. Just have faith in yourself, things will get better. Just ride out this wave. I know it is a rollercoaster and it seems never ending, but your life means something. I don't know what else to say but to hang in there. I'm in your corner, don't give up.

Thanks for the support Vj but I have one quick question, WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TELLING ME TO "HANG" IN THERE??????????? That was, incidentally, also the same thing my tdoc said to me last as I was walking across the parking lot to leave on our last talk...

Today I feel anxious about going to the mental health center to get what meds I can for free....... Nervous, scared, still depressed....

Dear Denise, There is an interesting approach to suffering that i found very helpful: it's to quit struggling and befriend the sufferer. Instead of always trying to escape what we are feeling, just go ahead and feel it. I'm not suggesting we do what ever our feelings say to do,, we shouldn't attack, either ourself or another, or do other "wrong" things, but allow the feeling to have it's little life, and it might fade away. There are other things i have done, like a guided meditation called Feeding the Demon (there is a book of that name describing it, by Tsultrim Allione, the library can order it for you) in which you just melt away and let the suffering drink you up. It is an astonishing feeling, to let go, and still survive~! Yah, life still sucks afterwards, but less,, and less. Hope you stumble onto something that helps soon. Gus

B/c they have never had this problem themselves, so they don't know how to respond to that situation.

Today I feel like someone has beat me up.

Gus, one of my problems is that I have "suffered" a lot over the last few years and come to find out that I am supposed to suffer. I have issue with the fact of that. I dont see how others can care so much if others suffer but me I just supposed to feel it..... whatever.... I know im not worth feeling better but with that being the case if its suffering or death I choose death...

Queen, i believe that is an accurate reason however I wish people would focus on there wors, telling a suicidal person to hang is not always a good thing, I have tried that method a couple of times always get scared at the last minute.

Sorry to hear you are feeling beat up, and so early in the day too....

today I am AGGRAVATED... will explain in a post... but mood wise I am normal finally. not up. not down. this has been going on a few days... YEAH!!! I guess taking the alcohol and pills (not my meds) and energy drinks out of my body is a positive things

WTG Kade =) and yes I believe that taking those out of the equation IS a positive thing...

I feel awake and kinda want to get busy and do something around here today !