[Kittie Kat]

Hi. I was diagnosed with Bipolar w/ mixed episodes just before Christmas. I had previously been diagnosed with chronic and major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and ADHD fourteen years ago. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me on Christmas, less than a week after my diagnosis. He was also my professional dance partner (ballroom), and after a couple weeks off, we tried to make it work, and even did one more competition together a few weeks ago. Two weeks ago, he dumped me as a dance partner. He said I had drained him of all his patience. A week following, we decided to still work on a number for the dance studio's showcase, but a few days ago, he told me he didn't want to do that, either. He said he was serious about feeling really strongly that we need a break from each other. Anyway, all of that is feeding into my disorder, and making me soooo depressed. So that's where I'm at right now. Nice to meet you.

[Preslee.Denton]

Originally Posted by Mynxie123

I have not been diagnosed yet, but it seems to be a big possiblity. I was just hospitalized due to a very bad reaction to cymbalta, and the psychiatrist said that antidepressants bring out negative reactions in people with bipolar. I am awaiting an appointment with a psychiatrist, and then I will see.

I've been told to stay away from Benzos because they make my symptoms worse, just a thought.

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by Hopeful Camel

Hi, my name is Sandra. I just am learning that I may have Bipolar I, [and it seems right], although I have a lot of other diagnoses. I'm afraid because my mental health has been rapidly deteriorating. No one believes me about what is in my head. I think that I am being judged for not doing everything I am supposed to. I am scared and have no one to talk to. Thanks for listening. I'm actually a nice person.

Hi there!

I have been diagnosed and medicated but still struggle because my head gets so toxic. I find also that when I'm feeling better I go off my meds because "I can handle it" and then end up depressed and 3 steps back.

I would like to talk with you and give you support. I feel I need the same.

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by Preslee.Denton

I've been told to stay away from Benzos because they make my symptoms worse, just a thought.

What symptoms do they make worse? I find they really sedate me.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi, I've just come out of the hospital with a diagnosis of Bipolar I. My current Pdoc may change this to Bipolar II, but I won't know for two more weeks.

This is after being treated for 22 years for depression (crap, that's a long time) with just about every new AD and no results except for a lot of mood swings. I started to be treated for anxiety in 2012, was put on disability for depression and anxiety last year. I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and PTSD, which complicates things even further. However, my current Pdoc put me on Lamictal and Zyprexa along with my anti-anxiety med (Neurotin). It worked for a while until I got stressed out, slept poorly, and had racing thoughts. I went into one of the weirdest episodes where if weren't for the impulses to hurt myself, I was peachy-keen FINE. I chatted up a storm and hummed a lot, but man, I could do something with those cords in the ER...

After having my meds adjusted and a couple extra added to calm down and get some sleep, I was discharged to face even more stress at home. So far, I'm doing okay, though. Using skills taught from what seems like an eternity of therapy. I have a supportive spouse and a teenager with a learning disability similar to Aspberger's, so it's never a dull moment here.

[focusontoday]

Hi,
I am new to the forum and can't thank you all enough for sharing your experiences. I have felt alone in this ugly disease so relating to these stories has been wonderful. I have a beautiful family that I want to appreciate & enjoy. I wish for my life from 2 short years ago back. I pray happiness can return!

[RefuseNoHope]

Hi there...

New member here reaching out to find hope and a means to connect with the outside world. I promised myself that isolation would not shut me out again. Thank you for this opportunity and for using part of your life to improve the lives of others.

I'm a young widowed mom with two teens. I've had bipolar diagnosis for a couple years with declining functionality. Like many of you, I live with the aftermath of countless poor choices and broken relationships.
How do you do that with two kids? It causes misunderstandings with nearly every person we come into contact with. Sometimes they have the best science project in history, then have inconsistent homework grades because I was not well enough to continue to remind them to get it done. Ugh I want so much more for them.
It seems easy to express myself when I'm hyper...man do I get our lives ironed out then. When the up comes down the crash destroys my resolve along with any sense of capability. We need hope that lasts to help after the fire burns out.

[Roblovescats]

I was going to say something and now I forgot what it was... Hmm. That doesn't happen to ME very often..
Just keep swimming just keep swimming.....

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[Annie M]

Hi- I was diagnosed with BP II 5 years ago and am in my 4th BP depression now. This is so difficult and I'm hoping to find some inspiration by joining this (my first) support group. Finally found some meds that help tremendously but need to get extremely regimented about my lifestyle (consistent exercise, for example)as soon as I get enough strength to get through the day.

[trying.everyday]

Hello everybody

I'm a senior undergraduate student from MA. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II almost 4 1/2 years ago. I also have the dx of GAD, PTSD, & ADHD. I've been extremely stable for the majority of time I've been at college. I've had a few depressive/manic episodes but have always bounced back. But now during my senior year, when I'm so close to the finish line and am up for a spot in a forensic psych grad program, I'm spiraling into a depression. My depression, tearfulness, and irritability is more than I can control and my emotions feel bigger than I can keep inside my body. I'm reluctant to tell my support system because I have already devastated them so many times and I can't fathom doing it again. I fear that my boyfriend doesn't understand my BP and is scared/turned off by it which will cause him to leave. I always think that it's unfair that people should have to suffer like this with BP or any MI and it infuriates me. I have few friends- most have drifted away because of my dx. I'm at my wits ends and I don't know what to do with myself any longer.

Can anyone help?

[FaithlessCat]

Originally Posted by Roblovescats

I was going to say something and now I forgot what it was... Hmm. That doesn't happen to ME very often..
Just keep swimming just keep swimming.....

Sent from the dark side of the moon

Omg lol this is so me. Thank you for making me actually laugh out loud x
My hubbys new nickname for me is Dory ... oh sad but very true.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[minus]

The basics: I'm a 30-yr old female, married, in Southeastern US. No children (by choice), just dogs. I have a bachelor's degree and have always been employed full-time. Dx of bipolar 2 and anxiety.
The background: I was dx with depression at 13 or 14 but my mom didn't want me on meds so I took St. John's wort for most of high school. Depression came and went. Looking back, there were probably some hypomanic symptoms back then too, but it wasn't recognized.
I started taking Effexor about 7 years ago after my family doc found out how much xanax I was taking (prescribed in anticipation of flying, which scared me at the time--still not sure why he gave me 30 ct with refills). Tolerated Effexor well, but went off of it once I made some changes and removed the main cause of anxiety from my life.
Depression came back soon after, started taking Lexapro, then switched to Celexa about 5 yrs ago. Had no issues with it, seemed to work well, my life was great and everything was smooth. Then, 2 years ago, I had a hypomanic episode that lasted several weeks, followed by the worst depression I've ever experienced. I recognized something was wrong during the hypomanic episode and went to my doc, who referred me to a pdoc (first one ever). Got the dx of bipolar 2 (I was actually surprised). Started on Lamictal, the titration was brutal but worth it when I came out feeling ok--even good--again.

It was lovely. I didn't feel medicated, I felt happy and normal, like my best self. I started a new job that I really liked, bought a house, and was well without med changes for 2 years.

Last summer, my younger brother, who had recently been dx bipolar 1 and was in a very deep depression, committed suicide. There is so much to say about that but for purposes of this introduction, I'll just say that we were close and he was my only sibling and losing him has been the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Still, after his death, I was ok--I grieved the best I could, I thought--while continuing to work at a job that I still liked but was becoming very, very stressful. Fast forward to now--I've been having mixed episodes/rapid cycling for about 2 months. My therapist referred me to an outpatient program which I started this week. I'm on medical leave from work for now, and am hoping to get things straightened out and back on track soon.

I just started Cymbalta and am going off Celexa. My anxiety was better right away, but my mood is flat, sad, and the worst of it is, the weather is beautiful, I'm off work (the outpatient group is only 3 half-days a week) and I can't seem to enjoy it because I just feel... bad.

My husband and my mom are my main supports, and I have several good friends who are supportive and encouraging but no one really "gets it." My best friend since the age of 4 is an RN in a psych unit and it's been amazing to have her to call, but she's many states away and busy with her own life, so I try not to lean on her too much.

Looking forward to giving and getting support here and most of all, getting better again.

-minus.

[Roblovescats]

Originally Posted by FaithlessCat

Omg lol this is so me. Thank you for making me actually laugh out loud x
My hubbys new nickname for me is Dory ... oh sad but very true.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

My wife knows I can't remember anything and it makes her mad ... At least I think it does? Where is she?

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[keywestuser]

Hello all,

I am 66 years old and when I was 37 I had an aneurism, followed a week later by a stroke. Obviously, I survived. About two months after that I had my first depression. And it came on FAST. I went to bed feeling normal (I always say normal is a button on a washing machine) and I woke up the next morning with a feeling like I had never experienced. I didn't care about ANYTHING. Not even my four children. And that scared me.

I went to a psychiatrist which was a risky thing to do in Oklahoma in 1985. I began talk therapy and it helped. After about 3 months, I began to feel terrific. "Whew!" I thought, glad that's over. but it wasn't about three months later the depression returned, and this went on for about a year.

And the pattern continued, with the depressive episodes becoming longer and the highs shorter. I got to the place where when I was high I didn't trust myself. I made all sorts of grandeos plans and then the depression would hit and I completely abandoned them. I didn't trust myself anymore, and still don't.

I began reading and actually asked my psychiatrist if he thought I was manic-depressive. (they still called it that then, or at least that's what I called it). He told me he didn't think so because my highs were not typically manic. I didn't seem to be doing anything that was self destructive, but now in looking bad, I did do a few risky things, which I will not go into! But he did put me on lithium. And that worked for awhile until I OD'd on it, so I quit taking it. I have a history of not liking to take meds.

I also always to move to a new place. I always think I will be happier there, but guess what, wherever you go, there you are. Just really very tired of this. Right now I am in a depression. We have just sold our house and are living full time in a new motorhome. Just have no idea what the future will bring. I am also overweight and do not eat right or exercise. Just had to get all this off my chest. Thanks for listening. And after reading these forums today I am going to go right out and buy some Omega 3's and Vitamin D.

[Amycapes]

Hello all,

My name is Amy and I'm 28 (but I'll be 29 tomorrow!). I was diagnosed as Bipolar NOS in 2011 and I was previously treated with Lithium and Abilify. I was stable for close to two years... I was recently removed from all medications because my PCP thought I was "stable" enough without my meds. Long story short, I went manic AGAIN, spent money that wasn't mine to spend, and screwed up yet another wonderful relationship. I'd like to say that I have a good group of supports, but that's not true. I see the strain in my mother's eyes, and I'm once again left with the debilitating feelings of depression and helplessness.

I guess that's what brought me here, a lack of support. I don't know anyone else with this illness, and I find it very difficult to rationalize. I've been through intense outpatient treatment, I see a therapist regularly (I've been through three of them!), and I'm working on getting my meds back on track. I'd love to meet some people who have this illness, people who understand what I'm going through. I guess that's a good enough intro for now...I look forward to getting to know you all more!

[updown]

Hello all,

I have Bipolar 1 and was diagnosed last year in July following a major manic episode that ended in hospitalization. I'm still getting used to dealing with this diagnosis and talking about it. I'm in my early thirties now I realize I've had other manic episodes in my late teens and throughout my twenties that I chalked up to insomnia, stress and substance abuse. Overall it is good to know what I'm dealing with, but this has been extremely challenging.

I watched my mothers life fall to pieces due to untreated mental health issues, I tried everything to help her. In some ways this is the reason I am so open to taking meds and seeking help. My resources are pretty limited at this point due to financial stress, I'm am waiting for the day I can afford therapy and more doctor visits to find the right medications. I am currently looking for work and it is very stressful.

Many people close to me, my friends and family don't understand how difficult it is for me to operate. I have sunken into a deep depression and am working to reform my perception of myself and my personality. My last manic episode shook me to my core, effected all my relationships, friends, family, professional etc. I still worry when I become excited about something if I'm becoming manic again, I continue to suppress my feelings and my personality, but more often than not I could care less about anything and suffer from deep depression and apathy and I'm concerned my medication may be contributing to this.

Nevertheless I'm working towards health. I have been going to support groups the last couple weeks and I've signed up here. I hope to meet others going though similar things, learn, share and continue to heal. I try to remind myself how much there is to be grateful for in life despite the hardship.

[FaithlessCat]

Hi and welcome sadly a lot of us are dealing with friends who don't understand ( or care to try to ) and the stigma attached to mental health issues. The good news is we are all in this boat together and you will find plenty of understanding ears x

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[ManicIcarus]

Hi! I'm Timothy. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder about a year ago. I was what I'd call a functional Manic Depressive for my life after High School (I'm 25). Oddly enough, I joined the Army right after High School. I didn't know I had Bipolar at the time, but I do think it's what got me to go into the Army. The last year has been a learning experience for me and my mother (she also has Bipolar II). I've pretty much had Bipolar symptoms my entire life looking back, but I think everyone (including myself) just assumed I was an emotional kid. Being a bit of a writer, I could type a novel here, but I'll stop at that. Just wanted to introduce myself.

[FaithlessCat]

Lol at the novel bit ... Think a lot of us are guilty of that

Very welcome to the forums. Sounds like your dx has been the start of positive changes and understanding for yourself if I'm right ? .... Im a fruit loop but Oddly also very empathic and I'd probably make a good therapist if i could shut up about myself long enough ... lol !

Really hope you find friends and understanding amongst the rest of us here x

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[tammy_b_34]

Hi My Name is Tammy and I have Bi polar mixed ,server depression, anxiety, and Post traumatic
stress disorder .. I was diagnosed 2 yrs after my mom passed away and didn't really get any counseling and no support from family... I also have a 26 Daughter That has Cystic Fibrosis that health is declining so having night mares for so long of mom passing that's all i could do was think about death and i was at the end of my rope i called the hot line and got into a clinic it has token me another 2 yrs just to get where i am .. But Dealing with a abusive husband for 20 yrs has token a turn for the worse i have woken up to realize that's what he is doing i have done tons of studying on it. And I know he is mental ,verbally,psychologically,financially abusing me. He has not educated his self at all with my illness he uses it against me saying & telling my kids im on drugs ..

I've been on this forum for a while now, but haven't yet introduced myself. I'm 51 years of age, mom to two wonderful children (daughter and son) in their 20's. My daughter is married, so I also have a dear son-in-law. I live with many pets...cats, rats, and a tortoise. I have long dreadlocks, tattoos, some piercings and was born, raised and live in northern California, though my family came from NYC.

As for mental illness, I believe I was born with mental health challenges. I vividly recall feeling depressed as a tiny child...watching the light and shadows of the day change and feeling terribly sad and afraid. By the time I was an older child I battled with ocd and severe anxiety. Looking back at my early teens, bipolar tendencies were showing up for me. I first sought counseling help when I was 17 and began taking meds in my early 20's. At this time I am taking Zoloft, Seroquel, mirtazipine, and klonopin.

<---- And I work p/t as a barista in a funky wonderful old cafe.

[luckyme808]

Hi. I'm new here. I read when I can. I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 5 years ago. Anxiety is a prime symptom of mine. At the time I was diagnosed I felt like I was circling the drain. There are many times I'm unconvinced that I'm truly bipolar. I think I was pretty functional most of the time before diagnosis, but those close to me are adament in saying that I wasn't. I'm going through something - not exactly sure what - right now so it may be time to start monkeying with my meds again.

This is a great site to come and not feel so alone with this. My family is well-meaning, but they don't know what to make of me.

[StartingFreshNow]

I'm a 33 year old mother to an almost 5 year old son and almost 2 1/2 year old daughter. I've been married for close to 9 years to a very supportive and amazing man.

Growing up I had (denied) bouts of depression and battled eating disorders. I seemed to get over it all and was fine. Then I had my first child and got PPD. I got through that with the help of a great counselor and meds for a temporary amount of time.

I got pregnant a second time and developed a serious bout of depression in the middle of the pregnancy and then PPD quickly after her birth. However, I refused meds and was determined to recover from the depression with just a counselor. At some point I was changed from PPD to a sever depression diagnosis and when I crashed, I finally decided maybe I needed meds to help. This was a little over a year ago.

After months upon months of seeing my counselor as well as a psychiatric nurse practitioner for the meds, I had made minimal progress. However, I also started behaviors that were very unlike me and were very hurtful to my family and myself, impulsive, etc. Nothing extreme - but definitely not "me". At first my counselor and husband suggested a mid-life crisis but that didn't mean anything to me. Then my behaviors got worse and my counselor suggested bi-polar.

Long story short my psych NP agreed I could be so we changed the course of meds. I ended up changing counselors and was re-evaluated and actually was diagnosed bi-polar and ADHD (barely meeting the DSM-V standards for each). I tried so many meds and med combos I was ready to give up but miraculously when I thought I couldn't make it any longer, we found a combo that seems to be working. I've been on it for 2 or 3 months and doing much better.

I'm still suffering some minor consequences of my behavior from what we're calling my "manic" phase, but my marriage has been mostly repaired and my life feels on track again. I'm still processing this and trying to identify the manic because to me, it didn't look like what it did for so many other people, so it's been hard to admit this is really what I have, but I think they are right so I'm just trying to learn more.

This site looks great but completely overwhelming - what's the best way to start????

[ManicIcarus]

Welcome! I'm rather new here myself, but there are really nice people here.

[StartingFreshNow]

Well that sucks - I wrote a long first reply and did it wrong so it just disappeared. This will be eons shorter (probably to your benefits!).

I'm a 33 year old mother to an almost 5 year old and 2 1/2 year old, married for close to 9 years.

For a while I was diagnosed as severely depressed but about 5 months ago was changed to a bi-polar and ADHD diagnosis, barely meeting the diagnostic criteria for both. My "manic" phases are nearly impossible for me to identify and my counselor doesn't know my history well so it's hard for her to know if I had others other than the one she "witnessed". I have a friend who is a counselor which specializes in things like this and she was actually the first to suggest bi-polar and believes she can identify manic phases from earlier in my life as well.

Anyway, it took what felt like forever to find a good med combo for me - probably because I was trying meds for depression for 9 months before switching to meds for bi-polar and then it took another 3 months before anything helped. However, now I've been on a combo we think is working for about 2-3 months and I feel like I almost have my life back.

It's been hard on my husband, but he's been there with me through it all. I'm new here and completely overwhelmed by this site so any advice on where to start would be greatly appreciated!