[rainbowdash21]

Hi my name is Tera and I have Bipolar I along with PTSD, OCD, and Panic Attacks. I am 30 years old, recently married (as in 2 days ago) and I am the mother of two little boys. I work full time and I am a full time student. I am currently getting my masters in History and Psychology with main focus being mental disorders.

I was diagnosed a year ago with my bipolar and the my others over the span of 15 years. I am not currently on any meds which is making life very difficult but I am trying to find ways to cope with it.

I cycle between being manic and extremely low very quickly and I am doing my best to keep it in check.

I hope to learn alot from everyone and hope that I can help some while I am here.

Originally Posted by Merlin

My name is Laura and I live in western Canada. I have type II bipolar and post traumatic stress disorder. I am currently stable due to effective medication and am devoting the efforts I used towards getting well towards helping others get well too. I am a community rehabilitation worker and am taking a bachelors in social work focusing on mental illness.

How long did it take for you to get well?

[psyco123]

pls tell me ..how did u overcome.. i too have the same problem

[psyco123]

lease someone can post solution to my problem….

I was abused at the age of 6 by neighbour. I have been adamant from my childhood. I never use to understand what others use to say. I have been very emotionalto whatever people use to say..then my father got transferred to another place.At the age of 8 i was abused again..from that time onwards i use to get attached to guys soon.i was more comfortable with boys rather with girls.I have always lead life in which i was always depressed and lived in the fear of inferiority complex.people always made fun and avoided me stating that i am not good looking and short heighted, not good at anything.I was not like other children to let go off. i take evrything to the heart. I lacked love, patience, real friend….hence i have nevr loved myself and i dont what is love and how to love myself..even i ask anyone whats the definition they just make fun of me…i felt that i dont have good perseverance and grasping power like other children.

when i was small my father went a surgery and his pitutary glands were removed. he is very much old and traditional type of person.he was over protective and over secured.he didnt like minglinging with others and short tempered.never allowed me to grow as i want..eventhough theygave me good advice i cant take in positive sense rather i get frustrated bcoz i get hurted soon and i sit and cry..people say when we cry we get relief..i get relief for the moment again after few days i am the same.

people have always avoided and made fun of me among friend circle, public and in family..i have never been able to grow my interest or hobbies bcoz we always had financial problems. after my graduation…my parents got settled in the native.. i got job in networking in another state..there i had an affair with a guy, i had physical relation for three years, then he got married to someone else who was more beautiful, and better job than mine…i was shattered and broke myself. i always had adjustmental problem with people bcoz of my behaviourof getting emotional and hurt soon. when my boyfriend left many people approached me showing love and i fall for all of them.bcoz since my childhood i have been in search of love. so ihad sex with 5 people my life..i believe who ever smiles or shows or act to care for me and saythat they love me.

i resigned and joined my parents and started doing my masters in social work. i have always been straight forward..hence who ever ask me why i am sad, i say my entire story to everyone…but now i realise that we should not say everything to everyone. i need solution to my anger, frustration, my way of talking, dealing with people and of to love myself , my family and everyone around. now i am29 years and still have poor relation with my family. i have got half of my behaviour inherited from my father but i should understand and adjust accordingly..everyone who comes across my life has to suffer bcoz of me, my words and attitude of thinking and reacting.

after completing my masters my marriage was fixed(3 years back), that guy after few months stopped talking and calling sttaing that i am possessive and person of different attitude, not having a normal behaviour. again i was shattered. from that day onwards i use to cry for 6 months contnously. it took me 1 year to come out of the depression. from that time onwards i started realising that i have some problem and i cant lead a happy married life. when ever i get any proposals formarriage i always find some or other fault in the guy without thinking that even i am imperfect.. sometimes i am over happy, sometimes depressed. people always say that my talks are always age inappropriate and matured like others.
one day my mother said that i dont love myself that why i always have issues with people and dont have peace with me. if my less educated mother can identify this issue with me.. why cant i…i always think several things to change within me and keep on seeking solutioon with people but as soon as they advice, i start rebelling or giving rebuttals or start saying i have done this cant, not able to etc…

i want to be like others, i just have my mother who with pain listens to my cry most of the days and tired of advicing me..becoz even after sharing my problems and crying, after few days again i get desp.. even though i want to change many i cant bcoz i am not conscious. from my childhood i have always been with a wavering mind and poor concentration. nothing is intact in memory or i am not able to take conscious effort bcoz i am not conscious while reacting, talking, maintaining body language, recating to situation, way of talking tone. I have tried many steps from internet. now i remember that i have to control but tomorrow when i wake up i dont remember anything, or anything about my problems and the things have to change.. at the age of 29, i am still searching for myself and want to give happiness to others. i am tatlkative person with good sense of humour but depends on mood. why i cant think and act.why i am unstatisfiedperson who doesnt even know her own worth.. i have tried writing my positive but still i am dull from inside.. i dont know how to let go off.. even if i forget.. when i get angry everything comes up..dont know to unlearn..i know the problems dont know how to deal with..or else my entire life i will have to lead a single lifw..please help.. u r my last solace..please and god will bless u….
sometimes i feel like, i dont feel for anyone. poor social adjustment nature, guilt feeling bcoz of me many are sufferring including parents, feeling of paranoia. scared that i ll destroy others life, i get maarried..
pls someone do help me..i am ready to follow the instructions

[skagirl2410]

Hi, I'm new, My name is Dana. I just moved from my home with my supportive parents in Ontario to a little basement apartment in a tiny town of less than 2000 people in BC. It has been really tough for me to get accustomed to living alone, cooking for a one and if I didn't have my little Shorkie dog with me, Endora,. I think I would have gone home right now. I'm a counsellor and I'm doing the best I can but most days I just feel lonely and miss my family. I'm 24 and I know that it is time for me to get out on my own and live my life but some days it is just really tough. I also keep gaining weight even though I'm trying to eat right and go on my 3km a day walks my medication is making me overweight. This is tough for me because I just had two hip replacements due to another health condition of mine which also caused a full on manic episode for which I was hospitalized for 2.5 weeks last summer after the first replacement. So now I am journaling and walking my dog and just trying to get by.

[psyco123]

pls help.. some therapies that i cantry at home

[Roblovescats]

I have been off here for about a year. I feel very out of the loop and forgotten. Please be my friends I have none.

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[Roblovescats]

Where's the daily check in thread?

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[chewbaccacg]

My name is Carol. I live in Midwest USA. I have bipolar 2, adhd, major depression, and anxiety. I take latuda, vyvanse, xanax and viibryd. I still cry while watching TV shows and still agitated. The more latuda I take the more agitated and tired I get. I had to lower vyvanse when they increased latuda because of major mood swings on only 40mg latuda and i felt wired for sound on 50 and 40mg vyvanse after increase of latuda to 60mg trying 30 MG today feel better. Having hard time finding right cocktail for mental wellness.

[chewbaccacg]

Hi, I'm Carol. I'm a 41 yr old wife, mother of 2 and a nurse. I have been medicated for add and depression since I was 14. I've been on everything you can think of and my Dr. Is still tweaking here and there to get me to the best me. He dx me bipolar 4 yrs ago. I feel pretty good I guess except for the crying spells during tv shows. Just wanting to reach out to others with similarities.

[S1ppi]

Hi, I'm newly diagnosed Bipolar II, fresh out of the hospital last week due to a manic episode. My nickname is Sippi, because I'm living in MS now and am 49 y.o. I've been in and out of hospitals over the years and it's taken this long to be diagnosed. I'm relieved, yet embarrassed. I'm on lithium, latuda and lamictal. I look forward to learning more about my illness and "accepting" it.

[Scyther]

Hello Everyone,

I am 27 years old. I have known that there was something wrong with me, that I was not "normal" since I was about 15. I saw a therapist when I was a teenager and he thought I was fine, so I stopped going eventually. When I was 22 I was extremely depressed and saw a new therapist who diagnosed me with chronic anxiety. However, I did not start taking medication for it until 2 years later.

I have been taking medication for anxiety, paroxetine, for 3 years now. It has been a life saver. It turned my life around, completely getting rid of my anxiety and all of its related side affects.

Since being on the medication, other problems have begun to occur with me and my life, and I started going to therapy for marriage counselling. It was successful and I started going to therapy by myself. After my life pretty much falling apart (I lost my job, among many other issues) and my wife figuring out that I lied to my therapist a lot, she went to therapy with me today to make sure I told her the truth about everything that has been going on for the past 9 months of so.

My therapist was so surprised to hear the things my wife told her, and upon listening for about 40 minutes, she said "I am convinced that you are bipolar".

1. Because I lied to the therapist about so many things, and I seemed pretty balanced to her as a result, so she couldn't detect it
2. I am on paroxetine, which kept my anxiety in check

I have mixed feelings about the diagnosis. On one hand, I am SO GRATEFUL to find out that I'm not crazy, that there really is something wrong with me, and something that can be fixed! I had honestly just about given up hope and felt that I'm just stupid, and an idiot, and that all the problems in my life are a result of my stupidity, so I am so thankful to find out that there is an actual reason for it all.

On the other hand, it's kind of scary....Being diagnosed with anxiety some years back wasn't that scary or surprising...I was terribly depressed, and myself and everyone around me were aware of it. Bipolar has such a negative stigma attached to it, that I'm so nervous...starting new medicine treatments horrifies me...I am currently unemployed and trying to get a job. What if the medicine I try has an adverse affect on my and impacts my future job? The idea of having this disorder is just so overwhelming right now. I'd love to hear from other people out there who have gone through, or who are going through, what I am going through now.

Thanks!

[Scyther]

Originally Posted by Bi-overit

Hi, I'm a 25yr old male who has recently become a father to beautiful little boy and has a supportive partner that through the ups and downs I either push her away and distance myself or become needy of her attention and support.

There is a history of suicide in my family and this makes the constant thoughts about suicide feel so much worse and the guilt for thinking about it. Being a new father and my father committing suicide along with my mothers father committing suicide. These feelings are horrible, I had a manic episode two months ago, where I felt invincible at my job and completely broke down on the Saturday, where I set out to break up with my partner an take custody of our little baby (even though that night I was talking to people i worked with about proposing to her). After following out these sequence of events, I waited at the front door on on one knee to say how sorry i was along with proposing.

At this point I knew I needed to take or attempt to control these highs and lows. I saw a doctor and he mentioned it could be bi-polar as through this manic phase I wasn't sleeping, buying things that i normally wouldn't and distancing myself from my partner, feeling invincible. I saw a psychologist that week and agreed that medication (I have thought that medication was something I needed for sometime as I didn't think it was healthy to be this up-down). Saw a psychiatrist who brushed over my symptoms and how I was feeling in 5 minutes and said you obviously have a history of mental illness in the family, but I see people far worse than you and it's hard to answer questions when your in a sort of hyper state as you have that sort of confident feeling.

I took a week off work to see the right people, and was openly honest with my employer to only be terminated from my job the following Monday a day before my 6mth probation period was up for no reason explained. I found out last week that the reason I was sacked was due to my manic phase people in the workplace thought I was using ICE/ METH and the
CEO of the hospital wanted to drug test me at work as it was so apparent I was using (NOTE: I have never smoked ICE or used it), however seeing as though I was still in my probational period, they terminated me.

Something I think I'm realising is that alcohol and drugs (illicit drugs) are not something to be mixing with our personality, thoughts anyone?

Nice to feel apart of something.

Hey there! I was literally just diagnosed with bipolar disorder today. I have struggled severely with alcohol, and I can certainly tell you that it definitely makes the anxiety and depression infinitely worse.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your job. I can relate to it, I have struggled to keep jobs over the years, usually because I have an anxiety attack and walk out or quit or something. Losing a job is very tough, especially for someone with a family. I am currently unemployed and looking for a job and the stress of not having a job only makes things worse.

Best of luck!

[Scyther]

Originally Posted by bipolarandproud

Hello everyone, I'm very happy to be here. I was diagnosed with bipolar I about a year ago and my life was chaos and symptomatic for the last 14 years or longer. I'm 27 now, trying to study at university but I keep changing my subjects and never finishing anything I start. I also have ADHD so that's that. I've been on lithium for 9 months, it didn't help against mania or depression... gained 60 pounds and now my doctor prescribes me Zoloft, Abilify and Concerta. I like that mix, I just still get quite manic when on it. Nothing seems to help to really stabilize me. When I'm manic it's really bad, I build companies and never follow trough with the ideas of course, spend 6000 $ in one day and 20'000 in a month even tough I don't have that money. I totally ruined my parents finances with my actions- they hate me for that, are disappointed and treat me like I was mentally deranged ever since those events. Great. But still I am proud of living with bipolar, it takes so much strength and courage to face this illness everey day. We can all be proud of ourselves! It also makes me super creative, which I love. If anyone of you ever comes to Switzerland- let me know- I'd love to meet you! I am so happy to have found this forum and to see there's people who are facing the same issues as I am and that I'm not alone in this. that is so empowering!

Hey there! I can certainly relate to you. I couldn't handle the stress or being in college, and I was not diagnosed or on medication at the time. I constantly dropped classes and wound up costing myself and my parents a TON of money.

Im glad to hear you're so proud and strong. I was recently diagnosed as bipolar and it's really intimidating and scary. I hope I have your strength to carry on!

[Lonlin3zz]

Hello, I'm Ho (by first name). I'm currently 19 today, but birthday is just a usually normally day for me. No cakes, no presents, just contented with a lovely bunch of friends and my family members.

I have not visited a therapist yet. However, I managed to chance upon this forum after I had decide to do some research on my bipolar behavior. I've read many users remark on this sub-forum for Bipolar which shared similar traits to what I am currently experiencing for the past close to 2 years.

I have my fair shares of cringe-worthy "Up" Times and really horrendous "Down" Times in my life. I cannot be sure what category of Bipolar that I belong to, but a more suitable word would be "Mixed". Reason being is because it cannot be foreseen, and it strikes with a devastating blow.

At times, there are random suicide thoughts, but I tend to dismiss them easily as "suicide is something you cannot reverse, and the possibilities of things getting better becomes zero".

Ironically, the person who influenced me strongly with this quote that changed my life entirely, turned out to be the person that I am currently avoiding as much as possible. Life's weird right?

My in-game user id is called "Therapist" in an old MMORPG game. I've listened to people whom seeks my attention to understand their woes, helped a guy from a verge of failing marriage restored to happy loving with his wife. Ironically, I cannot even get my life straight at all.

Well, that's just parts and parcel of life. Pardon if my English isn't good enough. Just expressing my thoughts and hope that I can talk to you wonderful guys more often!

[Reveille68]

Hello,
I'm new to the forum. I'm a 47 year old male that has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. How I survived until now without treatment is amazing. I think my lifestyle, working conditions and self medicating techniques kept me barely within acceptable levels. My manic phases were never as bad as some on this forum have experienced so I rejected my initial diagnosis. I was put on 10mg of ability and within 3 days I went full on manic. Very grandiose, I felt on top of the world. 3 weeks later the mania subsided and being the no it all I am, I decided I should stop taking the ability and 2 weeks later I crashed hard. It left me deeply depressed and at one point anxiety and depression simultaneously, I was very close to admitting myself to a hospital. I went back to the pdoc and he started me on depakote which eventually pulled me out of the rutt. I'm better but still not well. I started seeing a therapist last week to help me adjust to my new reality. I miss the mania, I'll be honest, it made me who I am and I'm now trying to deal with lower energy. I lost interest in everything a few weeks back but as I adjust to the depakote I'm slowly beginning to get some drive back. I was suicidal and have been for years but I was exceptionally so a few weeks back. Just started reading the bipolar survival guide last night, hope it helps. Just wanted to say hello. Sorry for the wordy intro.
Rev

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by Reveille68

Hello,
I'm new to the forum. I'm a 47 year old male that has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. How I survived until now without treatment is amazing. I think my lifestyle, working conditions and self medicating techniques kept me barely within acceptable levels. My manic phases were never as bad as some on this forum have experienced so I rejected my initial diagnosis. I was put on 10mg of ability and within 3 days I went full on manic. Very grandiose, I felt on top of the world. 3 weeks later the mania subsided and being the no it all I am, I decided I should stop taking the ability and 2 weeks later I crashed hard. It left me deeply depressed and at one point anxiety and depression simultaneously, I was very close to admitting myself to a hospital. I went back to the pdoc and he started me on depakote which eventually pulled me out of the rutt. I'm better but still not well. I started seeing a therapist last week to help me adjust to my new reality. I miss the mania, I'll be honest, it made me who I am and I'm now trying to deal with lower energy. I lost interest in everything a few weeks back but as I adjust to the depakote I'm slowly beginning to get some drive back. I was suicidal and have been for years but I was exceptionally so a few weeks back. Just started reading the bipolar survival guide last night, hope it helps. Just wanted to say hello. Sorry for the wordy intro.
Rev

Reading your intro feels like you're the older version of the current me. It describes almost every details that I've experienced except for taking medications and seeing a therapist.

When I am experiencing Hypomania, I'll make the best out of this phase by channeling my energy towards helping people.

For some bipolar disorder individuals, I can understand the feeling behind suicide thoughts. Personally for me, I've taken a bus home regularly and past by a reservoir on different occasion. I visualized myself slowly walking into the reservoir and just die without struggle or pain at all, like as though I'm finally going to be spared from my sufferings.

NO, suicide thoughts are serious case. Recently, a young teenager who lived near my area, hanged himself in his bedroom despite cries of suicide thoughts and negativity in social media. Suicide may seem like a process towards a "better" life, but in reality, it's a selfish act. Suicide's not gonna make things better, it just means you won't be able to see the positive outcome at all, never again.

[vee89]

hi everyone. my name is vanessa, i'm 25, and i live in southern california. i'm new to the forum and recently diagnosed with bipolar II. it would be great to make some friends around here who understand what i'm going through. lately i've been feeling okay, taking my meds (on my first week of lamictal - 25 mg and will be gradually upping the dose every week as instructed by my pdoc). i still don't really know what my triggers are, but i have been sleeping less and feeling more restless yet energetic/irritable lately, and my boyfriend has described me as super giggly lately; he has even told me i was acting a little strange today. i suspect that i may be hypomanic (or almost there) and while it doesn't bother me that much, i'm usually just embarrassed by being so "silly."
i'm not currently seeing a therapist but i do think it will help, i just haven't found one that i've clicked with yet.
anyway, i just wanted to introduce myself and hopefully i can make some new friends around here!

[Shamed16]

Hello, Thank you for allowing me to be apart of this forum. I have been trying to figure out where I belong. This is because I do not have BP but 7 months ago I started up a relationship with someone who does. He is very open about having BP but I that the past month or so we have been struggling. I have read A LOT about having BP and things to do to help a loved one and it seems like everything I am doing already just came naturally. I find the longer the depression stays it allows him to give up on himself more and more. Is there anyone on here going through the same thing as me? I would love to share more about our journey and how we both get through the tough time.

[loonytoon]

Hi - I'm a new member but I've been on here a time or two when I was first diagnosed or when I had questions. I decided to just jump on in and become a memeber
I was diagnosed about a year ago and have been tweaking my meds ever since. It's trial and error I guess. A LOT of trial..

[gpacoffee]

Originally Posted by Polly23

Hi Guys,
I am a new member. I am really looking forward to chatting with you all.
I was diagnosed with bipolar last fall at 41, after I went on my antidepressants for the 4th or 5th time. I would start them for 6 months or so, go off of them, then restart which led me into severe rapid cycling and I have pretty much lived in a mixed state on and off since. I was started on Valroic Acid and my dose increase then I gained almost 10 lbs in less than 3 weeks. I am to be reassessed next week, but I am a little scared as it seems it takes most of you alot of trials of different meds before you get the right combination.
Most importantly, I am a wife and a mother of 3 awesome kids and they are really my first priority. I hate to burden my husband with all the stuff it is so draining for me to keep on top of. And I would be fine if it was once or twice a week that I need to check out from everyone and go to bed after dinner, but I feel like that often and I fell like I deprive the kids their mom sometimes. Hate crying all the time too. However it's better than the irritability/agitation that comes with the hypomania/mania. I can be such a major "B". Got to try to get to sleep or I know I'll be in trouble tomorrow..Good night for now....

Your story is very similar to mine. I was diagnosed with Bipolar at the age of 41. Once I was diagnosed, my whole world just seemed to click. I,too, have 3 kids that always come first. I hold all my emotion in until the moment they go to bed or I'm in the shower and then I let it all out. I know that it is unhealthy, but that is the only for me to get through this.

[Mrstabs]

Hello,

I was diagnosed with sever anxiety and bipolar when I was 18 years old. My parents thought that I was just an over dramatic teenager because of my roller coaster of emotions. My mom did not let me know that bipolar runs in our family, as her grandma suffered greatly and so does her mom. I am medicated and seem to have it under control, but sometimes it is hard to deal with even though I have a loving husband who tries to help as much as possible.
I am very excited about this and to get to know others who understand!

Bree

[majhoul]

Hey everyone,

Well, after a few years of being diagnosed as bipolar, I finally decided I should join some sort of support system online, as none of my friends can relate to what I go through! I was first diagnosed at the age of 19, and put on lithium for a while. It really knocked me out, so I opted out. Two years later things went downhill again, and I got the same diagnosis from another doctor. After trial and error, I'm now on Seroxat 20 mg, Abilify 15 mg, and Remeron 30 mg... Seroxat worked wonders in calming down my panic attacks. That being said, my symptoms aren't completely gone. I still go through cycles, and honestly it is getting very tiring. I currently met a guy and we've been seeing each other for around a month, and just when things start working out, I start getting jealous and paranoid. That is what drags me down the most. Also, I can be very happy with work one day, and then, super depressed for the next few weeks which of course affects my performance! Anyways, I don't mean to ramble... Looking forward to interacting with you guys more often!

[Mkessna]

Hi at the moment I don't know where I'm at want to drink quit abit latterly feel so lost xxx

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[Maalca]

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

Thanks for setting this up, Laura.

My name is Peter.
I was a part time musician, full time photographer, and am still a husband, and dad of 3 girls.
I am unemployed, and working day by day at reclaiming the lost ground in attention span, social skills, and the ability to use my brain again.

I had my first manic symptoms when I was 14. My parents were concerned with my strange behaviour and took me to our family doctor who didn't know what to make of it. Depression followed, then normality again. I stayed off psychoactive drugs, determined to beat it on my own. This went on for another 31 years before I finally saw a psychiatrist. Despite my suspicion that I was bipolar, he decided to treat my depression with Prozac alone. I immediately became severely manic, and began ultra-rapid cycling with mixed states.
Now 9 months later I am on Lithium and Epilim alone which seem to keep me out of depression, but I still spend a lot of my time in the land of impulsiveness, passion, midnight ambitions, and de-realisation experiences.

I have made a couple of very special friends here on Psych Central - friendships that may have been difficult to start, had we not had the protection of anonymity and assurance that we were in the same boat.

I hope everyone who joins us here will have at least that same special and encouraging experience.

Hello Peter. I am Maalca. I'm a current 14 year old with a good amount of Bipolor, but not so much that my parents have thought there is anything wrong with me I want to stay in the shadows about this because I don't want to be treated any differently and it's not too too bad. I don't want to have to take medication or go to the reply I just want someone to be able to talk to. I'm new on the forum. If you could show me around that would be amazing

P.S
I'm also in music I play the oboe and clarinet