as if things couldn't get any worse...

so i went to pick up somethings from my boyfriends apartment and there was a girl asleep in his bed. so i'm going to be a single parent. which is pretty hard to deal with because i really didn't want to keep the baby in the first place. but i thought, hey, maybe everything will be ok if i just try and work things out... and i won't be alone. but now that i know i will be alone... i don't really know how to feel. but that's life.
I'm okay.. I just don't want this baby to feel all the negative emotions that i'm feeling right now.
It's hard because I've been struggling with this pregnancy and depression and not being able to take my meds. but at this very moment I feel pretty numb. So a guess that's an up to all the downs in my life.

Hang in there, Simone. May I ask how far along you are in your pregnancy? While I'm a father, and not a mother, I still can relate to being depressed regarding parenthood. My children are both disabled, and I went through a very hard process of accepting that. Unfortunately, and sadly, I did at one time feel that I did not want to be a father because of this, but I got my meds and therapy straightened out and I do my best now.

Just a couple things to think about - 1) there is always the consideration of adoption; I'm sure it must be very hard for a mother to go through that, but it is an option. 2) If your boyfriend is not faithful, then he is not worth staying with, but he should take an active role in raising your child. If he does not, then he should provide child support at the very least. You may need to just do your best to get through the birth and then get your meds back on track and hopefully you will feel better. Good luck and keep us informed!

I was trying to think what to say because, during my pregnancy last year my husband emotionally abandoned me for the last four months of it. It was horrible. Granted, things are better now, although still somewhat rocky, and although he didn't leave physically, he was gone mentally. He still doesn't believe that's the case, and I'm still struggling with the after effects of it. I feel like I've suffered a trauma. I've suffered trauma twice before, once when my mom died and then six years ago when I lost my oldest son in a divorce and didn't see him for a year. I feel the same now as I did those times.

We planned the baby. He actually was the one who said "let's have another." We were happy and excited, and then one day... I was alone. I often would sit thinking "what have I done?" I was not excited to have the baby any more. I didn't feel connected to him like I remembered with my two older boys. I procrastinated on everything, like picking out names. I wasn't excited to look at baby clothes and other things like the first two times. I apologized to the baby all the time to be making it for a world where the people who love you just abandon you.... And I was afraid he was going to be a sad baby.

Anyway... when he was born, it was like a switch in my brain flipped. He is the happiest person I have ever met. Even in the middle of a temper fit he will stop to smile. Once when I was crying I looked at him and he just smiled at me like, "Hey, mommy, it's okay." I feel really close to him and love him and am bonded with him just fine. I call him my sunshine baby, because he brought me some sunshine in the dark winter.

I am not sure what you should do, but, that is my experience. I'm very sorry this happened to you.

i'm just really sad because it's not fair for this baby to have to suffer what i'm feeling. I've been crying for two days straight and I can't even force myself to eat anymore. i'm so depressed. i keep telling myself "do it for the baby" but that's hard to do because deep down i don't want this child at all.
I can't begin to describe the pain i'm feeling right now. I'm completely torn because i know this baby doesn't deserve this.. but i can't help how i'm feeling and it's killing ne.

Do you have anyone you can call to talk to like a therapist? Or even just your OB at this point. I think you should reach out to get some help on deciding what to do next.



The baby will take what it needs from your body. But if you are too thin and really starving, then that is when it is bad. I only gained 3 pounds during my pregnancy because I was not eating. But, I already was 70 pounds over weight, so I didn't need to gain anything. (The doctor was actually happy with me...) My baby was born just fine and healthy.

But, I do not recommend going it alone the way I did. I didn't talk to anyone except on forums (like this one.) I would have been better off telling my doctor or something, because now I'm struggling. I am fine with the baby, but I am struggling otherwise.

Have you thought of an open adoption? Maybe you dont want to and Im sorry if I offend. Its an option though.

Perhaps it would help to think about how the baby feels about you. I don't say that to make you feel worse. What I'm saying is that the child will love it's mother when it's born and depend on you. It's helpless and alone in the world without you and would feel abandoned at various points in it's life if you were to give up now.

I'm sorry you have to be involved with someone who doesn't live responsibly. But don't let that pass on as something you should blame yourself for. A cheating spouse is just that, a cheat. You haven't done anything to deserve that. You've been betrayed. No wonder you feel depressed.

Hollywood glamorizes betrayal as something to be passed off as no big deal, but in real life it causes a lot of hurt and pain. Don't give up or feel like you, or the baby, have anything to do with what's taking place in his mind. He is failing as man, father, and human being. Let him live with it.

I have, but I honestly don't feel mentally capable of carrying this child for 6 more months and then giving it up. I've been put in the hospital once already with this pregnancy and it's really taking a toll on my body.

everything about this situation is stressing me out. If i keep the baby then I'm going to continue struggling with school and finding a place of my own and trying to get my life on track, and if i give the baby up i'll feel guilty the rest of my life, and if i have an abortion it's murder at this point... so. I don't know what to do... and it's driving me crazy. I keep praying for a miscarriage... and what type of person prays for that!?!
I feel like I'm going insane.

I plan to talk to my doctor at my next OB appointment.

Here's what my sister asked me when I was in the same predicament: If N0THING else mattered. Not money, school or relationships, What would you do?
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I've made this decision twice, 1st time was easy, I wanted the baby despite all the ugliness my pregnancy evoked around me. 2nd time? That decision broke my heart, but I did what was best, and I managed to heal, bcoz even tho there was MASSIVE guilt, I knew if there were 3 of us, we would ALL suffer...
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So, if nothing else mattered, what would you do?

To me, an abortion at three months is an abortion at three months, not murder. Is it not the case in Georgia? Is an abortion not an option, period? I am asking because you are praying for a miscarriage.

I am sorry that such a betrayal happened to you. That just sucks and is not fair . I do hope you get in touch with your doctors...they may even be able to refer you to other support services so you are not all alone... ((((simoneadams91))))

the only reason the abortion is not an option is because i don't have the money to have one. it's thousand dollars if i have one this week. and the price continues to go up every week.

I wouldn't have the baby.

Then THAT is the best decision for. I hope you listen to your gut, and remember, we're always here to listen and support.

Seriously? Planned Parenthood charges that much?

And the co-author of the pregnancy won't chip in? Or were you embarrassed or too proud to even raise the issue?

And if I may ask: what is the plan for later after the baby is born? How will you at the very least buy an initial supply of cloth diapers to wash on your own (the least expensive option) if you have absolutely no money now? Is it that once you HAVE the baby you can go after the father for the support but now you cannot? Is he financially stable enough to be a reliable support source? Later on, if you want to do something else, how will you pay for care - does your state or county provide discounted options there?

Geez, thats aweful! atleast we get free state help here if we can't afford to go private...

the planned parenthood here won't provide the abortion because i'm to far along. all the other clinics i called ranged from $1000-1400. my ex won't help me because he wants me to have the baby. I've cried and begged... and no he isn't financially stable enough to help with anything at the moment. my mom wants me to go apply for welfare but i'm completely against that. and it's making me pretty sad that that may be my only option. It's just heartbreaking to me that I have tried so hard all my life to avoid having to live my life this way, and yet here i am. No one will help me with getting the money together to have an abortion... and i feel like i'm being forced to give birth. I am just very sad right now.

How about giving birth and handing the baby over to your ex? He's the one who wants the baby, so give him full custody, and let him worry about welfare. I know a young lady that did that, and I probly would too, were I backed into such a tight corner...

I would give full custody to the ex too. Otherwise can you take out a credit card or loan? 1000-1400 is way then paying for a child through out its life. Or you could give most of the custody to the father and have the child visit for 2 weeks during summer and 1a during winter?

As someone who had to give up custody to my ex, I say I would much rather give the baby up for adoption than do that again. It means I am forever tied to this jerk who also just happens to have the son I love so much. I can't so much as cut his hair without permission. We're poor and his dad has money, and his dad spoils him. When he comes over he turns selfish. "I want to go to my daddy's because I haven't gotten new toys in a while." It's really infuriating.

I know I was too poor to take care of him when all that happened. And maybe "financially" it was for the best. But emotionally, I don't think so. He is turning into his dad, and that's frustrating for me. Letting someone you loath take care of your kid is very difficult. This is just my experience and my personal opinion.

If abortion is not an option and you don't want the baby, then adoption is the next best choice. Don't feel guilty for that choice. Giving the baby to a loving family who can't have a child of their own is a blessing for the family, the baby, and for you, too.

This is so cruel.

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The points hilighted in ** is the difference between you and the OP, and the very reason I suggested giving her ex full custody. She feels forced into giving birth, and is uncomfortable with adoption, so I thought that the ex would be a solution since he wants this baby, and is infact backing her into a corner to have a baby she never wanted.
#Just clarifying why I suggested the ex#

That's tru, Trippin.

I do still think adoption is a good way to go, or see if you can do this like a closed adoption. Because, honestly, I think it would be just as bad to be forever tied to someone you hate over a child you never even wanted and were forced to have. It could generate so much negativity.

Child support laws can be very strict. In my state, even if a dad does not want any custody and doesn't want anything to do with a child, there is nothing he can sign that forever severs that tie and he must pay child support or faces wage garnishment, denial on employment, and even jail time. I do believe it is the same for either parent (you just hear about dads more.) I think when you do an adoption you give up the child. When you do custody (even full custody,) you are still considered financially responsible in some way.

That's just how I see it.

i've thought about adoption a lot. I'm not sure if I can carry this baby for nine months, spend hours in labor, give birth and then give the baby away. I've always been a pretty responsible person, and to me even if i give this baby up I will always feel responsible for what happens in this child's life. My ex has asked me to just give the baby to him, but i feel like i would still be responsible for whatever happens in this child's life. My biggest fear is having a child in this world and years later having to explain to my child why I didn't want him/her or why I wasn't around. I've had an abortion before. The guy I was dating told me that he wanted nothing to do with the baby and if i kept it he would hate me forever. So I got an abortion. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. It took me to be in this situation now to understand that I did the right thing.
It's just amazing to me that people can be so cruel and hurtful. This pregnancy is reminding me of everything I've tried to forget. I've been through so many up and mostly downs in my life, and it's hard for me to live through it. I wouldn't mind keeping this baby if I didn't worry about this baby having to suffer this life with me. It doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve it but I have to live it. I just don't want that for my child.