[cashart10]

Saw t today and talked to Pdoc. She made several med changes and is thinking I should go to an IOP. She is going to talk to my t and they are going to decide for sure. IÂ’ll be waiting for my t to confirm. I didnÂ’t go to work today though. I was too scared. Aside from my t appt and some encouragement from my mom to do some housework, all I did was sleep. The whole day. Tonight isnÂ’t much better.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi and hugs to everyone. Just been busy with sewing stuff. Seem kind of obsessed with it. I’m making my own dress model so I can fit my clothes properly. That’s been kind of fun.

Everything is going well physically and emotionally. Hope to get braces soon. Will see how we’ll do financially. If insurance covers most of it that will be good. It may require some teeth being pulled to have enough space. I’m not looking forward to that.

Otherwise I’ve been busy so that’s good.

[downandlonely]

@cashart10 Sounds like IOP is a good idea. I hope you can do it and it helps.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I have my annual gynecological appointment. I'm not looking forward to it, but will get it over with. Then, of course, I'll have to get a mammogram. Ladies, have you had yours within the last 12 months?

I'm so glad that my husband doesn't mind doing dishes. I woke up to find a beautiful kitchen.

Got my boob smashing done today! I don't worry much about it as there's no history on either the maternal or paternal side. But like a good patient I get it done when they send my reminder. If it wasn't for my mi and the med side effects I'd only see a doc once a year for a physical.

I'm sleeping really well which is nice but otherwise my day is devoid of pleasure, like everything is in black-and-white. I guess my dog gives me faint pleasure but that's about it. I lay down for 16 hours, from midnight to 4:00pm. I got up a couple times for breaks but i just feel like i could lie down forever. I went to the mall for provisions to last out the next two days when there is a snowstorm, so at least i'll be relatively comfortable while cooped up at home. I can't seem to tolerate anything: TV, music, gaming, nothing. I keep telling myself this won't last forever tho. Early Spring hypomania is right around the corner.

[Victoria'smom]

Miguel took us to his favorite restaurant. He's going to his T and group 1x a week. Hopefully this help him.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was pretty down today and wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through work, but I made it through. I think I’m on the upswing because the depression wasn’t too terrible today. Still there and still some passive SI, but nothing terrible. And when RS came over it all melted away. I got to spend some time with him and have a nice dinner. I made potato and ham soup. RS continues to be impressed with my cooking lol. I’m not fabulous but I’m pretty good. I can follow a recipe and I know a few basic recipes off the top of my head. I’m to the point where I don’t really need to measure anything unless I’m baking. So that’s good.

I’m also in an even better mood because I got the call that school is canceled for tomorrow because of the snow! Even though it’s only supposed to be a couple of inches I guess they are erring on the side of caution after the disaster that happened back in November. That’s when it was SUPPOSED to be a couple of inches but ended up being five or six and screwing up traffic for hours. Buses coming home from school were delayed by hours. Some kids didn’t get home in my township until 5:30pm and it was worse up north. Whatever, I’ll take it! I love a nice unexpected day off.

So I’m hoping I’m leveling out. I think I’m still going to start the AD as soon as I can too hopefully keep the depression at bay. I may only need it until springtime. I have a pdoc appt tomorrow. I hope I can keep it. But the weather says it should be mainly rain at that point so I should be able to make it there.

[yellow_fleurs]

This past weekend my friend visited, and we went to an event, bowling and out to a couple of meals. Way more than I should have spent, but it's not every day my friend visits. I felt off at times and had some weird anxiety moments during the event, but overall it was still good to spend time together and I did manage to have some fun. This is a friend who helped me out a lot this past year when I was in a dark place. He knows how much I have struggled. Despite that, he keeps saying he doesn't think I have bipolar. Not that he is a doctor, but it still made me pause because he does have bipolar. I already doubt I have it sometimes, maybe most of the time? It kind of made me feel like an impostor.

Work got a little stressful because a project of mine involves interviewing people, and some people are telling me they are unhappy with the project design. It is not all my fault, because I based it off of group decisions, but since I am the lead I still feel silly about it. My therapist and I discussed recently how I can feel overly responsible for things, something that probably goes back to when I was a child, so I am trying to put things in perspective and be responsible without totally blaming myself.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Really depressed today. My life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would and I’m wondering how I got to this point....what even is the point? I guess many of the folks on this forum could say that though. Sorry for being a Debbie Downer today. Hopefully things will start looking up real soon.


I told all the people in my life that I need some space and that includes my daughter. First time I’ve ever done that but I need to be left alone for awhile. I’m in a really bad space. That doesn’t apply to anyone on PC. You guys get it.


Warm wishes and hugs to all.

Oh hun

Oh I know how that feels

I often need a break from the people that love me the most , husband and daughter and it’s ok. Take some time and reach out.

Things will get better I promise.

[Wander]

Well, finally saw my pdoc last night (I am IP), and he has set a tentative discharge date for Thursday - two days from now down here. He explained so much I can barely touch on many subjects.

He explained why he chose not to form me. Basically he will try absolutely everything before forming someone (locking someone up if you don't understand the terminology). He chose to chemically retrain me for two days, and as I picked up after that it was no longer necessary. That was last Wed and Thursday. He said he worried about me all weekend as he knew I could dive at anytime. That was sweet.

He also explained that I had been in a psychotic mixed state and that my sudden recovery was my rapid cycling kicking in creating hypomania, which is still going btw. I am loving being mildly hypomanic. Is there really a better way to live? No harm done and joyful all the time with no irritably. Of course I could swing to depressed or mixed anytime, or the amazing near mythical beast, euthymic, but I am happy and feel I wont be in any horrible state soon.

Joy to all who need it!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still under a lot of stress.


Am trying to tolerate an increase in Wellbutrin.


My sleep has gotten a lot worse. I get to sleep at about 5-6 am.


I could use some alone time to just chill and to get a break from the stress. I am so tired I cannot think straight.


Am so glad friends here do understand.


Love to All!



WC

Here’s hoping Wellbutrin is going to work

I’m so sorry your still under such stress , that needs to be resolved.

Go to bed and just tell everyone to shut up unless the house is on fire. Seriously! You neeeeed some alone time.

I’ll give you some of my sleep

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

@cashart10 Sounds like IOP is a good idea. I hope you can do it and it helps.

Thank you so much!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

As I was starting the registration process at the hospital where I have my blood work done I realised it was a fasting test and I wasn't. So I've been fasting all day to go back this afternoon. I hope 10 hours is enough of a fast.

Usually 7-8 is enough

I got my diazepam. They didn't have it filled even tho they said it was so I had to wait.

We are getting another 8-10 inches of snow tonight. My parking lot in my apt complex and my side street is like a skating rink. Well all the streets are like a skating rink. It's gonna be snowing on and off all week.

Schools are all closed and most businesses.

My son missed his pdoc appt. I didn't know about it. He slept thru the time. And then was mad at me for not waking him up. I didn't even know about it.

Fml....

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and a very unhappy Monday to everyone. Yes I am in a mood. My Monday officially sucks some serious suck. Left early from work; you know something has bothered me when I decide to leave work early. Like when is the last time you all heard that I left work early. I mean sure I've had doctor's appointments and have left like at most 30 minutes early to make it to the dentist or Psych on time, but I seriously left work at like 3 when my usual day is 5.

I just couldn't take it; my pharmacy called me and dropped a bomb that no one stable wants to hear that apparently my Buspar is on a Nationwide back order and only one company has any and they only make the 7.5 of it. I need my tens which I take three times a day. I feel like Gollum I want my precious but I cannot have my precious. I have called pretty much every single pharmacy within a three hour distance of me. You know you love a medication and that it works when you are willing to drive three hours to get the medication. It keeps me stable and actually helps the anxiety feelings. Granted my T, Psych, Cardiologist, and family doc think that my anxiety might not be so much anxiety but rather me being Hypersensitive to Adrenaline; so again I'm a Zebra and confuse everyone. I had three PA's; a family doc; and a Cardiologist in the living room trying to decide what to do about this situation.

I know I act mature and all that but tonight I just want to throw a fit; because something like this always freaking happens to me. I get maybe a week reprise before something goes wrong. Here lately it's been my Heart Medication and now it's suddenly no pharmacy has the one thing that has helped kept me in check to the point I can work. When I heard that I may not see it or have any for a while; the anxiety came back. Like look she just got her life in check; let's ruin it and her happiness. Hey look she even has a good relationship.

I'm just so annoyed tonight; do I try something different like a straight up depression medication get of the Seroquel trust G enough to let him overhaul my medication to keep the anxiety at bay; or do I go down to two pills and try to extend my at best week left of Buspar. Why did this happen to before Valentine's Day? Oh well I guess this what I get.

Hugs to everyone

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still under a lot of stress.

Am trying to tolerate an increase in Wellbutrin.

My sleep has gotten a lot worse. I get to sleep at about 5-6 am.

I could use some alone time to just chill and to get a break from the stress. I am so tired I cannot think straight.

Am so glad friends here do understand.

Love to All!

WC

I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly. Just a thought, wellbutrin made me go horribly mixed. Gave me horrible anxiety and insomnia.

I hope you feel better soon.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I have my annual gynecological appointment. I'm not looking forward to it, but will get it over with. Then, of course, I'll have to get a mammogram. Ladies, have you had yours within the last 12 months?

I'm so glad that my husband doesn't mind doing dishes. I woke up to find a beautiful kitchen.

I had one very stupid NP suggest I get a mammogram at 23; she's like but you have fibroids. Last time I went for my gynecological appointment with the primary doc he felt me up and he's like those are just fibroids; super common in your age the mammogram is a bit overstepping how about we agree you get a yearly breast exam? He's like I'm pretty good at telling the difference between fibroids and an actual lump. I'm glad you didn't get it one done; he's like even with your family history it would have done more harm than good.

today someone commented on the fact I've not slept for so long- and that's when you know it's out of control, when other people comment on it (for the record I don't like people commenting on my appearance), I don't actually think it's any of their concern- that, and I all ready have issues with my body (those issues being that I look worse than ****ing shrek)

anyway had breakfast and doing nothing else for the rest of the day

listening to music and posting on here makes it Up I guess (it took me 20 minits to log in today because of the new tagging feature slowing me down)

Well, today I'm working from home. Supposed to snow starting early this afternoon. I may take half a day off from work so that I can chillax and do some fun stuff (for once). I do, after all, have half a day of PTO. (Well, I have 7.5 days of PTO left, so I would be taking 0.5 days to leave me with 7 days.)

What fun things should I do, guys? Anything cool on Netflix? YouTube (e.g., documentaries)?

I have to pick up my Ritalin prescription, but the pharmacy said they won't have it in until Tuesday (today) at the earliest. I have four capsules left. I hope they get them in stock soon.

I also ordered some Metamucil so that I can take a sh_t since I'm constipated as f_ck. I ordered it online from Walgreens since it was a special online price. I also ordered Vitafusion fiber gummies from Rite-Aid (which had a 20% off flash sale last night). My goal is to work my way up to taking fiber in the a.m., noon, and p.m.. I chose the gummies so that I can take something at work without being judged for having a huge container of Metamucil. (And yes, I know there are individual Metamucil packets, but I HATE the flavor of orange that they come in. They don't have any other flavors! Well, my top 3 hated flavors are dark chocolate, coffee, and orange. )

My hubby is home, too, because of the weather. So far no snow in my area, but there has been sleet. He has to work from home, but I made us a nice breakfast and he'll do some pleasant home things throughout the day.

Today is a nice day for soup, but I'm kind of missing some ingredients for my usuals. I think I'll make French Onion.

[hopeless2015]

Called off work today. Feeling very off. No sure, I've been doing a slow titrate up on my lamictal after stupidly going off..really wasn't intentional, just kind of happened. Anyway, just did another increase two days ago, maybe just adjusting to that...idk but it'll pass. Just gonna give myself today and get back to it tomorrow.

Hugs to all

TheSeaCat, I SO hear you on the med availability situation! I felt the same way about my long-standing Teva lamotrigine, only that one's not coming back. (I'm just taking the manufacturer they've got on the shelves and see how it goes).

Well, love my new sneakers (good thing 'cause I paid enough and a half for them! Though shoes are the one thing I'm willing to pay real money for. I am ALWAYS on my feet and they've got some issues.). My feet felt good at the end of the day.

Today is my first fun internship day (not that the the working --volunteering-- part isn't some degree of fun, but this is actual fun and the reason I signed on). Pretty excited.

Oh, I suppose I should confess here. I talked on the phone with the exBF Sunday. I was just sitting around when the phone rang. It was a nice conversation. Don't worry, there was NO leading on or miss-y/kiss-y on my part, just pleasant conversation. Oh. And I'd sent a postcard. (No return address, just basically, glad you're doing well, my life is going great, no this-is-where-I'm-located details.)

Oh, and my new T (well, assigned, then I lost medicaid/access, so haven't actually seen yet) has been trying to figure out how to get me in. I think that's sweet.

Many, many hugs, especially to those having difficulties.

Doing well now, went skiing yesterday and had a good night's sleep. I regret signing up for a psychology course at the community college though because the professor is crap and so is the book we're using. Was supposed to have ECT today but with the snowstorm my ride didn't want to get stuck in traffic in the snow so we had it rescheduled.
Hugs to all

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel much better today, like normal. I don’t know if it was just that I had a day off to recover or that the depression just passed. I’m glad it has though. It was only a week this time, that bodes well for me. Maybe I won’t get terrible unending depressions anymore. I’m supposed to see my pdoc today but I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. The ice was supposed to change over to rain but I can still hear it icing on my window. I might call and reschedule. But then I’m not sure I’d get my depakote in time. I’m not sure. I don’t want to drive in the ice though.

I overdrafted my bank account for the first time since my husband died. I really have to be more careful with my money. I had money in my savings to transfer so it wasn’t that bad but still. I spent too much money on food. That’s what happens when I get depressed, I can’t get the energy to cook so I just buy food. I feel terrible about spending so much. I didn’t want to take money from my savings because I’m hoping to save enough for a house someday. I get paid from the state tomorrow and my regular paycheck on Friday so I won’t be out of money for too long.

But yeah, happy to be feeling better. Hope I can get my script for depakote and haldol before I run out.

[wildflowerchild25]

So I just called my pdoc and left a message saying the roads were too icy and I wasn’t going to make it to my appointment. He texts me back and says “try to make it hope it will clear by then”. ****ing WHAT? **** this guy. I’m not risking my life for him. It’s almost 2pm and still icing. I’d have to leave for my appointment at 4. I’m just going to use my other pdoc and lay out of pocket until I can see the one I know I like. I don’t like this guy at all. I see my other pdoc next Tuesday. So **** that. What a douche.