[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

They said she was no longer disabled. It's cause the Latuda works. It's my fear too. Her boyfriend is trying to get her on his insurance so she can stay on her meds. The kicker is off Latuda she might unstablize. Don't know if they can get coverage tho. They've been together for over 10 years and in a lot of states would be considered common-in-law married but not here. They sent her forms to fill out and forms to other people and just decided she wasn't disabled any more.


This is why I'm following your updates about being off Latuda so closely.

Wow ... I hope she can get onto his insurance somehow. Or county psych serves work off sliding scale.

I saw my T on Wednesday and of course told him my review and how it just scares me He reassured me that I still fit the criteria for SSDI, he says sure i could go get a job and might manage a month and destabilize quickly. The fact I’ve had 3 hospital stay since 2017 also prove my need.

My mind feels clearer off psych meds , and I dropped numerous physical meds. Overall I’m doing really well, Sure Bipolar might cone out if no where and slap the snot out of me. But I’ll deal with it if he happens.

I feel so bad for your daughter

[wildflowerchild25]

I took off from work today to finish my major project because I was absolutely freaking out about it and wouldn’t have been able to concentrate at work. Good news is it’s finished! I’m not sure I did it right and it’s not ten pages long but it’s a solid eight pages. I managed to even figure out how to insert a line graph. Like I said I’m not sure I did everything right but all I can do is turn it in and hope for the best.

This is my last day smoking cigarettes. We are moving tomorrow and I don’t want to smoke at my new house, even though I never smoke inside anyway. I just don’t want to smoke anymore. I mean I do, for sure, because I love smoking, but RS hates it and he’s upset that I’m smoking. I don’t want to upset him any more. Besides it’s better for me that I quit. It’s going to be really hard though. Really hard. I hope I can do it. I’m going cold turkey off nicotine. I have my vape but the cartridges I have have no nicotine. I’m also going to quit the vape as soon as my cartridges are out because it’s way too expensive to continue. so yeah I’m gonna be a mess for awhile. I think I can do it though.

In other news I am so done with my brother. We are planning a bbq in our new home for July 6. I chose that date specifically because they said they were free. Well he texts me and says he’s going to the shore that weekend. His wife’s mother lives near the shore so they go there all the time. I was outraged. He’s going to the ****ing shore again? Especially when he said he was free! All of a sudden he’s not free? I was so pissed and hurt. So I texted him that I was hurt because he never spends time with this side of the family and he’s always with his wife’s family. I said he needs to make time for me too. I know he has a lot of anger toward my mom but that doesn’t mean he can’t hang out with me! I didn’t do anything wrong. I texted him all this and the **** never replied. Can’t even acknowledge how much he hurt me. I’m done. If he wants to ignore me for no reason two can play at that game. I just won’t invite them anywhere anymore. I kind of want to text his wife and ask her why he hasn’t texted me back but I don’t want to bring her into the middle of this. She will just defend him. As she should, that’s her husband, if something was going on with RS I would be on his side. I’m just really hurt that he won’t come over and I’m even more hurt that he wont acknowledge how much he hurt me. So I think I just need to step back from him for awhile. I might text him one more time but I don’t want to be hurt again so maybe not.

Can’t wait to move tomorrow! So excited. I have a lot more school work to do before we move but I have the rest of the day to do it. I should be fine.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

[yellow_fleurs]

Wander, that is so great your T and Pdoc understand and are not making you feel guilty for your feelings. I question if I am feeling anger for a similar reason, even though some of it may be misdirected (and I don't think I have serious PTSD or anything near what you've experienced, but I do sense I am guarding myself from mistreatment I've experienced before). I am trying to find healthy ways to deal with it that are not taking it out on the wrong people, but not suppressing it either. If you find any constructive ways please feel free to pass them along! I am finding listening to music and poetry are helpful a bit. I am glad that my T does not act like my emotions are too much. In general she doesn't fault me for having feelings, whereas I did feel like my Pdoc was a little quicker to want to pathologize the my emotions.

I'm dreading my private French lesson this afternoon. I use the word "dread" without exaggeration. My husband and therapist know I want to quit. Like so many things, I'd be more than willing to lose the money I pre-paid. I never should have pre-paid, anyway. I should have paid each time with cash.

I am trying to decide what I'm going to say to the French teacher. He already knows that I have some psych issues. Hubby and my therapist have given me advice. They want me to see this out. I told hubby I think I would do better in the group class that starts in September. He disagrees.

This may seem strange, but I think I will tell the teacher that instead of homework to study new content ahead of time, to then go over in the next class, I want no official homework. Instead, I will review new grammar/words we already discussed in class, or that I look up myself. Oddly, this would be an approach that I'd be much more willing to take. Even maybe excited about. This is very difficult to explain to anyone, let alone in a non-native language. Such odd requests do perplex people. I hope this will help me with this matter.

I have grown very odd in the last 13+ years. I know. I am conscious of that fact. I was never really "the norm", but that wasn't always a bad thing.

I got out to the shop today to get some dr pepper

and showered also

feeling good (apart from the physical pain the shower caused.)

[Blueberrybook]

Overdid it today by vacuuming too much. Feel like crap. Sometimes I wonder how much that iron infusion helped, but we'll see. I'm only 2 weeks into the 4-6 week window and get labs July 1.

Lots of heat here lately, record heat indexes. It's 88F here right now, feels like 100F though according to weather.com, and that is only because it is overcast. Yesterday, it was 93, felt like 106F.

My daughter went to vacation bible school with a friend (friend's mom picked them up) then called and asked if it was OK if she stayed at her friend's house awhile. That's been several hours ago. I will have to call soon, but it gets my daughter off the screen for awhile. My daughter is 11.5 yr old but pretty much is a young teenager now.

I also had about a 30 minute long session of tinkering with my super finicky knock-off Mr. Coffee "Keurig". OMG, I thought it had finally died and I'd have to go back to the previous version, which H saved, where he spliced some cords or wires together or something to get it working. (The second one I got as the problem with the first was a known defect in the model I had, so the company sent it free.) It's getting pretty old though.

Going to try to read. Otherwise, it's mindless games on the iPad.

[Daonnachd]

I had to leave the house at 6:30 this morning to take my son to his 7:00 hair appointment. Then we sat outside the barber shop/salon for 20 extra minutes due to an accident slowing traffic for the shop owner.


Once back from that I got my togs on and went out for a ride. I didn't really want to, but I just didn't give myself the option of not going. The ride made me feel better; as it always does.


After showering I decided to go to the market and get veggies to make a stew for supper. Now I'm enjoying the smells of it cooking.

Later today the Parent Screening for the Film Camp productions. We live in a small college town and my son was asked to act in a film for the summer camp focused on all things film. He's acted for the college students in the past so the camp leaders were aware of him. I'm looking forward to seeing his acting.


Overall it's been an all around good day.

[Blue_Bird]

Had a good appointment with my therapist. Feeling a little weird from way too much coffee and too little sleep but I should be able to get some good rest tonight. I cooked dinner tonight, I normally just eat whatever can be put together fast like sandwiches and whatnot but I sauteed mushrooms and made rice with vermicelli

[tecomsin]

Got my blood test results and everything ok except triglycerides are a bit high. That's from too much glucose in the diet. Also my A1C is at the borderline of what would be prediabetes in the US. It was 5.6. On the other hand the A1C is also an average over months and would have included the time I was taking olanzapine, which raises my blood sugar.

My son is probably going to break it off with his girlfriend. I was happy for him when he found someone he liked, but he says she complains a lot and he is finding it stressful to be around her rather than having any fun, so it sounds like the end to me.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Got my blood test results and everything ok except triglycerides are a bit high. That's from too much glucose in the diet. Also my A1C is at the borderline of what would be prediabetes in the US. It was 5.6. On the other hand the A1C is also an average over months and would have included the time I was taking olanzapine, which raises my blood sugar.

Do you take fish oil pills? They can lower triglycerides, but it might depend on the situation. H is on cholesterol medication and somehow ended up with high triglycerides, doc told him to take fish oil pills, and his triglycerides went down. Maybe worth discussing with your doc? Of course, H isn’t on psych meds. He has been on thyroid medication for Hashimotos since he was a teenager. He has always been thin and doesn’t eat a bad diet, cannot even tolerate much greasy food, but his dad got high cholesterol quite young while very fit, so they figure there is a genetic element.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Do you take fish oil pills? They can lower triglycerides, but it might depend on the situation. H is on cholesterol medication and somehow ended up with high triglycerides, doc told him to take fish oil pills, and his triglycerides went down. Maybe worth discussing with your doc? Of course, H isn’t on psych meds. He has been on thyroid medication for Hashimotos since he was a teenager. He has always been thin and doesn’t eat a bad diet, cannot even tolerate much greasy food, but his dad got high cholesterol quite young while very fit, so they figure there is a genetic element.

That's good to know. I will try to eat more fish rather than take the capsules. I took capsules awhile ago and I was burping fish oil taste all day. My triglycerides are only slightly high.

[Moose72]

I cant take fish anything since im allergic. Meh.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

That's good to know. I will try to eat more fish rather than take the capsules. I took capsules awhile ago and I was burping fish oil taste all day. My triglycerides are only slightly high.

IF you keep them in the freezer there aren't fishy burps. I don't know if it is bad for the fish oil but it does help the side effect.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

That's good to know. I will try to eat more fish rather than take the capsules. I took capsules awhile ago and I was burping fish oil taste all day. My triglycerides are only slightly high.

You can try Dr. Tobias fish oil. It is burpless. I take it every day and there's no fishyness happening. Fish oil is also good for mental health. It is supposed to help fight depression. You can always eat more fish, but you'd need to eat a ton for the same effect.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Not my day. I leave for vacation tomorrow so I had things to do...eyebrow wax, vet, bank and something else. I woke up to a drenched bed because I had fallen asleep holding my water bottle. I had poured water in my computer which while old worked just fine. It is probably ruined. My brother does computer repair and will look at it tomorrow but said probably all he can do is save the hard drive material. I can't afford a new computer; I just had $1500 of dental work done.

I have a 10 year old netbook that I was planning to take on my trip anyway but it is sooooooooooo slow which I can handle for a week but is frustrating tonight. It decided to be picky about where it is charged for some reason this evening; hope my hotel room has a suitable plug. I don't understand........

The vet had to put my cat back on 2 meds he's been off for a few weeks/few months. At least most of that will be given at the vet's while he is boarding but he'll hate it. 6 doses of meds per day I think plus his wound needs rinsed out. Not cheap, of course.

I just took a shower and sat on the couch wondering why I smelled cat pee. The cat must have been mad about the vet and peed on the couch. So the cushion covers are in the washer when the clothes I am taking that are currently dirty are waiting.

I am so stressed.........But tomorrow is finally almost here and that means the trip we've been waiting for years to start is almost here (we leave very early Sunday but go to a hotel tomorrow).

Tomorrow will be better.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Not my day. I leave for vacation tomorrow so I had things to do...eyebrow wax, vet, bank and something else. I woke up to a drenched bed because I had fallen asleep holding my water bottle. I had poured water in my computer which while old worked just fine. It is probably ruined. My brother does computer repair and will look at it tomorrow but said probably all he can do is save the hard drive material. I can't afford a new computer; I just had $1500 of dental work done.

I have a 10 year old netbook that I was planning to take on my trip anyway but it is sooooooooooo slow which I can handle for a week but is frustrating tonight. It decided to be picky about where it is charged for some reason this evening; hope my hotel room has a suitable plug. I don't understand........

The vet had to put my cat back on 2 meds he's been off for a few weeks/few months. At least most of that will be given at the vet's while he is boarding but he'll hate it. 6 doses of meds per day I think plus his wound needs rinsed out. Not cheap, of course.

I just took a shower and sat on the couch wondering why I smelled cat pee. The cat must have been mad about the vet and peed on the couch. So the cushion covers are in the washer when the clothes I am taking that are currently dirty are waiting.

I am so stressed.........But tomorrow is finally almost here and that means the trip we've been waiting for years to start is almost here (we leave very early Sunday but go to a hotel tomorrow).

Tomorrow will be better.

I hope you have a wonderful vacation.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks Jennifer. Sorry for being whiny. I'm so really stressed out right now. I tried to watch Netflix and my browser is too old. I need to find a way to calm downn and then I'll be more positive.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thanks Jennifer. Sorry for being whiny. I'm so really stressed out right now. I tried to watch Netflix and my browser is too old. I need to find a way to calm downn and then I'll be more positive.

I don’t think you’re being whiny at all. You’re trying to get ready for vacation and you’ve had a lot of stressful stuff go on.

My French class was extremely agonizing. It got so stressful that I was on the verge of tears at one point. On the way out, the teacher kept saying that I had to study every single day. I wanted to say that I never want to study French ever again. I had sort of broken down to a degree and told him why I feel immobilized from studying. I basically exposed my delicate underbelly, under pressure. It didn't do any good, only bad. I won't go into it all.

On my way home from the class, I had a major desire to go home and have a drink. I haven't had such an urge for a very long time. I do have one drink most days, but haven't been drunk for years. I've almost never mentioned here that I used to have a drinking problem in the past. I self-medicated improperly treated bipolar disorder for a good chunk of my life.

I did have one drink more than I should have tonight, but it was in my husband's presence. I had invited my neighbor over for dinner because she's moving far away this week. We also had another neighbor join us at my house for dessert. I had worked my tail off prepping the dinner and cleaning the downstairs for much of the day before and after the French class.

I forgot to mention that on my way to the French class, I found myself in the wrong part of the area/town. It was like I thought I was going to my therapist's office, or something. I had to totally backtrack to start heading in the right direction.

I actually missed my therapy this week. That day I was in a hyperfocused state writing and writing. The phone rang and it was my therapist who said "Hi, BirdDancer. How are you?" I replied "Hi Robin, I'm great!" She had to tell me she wondered where I was before I realized that I totally lost sight of everything outside my inner world.

I see my psychiatrist on Monday. I really need him! Unfortunately, this will be my last appointment with him until after his annual six week summer vacation on Martha's Vineyard. I sometimes wonder...is it his vacation that makes me ill so often in the summers?

My husband and therapist keep pushing me to keep going to the French lessons. I feel like running away. In contrast, my psychiatrist doesn't think I should ever move to Europe. Years back when I told him about my husband's plan, my psychiatrist loudly barked "Don't do it!" He thinks that such a move would be catastrophic for me. Deep down I don't want to go. It scares the living *h*t out of me. So many things about the idea make me want to run away and hide. But I'm no victim here. Or maybe I am. If I had never grown so ill, I could have been a director of sales or marketing by now, at my old job. We'd have plenty of money to live where we do. But I'm not and didn't. My illness took that away from me. I swear, I didn't!

[yellow_fleurs]

BirdDancer this is such a difficult situation as a move to another country would be stressful even for someone without mental illness. Hope your psychiatrist can help at your next appointment and that you are able to stay stable while they are away.

[hopeless2015]

Anybody else feel like they are obsessed with every thought, mood emotion? I'm driving myself crazy. I need some kind of a break..from everything. I start to feel better then two steps back, then feel stable then back to ****ed up. I'm so sick of this ****! Uggggg.

Sorry, I try to stay on the positive side but crap, I just cant do it today.. venting!!

[~Christina]

Before I even opened my eyes today I said ouch. My fibromyalgia is about same level of pain but PsA joint pain was just ridiculous. I get up out of my chair like I’m 87 years old. Pathetic !

[Underdevelopment]

Yesterday was a biggie. Chiropractor. But the guy put his deep heat smelly stuff all over my back which then transferred into all the clothes I was wearing. Can't stand the smell of the gunk. Worked out well thought, forced me to have a shower and wash the clothes I was wearing.

Now if only they would dry. It's freezing outside

[Unrigged64072835]

I’m doing okay. Just really tired and sinuses are acting up. I’ve been working on fittings for a couple of tank tops. Will need more real soon.

Very high grass pollen sitting in the valley so everyone is sniffling a bit.

Otherwise quiet so far.

[sadveiledbride]

Pretty exhausted today, running on 6 hours of sleep, also had a hectic night. Feeling very sad, broken and disappointed.