Bipolar Check-In #38

Having a good morning so far. Making progress with cleaning.

I bought four storage bins at Wal-Mart this morning when they opened @ 6am. I was surprised they had some in stock since their website said they had none. Also got some decorative weaved baskets (not wicker baskets like I wanted, though) for the bathroom and kitchen. Now I can hopefully organize things a little better.

I'm still a bit overwhelmed with the mess here (since it's a buildup of over a year of being messy), but I'm hoping to overcome it soon with all my new storage items. Now stuff that's sitting on the floor can go into a container or bin, or on a shelf (once I finish building the shelving... ugh...).

Mood is alright. Could be better, but could certainly be worse, too. I'm kind of "meh" at the moment. I've lost a lot of motivation, but the mice in the walls make me want to do something about the mess... Though, I haven't heard the little f***ers since last week (THANKFULLY).

Hey, @fern46. Probably the easiest place to just quickly sort of read about the latest stuff in this area is to go to: us.cnn.com/2019/09/30/health/happiness-live-longer-wellness/index.html

Hopefully, that will work. Also, if you just google 'study on pessimism death rates' a whole bunch of stuff will pop up.

On this note, I am intentionally trying to be more optimistic. It is not my default position, but I am trying. We shall see...

You can do it. It is like changing any other habit. It is harder at first, but it gets easier over time as you shift the pattern bit by bit. I think it is cool you're considering shifting away from your tendencies to better your health.

I used to be quite negative in my younger years. I shifted out of it by choice as an adult after a couple of life altering experiences that opened my eyes a bit.

Thanks for the article. I'll check it out.

I already feel better. I felt bad this morning but I went back to sleep for a few hours and now I feel ok. I’m going to do some cleaning and maybe go to the store. I start back at my old job on Monday. I’m happy about that as I really don’t like being home by myself, as much as I like sleeping. I hope I will be happier at my old job and that this episode is beginning to pass. Maybe I won’t be able to go out as much but I’ll be happier.

I’m just feeling like so much pressure has been lifted from me. Wanting to hurt myself was so uncomfortable. I had to really lean on RS to keep me safe, which I don’t like to do. I’m lucky he is so supportive. I always felt like I had to hide it with my husband because he would get so upset and angry about it. Then it would build and build and I’d end up hospitalized. This time I didn’t get actively suicidal. Passively, yes, but I wasn’t in imminent danger. I think that’s because I was able to talk about my feelings instead of stuffing them down. It’s such a nice change.

I hope I will continue to feel better and get over this episode.

I just can not seem to get my den in order and it’s demoralizing. As I mentioned, I cleaned out a storage unit a few months ago and this is stuff from when I was married for 19 years. I have family friends who would do it but I have to go through (or think I do) everything to see what to keep and what to donate. Maybe I should just say to heck with it and donate everything.

If it was in storage for 7 years and I never used it, why would I now? My life coach thinks there is an emotional component to it that is holding me back. I don’t know why. I’ve been divorced for ten years and it was my decision.

Very frustrating as it’s pulling my mood down.

Otherwise, doing well. Family says I’m isolating. I say I’m heavily in to inner work right now. Who knows for sure?

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Maybe you've got something valuable in the mix and you subconsciously know you're going to find it. Maybe your therapist is right. It would be good to at least sit with the feelings for a while to see if there is anything left there to process.

Do you have a history of isolating? What does that behavior typically lead to for you? Quiet reflection time can be healthy under the right circumstances. If Jesus can sit in the desert alone for 40 days who are we to judge?

I got almost all of the paperwork done today! I need a form from the irs yet the recording hangs up on me and the website gives me the same error over and over! Im going to ask my mom's tax guy. Meanwhile, my ex husband wont give me his address and social security number. He has the last two times I had this section 8recert. Now he's pissy and huffy and won't give either. He says they dont need it because it has nothing to do with him. These are the days Im glad I divorced him...

Having a lot of fear and anxiety ATM. My stalker showed back up so I'm having to deal with that bull**** again. The PHP T wants me to process it but I don't think I can without dissociating straight up in the middle of it.

I’m feeling really low again. I still have a month before I can get insurance through the marketplace so I can’t get in to see my pdoc. Not sure how much it would help. Maybe getting back to work at my old job will help me. Maybe I just need a few days to recover. I’ll get through this episode somehow.

Have you kept any copiesof previous paperwork?
His SSN might be in copies of other paperwork?

Google him. You may find his address.

Keep this info in a permanent file if you locate any of it.

You do a great job with this burden of so much paper work!
You always ace it, despite the high anxiety caused by it all.
Good job!!!

I am sorry you continue to suffer.
Is there any chance your pdoc might take cash payment on a sliding scale fee?

Some pdocs do this even though not all of their patients know they do so. (It is usually known on a "need to know" basis.)

Iknow of several who take a cut fee when cash is paid because they do not want to incur costs for billing insurers, etc.
It never hurts to ask about options.

I hope you feel better asap.

I googled him and found his address and phone number.

Yeah steroids are just awful !! I did get a bit of sleep. I just know how each day sleep gets worse , then food starts tasting like I’m chew on foil.

Steroids suck! lol

So glad your having a good day !

So happy for you getting a huge weight lifted! Great decision

Ouch! Foil? I know it hurts when you have metal fillings...

Since your already aware it’s effecting your mood maybe you can quickly go through the stuff , skim over it and just toss stuff in the donate pile or trash pile.

Yes working on inner work is important but you know you have to becareful about isolating. Listen to your family’s observation.

Hope your able to dig into your den , I love organizing things !

Hugs!!!

Glad it’s getting completed ! There’s always going to be some snags !!!! Annoying as hell im sure

Yes in cases like this it’s always a reminder Ex’s are Ex’s for a good reason !!

Hopefully the IRS stuff gets sorted!

Pay yourself on the back for getting it done

Doing well I think. Apart from the anxiety. DH and I are heading off interstate this afternoon for the long weekend. I can’t believe I agreed to it. Don’t know where my head was at. 6hrs driving today. 5hrs tomorrow. Then a day after we get there, repeat the process to get home. Aargh!?! 😳

Im watching Grey's Anatomy and crying! What a day! Thanks for your understanding.

Well I’m right on track with expected side effect problems from prednisone

AND Greys Anatomy tonight was beyond boring , the show use to be so exciting.

#pityparty

I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight. Have had some slight paranoia trying to creep in but I am aware of it and pushed the thoughts away every time they popped up with more rational ones.

I went for a ride this afternoon. Good for the body. Good for the mind.

Tomorrow I have my third ECT in as many weeks. I'm also giving my doc a box of tea as a thank you for taking such good care of me. I'm a little nervous about whether she is a tea drinker or not, but if not she can just give it to the ECT department.

Just found out I missed a payment on my credit card. I went into the site and must have done everything but click confirm 3 weeks ago. So now it's late. I haven't missed a payment on anything in years after working extremely hard to fix bad credit that I acquired when I was too sick to pay bills routinely. I'll call and see if they'll take it off my credit history and forgive the fee but how frustrating. I feel so stupid; I should have noticed that I didn't get a confirmation of payment.

I guess I was due for something to go wrong after being sick so long; my brain isn't working as well. Still I'm so mad at myself. Oh well...can't fix it now.

I am sorry this has happened to you. I have a lot of anxiety about possibly missing a payment, too.