Bipolar check-in #65

Soupe Thank you for the good wishes! Glad your trip was a good one ! It’s always such a wonderful feeling to get home and have good memories!

Beth ! Support groups ?? Oooooh I swear some people are just hateful jerks. I think maybe they just feel the need to be ugly. Probably miserable people across the board.. You are doing an amazing job caring for Sidney and all your babies..to hell with anyone who thinks it’s okay to act that way. Oooo a pedi. I haven’t had one in ages. Please do share what color you go with.

Moose ..Do keep in mind that you have been needing to collect lots of stuff before in the past so you can do it again. Maybe this time make a copy of each item and jot down on the back or whatever what steps you went through to obtain it so next go around you will already know how.. just a thought.

Hallie you know I just love B. He always finds the prettiest flowers and to get your lap top running quickly. He loves you so much. What a great guy.

Jennifer ! Oh the cost of Dental. I had to get a crown back in February. Was lucky we use a Care credit account for such unexpected bills. I guess I am lucky I have a actual good Dentist that isn’t out to rip anyone off. Hope you can get done what you need too.

Bluebird. How is Maybelle and Miss M doing? My daughter just added a kitten to her home and her cat is thrilled to have him join the family. I’m sure yours will be snuggle bunnies soon.

Pinny. You are such a joy to have on the forum

MM How are you doing ? Is Miguel excited to start the next adventure in his life ??

Nammu ! I legit don’t get dressed for the day unless I have to go anywhere lol ! I live in shorts and ratty T-shirt’s. Oooh a cold snap I’d kinda like one !!!! last night we have storms so I had to close windows and I woke up sweaty. I hate that !!! I’d rather be cold !

Otroo How is your trip going ? I’m sure it’s bitter sweet but she would want you to be happy.

Wind … how are you doing?!

Wild I sure hope things start to settle into a good patch of stability. God knows you deserve it !

Hugs to anyone I have missed.

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Well I’m better today thankfully ! No idea what yesterday was about.

Well I spent 4-5 hours on the porch just enjoying our beautiful weather and watching all the birds at the feeders. We have numerous new birds this year so that’s exciting.

Gus of course was outside with me and runs off the porch chasing squirrels or leaves. He took off around the house and came back covered in what I’m guessing is bird poop so he’s now freshly bathed lol That’s a big dog cookie in his mouth.



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Im on a mood stabilizer for bipolar but still depressed. Pdoc says i dont need antidepressant with vraylar, but im still suffering now that im weaning off. But the weight gain! I cant have that anymore. Im at my heaviest and its embarrassing (im made to feel embarrassed by my company).

My point is, im having a depressing day today. Sorry if i repeated myself from my last entry. Same concerns, but mood is worse today.

I’m so sorry things are not going well

Continue to be proactive and getting the help you want and need ! I hear you on the weight problems.

Many hugs

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paranoia/anxiety/stress is getting to me. At this point I'm hoping T doesn't hospitalize me for being too honest about how much I'm struggling. H may come with me a little while into my session to give context. I want to see Miguel graduate, all his family is coming in. This is not a time for this. I can't hide this hospitalization if she hospitalizes me. My thoughts are dark but I wont act on any of them. And the stupid feelings of bugs crawling all over me.

He's not. It's a big change. He moves out in little over a week. Then has to find a job quickly. He's struggling it's finals week and he got the stomach bug. I'm excited for him. He has a final paper and presentation on Wednesday.

Ooooh my goodness I’ve gained 12lbs on vraylar since February! It just makes me so hungry! I lost 25mg from my heaviest two years ago and kept it off and now I’ve gained half of it back because of this damn med. I’m with you, I’m going to ask to go off of it. It’s not working at all anyway!

Keep advocating for yourself, we shouldn’t have to take crap from our pdocs just because they “know better”.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour ... @*Beth*, Happy May Day to you, as well! It's more acknowledged in Europe than in the US. I learned the day was originally created in the US, but President Grover Cleveland moved the day to September (Labor Day) for kind of stupid reasons.

Thank you! And how odd. I'll read about that.

@~Christina I kept copies of all my paperwork from last year. I actually filled out the paperwork today. It's just getting all the proofs! Tomorrow morning, I am going to go to the social security office and see if they are open. Then Wednesday, I'm seeing my case manager at pdoc's office and she can help me get stuff from DHHS. It's literally next door so we can walk over there. I also need a receipt or letter from my dentist's office stating the amount I paid to fix my teeth. Etc etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Thanks Beth I’m having a relaxing May Day despite the decidedly unspring like day. Only 44 feels like 37F and dark, gloomy and rainy. Still haven’t put the solar flower lights out in the flower box. It’s not really been warm enough to do that. Mum, bless her opened windows because it’s May, but the heats on! Making pancakes and scrambled egg for supper. Then tonight is call of the midwife. Then a shower, clean pjs and bed. Because it’s Sunday my religion forbades me to get dressed. Lol 😝 just kidding, but on Sundays I don’t do much or get dressed. It’s my day off. I’ve corrupted mum. As she’s starting not to do anything on Sunday either except listen too the church service in the morning. Shame on me corrupting the elderly 👿

That really is way too cold for May. Ooh, I love those solar flower lights.

I’ve been depressed but I did keep it at bay for most of the day. We got parsley, dill, oregano, rosemary, and thyme (already had basil) for the herb garden. We got lettuce for the vegetable garden but couldn’t find broccoli. But we did plant the green beans and then dug up some grass along the fence and planted sunflowers. We got a hanging strawberry that I think we’re going to have to Put something over to deter the chickadees who live near where we hung it. Or we have to move it to a strong shepherd’s hook in the front. We were going to buy the hook as well but it would t have fit in my small Corolla! I also got two pots of daises.

Then we went on a walk on a new trail. It was a nice 1 mile loop but not very well-maintained. There was an extremely sketchy bridge over a creek that I was very reticent to cross because it was rotted out in places and all they’d done was put 2x4s across. It was a good 10 foot drop onto rocks if it had given way. We all made it across but I’m not going to go back.

I had to take a nap, I was just so tired. I’m feeling a bit depressed still. But I guess we’ll just see what happens tomorrow. As mentioned I’m going to ask to be taken off vraylar. I’m also going to refuse to be put on anything else for depression unless she takes me off something first. I’m not messing around with 7+ meds. I’m over it.

Christina, Maybelle and Mustachio are still adjusting. Might take a few more weeks. Maybelle is 13 and lived most of her life with my sister so it’s a big change for her, my sister stopped by to see her yesterday just to say hi for a minute to try and help Maybelle relax a bit since she was very anxious, she was very excited when she was here. Maybelle lets me pet her sometimes and she rolls around on the floor and purrs, she loves that catnip banana toy. She’s a sweetie.

I’m just frustrated because people are setting off some extremely loud fireworks and have been nonstop for the past half an hour. I hope it doesn’t scare her. It sounds like continuous gunshots and booms, it’s making me anxious so it’s probably terrifying Maybelle. I kind of want to go outside and yell at people to stop but I’m not going to do that. I just hope they stop soon.

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Oh great! So it IS the vraylar causing weight gain? Im going off my antidepressant cuz pdoc is convinced thats what did it. Now im anxious depressed and maybe still heavy or gaining (haven't weighed yet). Ugh! So depressing!

Hope things settle down so you can enjoy graduation. Yes moving out will be a big change !

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Yes ! Will just take more time !

Oh don’t ya just hate people that blow up stuff .. my one dog just hates it.

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I’m so glad you get help with all that paperwork. It can be daunting for sure

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We're home as of about 2 hours ago. I soon need to go to my therapy appointment. Oh how I wish I hadn't scheduled this particular one! When we get back, I'm going to bed no matter how early, but I should call my dad first.

Here’s Maybelle and Mustachio hanging out in my storage closet this morning

Well it is for me since I didn’t start gaining until I was on that! I’m just so hungry all the time, and even if I eat fruit and veggies I’m still just hungry as hell. It is very depressing to be unable to stop eating and gaining a pound or two a week. I hope you find something that helps that’s weight neutral!

How come you’re short on Valium again? Did they not give you enough?

I am deeply depressed today. These episodes are rare, thankfully, but they creep up and knock me on my *****. The first indication is wanting to sleep a lot. The second is overeating. I am just filled with dread. It goes from zero to suicidal in no time flat. I don’t know where this came from. I will call my NP today to see about adding a medication to help me out. This is a bad time for me to have this happen. Couldn’t be worse.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!

They did. Things have been tough.

The kidney doctor was uneventful. He was just like "blah blah urine collection shows your level is better then your kidney blood level so theres no need for a biopsy blah blah." Or it could be just increased muscle mass from the testosterone despite the fact I'm wearing a size small mens button shirt so there is no muscle anywhere on me. Anyways he just said come back in 6 months, do blood work a week before. He is not the doctor I need to worry about. That would be my blood doctor and my endocronologist who are always finding stuff.

And anyone who says "Namoi Judd couldn't wait a few hours until she was inducted into the country music hall of fame with her daughter?" can absolutley go **** themselves because they have no idea what mental illness can do to someone.

Oo I have great cramping stitches of pain when I move or try to walk. Sometimes doubling over when I move. Canceled aqua fitness this morning. Pretty sure this is the same thing I had before. There a great big Latin name for it. I have my annual appointment with my doctor on Thursday. If it’s still an issue then I’ll talk to him. Came up suddenly last night while I was cooking. Was able to sleep though. Seems better now.

That sounds awful, Nammu! I hope the pain eases asap. I'm glad you have an appointment coming up so soon. Even if it subsides before then, I'd still mention it.

Take care!

Got a haircut today. I need to look decent for the service on Saturday. Been an OK day,nothing too exciting. I got the drug screening debacle taken care of -- had to essentially deliver it myself but I was able to email/scan it rather than drive 1.5 hours to get it turned in. Honestly their office drives me insane. How is it they have a "fax person"... can no one else pick up a received fax? Or send one? -- they never seem to receive or able to send anything. At least it's in my chart and it means when I see my psychiatrist tomorrow (pushing it aren't we? I took the test the 12th and I've been trying to get this to them since...) I can get my medicine.


I asked my nurse practitioner friend about my drug test results because I was very shocked to see negative for all substances. Adderall, an amphetamine, I assumed should show up on the test (I've never seen the results before on one of these). He explained the cuttoff on my test is rather high and showed me even some scholarly studies that show that on routine drug testing it doesn't show up but a little more than half the time in individuals at my dosage. Essentially, the test is to make sure I'm not abusing anything (not a high level in my system). That makes enough sense to me I guess.

I feel like doing something creative today. I may play some piano.

I'm still not thinking straight. Last night I sent an email to (I thought) my pdoc which referenced some discussions we've had during this breast mess and requesting a refill of a psych med. Too bad I sent it to my breast surgeon......They were nice but a little confused. I talk to her tomorrow so I guess I can explain then. So embarrassed. It could have been worse though. I do know that. I just need to double-check what I'm doing.

Oh well....