Bipolar check-in #69

Just watched the queen go on to Westminster all pomp and very well done.

I’m just so blah, not sleeping well. No energy. But the brrr I had under my skin yesterday are gone, I’m not feeling like ripping of heads. Just blah. Can’t wait until we get this med shifted and worked out. So I sleep and have energy again.

Have you tried the allergy pills?
bizi

$450 for my car repair. Ugh. I need my college refund check bad

I found out my therapist is pregnant. I was wondering but its not something you ask. Then of course I had trouble making eye contact the entire time after she told me. I'm wondering if this was planned or not considering her age. Not that its my bussiness anyways. Today went well but I was hangry so she gave a me fiber one bar but I can't eat in front of people and it just made me cough and I was legit having a hard time eating it in front of her so I just didn't. Anyways today we mostly talked about food and my height dysphoria. I don't know how it will be with her being pregnant. I know I got everything removed but I often get nervous around pregant women for some reason and I don't know if its dysphoria related or what. But everythIng will work out.

I feel a lot better after eating half a container of plant based eggs. Its a liguid you make into scrambled eggs. I also ate a tablespoon of Wow butter and I took a few of my meds and drank some vapor distilled bottled water. So I feel pretty good mentally and physically at the moment.

Ben and jerrys ice cream did not go over well. My mouth tounge and back of throat became numb and tingly I got a slight dry cough. Its better now although my mouth is still a bit tingly and I keep swallowing a bunch of post nasal drip and I'm nauseated. I guess I'll have to switch to plant based or non dairy.

I take two Benadryl every night. I’m not sure they do anything anymore but I won’t take more than that.

Unfortunately, N3 refuses to make any appointments with either his medical doctor or his dentist. I've been bugging him for 2 years!!

I took Sumatriptan because I've felt a migraine lurking. It really helps relieve the headache, but I get so sleepy from it. Might have to lie down.

Ohhhh...this morning! I awoke and the soft sunlight was dappling though the tree leaves outside my window onto my bed. There was a gorgeous breeze, a blessing from the ocean, coming through the window. I was lying there breathing in cool, fresh air for the first time in months. I felt happy. I could have spent my entire life suspended in those magnificent minutes.

I'm so glad you're having a better day @Sunflower123. The Christmas craft event sounds like such fun! When my children were little, every year I'd take them to a big Christmas craft show called the Dickens Fair. It is a lovely, fun memory.

I'm still very concerned about about @MuddyBoots.

Oh, wow, @Mountaindewed. Really, it is your business that your t is pregnant. Like, how far along? What are her plans as far as being on leave?

How are things going @buddha1too? You must have a lot on your shoulders these days.

@*Beth* I'm not sure how far along she is but I'm guessing not far since she is just now telling people. Mainly I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she is 46 and pregnant. My mom had me when she was 41 and I thought that was super old to have a kid. I'll ask at my next session what her plans are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed @*Beth* I'm not sure how far along she is but I'm guessing not far since she is just now telling people. Mainly I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she is 46 and pregnant. My mom had me when she was 41 and I thought that was super old to have a kid. I'll ask at my next session what her plans are.

Whoa, 46 is definitely old to be pregnant. I have a cousin, his wife had their 7th child when she was 52. My mom was 37 when I was born and my family always considered that old. Nowadays, it's not unusual, though.

I’m feeling less moody. Made phone calls which I always dread. One of them to the clinic for an eye appointment. The portal has no appointments available. I always hate using the phone with them, it’s all computers you have to say your birth date and it always says it didn’t get that, finally I punched in the numbers and got past that then I had to go though a bunch of options, by the time my phone captions the words I’m pass the point of pushing the button. Finally got connected to the eye doc and then she couldn’t find me. Had my address from 50 years ago! Finally got an appointment in December. Sirs rescheduling went much easier.

Then I made a bunch of stops downtown. The book is delayed, picked up the HC application for mum, but skipped the cannabis shop as there were no parking spots. Went to the grocery store, forgot my list but I think I got everything on the lists.

All that running around perked me up. Guess I just needed to get out of the house.

I can not imagine becoming a mum in my 50’s! Gee the energy kids take and those sleepless first months!

I'm ready to go to bed. Didn't do much today either. Just went to Starbucks and got a free drink and muffin with my "stars". I gotta quit going there! Or at least order cheaper/smaller things. Today I ordered a "trenta" cold drink and it was too much. I only ordered it because it was "free". I didn't go for a walk today or walk at the gym. I try to walk every other day. And I tried to make an in-person appointment with my primary doctor to talk about the crap that's going on trying to get approved for Saxenda - the weight loss drug my doctor recommended - but they are scheduling out into January and I have an appointment for December for a check up so that seemed pointless. Meanwhile, I just have to keep walking and trying to not eat too much. Meanwhile, I can't get Noah to go to a dental or medical check up! He's as stubborn as a mule as they say. I have no idea why he won't go. He has health insurance. It's nice out right now. I just wish it were bedtime - I don't know why because I hate waking up in the morning always asking myself "how am I going to fill the void that is this day- again.".

GF is getting around better, but is still in pain. The more mobile she gets, the easier it becomes. I will be glad when I no longer have to "drive Ms. Daisy."

Hi everyone !

I’m managing okay. I feel like I’m recovering from the Flu . I’m not sick …I call it the “ Stress flu” I always need a bit of time to get my feet back under me after prolonged stress.

I saw Richard today and it went well. I wanted to skip IFS work today. I just didn’t have the energy for it. I do think it’s going to make a big difference in my life the longer I’m working it.

The last few days have been glorious weather. Sit on the porch weather ! 10 days til official Fall ! I know we are going to warm back up but none of the soul sucking heatwaves.

Amanda is wanting to come up probably in November . She’s excited to come up to colder weather. I’ll be happy no matter when she comes up.

I hope everyone is doing okay

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Had another highly productive day. Winding down watching Rocky IV. I think that one is my favorite of the series.

We had a good breakfast at Cracker Barrel (where they sell my beloved buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans). I did outstanding buying just the one bag. They had a beautiful Christmas tree up. Yes, already.

The church had a tasty meal tonight. Interestingly, a lady came early and to my back door where I was changing and had the full door blinds open. The room was a bit disheveled as well. Oh, the tales she can tell. Ha! Awkward it was.

I did a bit of rapid cycling today. I don’t know why yet and I’m not going to call unless it continues. One foot in front of the other, breath work and really positive, gentle self talk.

I hope everybody has a restful evening. Much love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’m feeling less moody. Made phone calls which I always dread. One of them to the clinic for an eye appointment. The portal has no appointments available. I always hate using the phone with them, it’s all computers you have to say your birth date and it always says it didn’t get that, finally I punched in the numbers and got past that then I had to go though a bunch of options, by the time my phone captions the words I’m pass the point of pushing the button. Finally got connected to the eye doc and then she couldn’t find me. Had my address from 50 years ago! Finally got an appointment in December. Sirs rescheduling went much easier. Then I made a bunch of stops downtown. The book is delayed, picked up the HC application for mum, but skipped the cannabis shop as there were no parking spots. Went to the grocery store, forgot my list but I think I got everything on the lists. All that running around perked me up. Guess I just needed to get out of the house.

I'm happy to hear that your day was better today (aside from the phone calls...I am not a phone person, at all).

I have found that there are times when simply leaving my apartment for a little while changes my mood for the better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too GF is getting around better, but is still in pain. The more mobile she gets, the easier it becomes. I will be glad when I no longer have to "drive Ms. Daisy."

I get it. Hang in there. I'm betting you're doing a terrific job.

Much love to you, too @Sunflower123. I'm glad you had another productive day. 2 in a row, rock on!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 ....I don't know why because I hate waking up in the morning always asking myself "how am I going to fill the void that is this day- again.".

I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you felt that way. You always seem to be busy and socializing, I'm amazed at how easily you make friends.

Do you think Noah is scared to go?

How easily I make friends... Well today I have plans with Noah- I think.

Speaking of friends, sometimes I really miss my friend Ken. We were so close- best friends. He died about 4.5 years ago of stage 4 lung cancer. They found it too late for anything other than comfort care.
He never smoked. He was about 60.

I guess Noah is scared to go. What else could it be? He won't take his cat to the vet- but that costs money; he has health insurance. *Sigh*. It worries me what little thing could turn into a big thing if he doesn't go- like Ken.

Today is the anniversary of the day I went inpatient last year, as near as I can figure. The anniversary of the awfulness that sent me down that self-destructive path. While the intensity has faded of the memory, I still worry about that. I don't want to jinx myself so I'll stop here.

The past 36 hours have been pretty good! I didn't sleep too well night before last, but was able to make up for it last night. Fell asleep early and woke up at my usual time, fairly well rested!

With the purchase of tags for my car and a proper oil change (not just me sticking oil in the engine), all of my car maintenance and car logistics are done with for the time being. My father seems to have mellowed out on his whole angry bait and switch on me covering labor for my car. Sleep seems to have wiped his memory and I'm not going to encourage recall. I'll say this: I have no problem paying him back, but I have a huge problem with him only asking for payment after the fact. I'll keep a $25 "installment" check sitting in my desk drawer and call it good there.

I've been able to start having a life! I bought two tickets, one for a Rocky Horror Picture Show.... showing in October and a blues-rock concert in November. It's going to be nice to go to a Rocky Horror showing where people understand what they're getting into! Last three times I went to see it, people complained to theater management about people being rowdy and yelling at the screen. That's the fun of the show, riffing on the movie, having your props, etc, wouldn't you agree? I get a free prop kit with my ticket, so these guys know what they're doing!

For the concert in November, I actually get to see friends I haven't seen in any real fashion since COVID started. They're band promoters that I've known since I graduated high school. (This concert is one of their "gets" for the venue.) They're always great to be around and always make a place at their table when they see me. I think it's safe to say I'm more excited for this one than Rocky Horror, and I love Rocky Horror!

Work was even good too! It almost turned into a wash yesterday, but a late afternoon rush brought my sales numbers up to good levels! Seven phones in a weekday afternoon? I'll take it!

Here's to a good day today!

Yeah I think they’re the same thing. They’re vegan…. I get confused with the plant based labels but they’re definitely dairy free and vegan. If you do have to switch they taste alright… well the chocolate one tasted really good to me. The other one I had I can’t remember what it was called but it was maybe cookies and cream or something and it wasn’t as nice but it was still alright.

I looked online at Target and it seems the only ones I can eat that are vegan that are made of sunflower butter and not almond milk (I can't do any kind of nuts in any form) is the cookies and cream one and a limited edtion one called change the whirled. So I'll give those a try. Target also has a line of plant based ice cream with a couple more flavors made out of sunflower butter.

I found something really awesome with sumatriptan recently. I kept buying the cheaper (generic) brands and whenever I took one it was taking around an hour to work on the migraine and then I went to a different pharmacy a couple of months ago and they didn’t have any generics so I had to get the name brand (imigran? or something like that) and it seriously works within 10-15mins now. Maybe I’m just slow at realising the difference between brands but man that makes a huge difference! I know in some countries different brands are allowed to work differently but here they’re meant to have the same active ingredients and all work the same so it’s really weird but I’m glad I’ve found this out. It’s worth the extra money. Sorry for the random essay just sharing my sumatriptan excitement I’m glad it works for you too!