Bipolar check-in #71

MuddyBoots · Dec 18, 2022, 05:53 PM

Bluebird- I hope your therapist helps you sort through all that trauma, certainly sounds chaotic and traumatic. I'm about to start trauma therapy myself and I'm told it's going to get worse before it gets better, so if that's the route you take, be prepared. Love the scratching post, hope the kitties do too!

Blue_Bird · Dec 18, 2022, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Bluebird- I hope your therapist helps you sort through all that trauma, certainly sounds chaotic and traumatic. I'm about to start trauma therapy myself and I'm told it's going to get worse before it gets better, so if that's the route you take, be prepared. Love the scratching post, hope the kitties do too!

Thank you! Yeah, I figured it would get worse before it gets better. I certainly hope it gets better. Lately since talking about it I've been extremely anxious, paranoid,and dissociated. But my last appointment was the first time I ever talked about my past, about my life growing up. I never would talk about it in over 7 years of therapy because I figured it didn't matter. But it probably does. So I decided I would start finally talking about it because because I can see some connections between it and my mental health. So I hope this helps. And I hope your trauma therapy is helpful for you too

The cats are very happy with the scratching post, they got some new toys too so they've been playing a lot today

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MuddyBoots · Dec 18, 2022, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thank you! Yeah, I figured it would get worse before it gets better. I certainly hope it gets better. Lately since talking about it I've been extremely anxious, paranoid,and dissociated. But my last appointment was the first time I ever talked about my past, about my life growing up. I never would talk about it in over 7 years of therapy because I figured it didn't matter. But it probably does. So I decided I would start finally talking about it because because I can see some connections between it and my mental health. So I hope this helps. And I hope your trauma therapy is helpful for you too

The cats are very happy with the scratching post, they got some new toys too so they've been playing a lot today

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Thank you. I thought the same, that it was irrelevant, until I was drunk and just casually brought it up to a friend who pointed out how f**ked up that

Possible trigger:

the sexual abuse I went through from a neighbor

was and then I started realizing how messed up my upbringing as a young child particularly from my addicted dad was as well. As I'm opening up more and more about it I feel more dissociated, yet connecting the dots between what happened and how I am as a person now, and just feeling "broken" too. May our therapies be incredibly helpful in the long run

Nammu · Dec 18, 2022, 06:15 PM

I got Sir a new bed. He likes to lay on a rug near the front door. So I bought him a bed for that area. He’s been loving it. He sleeps in his family room bed in slider window the morning, his up on the table bed by the living room window in the afternoon and on his new bed the rest of the time. He certainly has it made!

Nammu · Dec 18, 2022, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Sorry I haven't posted the past few days, just been feeling bad lately mentally. Going through childhood trauma from living with my alcoholic mentally unstable mom with my therapist last week brought up all kinds of memories, and there's still something big I have to talk to her about next time we meet.

Possible trigger:

a sexual experience when I was 7 years old with a friend who was a year older than me intimidated me and threatened to get me in trouble if I tried to leave her room , she blocked the door and wouldn't let me leave until what happened, what she did, happened. Anyway, I was extremely shy and easily intimidated by other peers as a kid. Something must have happened to her to make her behave that way because doing that stuff to your friends isn't normal. I know it wasn't her fault, we were both kids, I;m just assuming there was some weird person in her life that may have done something to her to make her act that way to me. I don't think it's normal for someone our age at the time to know any of what she knew, looking back 20 years later.

Anyway, I kept it a secret for my whole life. Never told my mom, anyone. I told my sister about it recently. It happened over 20 years ago. As a kid I felt disgusted about myself, ashamed and hated myself, my body, thought I would go to hell for what my friend did, would stay up crying at night.

Back to what I was originally saying, I never told any therapist about this either because I figured it was stupid or irrelevent. But I think it played a part of a role in some of my mental health issues as a child/early teen. So I'm finally going to talk about it at my next appointment on the 5th. I figured the past is the past but all of it did have some significance and caused me to hate myself,. This combined with my life with my mom. Not ever feeling comfortable talking to her about it because she was the way she was. She wasn't much of a role model or parental figure, I was just there, while she drank all day everyday and got us evicted 20 something times and moving all across the country. She was supposed to go to rehab when she was pregnant with me,but she left and continued drinking the whole time. And seeing her get yelled at, punched buy a guy. Just not good living environments

That certainly is traumatic and does need to be talked about.

Hang in there

Blue_Bird · Dec 18, 2022, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I got Sir a new bed. He likes to lay on a rug near the front door. So I bought him a bed for that area. He’s been loving it. He sleeps in his family room bed in slider window the morning, his up on the table bed by the living room window in the afternoon and on his new bed the rest of the time. He certainly has it made!

He sounds like an awesome cat!

*Beth* · Dec 18, 2022, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

....
Back to what I was originally saying, I never told any therapist about this either because I figured it was stupid or irrelevent. But I think it played a part of a role in some of my mental health issues as a child/early teen. So I'm finally going to talk about it at my next appointment on the 5th....

It's such a sad, sickening feeling when we realize that someone we knew as a child was surely abused by someone because that child's behavior was clearly indicative of abuse. All we can do is hope that sought treatment when they became adults.

I'm right there with your decision to tell your t about that incident, Birdie. I believe it's a very important piece of the trauma you experienced and need and want to heal from

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 18, 2022, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Sorry I haven't posted the past few days, just been feeling bad lately mentally. Going through childhood trauma from living with my alcoholic mentally unstable mom with my therapist last week brought up all kinds of memories, and there's still something big I have

BlueBird, I talked to my therapist about a very similar thing just last week. I've been through trauma therapy and he knows in detail most of what happened to me as a child but I'd never talked about this. I felt so much better after I did.

I hope the same is true for you.

Blue_Bird and Boots, trauma therapy was very hard but it was very worth it. I'm so glad I did it.

Blue_Bird · Dec 18, 2022, 06:53 PM

Thank you everyone for the support, I really appreciate it. I kept changing my mind on whether to bring it up because I felt like it was stupid to bring up but it will probably help me feel better talking about it , so that is what I will be doing at our next appointment January 5th

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*Beth* · Dec 18, 2022, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Beth and Soupe-- I've heard the kindling effect is just that each episode over time becomes more severe and harder to treat.

Well, that's one, but there is the theory about the psychosocial, etc.

I just now spent too long reading about it and man, there are so many theories about the kindling effect, none of them even proven, all of them speculative. My brain started to muddle, wander and lose focus so I finally closed the pages and stopped reading. The one takeaway I did find intriguing, as I always have about this subject, is one or 2 assertions that the kindling effect has to do with some sort of connection between BD and epilepsy. See, that has always intrigued me because I do believe that bipolar moods are seizure-like. But even that continues to be a debate.

*Beth* · Dec 18, 2022, 07:02 PM

I found my vacuum cleaner bags! They were right there, inches above my head on a shelf in my closet. I didn't have to lift anything heavy, at all.

My therapist claims to have done trauma therapy with me, but I don't really feel any different than when I first walked into her office. What exactly are therapists supposed to do about trauma to alleviate it in a client? Can someone give me say, 3, things? I would appreciate it.

Nammu · Dec 18, 2022, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

He sounds like an awesome cat!

He’s an old man cat. Can’t be sure of his age because he a rescue but he’s 16-17 so up there. And definitely has a sense of his importance

he runs the household.

Victoria'smom · Dec 18, 2022, 07:26 PM

I don't know how I am I've been. I'm anxiously waiting word on the apartment. I'm not really eating a lot. Loosing a bunch of weight. Can't handle this much longer. It's so hard not eating clean. I had a taco tonight and I feel so sick 🤢. It sucks. Anything processed I'm having trouble. So drinking has been interesting too I know I have to drink but all the things that can be in it. There's no meat market/ farmers market. So I'm having difficulty.

Mountaindewed · Dec 18, 2022, 08:21 PM

People saying they want that man to die aren't being very nice. Even my mom said she hopes it happens. You just don't wish that stuff on anyone. You wish for other legal type stuff to happen but not for someone to die. I just find that wrong and kind of sick thinking.

I have to cut corners somehow so I'm trying spotify instead of Amazon music. Not being able to skip songs is annoying. I haven't been annoyed by too many ads though.

But man am I hungry. I just want to chug an entire bottle of eggnog right now.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 18, 2022, 09:56 PM

I feel less euphoric and more numb. I’m trying to be in the Christmas spirit but failing. I mean I usually have everything wrapped and prepared. I don’t even feel like it. I’m anxious and numb all at once and sleepy too. I’m not sure ifs truly my mood or if I’m having this bc of the risperdal increase. I see my new pdoc next Tuesday and I’m scared to share what’s happening. So far no bugs today.

Any thoughts, friends? I’m not sure what’s happening

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 18, 2022, 11:17 PM

My dr/t can’t send you to a hospital unless you’re in danger of harming yourself or others right? I’ve been feeling bugs on me abd having mood swings. I’m in Kentucky usa

*Beth* · Dec 19, 2022, 01:26 AM

What man @Mountaindewed? Not being able to skip songs is unacceptable.

Do you think it really could be the Risperdal increase @HALLIEBETH87? Seems like the current symptoms began when you increased. By "next Tuesday" do you mean all the way on the 27th? How about calling to get in sooner...even a phone appointment?

@Nammu, Sir must just adore his new bed. Makes me feel happy just imagining him all snuggled up in it.

Mountaindewed · Dec 19, 2022, 02:09 AM

@*Beth* the orange one.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2022, 07:21 AM

The 27th is soonest I could get bc I’m a new patient. I’m so nervous about telling the truth

unlived · Dec 19, 2022, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

@*Beth* the orange one.

lol funny that everyone knows who the “orange” man is

MuddyBoots · Dec 19, 2022, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

People saying they want that man to die aren't being very nice. Even my mom said she hopes it happens. You just don't wish that stuff on anyone. You wish for other legal type stuff to happen but not for someone to die. I just find that wrong and kind of sick thinking.

I have to cut corners somehow so I'm trying spotify instead of Amazon music. Not being able to skip songs is annoying. I haven't been annoyed by too many ads though.

But man am I hungry. I just want to chug an entire bottle of eggnog right now.

I don't know if you have a PC or not but you can skip songs and choose which to play on the web player. It's much better than the phone app I think. Spotify also tends to have a lot of bugs.

MuddyBoots · Dec 19, 2022, 09:20 AM

My kittens are wearing off on me. I just caught myself playing with the hanging light switch to the ceiling fan

For some reason they like licking blankets (anyone know why?)

I'm confused because my therapist asked if I wanted to reschedule to 2 today or cancel and I said reschedule and she told me next week is a phone appointment and then at the end of the call she said "talk to you next week."

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2022, 10:17 AM

I’m not numb today. Actually I’m super anxious and on edge and hyper

Mountaindewed · Dec 19, 2022, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

My kittens are wearing off on me. I just caught myself playing with the hanging light switch to the ceiling fan

For some reason they like licking blankets (anyone know why?)

I'm confused because my therapist asked if I wanted to reschedule to 2 today or cancel and I said reschedule and she told me next week is a phone appointment and then at the end of the call she said "talk to you next week."

My cat licked the legs on our old family room table nonstop. Sometimes for 10 minutes at a time. No idea why. They have a progressive commercial out now where a guy is asking his agent why his cat is licking the apples from the bowl.

Blue_Bird · Dec 19, 2022, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

My kittens are wearing off on me. I just caught myself playing with the hanging light switch to the ceiling fan

For some reason they like licking blankets (anyone know why?)

I'm confused because my therapist asked if I wanted to reschedule to 2 today or cancel and I said reschedule and she told me next week is a phone appointment and then at the end of the call she said "talk to you next week."

I think it’s a comfort thing some cats do. I had a cat that used to suck on a blanket, one specific blanket, it was his special blanket he loved since being a kitten

Your cats sound sweet

Mustachio has been wearing me out lately. She has so much energy lol she’s still only 1 year old. she wants to play half the day. They both love their new toys so much. Maybelle plays too but less since she’s 13 years old and likes to relax in her cozy chair more

I’ve had therapists say that too , a confusing/mistake at the end of a phone call when rescheduling or whatever. I usually just call back and tell them I’m confused by when we are meeting next so could you explain/clarify when we are actually meeting again

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Bipolar check-in #71

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