Bipolar Check-in #75

Oh no. Sending healing vibes to bil.

It was beautiful weather this weekend, with warm sun and cool air. I was happy to spend it quietly with no hypomania. Last year i was hypomanic May, June and July, so there is still cause for caution. But i feel a fragile hope for a future without hypomania and the foolish and hasty decisions and chaos that come with it.

@Soupe du jour:

So sorry to hear of your brother-in-law's injury. Sending healing vibes.

I'm so sorry, @Soupe du jour, about your brother in law. I hope he has a quick recovery. You have been through so much, be kind to yourself.

I'm experiencing Seroquel hangovers now that I'm at 200mg. The target is 300. I've gained 14 pounds. This better be worth it. No change in mood so far.

I'm not driving myself to IOP because I'm so drowsy until about noon. I'm glad my son can drive me there and back. I have a week left on the program.

More of a vent, but I have to wonder how many people I'm going to have to deal with in the mold of my father. I've already dealt with two. Both felt slighted for no reason, and so both decided I needed to be brought down a peg or two. How, you ask? Through the time honored tradition of grown men engaging in Mean Girls-style passive-aggressive sniping. What was hilarious (to me, at least) was how angry these people looked when I didn't rise to take the bait. It's typically not effective bullying if I'm trying my hardest not to laugh!

Tomorrow morning is, hopefully, my last follow-up regarding the back surgery. I get that done and it's on to the next medical catastrophe. Certainly feels the part.

i think you misunderstood me, but now I'm not sure how to better explain it. lol
like i was saying you shouldn't just praise others, you should praise yourself too

I am sorry to hear about this!

Even if this is bad, hopefully some time alone, can be good for you now when you yourself are not so well! Try to relax as much as you can even if you are worried for your husbands brother.

@Aurelius710 Hope you are done for a while after your last examination of your back!

@Samicat Yes, the past can sometimes hit us in the face out of nowhere. I have made myself a list with "happenings" that I shall use when starting to feel down. So I tell myself to look at the list to see if this or that is something I need to use my tools from my "toolbox" on. Usually that works fine.

This time I found some information about my fathers mother that wasn't right, put out by one of the relatives of my biological grandfather. (My father would have been 99 now). Of course that was not on my list. Who expects to be hit by 100 years old problems?

I am OK now and will "watch myself" for the next few days to see if I am on "the right track". There are many "things" we cannot control in this world, so we have to learn to live with them.

I wish you well in this time where you are at a turning point in your life.

I am beginning to feel too happy (out of context). When that happens, one of my tools is to print out a calendar page and observe myself for two weeks as I at the same time use a strict (follow to the point whatever I feel) schedule. I have printed out the calendar page and I now move on to my next point on my schedule. Hope I am helped with these tools.

Just a flip flop of emotions. Realizing that recovery life is not for me, the demands of it is not helpful to my mental health. My sponsee said that she was going to "fire me" because she was pissed off at something I did that shouldn't have affected her because I was helping out another addict.

I was in that rehab for 14 months, I think I've done my part - but they keep pushing "service work" as how you stay sober, but I'm done. My husband won't be coming out of the psych hospital for a long time, and I have never felt more alone, I can't deal with all this recovery crap.

I can't pray, I feel nothing so what the heck is the point.

Just overall angry today.

@LadyShadow

@LadyShadow


Sorry to hear how you struggle. Sending good thoughts your way!

I'm feeling worse today. Yesterday I developed some kinda muscle ache in my right shoulder blade. It hurt like a ***** and nothing I did was helping and I was being crabby because of it. This morning my mom got me a roll on Icy Hot stick and it was like magic and the pain has been pretty well managed.

My cold has gotten worse and so have my gastro issues. I keep coughing up white foamy stuff and I'm coughing a lot. My stomach hurts a lot and I can't eat much. I had virtual therapy today and I was so close to puking because I was lying down and I had the ipad digging right into the part of my stomach that hurts.

But at least my moods have been better since getting the icy hot. Like once I put it on it worked instantly and I snapped out of my bad mood.

Currently I'm just prertty nauseated and not hungry and achy. I took my 3rd dose of my stomach med so I'm hoping things calm down a bit.

I do admit the debt ceiling was giving me a ton of anxiety and now that its settled my anxiety has lessned a lot.

I have an umbilical cord hernia behind my bellybutton Have to call and get a referral for a surgeon to get it fixed. It's VERY uncomfortable. The doctor at urgent care managed to push the intestine back in and I felt much better, but it popped out again and I can't push it all the way back in. Boo hoo!!! What a kill joy.

I had an umbilical hernia repair surgery. It wasn’t too bad. Hope you feel better soon!!

I had high hopes for my mental health drop-in today and seeing the woman i had hoped to befriend. But i found it so unpleasant and overwhelming there that i only stayed a few minutes and fled. The woman and i had very little to say to each other. Disappointing.

I had such a heavy heart i cried when i got home, and i only cry a few times a year. Luckily, i felt BETTER after i cried. I thought of how proud i am of my independence and how if i want to leave situations, i do so, no negotiating, no compromise. When i was married my ex-husband would insist on staying places for six hours or more and i'd be desperate to leave. Now: i just leave!

My grandmother had a mini stroke. She went to the ER because she was dizzy and her left arm was weak. They discovered the stroke on the MRI this morning.

She is 86 years old and otherwise in excellent health. She attends her senior exercise class for an hour three days a week and is currently in the process of shoveling out mulch across her one acre property. However, I know that she will not be here forever. I am glad I brought her down here for a Memorial Day bbq. I want to spend as much time with her as possible before the inevitable.

There’s family drama between my mom and my brother so I am being the liaison between them and relaying info about my grandma to him. I know my grandma is the glue holding this family together and when she is gone, it’s likely that none of us will see each other more than a couple times a year. It’s already like that, honestly, but we all try for her sake. Without her, we will all go our separate ways I’m sure.

I’m fine with it. I’ve never been close with anyone but my grandma. In fact I carried a lot of resentment and anger for decades. I’ve finally made it far enough in therapy that I’ve determined I can only care for my own mental health and I cannot get involved in anyone else’s drama and personal problems. If someone needs help with something tangible like fixing something or cleaning out a room I’m fine with it. Otherwise, they need to take responsibility for themselves and seek therapy. Everyone needs therapy and quite possibly medication but whatever. Not my issue.

Anyway. Tomorrow the kids have off and we have a professional development day. Should be an easy day. I finally made an appt for CR to see an orthodontist. And I made an appointment for myself to see a dr regarding my continued fatigue. Every day I feel like I’m falling asleep and I just want to rule out physical causes before I start to assume it’s the massive amount of meds I’m on.

Well maybe you both were having an off day? Anyway I'm glad crying helped and that you can leave situations you feel uncomfortable in.

I hope your grandmother is okay and makes a quick recovery.,

Okay this is shallow compared to everyone else's problems, but....

The home hair-color disaster is fixed! I went to a local salon and a hairdresser did my roots and also blended in the yellow color from where I'd removed the dye. Now my hair is a kind of dark blond with a hint of red. She said red would be hard for me to maintain because my grey roots would grab it and turn bright red. So I can maybe use a temporary color conditioner when I want red.

I also got a cut. This is the first time I'd been to the salon in 6 months and it's great to have a nice new cut and color. Very summery!

Plus I really liked her so now I have a new hairdresser in my new city.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Somerimes crying helps. Good for you that you have become independent!

Sorry to hear about that!



So good that therapy has helped you to value your own health first.

No problem is too small to get mentioend! I am happy for you that you found a hairdresser at the new place that you like!

Some seconds are good, some seconds are bad. Right now is a good solid minute. One moment at a time.

Just stopping by to give hugs to everyone



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Peace out.