Bipolar Check-in #75

Heard back from pdoc office this morning. The nurse wanted to know how I slept. Which was lousy, tossed and turned until 2am then got up to watch and episode of Murder She Wrote. After that was able to lay in one place and eventually fall asleep but was wide awake again by 6am. Sir was happy about that since he got breakfast early. At 19 his wants are simple.

I’m taking today off and just waiting on the repair man to call. Just watching tv , reading and being on my iPad. Nothing else today. Maybe I’ll do a Sir and lay in the sun.

@Nammu, I hope you get some sleep soon! Just a question though, it might be looking into and if your doctor's permit, but have you ever thought about a sleep study? Maybe its nothing medication can fix but something else entirely. Just a thought because I was really having bad sleep issues till I finally got the help I needed.

So, as many have mentioned this economy is so awful and people are getting laid off and stores are closing left and right. Well I think my store where I work may close soon too, but God saw fit to open a door for me for a new job. I'm on the fence about it because it will be way more money as well as way more hours. I was hoping one day I would have a career again and no longer rely on disability but having that day actually arrive is a bit scary. They were also nice enough to look past my charges which are awful and have been holding me back from embarking on a new career anyway.

The good thing is, my bipolar has been well managed for the past year which I am very happy about.

Lady shadow I have had sleep studies before and they always show the same thing, my mind is too active. Lately with the stress my meditation hasn’t been particularly effective. They’ve always recommended meditation and sleep meds to turn off my brain.

Two things always tip when I’m tilting into unstable, can’t sleep and I lose weight. I don’t have a scale but my clothes have been loose. Which reminds me. I need to eat.

Congratulations on the job front. That’s awesome that they are willing to look at you as a whole person not just one mistake.

Ugh. I have my consultation with my surgeon about my umbilical hernia on the 19th. I just want it fixed. NOW! It's so uncomfortable 😫. And I can't do my exercises and I had my pdoc appointment on Wednesday and he weighed me and I've gained seven pounds in six weeks! Blah. Son of a b. I've been making unhealthy food choices though. I'll just carefully watch what I eat.

Hope everyone is having a good day. Hugs to all!

I had my endoscopy and the anethesia compleletly kicked my *** like no other surgery or procedure has. I'll write more when I can function

@Nammu - congratulations on your purchases. New clothes are always enjoyable. I love fashion, even though I don't buy much. It's just a fun distraction from problems.

I hope your toilet is fixed and you sleep better. Have you tried meditation?


Here's the sleep advice I heard (from Therapy in a Nutshell, a real therapist on Youtube). If you don't fall asleep within 20 minutes you must get up and do something relaxing like read. Then in another 15 minutes go to bed and try it again. She said this will cure 80% of insomnia - because apparently we get conditioned to lie in bed and think about stuff.

The endoscopy itself went ok. Prep was annoying. I had to take everything off except my boxers. The nurse was nice as they always are at this place. I got my IV in. I met with the doctor. He was nice. I met with the anethestiolgist who was really young and I have to admit I was biased and nervous about her age. But she was nice and told me she would make sure I wouldn't remember anything.

Then the procedure nurse came in. I got some sedating stuff and was wheeled to the procedure room. They had We Will Rock You playing on the radio. They told me to lie on my side and I had a ton of people doing all kinds of stuff and that was the last I remembered.

I woke up back in my room with my T shirt and my own socks on and having no recollection of them
being put it on. I vaguely remember my shoes and shorts being put on. I didn't really wake up until I was sitting in a chair eating apple sauce. I asked the nurse if I had a hard time waking up. She said "yeah I was fighting her a bit." After the apple sauce I left fairly quickly.

I was pretty out of it physically and emotionally the rest of the day. I felt bad that I was a bit unruly coming out of the sedation and couldn't even get myself dressed. That is not like me to act that way. My mom and my therapist reassured me I did nothing wrong and I was not in control of my actions and they get people like me in all the time who have trouble coming out of sedation.

As for the results, the doctor took 3 biopsies of 3 different things, not clear of what, said there was a lot of acid refulx and indicated a possible gallbladder issue. I set up a follow up appointment for 3 weeks.

I am feeling a bit better mental health wise now. Physically my stomach is off but I guess if they took 3 pieces of something from my stomach it should hurt. My throat isn't too bad. Just slightly sore. I'm hoping to get some rest tonight and not worry about much.

Yup, my sister called various places but none called her back. So my bil bought some contraption, worked like a charm and no expensive plumber to pay! Toilet works fine.

I do usually meditate but it’s not working right now. Hmm 20 minutes seems like a very short amount of time. But I agree on the get up and do something relaxing. Then go back to bed.

@Mountaindewed I'm glad that the endoscopy went well and glad you got the support you needed after the anesthetic.
@Nammu glad things are working again. It's a pain when things don't work as they should.

The Seroquel hangover was better today, it wore off by about 11 but I was able to think pretty clearly which is a big improvement. I go up in dose again on Monday.

The IOP program ends tomorrow. It was good, and I learned a lot.

Idk what’s wrong with me. I have y felt well since yesterday. Today I somehow fell asleep at work. I was reading my email and then my coworker was waking me
Up!

So
I left work early and came home where I slept for four hours omg
What is happening

When I was working years ago i suddenly was sleeping and couldn’t stay awake. I’d drive home go to bed and then wake up for work and fight to stay awake. Then one morning I fell asleep driving to work and my supervisor sent me to the ER. Found out I had pneumonia. No cough, no trouble breathing just so tired. Shocked me. I was off work for two weeks. Just slept.

Idk what’s wrong with me

Hi all,
My trip went fine I guess. Quite a few negative moments I wish I could have avoided but all in all a good trip.

Oh, what a day. I had plans to pack but my middle sister didn’t come so I had to help with the garage sale and emptying out mum’s stuff. Uff da, it’s hard seeing all mum’s life reduced to a garage sale. But no way am I ready to move Sunday! So much stuff needs to be done. It’s overwhelming. And I’m so limited in what I can do with my back. I just bend over and I break out in a sweat from the pain. I keep telling myself it’s not forever. This will end. Poor sir, he doesn’t know what’s going on except that furnishings keep disappearing. I dread Sunday. I’m so glad I have family to help.

Moving is so difficult. I'm glad you have family to help. And poor Sir - one of our kitties was so distressed during the move when all the movers were taking everything. She got up top of the kitchen cabinets and howled! Poor girl. But she's fine now of course - sitting on the back of the sofa behind me.

Is it maybe something that's not even about you? You sound pretty great to me.

I have been stressing out about our finances. So I looked into a reverse mortgage - it's a last resort but good to know we could get it when I turn 55 in a few months. We wouldn't need it for a while anyway. I just don't want to have to work full-time because my physical and mental health isn't up to that. My new career will involve a lot of typing - My last job did as well. I've been fortunate not to have had too many problems with hand pain (avoided carpal tunnel) but I don't want to be typing more than 6 hours a day. As a writer I type a lot anyway, so I do a lot of exercises to prevent tendonitis and CTS.

I'm more than halfway done with my novel. I have surpassed the 40k word point of no return. Yay!

@Nammu

I understand what you are feeling, the moving and the getting rid of things after a loved one's death. You will make it Sunday! (Have been there).


Thinking on you!

I bought a new bed and box spring yesterday. I ordered it from Wayfair. Its a memory foam gel cooling full size one. My current bed is my parents 25 year old queen size bed. Its too old and too big. I take up less than half of it and the rest of the bed is full of books and other clutter. I went out yesterday and got new sheets and a new pillow with arms. I also ordered a cooling comforter from Amazon.

I'm hoping the new bed improves my quality of life. I also got a 9 shelf cube bookcase the other day. My old bookcase is a 3 shelf kids size bookcase my sister got for her 9th birthday.

I think I avoided the post procedure depression thankfully. I was kinda moody and achy yesterday but I wasn't depressed like I was on Thursday. I was strict with keeping up with my stomach meds and I used a med box to keep track. I didn't eat a lot either yesterday which may have helped me not feel as much pain as I normally do.

Overall things are going well as long as I stick to my med routine and watch my diet.

Idk. I guess I do still have a bit of post anxiety about the whole procedure. I don't know why. Its not like it was my first time having anything done and everyone I dealt with was really nice. So I don't know what my issue is.

Today we went to a nearby town for their strawberry festival. It helped lift my spirits a bit. The strawberries are so fragrant! I have a couple plans for them. Also, when we got home I lit my new grill for the first time. We grilled špekáčky (like fat hotdogs) and chicken wings for later Buffalo wings.

Yesterday I missed my morning meds. I eventually remembered, but it was so late that I didn't bother. I think it worsened my mood.

@Soupe du jour I think when we’re struggling we do things like miss meds. Just when we need routine most, it’s hard to maintain. I missed my Monday morning pills! I’m rooting for you. Mmm your bbq sounds wonderful.

Bit of a week. I had to play "musical chairs" with one of my prescriptions. I wasn't able to go to the pharmacy I first sent it to due to work and medical commitments. Then, I tried to send it to a pharmacy by my specialist's office and promptly forgot. Finally, I just used the pharmacy in my work location. Four days of that!

Work has been good. Regular shifts, solid sales. I did have a (in retrospect) funny encounter with an older woman who wanted help, but took personal offence at every phone I offered, rejecting entire shelves of devices for this and that reason. She was also angry that I didn't have any displays to show her right then and there. The kicker? She had at least six feet to go to see the phones she was interested in (and some of her vaunted displays), but she refused to move even after I asked her five times if she wanted a closer look.

If the old lady wants to act like she's five, stamping her foot and saying "I'm not moving!", that's her prerogative, but it should keep her from being taken seriously when she goes into "Karen" mode. Which is what happened here. She got what she thought was a friendly face and lied about how the "Big Bad Salesman" was rude to her, tried to sell her a phone she didn't want, ordered her around (which was hilarious, given her refusal to move earlier) and then ordered that I be punished.

Her friendly face was actually my friendly face, so nothing came of it, but how aggravating!

Got my "Friday" shift in a short while, and after that... I don't know.

Mom got badly sunburned and exhausted and wanted to come home so come home we did. Don’t know if I mentioned that. The morning we traveled I had a case of food poisoning or something because we had to stop every 10 miles for me to be violently ill. It was a truly miserable trip. It was heavenly to finally reach home.

One of the hardest things for me to accept and deal with with this mental illness is SI. I take lithium for it but that doesn’t always quiet the beast. Dealing with that terribly today. Deep down, I know I have many blessings and a bright future. It doesn’t feel like that right now. I’m sad, defeated and dismal.

Going to try to force myself to go to the pool and float today on a sunny day.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Soupe and Nammu:

I forgot to take my night meds night before last. I was rather appalled with myself, since thats when I take the majority of my AP. I got scared and didn't know what to do! I feel you.