Bipolar Check-in #84

Take a test @Moose72 so you know for sure

I tried! But I lost the English instructions and the ones I have are all in Spanish!

There is no test for long covid. It’s a matter of details and statistical data. . I hope that’s not what you have moose.

My depression was relatively easy again today, so i'm grateful. I just felt tired as usual, but i got outside for fresh air and sunshine. I decided to skip my ZOOM social hour since it's been so unpleasant lately with one woman hogging and the facilitators giving her free rein. I got some light chores done. I had a protein shake.

I tried the AI chat bot app "Pi" to talk about my boredom but all the activities it suggested i have already tried. It was kind of cool tho, the technology was impressive, it was like a natural conversation. I binge-watched most of the day, but played my game too, so my brains don't turn into oatmeal.

Hugs to all in need!

They tested me for Covid in the ER Thursday. Could it have been too early to test?

@Moose72 I think it says if negative test again in 48 hours. I know I made the mistake of testing on the day after the first and then having to test a 3rd time. I should have tested again a few days later but didn't know. My dr diagnosed based on symptoms. It's not like I can have plaxlovid or anything so a diagnosis wasn't that important. But I also really wanted to know if I had made it 4 years and then one unmasked trip to walmart was all it took.

We’ll see if the Covid test turns up positive today or if it’s too late.

I had a horrible day yesterday afternoon. Around noon, I got so depressed and couldn't stop crying. I was so sad and having SI thoughts. I just cried and cried. H and my daughter didn't know what to do with me. Finally around 4 PM, I feel asleep. H woke me up and asked if I wanted dinner and I said no, so he took care of it for him & my daughter. I did take my nightly meds when H woke me. Then, I slept until nearly 4:30 AM. So about 12 hr. And for once, H didn't wake me with his snoring in the middle of the night.

Maybe I'm doing better today. I hope so. I feel drained, like I ran a marathon. Nevertheless, I did take a power walk this morning, and I am brewing a cup of coffee. I wish I could just take it easy today, but H is going into work and a guy is coming this morning to give a quote on a broken sewer pipe we have, so I have to deal with that. Then, my daughter has a dentist appt. this afternoon. Now, writing this, I feel like crying again. Yesterday, I tried to call my sister to talk, but she didn't answer. I left a voicemail, and she never called back then later texted that she had a bridal fitting, Christmas decorating, tae kwon do. What the heck, she can't skip tae kwon do for a week?!

OK, I am tearing up. God, I HATE this!

Left a message at my pdoc's office. No call back yet. I feel hollow, depressed, upset, I don't know. It's all I can do to keep from crying.

It’s too bad you don’t have a therapist blueberry. That would be the perfect person to call in this situation. Do you know any of the breathing techniques? I’ve heard they are very helpful for this type of thing. Surely someone on here knows the breathing technique. I’m truly sorry you’re going through this.

Starting the day off with some dissociation yay

Waiting on the library to open so I can go there to use their printer and also return some books and pick up more. They open at 12pm but it's only 10am right now. So I'm trying to ground myself in the meantime.

Tried breathing techniques & no go. Still waiting on pdoc to call back. H is on his way to work but said he is going to give pdoc a call on the way in because I can't stop crying. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat?! My stomach is all churning. Heavy sense of doom.



H did call and reschedule daughter's dentist appt. so no dealing with that today.

Past two days my cats have seen a bobcat in the backyard, and it freaks them out so they hate each other for the next 3 hours, and I have to keep them separated (which is pretty hard when the inside of the house has four doors and they can open the two bedroom doors and the cellar (and I’m not locking one in the bathroom). I’m in the basement with one right now. It’s cold so I started making a fire in the wood stove, mid getting it started one breaks down the door and they scream at each other.

But, yeah, it’s good. In a month and 5 days we’ll be a quarter through the century. CM and my med nurse ask about Thanksgiving dinner, favorite foods and all. Are they deaf or just stupid? because I’ve been talking about not eating for over a month now…

I broke down over having trouble putting a sock on and dropping shampoo in the shower this morning. Pathetic!

I’m so grateful the bipolar check in forum moves so I have something to read. The rest of the forum is so slow and doesn’t seem to go anywhere.

My manicure powder for my nails has been shipped. Yeehaa for me although I still have a strong manicure from the salon on my nails from last week that will hold up for at least another 2 weeks.

I still play Wordle every day so let me go play. I’ll be back later.

Why do you have to use your own manicure kit that you have to order? I remember something about how nail salons make you bring your own stuff but idk if I'm remembering right.

I only got a manicure once when I was 18 when I was forced to when my team was trying to get me into girly things.

My manicure kit I ordered online is for me to use in the privacy of my own home . So I don’t have to keep going to the salon. It might not work out and I might land up going back to the salon if my nails look rubbish lol

Ooh I can't do manicures! Never had one never will. Even just clipping my finger or toe nails bothers me (with that, the noise makes me want to scream). But as a guitar/piano player and White Mountain climber, nice nails are a no-no. A good day is when they're clean haha. I painted my fingernails a couple years ago and it felt SO WEIRD!

I wish toenails would trim themselves though. The number of times I've gone hiking and when it's too late thought "damn, descending isn't going to feel good." Then with my old summer boots once it was so bad a nail came off. Not fun!

Nails are weird. Like the tips of our fingers and toes just get hard? And it's like our hair? wtf is that?

Pdoc called back and said to be sure to take the extra 50 mg seroquel and to take the gabapentin even if I don't want to. He also said to use the SAD lamp 30 min each morning.



Not close to tears atm so I suppose that's progress. Still down. I texted my sister telling her I still feel crappy and she texted back something like take deep breaths, it'll all be ok. WTH? She can't even bother to CALL me now?!

Toenails are awful to do I won’t do them myself definitely at a salon. I’m the exact opposite to you I can’t stand it when my nails ARENT done it just looks weird. I have tips on my nails though which makes them appear longer than they really are! Oh the things we do lol

I was doing pretty good today. I took a shower for the first time since Wednesday and I got out of the house. Gary needed to go to the vet since he won't let us groom him. Then I stopped at the Asian market and got a few things. I got some non drowsy dramamine from Walgreens. I dropped Gary off at 8 and I wonder how bad he looks.

I have a pdoc appointment in a couple hours. I'm not sure if I need a med increase anymore or if I just need to stick to non drowsy dramamine and take my other meds at the correct times so I'm not in bed sleeping all day.

It seems to be more of a med timing thing then a depression thing tbh.

@Blueberrybook

I totally understand the whole depression crying all the time thing. That's what happened to me when we tried lowering my sertraline dose. I couldn't stop crying! I'm surprised your psychiatrist didn't want to raise your cymbalta, unless you're on the max dose? Anyway, huge hugs 🫂 and I hope you feel better soon. I wanted to cry just reading your posts because I could relate so much!

@raspberrytorte I wish he would have raised the Cymbalta. I'm only on 30 mg. He seems to think raising it would cause mania. I'd welcome mania at this point. Thank you for being so supportive.

@Blueberrybook I hope consistently taking that Seroquel, Gabapentin, and using the lamp helps, and soon. I gotta agree with your pdoc on not increasing the Cymbalta though. Your mood seems more all over the place than purely depressive based on your posts over the past week or so and I'm not sure more Cymbalta wouldn't be adding fuel to the fire.

Feel better soon

@Blueberrybook

Sucks about the cymbalta situation. I think I was on 60mg at one point and it didn't cause mania. It also didn't really help (but that's just me obviously)... but it certainly didn't cause mania. I wish your psychiatrist would have increased it. I hope your lamp helps, and the extra 50mg of seroquel.

Speaking of light therapy lamps, I need to buy a new one. I have one, but it's seriously like 15 years old and I doubt it's still bright enough to be effective. They're a lot cheaper now than they were when I bought mine. I should order it.

I don't do manicures. I have this bad habit of chewing my nails whenever I'm anxious, which sucks because I'd like to paint them, but it's pointless because the nail polish would just chip right away. And I'm definitely NOT paying money to have it done anyway. I may be kind of a girly girl, but not THAT much. Lol.

Today has been pretty boring so far. Just took my usual morning nap, then did my cleaning chores, and now I think I'm going to put the dishes away since the dishwasher is done, then try and get some novel planning done. I really need to work on the ezine. I am NOT looking forward to Thanksgiving. I just kind of want to stay home to be honest and eat my tofurkey alone. I'm not particularly fond of our relatives from Kansas, and it's going to be noisy and cramped and I'm going to have a panic attack situation like I do over the holidays every year.

But luckily our relatives want to go see Wicked that night, and not only do I not like watching movies, I'm not going to a movie theater on Thanksgiving where people have to work when they should be home with their families, so I get to go home. Yippie!

I hate watching movies. Lol. Our daughter informed me last night that I was going to the movie theater to see Moana 2, and I was like, "No I'm not!" And she was like, "YES YOU ARE!!!!" The kid is as stubborn as my husband!