Bipolar Check-in #86

Somewhere I saw an Eye that you drew and you are so talented, it is beautiful.

Been in bed over 24 hours. Whole body hurts!

Got a grand total of 5 hours sleep again. My anxiety was really bad last night and I felt paranoid Been feeling sped up lately and a bit hypomanic. Anyway, going grocery shopping today.

Here’s my list
- [ ] Bananas
- [ ] Oatmeal
- [ ] Eggs
- [ ] Butter
- [ ] Greek yogurt
- [ ] Franks buffalo sauce x2
- [ ] Hidden valley ranch
- [ ] Hummus
- [ ] Pita bread
- [ ] Cottage cheese
- [ ] Brussels sprouts x2
- [ ] Salmon
- [ ] Berries x3
- [ ] Tuna x6
- [ ] Shredded lettuce
- [ ] Mayonnaise
- [ ] Decaf coffee

I was gonna make buffalo chicken drumsticks in the crockpot today but they’re not near thawed yet so I might have to do that tomorrow instead.

I have some fun plans for the month. I’m going to two cafes, one I’ve already been before and a new one to challenge my social anxiety.

Also have several game nights in the building I’m going to. Chess night, board game night, puzzle night. I’m facilitating/running both of the coffee socials in the building this month. Plan on ordering Indian food next weekend cause I’ve always wanted to try that. And I’m going to the movie theater later in the month to see the new horror movie called The Monkey.

I also have my art group I’m going to weekly. And a volunteer shift with the rescue cats. And my violin lessons.

Also plan on trying some new recipes from some cookbooks my friend sent me. So yeah should be a good month! Though I do have tons of appointments too which sucks but oh well

I have appointments with:
My doctor, two appointments with him
An appointment to get bloodwork done
An appointment with my psychiatrist
An appointment with my program manager
Housing inspection

Edit: Decided I'm doing my grocery shopping tomorrow instead of today. It's too cold to be waiting for the bus for an hour, it's -3 degrees right now

I’m feeling irritable from lack of sleep. I really hope I can sleep tonight. I might need to just read for a couple hours before bed. And maybe take my PRN Thorazine dose

I have some testing to get done with my doctor Tuesday. To figure out what these GI issues are. I think IBS is very likely though it could be celiacs too. I discuss the results with him on the 13th

Anyway I’m so tired and angry right now due to lack of sleep.

I'm fine today just a bit cranky. I did my full workout early and now I'm just hanging out all day.

I always get crabby on groundhogs day. Something about that rodent annoys me.

I got a bunch of stuff from Sams Club. Stuff I can eat that are legit meals. Like potstickers and chicken alfredo and rice.i also got a box of turkey jerky and a container of soft pretzel bites. I'm hoping I can stop going crazy now tryIng to find meals.

I am NOT okay. I'm crying. I'm freaking out. Everything is FUKKED!!!!

@raspberrytorte - Did anything in particular trigger you; or are you crying and freaking out but don't know why? I'm sorry you're having a hard time

@LadyShadow - I meant to tell you, I am so excited for your upcoming job interview! That is awesome that you got an interview so quickly. I am praying for you that all goes well and you get the job

I'm doing a lot better today than yesterday. I slept well, did pilates, had breakfast. Went ahead and used the SAD lamp and read for an hour. I had curbside grocery pickup so I did that, and the car wasn't acting up this morning, thank God. Put away the groceries, and then I spent a long time drawing, drew 4 pictures, some better than others (all in the creative corner forum). I am very proud of my tiptoes as that was a hard shape to get looking halfway right, and my spooky silhoulette looks pretty darn good; that silhoulette was a lot of fun to do.

My sleep sucked last night. I woke up five times between 10 and 3.

I can't focus for shyt

I can't even cook because I want to burn myself

I can't leave the house because it's so freaking bright and loud

I can't talk to anyone without losing my shyt

I want to go to the one freaking place I'm banned from. Nope. Staying here. For-fking-ever.

Finally woke up and took a shower and changed into clean clothes. Last shower was Thursday. Also had a decent bm not just a bunch of heavy wiping. Still taking colace but not Metamucil. Seeing primary dr tomorrow. Hopefully I can get in contact with Pdoc tomorrow. Skipped Vraylar and gabapentin and anti anxiety med.

I’m feeling very lazy and very scared of the crazy president and what he’ll do that will affect me. Already the tariffs are rising prices. I wanted to stay in bed and not get up to face the day. But I couldn’t. Finished one feel good book. Gonna finish the other one today then start two more. Books are how I escape. Today is my day to shut out all people. I don’t get dressed I don’t put my hearing aids on. I only fill my med boxes and take a shower and put on clean pjs. Now more than ever I need my day off from people and news.

@Blueberrybook

Just stuff I'm worried is going to happen to our country.

Those look great! I’m getting those books you mentioned by Catherine Holmes this coming week! Getting them all on Kindle so I can look at them through my tablet and use the guides in them to learn more

Regarding the political stuff I’m currently living in a state of constant distraction so I don’t dwell on it. Books, games, music, shows, movies, art, anything that makes me feel good that gives me a break from the bleakness of the world. I’d be without SSI and Medicaid if they get cut and would be homeless immediately and without meds. However I think if I had to I could rebuild my life bit by bit. It’s harder for some though I understand.

Anyway, I am trying my best to focus on the good in life and the world. Even the little things. Even though it looks bleak right now

I get that. So much, plus I’m angry and annoyed at the people who voted for him. Unfortunately many of them live in this building. They watched the lying news and bought it hook line and sinker. Now they are going to sink us all.

Blue bird I’m doing the distraction routine too. I have art classes set up for this month.

So jealous of those of you able to do art classes! I, too, am doing the distraction routine and have not read or watched the news in forever (maybe since not until right after the election?). It's been awhile for me. On the one hand, it makes me fell like a bad citizen; on the other hand, if I read or watch the news, I my anxiety shoots through the roof (probably my blood pressure with it!), and I have panic attacks and just worry, worry, worry over it so much so that I was having a hard time falling asleep. But I do find to some extent, out of sight out of mind. If something I absolutely need to know about happens, I trust H will tell me. Even H, with no history of mental illness says he starts getting really anxious hearing/reading news dealing with Trump, Trumpies, etc. Really if it's stressing you and you can avoid the news, my advice is by all means do it! I can't even began to describe how much it has helped me in the anxiety/panic department these past couple of months.

@Blue_Bird - I hope you will enjoy the books by Catherine Holmes. The only with the tiptoes, silhoulette, voodoo doll and contortionist I drew today (along with all the eyes from a couple days ago) came from her book How to Draw Awesome Stuff: Chilling Creations. By and large, I feel the drawings in this book are quite a bit harder; at least for me except for a few of them like the eye pictures, but I really, really, REALLY like to draw eyes!

I feel the same way but I live alone but surrounded by those that went down the rabbit hole. I feel compelled to know what’s going on. I get my news for reading NPR. Trump just cut federal funding for that and PBS. Two very objective truthful news sources that are assessable. But yeah my anxiety goes way up, even avoiding tv news. It does invade my dreams.

Art classes are my salvation. I’m taking a four day course in gauche painting and a one day class in watercolor next month. But the classes after that are pricy. They are tin work and glass work. This time the glass work is a glass pocket that you can hang on a fence or wall and put flower cuttings into. But it’s $125 dollars! The tin work is $120 both too much for me.

Yeah. My anxiety is out of control right now. Like REALLY out of control. Chest pains. Feel like I can't breathe. Just typical anxious brain thoughts going through my head. Thing is I DON'T watch or read the news. All of my information either comes from my husband or from his mom. My husband told me he wouldn't tell me things anymore because of how upset it made me today.

I took 200mg of seroquel. Need to be unconscious right now for an hour.

Both my daughter and I kind of had a freak out together this morning about it... (she has an anxiety disorder too), which ended with us laughing maniacally like a couple of lunatics.

I was all like, "I'd have to go off all my meds because I wouldn't have insurance! I don't last a week without an AP before I go psychotic! Isn't that great?! And I'd be in the hospital all the time because I'd be constantly ODing again!!!!"

Daughter, laughing hysterically, "Sounds great!!! And daddy would be working all the time!"

Me, "Yeah, isn't that WONDERFUL?!"

My seroquel needs to kick in NOW. When my anxiety is this out of control it's like I become paralyzed with it and can't do anything.

I don’t think you’re a bad citizen for not watching the news Blueberrybook. I stopped watching several years ago when the pandemic started. It was causing intense anxiety sometimes sui /hopeless thoughts. I have to protect my peace, I used to feel guilty about it too but my life is so much better since I stopped watching it. I’m at least informed enough not to vote for someone horrible like we currently have in office.

Oh, raspberry!

I played my videogame tonight with a cup of coffee and it was thoroughly enjoyable I’m more relaxed and less irritable.

@raspberrytorte - News just upsets me so much, I told H not to talk to me about it, and if he and my daughter discuss it, do it where I am not around to hear it. Can your husband ask his family just not to talk to you about the news, that it's upsetting to you? My whole entire family are die-hard Trumpie Republicans, but my sisters & mom know enough that I don't want to hear it, and thankfully I only see my dad a couple times a year, and even worse than being a die-hard Trumpie, he's a born-again Bible thumper. I thought H was going to get into a car accident the last time we left my parents' place, he was so upset at all my family and their politics.

Oo blueberry that’s terrible. At least my family is not rump followers. Just the people in my apartment building. And double down being a Bible thumping romper! Oh no wonder. I’m so sorry it’s harder when family go down the rabbit hole.

I second this. I would be so anxious if I followed the news! If something terrible happens my mom will tell me. They watch the news almost every night and did not vote for the orange one!