Bipolar Check-in #86

Omg. I got my period yesterday and today the pain is excruciating and I don't mean to be tmi but the flow is heavier than usual and I just overall feel sick and nauseous. 🤢 I hope I feel better by tomorrow for my therapy appointment. I was actually really excited about it! BOOHOO!!! Oh well. If worse comes to worse I'll just explain my situation and how I can't walk without gushing and we'll just go to a coffee shop like we usually do.

Daughter has a birthday party she's going to on Saturday. Her first sleepover. It's going to be really weird with her not home on Saturday night or Sunday morning!

@Brentus

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 😊

@Crazy Hitch

Damn. $230? I'd squirm just paying that amount! Lol. I hope it works for you. I'm sure it will. It has to. At that price it had better!

That’s horrible that it didn’t automatically put you in a waiting room!

My gp just rang. Got my script. But it rang again and oddly went straight to voicemail. She said she just needs to check something with my meds and will ring me back in half an hour. I was hoping to catnap before picking up my son now I guess that’s not going to happen.

@LadyShadow

I hope you feel better soon. 🙏

@BeyondtheRainbow

Wow. That's really awkward! I'm sorry that happened to you.

@raspberrytorte have you ever considered a uterine ablation? I don't know a lot about it. I was having awful periods before my hysterectomy and I think it came up and was then discarded in favor of just getting it over with and getting the hysterectomy done but I don't remember why. I did have a growth that they removed with a D&C but nothing really stopped my doubled over in pain, bleeding through overnight pads every few hours periods. I so do not miss that part of my life. When it was getting to the worst I was working home health in a rural area and I was constantly on alert that I stopped and changed my pad before I went into areas without a gas station bathroom. It just sucked so I'm sorry for you.

I’m getting a mild headache. It’s the Wegovy. Might have to take painkillers soon. Sorry for posting so much today. Clearly I’ve had a day off work today lol. Too much time on my hands. Back to facebook.

@Crazy Hitch Do you work 4 days and if you do is that normal in Australia or part of your recovery plan? It's also possible I just am confused by the time difference and you are working 5 days and I'm missing it.

I'm sorry about your headache.

Never apologize for posting. I love it when the board is active! I need to post more. I talk myself out of posting for some reason.

@BeyondtheRainbow it’s part of my recovery plan that I don’t work Friday. It won’t last forever so I’m cherishing every minute of it!

@crazyHitch That's nice. I had a couple of jobs that were supposed to be 4.5 or 4 days per week and it was great, aside from neither job finding someone to cover my day off and then getting mad at me for being behind. But that does feel good to know you don't have to go in. I'm glad they've worked with you on this; you seem so much happier than you did before you went on leave.

@Brentus:

BeL@tEd H@pPy BiRtHd@Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Having a good time in the daylight, and evening, but feeling so frustrated with my absurdly-sensitive touchpad on my Windows laptop computer. I've turned the sensitivity down to it's lowest in Settings, but it still flips-out. So annoying.

Had a fight yesterday with our convenience store owners, who i have been trying to help. But they're Muslim and put their religion above profits, when they serve a diverse community, and that is not the Canadian way. I'M NOT ISLAMOPHOBIC. I *love* this Muslim family that runs our convenience store. They have been good to me, and they say i am their best customer.

But they are not good business people. They are not entrepreneurs. Time and again, they have rejected my attempts to guide them in increasing profits. I found out why yesterday. The Vice-President of our Board of Directors in our Condominium Corporation said our Property Management company gets a tax break for the store, so they don't care if it's a dump. There is a rumor going around that the owner/operators are not interested in profitability because they are really a money laundering front. So that's why they, too, don't care if it's a dump.

I feel both items are highly plausible, as both entities have rejected my proposal for replacing the convenience store with a small grocery store bodega specializing in superb fruit and veggies, in this food desert we live in. I've been astonished at how resistant both entities are to the idea. Now i have an explanation that makes sense. I couldn't figure out why they didn't want to make money. It's clear now.

One neighbor and i have vowed to boycott the store. We hope it will go bankrupt and can be replaced with something legit and worthwhile. At this point i'd support replacing it with a space for secure parcel drop-off, as we have the problem of theft for items left in our mailroom by Amazon, Temu, etc.

Just so disappointed that what i thought was an honorable Property Management company and a loving Muslim family are really behaving in such disgraceful ways.

I guess all i can do is speak with my wallet. There is a convenience store next door that is much more pleasant, with business-like staff, so that's an option. As well, i've had success going to the neighborhood mall, and even enjoying picking out my own fruit and veg, and brand-name products. I just have to be more disciplined about taking my collapsible cart, as i tend to get more then i planned, and then carrying it home in bags on the bus is a misery.

But, with that one small adjustment, i think i will be able to shop at the neighborhood mall grocery store with ease and pleasure. Had blueberries, raspberries, and watermelon for snack last night. Heaven!

Neurodivergent-wise, my sleep troubles continue. I feel fine tho. Just seem to have a decreased need for sleep. Getting along well with my neighbors, two of which i would be comfortable calling true friends, in addition to being my neighbors. Had a great time texting one of them yesterday evening, and had a great voice phone call with the other. It's nice to have friends again. I feel much healthier, stronger, and resilient.

Well I'm really overwhelmed. My caregiver found a company to haul out all of the stuff that I just need to to throw out. It's not garbage, it's that both my son and I closets are full of stuff we had since we moved here. We definitely need to do it bc she can't do it. She's very pretty but 60. I imagine her in her 20s on the beach in California drinking a bottle of orange Shasta or sunkist. But anyway she's pumped about starting to go through my stuff.

I start cbt therapy next Tuesday. I really want to focus it.

I had a bad migraine last night again. It was making the room spin. I drank half a Coke for the caffeine and I was able to sleep it off and I feel pretty good today for the first time in awhile. My mom wants me to see a neurlogist but I think getting contacts will help out my migraine and also my stomach issues. I go back to the eye doctor next week. But besides that I feel fine.

Hello all, I slept really good last night. Maybe like 11 hours. I feel really good today. I have a much easier time regulating my emotions and anxiety when I sleep good. The previous two nights before that I slept horrible and everything was overwhelming me.

I’m probably gonna paint at some point today. Thinking of doing some kind of food or drink drawing then painting over with water colors. I’m really loving being back into painting it’s a good outlet and helps my mood and anxiety. Painting and violin are the two things that really help me. They’re a constant source of inspiration and help ground me.

I’m going to a nutrition class in the community room later this afternoon.

I’m doing really well on the increased Thorazine. My paranoia is a lot better. And mood has leveled out. I feel really good

I didn’t sleep well last night. I finished a book instead of putting it down when my night meds took effect. So I lost the magic hour and was awake most of the night. Did have a fantastic dream tho. I give blood today, I’m a bit concerned as I didn’t sleep enough. But I’m drinking water as if it’s going out of style. So I might be fine.

It’s the last of the cold days. Can’t wait for the warmer weather. I’m hoping it gets warm enough for the car wash places to be open. My car is so dirty from the snow.

@raspberrytorte - Oh, my goodness, you poor thing! Have you seen your gynecologist regarding this issue? That sounds awful! Thankfully, as I'm approaching menopause my period has gotten super light...TMI, but I could use 1 regular pad for 24 hr. or longer if I wanted though I don't for hygiene reasons. Unfortunately, I have also been getting some painful cramps reminscient of the start of labor and also more ovary pain and painful periods...sigh...so much fun getting older.

@Nammu - Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. Lack of sleep is the absolute WORST. Can you skip the blood donation for once being so tired? (Also, it's awesome that you give blood...I can't do it, I am a fainter.)

I am out for lunch! There is a vegan restaurant in my apartment building. I am exiled from my apartment while they replace the air conditioner unit. Half the junk in my apartment is in the hallway.

I am sooo exhausted. I can only blame myself, i am the worst procrastinator. Or maybe the best?

Eta - I had a vegan detroit ( tofu ) dog - chili, onions and mustard on their own very fluffy bun. Deelish.

Sorry I don't have time to respond to everyone else. I've read the posts, hopefully I'll get back to it this afternoon. I have to get lunch ready for my daughter, and then we are going to the library so she can do her volunteer shift.

I could have slept better last night. I woke around 1 AM with restless legs...I took a hydroxyzine (I have it prn for anxiety and sleep) thinking that might relax me, help me sleep but no. Finally, I got up and had a glass of milk even though I'm never hungry in the middle of the night, and I was cold and the last thing I wanted was to drink cold milk, but I do find sometimes it relaxes me and relaxes my restless legs. Thankfully, it worked last night, but I was still up a good 45 min-1 hr. with that.

This morning, taking my meds, I noticed I didn't have my lamotrigine in the meds. I don't think I have been taking it all week and maybe last week too. I had it in a box of unopened pills and just forgot it refilling my meds. Which maybe contributed some to my restless legs, I don't know. I thought my spending these past few weeks was more than usual.

I did pilates since it was still freezing outside this morning when I got up. Then the usual - shower, breakfast, SAD lamp and reading. I colored my rose picture from yesterday, but meh, I don't think it turned out well. I drew 3 other pictures (all in the creative corner forum). @Blue_Bird I'm on the same page with you with food...I drew oranges, grapes, and onions today. I am especially proud of the 2 oranges I drew, I didn't think I'd be able to get anywhere close to replicating the example, but I didn't do a bad job.

The workbook orange example:

And my drawing of 2 oranges:

A few months ago i tried tapering down my Topamax and boy did i get jumpy legs at night. I used to rub my feet together - like a cricket?! - and one night the early mr luna was like, could you not do that?! Poor guy.

It’s right next door today, I’ll let them decide for me if I can give blood or not. I can take the bus door to door. There’s such a need for blood and I have type O which is really needed. I delayed from last week because of weather.

Blueberry it’s so funny you posted drawing an orange! Just before I looked at my iPad there was a strong smell of orange!

Sorry for those of you having problems with telehealth. My pdoc tried telehealth at the beginning of the pandemic then switched to phone appts., but now he's back to where he wants to see you in person every appt. even though lately my appts. are so routine, I think they could easily be handled by phone!

@JaneOnceMore - Sorry about your food problems of living in a food desert. That has to be tough especially since you have to take the bus to get to a store selling healthier food products. Neighbors around here have theft problems with packages from Amazon, FedEx, UPS, what have you. People just brazenly drive up to houses and steal the packages...though lots of people have cameras now, they'll post footage on the neighborhood NextDoor site, but most of these people are not caught. I am SO lucky we do not have that problem. My house has a curved pathway to the front door bordered by pretty tall bushes; first, you can't see any packages on the porch from the road, and second because people can't just run at straight path through grass and the bushes are too dense to run through, they don't bother with the curved path as it is not quick.

@unaluna - I LOVE eating vegan. I hardly ever get to because H always wants meat with meals. We have basically stopped eating out much at all because it has gotten so expensive. We went out to eat twice last year, once on our anniversary and once when a truck hit our light pole and the power company had to come replace the pole and there was no power. I guess I do occasionally buy the breakfast or lunch sandwich at Starbucks though I haven't gone as much this month as I did last month, so that's good.

@iloveanimals - I need to declutter in the worst way too. I bet you'll feel great to get rid of all that unnecessary stuff. I need to bring myself to do that to but ugh...I procrastinate with things like that so much. I hope the CBT therapy helps you with your anxiety and panic disorder. Have you decided yet to start working with your pdoc to taper your benzo or are you waiting to start CBT therapy? Definitely if you can, find a CBT workbook or two...it will help. But I've found most of CBT is changing your thought patterns by replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts practicing it and practicing it, negative actions with positive or at least neutral actions or grounding actions for anxiety & panic (cold temp. grounds me a lot, closing my eyes, running my hands under cold water. holding a glass of ice water between my hands, an ice pack, etc.). There are lots of different grounding techniques you can look up online to try for anxiety and panic, different things work better for different people.

I'm believing my thoughts but there's no backing to it so I know it's wrong. Not telling anyone that there not my thoughts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria'smom I'm believing my thoughts but there's no backing to it so I know it's wrong. Not telling anyone that there not my thoughts.

Are you safe?

I don't really know what to do right now. I'm just lying down. I don't want to go to Northwestern in Chicago for treatment. But I don't know what this new stuff is that I'm feeling.

I don't know how to answer this truthfully. I think so. I'm in a weird space. I don't want to do anything.