Bipolar Check-in #87

Oh my god you guys. OH MY GOD. I feel like I'm going to puke or pass out or something. Sleep Token is touring the US this summer and they're coming to a city in Illinois that is only two and a half hours from where we live and MY HUSBAND IS TAKING ME!!!!! I GET TO SEE SLEEP TOKEN! I'm going to bawl or something. Oh my god. 😭 😭 😭 I have goosebumps. Seriously. And their new album is coming out on March 13th! I'm seriously going to cry. Oh my god.

I feel kinda paranoid for no reason. Tonight was kinda rough but I had my music. I'm really achy but I think its just from sleeping last night on that spring bed. I moved therapy to virtual because I just don't want to do in person. Yeah. Thats a lame excuse. I don't feel depressed, I just need to figure out my weight issues.

Sorry about your sleep problems. What are you taking for sleep?

Triletal worked really good for me too. It helped a ton with my anxiety. I'm glad it's helping you.

Before all these meds I would fall asleep when I was reading too.

Oh I've been wanting to ask, where did you get the dbt cards?

I tried going through all the posts missed and I was just too far behind. I did post on page 22 and 23.

So I'm telling you this new therapist really wants me to work on my traumas. I got a workbook on cbt and it's nothing like the way I was taught 25 years ago.

So she suggested we do cognitive processing therapy. On like week 3 or so you're supposed to write out all your traumas in detail. First of all I have tremors I can't write it out, if I were to do that I would have a complete breakdown and end up in the hospital. My traumas are from age 4 to 30. One of them is from an organization I was in that has a good reputation and yes I was sexually harassed and blamed for it but was nlblamed for all my other traumas. They got in my head and I don't even understand it. It would take pages and pages to even explain how this organization works and how they get away with what they do. I just can't do that. Relive all my traumas, no way! So I have that cbt workbook and she's going to get it and we're going to work through it together. It's only 10 bucks and has over 8k 4-5 star ratings.

My son keeps breaking things that belong to this set up he got. Tonight I had to block him bc he kept changing what he wanted, then he'd say that will take too long to get here so I'd cancel etc. I did buy him what he wanted but he was still bugging me wanting me to tell him when they'd be where he lives after I told him to leave me alone. I just feel used by him sometimes.

I really need more help . I just can't stand long to cook. I can make like eggs and toast, but I like my eggs over easy so I have to cook one at a time. Toast and butter my toast on the couch. Or I can do pb&j on the couch. Bring the peanut butter and jelly as well as the bread to the couch. It's just hard. And I want help from 2-6 and nobody is replying to my ad. Ever since I had to quit my last job bc my back went out and I had to have back surgery I've slowly become a night owl. It's a ingrained. With my last care giver, she came 12-4 and I was exhausted bc I was losing so much sleep. I went into a mini mixed episode. I have to take care of my mental health first and foremost.

Nammu, how do you manage to cook? I don't use a walker, maybe that would help.

I hop everyone is doing OK and is getting enough sleep and not fighting horrible anxiety. 😀

Do you have a hard time cooking because of standing for a while or because you have to be up every so often? What about pasta where you could put water on and sit down while it boils, get it to add the whatever pasta and stir and have a chair nearby so you can stir it every 2-3 minutes or so? I think they have easier to use strainers so you don’t have to carry and hold a heavy pot to strain it, but I usually just use the smallest pot and just make a little bit for myself and that’s manageable for me. I can make big pots of spaghetti but worry about losing my noodles to the sink. You could probably get a big spoon with the holes in it and take out the pasta before straining to lighten the load too.

I got them on amazon let me post a pic of the item , here’s the product info

Good morning. I slept okay. Not enough again. But I guess it’s better than nothing. I got about 5 hours. I feel better in terms of paranoia. Like an hour after I took my night meds (my night ones include Thorazine and trileptal) it went away,probably thanks to the Thorazine. I take Thorazine, abilify, trileptal and Zoloft in the mornings. I typically get tired enough mid morning an hour or so after my morning meds to take a nap but I haven’t been able to because I’ve been having stuff going on every morning the past week. The naps are nice because they make up for my lack of/limited sleep at night. Not getting them makes the days long and by the end of the day I feel anxious and paranoid.

I have a dentist appointment in a couple hours for a cleaning and exam. Ready to get it over with. Then when I get home I’ll get on the treadmill. And tonight from 6pm to 8pm I have my volunteer shift with the rescue cats

@Iloveanimals25 what about putting a camping chair or small stool next to the stove. Then you can sit and cook. That's what I have to do. Ikea has these little tiny stools for around $10 or a camping chair from Walmart for $10. It helps a lot being able to be right there when I cook. I use the oven and microwave a lot.

I slept pretty good last night, around 8 hr. No bad dreams, Pecan only walked on me a little bit, H was snoring though. I did pilates, a video that merged into moderate level, so it was a bit difficult. Showered, had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp.

This morning I have an appt. with my gynecologist. I'm sure it's probably nothing but H had said he felt a couple of rough spots during intercourse, and he never said that before or since; I just want to get things checked out to be sure. I have to leave in around an hour for that.

Well, I spoke to a nurse and since I'm no longer having the symptoms, I don't have to come in to see the gynecologist but if they return then I should. Things should be okay until my next well woman exam which will be in August.

Oo, I could have slept much longer. I turned the lights out at 1am. And my alarm woke me at 8. The inspection is starting at 9:30. I don’t even know if they’ll get to my apt. Apparently they only pick three rooms per floor. I’ve got to make the made, empty the garbage and getting dressed.

Iloveanimals I don’t really cook anymore. I get meals on wheels m-f and that my main meal. I use the microwave for the rest. I have a chair in the kitchen. I just use my walker to get my outside walks in and to take the laundry down.

Gotta get busy.

I am able to make things l things like mac and cheese. I like meat sauce for things like spaghetti. I can't stand to cook the ground beef. I can't stand long bc of my back. I've been looking on fb market place for chairs that sturdy bc all of mine have broke. I've found some but bc of my anxiety I can't drive. My sister could maybe look but she lives far away. I'm going to call her after she gets off work and see if she will go look if I find some by her. She's so busy I hate to bug her. Her oldest son got his gf pregnant and she's she's sressed about that. Bc they are really young. Her youngest son is having health problems. And my other sister who had the stroke relies on her too. But thanks for for your suggestion. 😊

Thanks for letting me know. 😊

Thanks for letting me know.

I think they would break bc of my weight. I'm looking for padded metal folding chairs. But thanks for the suggestion. 😊

Right side of my back was starting to hurt last night (I have a 36 degree C curve from scoliosis and haven't really been stretching those muscles out lately) so I ended up doing a little yoga and it felt better until I started walking around this morning, so once I'm done laundry I'll probably do the same routine again. About to put stuff in the dryer and then probably take the review Unit 4 Calc I test

Drawings today a bit meh. I need to go back and draw somthing I know I can do well like a pear or an apple. I just can't get into the flow of things lately!

I'm also having period like cramps even though I'm only halfway through my cycle I know this is the point at which ovulation occurs and can cause these symptoms (nausea like I had the other days, cramps like today); it seems to have gotten worse with perimenopause. I still am having very regular periods, just really light ones. I really want to try for a nap, but it will be lunch time soon, and the downside of having a family is I have to prepare lunch for everyone.

Oh, blueberry I think your meh, is very good. Love the bird!

I felt fine until an hour ago. Then my GI stuff was an issue. I had virtual therapy and it went fine. Mental health wise I'm pretty ok. I've been following the news about the astronauts and the missing college student but not much else. Overall I'm fine.

Yeah, blueberry, the bird ain't half bad!

Dentist visit went well! No cavities. So proud of myself. I’ve really struggled with dental hygiene for a long time so this is huge

I just saw on Reddit there were green flames coming from man holes on the Texas Tech Campus! They evacuated and are investigating. Does this affect anyone here?