Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I’ll have to check that out thanks for the recommendation! I also find EMDR bilateral beats helpful for sleep, with earbuds in. They have a 10 hour track of that in the Calm meditation app

You and blueberry inspire me soo much with your commitment to drawing everyday. I’m so terrible at being consistent with my hobbies lol I hope to get better at it though. I go through phases where I’m drawing/painting everyday for weeks then weeks where I don’t do any art at all etc and that pattern kind of continues on and on lol

Well the team knows and my case manager called back after I called the emergency number crying in a parking lot on my walk home from getting meds (looking good enough to the med nurse apparently). Case manager was just sad that I didn’t sleep because my next door neighbor was triggering last night enough to keep me from getting a lick of sleep and wanted me to focus on having a productive voc rehab meeting and taking a nap when I get home. I’m home and in no mood to nap, but whatever, I’ll lay down and listen to this *****es temper tantrums and my ****ing fridge.

Well I walked to the store, got the milk I needed for the recipe. I cooked/meal prepped the food and sides which should last me several meals.

So I got my 30 min outside walk in today. I did all the dishes. I meditated. Only for like 10 minutes though cause my smartwatch buzzed with messages and I forgot to turn it on do not disturb mode so that broke my focus. Which I need to use more frequently (the do not disturb mode) because it’s like people have the most inconvenient times for messaging me. I could hear nothing all day then when I’m happen to trying to focus for a few minutes on something buzz buzz buzz people are texting me and messaging or calling suddenly all at once.

Anyway, I got laundry in the washer. My bed is made. After laundry is out of the dryer and folded I’m gonna relax for a bit. Then treadmill for 30 min. I’m gonna listen to my audiobook while on the treadmill. And then violin for 30 min. Then finally shower. I’m gonna try to throw in 15 min of stress relief yoga too soon. That’s it for today. After that I’m spending the evening reading and laying around relaxing. I kind of want to just lay here the rest of the day and do nothing but read and relax

Hey, @Nammu, look what I just found



(what they're not showing is MA probably has like 107 and it's just not labeled)

(also this was taken off of reddit so take with a grain of salt because I have a hard time believing some of these (like NH))

Should I call my case manager again? She said she would check in with me throughout the day (5+ hours ago when she told me to focus on having a productive meeting and taking a nap and said something along the lines of not eating is unusual for me...wtf? ).

Ehh she can suck eggs

I'm ****ed, my teeth hurts so I can't eat or drink. I'm supposed to go back Friday. I'm supposed to meet my vocational rehab person Friday. I have an app I'm supposed to do everyday. It's all too much. but I don't want to do ****. I refuse to even try to eat though I'm hungry and teary. I don't know how I'm going to live like this. I'm not doing **** until my mouth feels better. I'm angry and that helps no one.

Uuu my iq dropped when I lived in TX! But now I’m smart again! Ha! Yeah when this all started for me the gave me an IQ test,…hmm about 1986-7 and I was Mensa level. But the stress and pills I think down graded that. Or maybe it was that I did use it so I lost it. I think MA has better schools. Use your IQ for good!

I think in the South it’s the heat. I don’t want to freakin’ carry textbooks in a backpack if it’s 98 and humid and spend time to think and figure out the best way to do things. I wanna go catfishin’ and kayak with aunt Lora’s St Bernard!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Should I call my case manager again? She said she would check in with me throughout the day (5+ hours ago when she told me to focus on having a productive meeting and taking a nap and said something along the lines of not eating is unusual for me...wtf? ). Ehh she can suck eggs

Doesn't hurt to give her a call. You need to be proactive when it comes to your psych health. Everyone knows our healthcare system sucks, your case manager is probably overloaded with cases, don't let yours just slip by because right now you ARE in a very, very BAD place and need all the help you can get.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Uuu my iq dropped when I lived in TX! But now I’m smart again! Ha! Yeah when this all started for me the gave me an IQ test,…hmm about 1986-7 and I was Mensa level. But the stress and pills I think down graded that. Or maybe it was that I did use it so I lost it. I think MA has better schools. Use your IQ for good!

LOL...what about the Democrats who live in Texas? Perhaps we are smarter than the Republicans? Especially the Trumpies? I'm not MENSA quality but my IQ was in the 130s when the school tested it in high school, so conceivably I'm smarter than the rest of the state...unless living here over time has cut a huge chunk off my IQ. Not to mention the meds & bipolar haven't helped it either!

But I can't believe California has the same IQ as Texas! What's going on there?

I've been pretty busy today. I took an extra long power walk because finally after taking generic Mucinex D I'm feeling a lot better. Still having allergy issues and congestion/cough, runny nose but at least the fluid is out of my ears. Had time with H, showered, read with the SAD lamp & had breakfast, drew 2 pics, well drew 1 colored the other (in creative corner). I did a gigantic load of laundry, folded everything, put it away, then lunch. I made blueberry muffins & am happy they turned out because I couldn't remember if I had put in the right amount of baking powder. But they look good, so I'm assuming I must have added the right amount on autopilot, which happens to me sometimes.

Sorry for everyone having difficult times; I am still stable and am so lucky for that. No plans this afternoon, just deal with putting away dishes once the dishwasher is through and read. I have the meat dish for dinner as a leftover and will probably make some rice and fresh broccoli. I love steam in the bag fresh veggies! I also LOVE my rice maker; it was nearly a $90 expense, but so worth it! Unlike the cheaper ones I had, it works every time, and you know exactly when your rice will be done along with the nice keep warm function. That was one of my manic buys that actually ended up being a good purchase!

I have a different take on the IQ scores. IQ tests are racially bias. That’s been proven. The states with the higher scores are more white.

But yes I believe democrats are smarter, especially compared to trumpers.

Well I got out of my apartment and played 10,000 for a while. Had most of an individual bottle of Pepsi but still so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open.

I’m loving being on holiday. The only things on my agenda today:
- follow my partner when he takes his car for a service so I can bring him back home
- put gas in my car because I’m running low
- take my son to buy a Lego figurine from the $2 store
- buy some almond milk

I love my lattes with almond milk and my tea with almond milk. At work I have regular milk because when I used to bring in my own almond milk other people used to use it all the time. Not good.

I need to redo my nails but I don’t see that happening today. Maybe tomorrow idk I just don’t have the motivation to do them today.

I went out for about 45 minutes this morning. Then I came home and slept for a couple hours and I woke up thinking it was the morning. These Prestiq withdrawels are a bit tough. Just some anxiety. But nothing big

I took my Zyprexa and sucralfate and put food on the counter to eat once the stomach med says it’s okay (around 5ish).

I put in an application to be a volunteer dog walker and they already responded asking for an orientation date (one option as early as Friday). I figure I gotta have energy to keep up with a bunch of pups.

I suspect I have an out-and-out sinus infection now - cough, drippy, itchy nose, sinus pressure & headache, postnasal drip. I took Allegra today, and I don't know that it helped my allergies much at all. I do think the Mucinex is at least loosening the mucus, but this is miserable and I can't wait to feel better. The general rule though is to wait 7-10 days before seeing a doctor because most sinus infections are viral in nature. My appetite just isn't there probably from swallowing so much postnasal drip.

It just sucks when the weather is nice here, the allergies kick in.

I took 2 Tylenol PM and I'm feeling better. I don't think its really a mental health reaction to the prestiq. I'm just listening to music still

Oh thats tough. Texas is known as allergy alley. At least that’s what I was told when I first moved there. I’d never had any problems with pollens before. Be nice if your immune system would take care of it for you.

Did 30 min of piano practice. Pretty happy with today. Got a lot done. May even draw some tonight too since it’s only 6:30pm and I finished everything on my list to do today. Probably going to bed around 10 or 11pm. So I got some time to relax now.

My mood is good, sleeping helps a lot. Made the adjustments my psychiatrist told me to

well we officially had 6 tornados last wednesday night according to NWS here. now we have a flooded river all around. 5 people have died in ky from the floods. no one died in the tornadoes. so many roads are closed near me bc im near the ohio river though i live on ahill.

it sucks

Just finished my drawings. Did a basic head and a jellyfish 🪼

Shared my drawings with my T she said I was good and making improvements. She shared a bit about herself, she draws too. Said her dad was an artist and she grew up drawing. So hearing from her that I was good was very validating. Gave me the push I needed to keep going cause I’m pretty hard on myself. Have been doing the drawings for a month now. My goal is to be able to draw without the books. Make my own still life’s and draw them. I’m very excited about this. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw but lacked discipline. Now that I’m stable I’ve got more discipline.

Hey there guys! Been a short bit since I posted. I've been doing really well. Much better than I have these past few weeks. I hate to say it's because things have improved with my ex, because they have. There is a more open line of communication now, which I was hoping for all along, hopefully there can be talk of reconciliation down the road.

But the good news is, my days aren't wasted sitting around for emails. I have been getting up and going out and actually had the discipline to sit down and watch an ENTIRE movie, which I haven't been able to do in so long- I don't know what is up with my attention span that I can't sit for two hours and be still and watch something without looking at my phone - it's so bad. I remember the days when there weren't any phones and I used to be so focused on my shows and movies, I miss those days!

The countdown to my baptism is upon me, and I am so excited. Next week is Holy Week, and I am gearing up for it. I have never been stronger in my faith as I am today. I am truly blessed.

Had an excellent therapy appointment today too. I only see my therapist once a month because my insurance decided that therapists, are "specialists" and I have to pay $45 a visit. So, I cut back on therapy a whole lot., It sucks. The good news is we jam packed a whole month of stuff in an hour that went by too fast but was productive.

I hope everyone has been doing great!

I've been feeling kind of meh these past few days. Really feeling the weight of bipolar disorder being a life long thing, even if/when stable. I've been feeling grief for the life I thought I'd have and sadness for it not being what I want it to be. But, this volunteer group I've been trying out gives me a lot of hope. They are a very welcoming crew. I'm also actually really looking forward to possibly having a job over the summer. It would give me something to do and I could use the extra money. I'll start looking at potential jobs closer to the end of the school year.

I'm very aware that my loneliness will most likely increase when I move in May and this could easily trigger a depressive episode so I am trying to monitor my mood without getting to anxious about these coming months. Same thing with my POTs symptoms and the possibility of a big flare.

An exciting thing is tomorrow is my last day of school before being on Easter break! I might take advantage of having off Friday by going to Goodwill because I have so few outfits I'm struggling to not wear the same one to school two weeks in a row and sometimes have to double up where I wear an outfit during the week and on the weekend. I also need some clothes that are better for the summer heat. I despise clothes shopping though.

That’s awesome! I finally drew tonight too!