Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Good morning. Up early because Mustachio woke me up at 5am ugh. I guess she’s part of the 5am cat club that your cat is in too @Blueberrybook lol

Anyway, I slept decently. Only 6 1/2 hours so not enough but at least it was fairly good sleep.

I played my game Life is Strange 2 yesterday. Finished the story, ,completed the game. Today I’m gonna start the next one in the series Life is Strange: True Colors.

I also started playing a mobile game called Pikmin Bloom. So it tracks your steps and the more you walk the more little characters you can grow and you can plant flowers on your walks with the GPS turned on so you can like see a trail of flowers on your map from your walk. Anyway there’s a lot of cool stuff in the game, lots of badges and achievements you can get. I’m excited to play it more. It’s been motivating to me to get outside and walk more.

Today plans are to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. And also take a walk to the store to get some food. Aside from that practice violin. I’m also currently rewatching all the Star Wars movies so I’m gonna be watching some of that today too.

Well, it looks like 8 hours of sleep the other night was a one off.

But at least I'm at 6 for the past couple of nights. Hopefully it stays there.

Immediate care ignored me for half an hour. I tried calling twice. I finally set up an appointment with my primary for like an hour from now. And my pdoc called in all my meds except for my valium. And if that ****er is taking me off my valium cold turkey for whatever reason I am finding a new pdoc.

My doctors are crazy today and my GI was the one to start this whole weight loss talk in the first place. I didn't ask her for weight loss meds.

@Blue_Bird Pecan woke me at 4 AM this morning! I wish she were not such an early morning cat. And the crazy thing is she barely eats her wet food; what she really wants is to try to get to the other cats' food before they finish it, and they have the exactly same food as she does! Her creeping up to get Licorice's wet food often intimidates Licorice away. Midnight usually just growls, but lately Midnight is so picky, she's not eating the wet food; I resorted to feeding her tuna this morning!

I've been doing pretty well. I slept around 7.5 hr. last night; thankfully I went to bed early because Pecan got me up at 4 AM. I took a walk, and the sunrise was absolutely beautiful this morning. Today the pipeline/foundation company is here to finish up their work, and that makes me antsy/anxious/jittery. I got in a shower, had breakfast, read a bit with my lamp. I drew cats this morning (in the creative corner).

It's tough with workers here; they moved stuff in front of the dryer to do work in the garage, and now, I can't get to the dryer to get out the clothes to fold, and I really hate when my routine gets disrupted. I wasn't able to read as well either; at least drawing was a bit soothing other than some power surges when the workers turned on certain tools like saws.

((((HUGS)))) to all having a rough time; I hope today will be a better day for you

I was up really late last night because I just couldn't get to sleep. I literally just stood awake in bed till 3am, and I did the thing I NEVER do, which was take out my phone and start scrolling, (really need to keep my phone at the other side of the room from now on at night). So this morning is a late start. I am no where near finishing my financial goals this week for work, and am falling behind. I am really going to have to start thinking about some other kind of employment.

Got two emails this morning, but I think that's all I am going to get today, which is okay. I really need to start focusing on myself and things going on in my world these days. Conclave will probably start on May 7th, so I will be paying attention closely; I am really curious who the new Pope will be. Father said they should be guided by the Holy Spirit, but sometimes they make it really political - I really hope not.

Other than that, I am feeling pretty good. @Blueberrybook I love your cat drawing! @Blue_Bird if you're rewatching Star Wars, did you know they brought "Revenge of the Sith" back to theatres for a limited time? I don't know if you'd be interested in that. Your mobile games sound fun too - I drive everywhere, but I would love to have something to accompany me while walking, it's a really good idea.

Hope everyone has a terrific Tuesday!

Is there some reason you dont walk outside? If you walked outside for 90 minutes a day, that would be 6 miles a day, and you would be surprised how fast your weight would come down. All you need are shoes, a hat, and a water bottle.

What happened to my last post?

I can. My neighborhood is a bit shady though. Like its one of those areas where the general neighborhood is fine but if you go a block or 2 away then you can hear gunshots.

My weight is actually coming down decently and my appetite is much lower without the Prestiq.

I got to my doctors and I went to the lab and I did the urine sample. Then I saw my doctor and the nurse did my blood pressure and I was really dizzy and lightheaded but I didn't tell her that. And she took my blood pressure 3 times and it was 160/102. Then I told her. I just didn't want them making a big deal and stuff

My doctor prescribed some antibiotics but he did a blood test too.

Idk. I haven't had any caffeine today. I just feel off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iloveanimals25 What happened to my last post?

When did you post it? Was it today?

Our water has been turned off so the plumbing crew can do some work. That's all well and good, but I am having bad neck pain (every so often, it happens to me, I've got cervical degeneration back there). I really want to apply some Voltaren to it, but with the menthol in Voltaren, that stuff has a strong smell, you really want to wash your hands after applying it. It figures, my neck hadn't given me any problems for awhile, but why did it have to at up right now?! I took a muscle relaxer (prescribed prn by the rheumatologist), but it didn't seem to help. I'm not sure whether to put heat or ice on it. I'll have to google that.

Edit: Looks like heat...I was hoping for ice as it's pretty warm in the house right now.

Thanks for the info @LadyShadow ! I’ll look into that and see if it’s playing in any theaters near me

I doordashed some groceries. Forgot some stuff in my first order earlier today so have one more order from target coming later today.

Paid my phone bill, internet bill, rent , and for my next violin lesson. I’ll have to put some money on my bus fare card next week. I just preload it in advance and put like $25 on it at a time. It still has $10 on it right now so I’m waiting till it gets a little lower till I add more funds to it.

Tomorrow I’ve gotta go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I was gonna go today but didn’t feel like going out today. So I’ll take the bus to the pharmacy tomorrow.

I bought some sunscreen which I’m glad cause I burn up easily and am super sensitive to the sun due to my meds. It’s getting warmer and sunnier out. I can’t really avoid being out in it because one it’s good for vitamin d and my vitamin d levels are pretty low and two it’s good for exercise and I don’t have a car so I walk everywhere or take the bus and walk depending how far something is. But generally I’m out at least once a day to take a 30 min walk. Oh and it’s good for mental health/mood too, despite how much I hate being out in the sun. But yeah gotta wear the sunscreen!

I took a shower. I rescheduled my therapy appointment tomorrow to next week. I have to go get my meds first thing in the morning or I’m gonna keep putting that off and I can’t because I am out of most of my meds. So I’ll go get my meds tomorrow morning instead of my therapy appointment and just moved that to next week. I don’t have anything major to discuss in therapy right now I’m doing pretty well overall. I mean I struggle sometimes but the overall trend is I’m doing well. We’re probably going to be starting EMDR again next week for trauma.

Been a long day and it’s only like 3pm now. I’m having trouble focusing today.

Sorry about your neck @Blueberrybook. I am thinking it's stress from all the things going on right now. Can you lay down for a while and rest? Or will it hurt your neck more?

No problem @Blue_Bird ! I just saw you posted about the Star Wars movies, and I saw they were in my theater this week. I think it's a limited time run too, so I don't know long they will be playing it. But definitely check your theater and let me know!

Work has been slow going today, but I managed to get some done. About to take a shower and get ready for my meeting with the group that's part of the church this evening. I look forward to it all week. Feeling good about things in general, a little more optimistic.

I hope everyone is enjoying the day still!

Awww poor Licorice. I have these delectables squeeze up treats. I put them in a bowl for Papi in Mustachio. And now Papi stopped liking them suddenly and now Mustachio eats her own and Papi’s too because I don’t want him to be left out but he ends up ignoring it and Mustachio goes over and eats his as well. Mustachio is a menace though, she broke my Xbox last month. lol

I went to my daughter’s to watch the last two episodes of Stranger Things but we didn’t realize they are 2 hours not 1. We got to squeeze it in between my daughter’s activities. In the morning she goes for coffee with a friend then at 2:20 my grandkids get out of school and my granddaughter had cheer or gymnastics and my daughter is a chauffeur.

We’ve got an hour and a half left. Today we paused to go pick up so fantastic Greek food. I had the salad with lamb in it. Mmm

Slept well last night. I know I dreamed but I’ve forgotten them.

Blueberry love the cat!

So, saw pdoc he wants me on hadol and a side effect medicine for my muscle in my jaw. He wants me on it every day unless the side effects hurt to much. So now I'm on astrada, hadol, some side effects medicine and doxpin.

I got my phone fixed! It was very dirty in the microphone and speakers. The Apple Store ran diagnostics and said it’s in good shape for its age. Now I hope people will stop saying “What? You’re breaking up!”!

I also got most of the paperwork done for the section 8 recertification. My new case manager is helping with the proofs!

Like 3am my time so 6 am yours.

I don't really know how to exactly describe how I'm doing. At work, I've been mostly okay. But, outside of that, depression is messing with my appetite and ability to get stuff done (which is problematic since I move in less that two weeks). I'm also still struggling with SI so that's fun. My favorite part of the day is getting to go to bed. Getting up is really, really tough.

As much as depression and SI sucks, I haven't had a bought of it since September which is a good stretch for me so I guess that's a good thing-progress. I just have to wait it out, try to do a better job of not letting it stop me from getting things done, hope seeing family this weekend doesn't make it worse, and hope the SI doesn't get to bad.

My mother is going to see what she can do to make it to our wedding / elopement next year. Means she will have to fly from Florida to Australia. She has plans to sell her house on the horizon. Just might not have been as early as next year. We shall see. Money is a factor.

I started a rewrite of the beginning of my novel tonight. THIS is the beginning. I got quite a bit written. I've been feeling very floaty and strange and weird for a while, but it's gotten worse the past couple of days. Last night I was visited by the negative entity. It spoke to me and inserted images into my mind of twisted, contorted faces, but strangely enough I wasn't afraid and I haven't been paranoid or anything. I've just been floaty and confused. I keep on forgetting I need to get the ezine up. I have to get it up tomorrow. Tomorrow is my last day. I was gonna do it today, but I spaced it. I can't let these writers down. I don't know. I've just been feeling things more deeply as of late, like I can feel all the emotions of the world, and I've been seeing beauty in everything.

I've been up 26 hours now. I probably won't be able to sleep until later tonight which will put me at pushing 40 hours without sleep. I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds because I ran out and procrastinated too long on picking them up so I wasn't able to take any of my meds yesterday since they've been sitting at the pharmacy a week while I've procrastinating on getting them. I feel like **** I want to lay down and cry I also feel impulsive. I just need to get my ****ing meds so I can go to ****ing sleep at some point

I am having a tough morning, not so much moodwise but otherwise. I'm tired because Pecan started walking on me at 3:45 AM. I finally drifted off to sleep for 15 min or so, woke up again, finally just got out of bed at 4:30 AM. My walk was a slog the entire way. I don't know if it was because of chemical plant pollution (which Houston is among the top 10 most polluted cities in the U.S. so it's plausible especially as there was a strong chemical odor in the air when I started my walk). Usually if my walk is hard at the beginning, it will ease up after 1-1.5 mi, but not this morning. I should have come in after 2 mi, but stubborn me, I did my normal walk.

Even once I came in, showered, dressed, have been inside nearly an hour not doing anything strenuous, I'm still finding breathing hard. I don't know if it's anxiety/panic or just chemicals, fatigue, etc. I am going to try a low dose Seroquel to see if that will help. It's earlier than I normally take it, but I'm feeling desperate at this point. And at this point, yes, I'm a bit panicky that breathing is still so hard for me, I don't have asthma or anything like that, it may just be a combo of everything, but I really hate this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iloveanimals25 Like 3am my time so 6 am yours.

Sometimes I will preview my post (or even accidentally press the preview), see the preview and forget that it's a preview and exit, and that will cause me to lose my entire post which is frustrating. Could that have happened to you?

You may just have to repost it, pain as that is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I've been up 26 hours now. I probably won't be able to sleep until later tonight which will put me at pushing 40 hours without sleep. I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds because I ran out and procrastinated too long on picking them up so I wasn't able to take any of my meds yesterday since they've been sitting at the pharmacy a week while I've procrastinating on getting them. I feel like **** I want to lay down and cry I also feel impulsive. I just need to get my ****ing meds so I can go to ****ing sleep at some point

Definitely if you can take your night meds early, just do it. Out of sleepless desperation, I have taken night meds as early as 4 PM, just waited for them to kick in and actually sometimes managed a 12 hr sleep that way. Worth a try.