Bipolar Check-in #89

I have to admit I feel guilty because I actually have an appetite while no one else seems to. Not that I'm bingeing or anything, eating pretty normally for me. I tend to have to eat more calories than most to maintain my weight due to exercising a lot, and that makes me feel guilty/ashamed/embarrassed as well. Probably should be posting this in the ED forum. I completely hate these feelings.

I've just skimmed the posts, will catch up in the afternoon. I had a rough night of sleep because I had night sweats off and on all night. I don't know if that's perimenopause or if I f*kked up and didn't put my nightly Seroquel dose in the pillbox last night. I always have night sweats when my Seroquel goes up or down. I thought I did fine with refilling my meds last week, but I need to check.

I'm doing fine otherwise, still stable. I picked up my pill for the yeast infection, finally! The pharmacist said it could cause drowsiness or dizziness. I took the pill and less than 5 min. later I got paranoid that I was having dizziness from it when I know that is ridiculous, it doesn't hit your system that quickly!

I took a break from walking this morning, did a gentle pilates video, my body needed the break. Even though the ED/OCD thoughts sort of grate against slowing down on the other hand I'm glad/proud I actually listened to my body and did what it was telling me I needed to do.

I have been having quite a bit of dissociation this morning though. Reading with the SAD lamp distracted me some, and I'm going to try drawing or painting after I post this, art usually draws me into the creative process and has helped stem dissociation quite a bit for me.

After proofreading this post, I'm having a bit rougher morning than I thought though I am not overly upset or depressed by it. My mood is still quite stable.

Good morning

I slept pretty good. I’m heading to the library in a couple hours so I can spend like an hour and a half there reading on my kindle and also working on my music theory workbook. Mostly to get out of my apartment cause it’s driving me nuts being in my apartment all the time. Going to try to make that a habit. Going to the library a few times a week to study and read.

Probably eat an early lunch around 11:15am then head out a little before 12pm cause they open at 12pm.

When I get home I’m gonna practice violin and start a new painting. Then shower and play some of my videogame. That’s the plans for today

The psychosis is getting worse.

Art today was frustrating! Maybe after lunch I'll try again. Or just draw something I know I can do that is easy like a sphere That is how my art is going at the moment.

I’m still low. If this continues for over two weeks it will be something to be concerned about. My sleep is broken throughout the night. Having a very tough time getting up.

Sorry you're so low @Nammu. How long has it been going on?

Still trying to catch up on posts. I fee like I'm way behind.

You can skip all mine from last night if you’ve missed some still lol, I don’t think I said much if anything worthwhile but I did put a lot of words in a lot of posts

Tonight if I can’t sleep I think I’m just gonna shut off all electronics and unplug the modem finish the animal collage haha. (One of my friends thought I had gotten a hold of some dude I guess that was essentially giving molly away yesterday, thank fk I hadn’t!)

I messaged my endocronologist about the joint and bone pain I've been in and if its from my shots and how to handle it.

Besides that I'm doing well. I wish I could go back to work but being on my feet is painful and I went to clean my room and my blood pressure shot up to 155/99. So I still need to figure out some of this stuff. But my GI issues are much better and I can feel my energy start to come back because of the iron. The Prestiq is helping too with my moods and anxiety.

But I googled all my blood levels and the 3 things that came up were anemia, leukemia, or bone issues

I got my section 8 papers turned in.

About a week and a half. I finally pushed myself into the shower. It was over a week and a half, way over due. Normally I shower every 3-4 days if I don’t sweat. But this was too long. But more telling than that is not being able to read and skipping out on activities. Sunday was a pot luck grill out. I didn’t go. The thought of all those people and the noise level. I mostly stare at the tv but not really comprehending it.

All I’m doing is crying. I dunno what Pdoc will do tomorrow but all I can do is cry and hallucinate.

Good job on getting your papers turned in, Moose. You just reminded me I have to update my waitlist status again (because it’s been yet another year of waiting).

Hope things turn around soon for you, @Nammu. We care about you a lot, hang in there.

Gonna be painting with my friend today over video chat. Picked out a project I want to work on. She offered to paint with me today since I have been feeling low energy and low motivation for my hobbies the past few days. So that’ll be fun. We always have a good time. Hopefully my painting turns out alright.

I ended up not going to the library today. I took a 10 min walk outside instead. I’ll go to the library on Saturday cause I just remembered to put in some requests for new books on hold and I will return my old ones those are available for pickup.

I’m gonna cook some asparagus later in my air fryer. I love asparagus. It’s so good, one of my favorite vegetables. That and Brussels sprouts are my favorites. Yellow squash is good too though. Oh wait and butternut squash. Maybe I like more vegetables than I realized!

Anyway, hope you’re all doing well. Hugs to everyone here.

Here’s the painting , I followed a tutorial to learn how to do it

That's a wonderful painting @Blue_Bird! I love the bright colors!

I’ve got today off work looking after my son. Honestly he’s not even “sick” he’s so hyperactive. But gp said to take today off. Virus of some kind. So I don’t have to go to work. Thinking of going to get my nails done!

I am so tired, just so tired. I can't seem to get up before noon, and when I do, I am so tired I just want to go back to sleep. I think I am just depressed again.

I had a really packed weekend, and I am still recuperating from it, I think. Just feeling very low as well. I didn't hear back from the job I interviewed for, so it looks like I didn't get it. I spent the past two days in bed over it, and not working at my current job where I so desperately need money. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

So sorry @Nammu for what you're going through, but I definitely understand it. Really good to see you back @MuddyBoots and really sorry to hear how you're struggling @Moose72.

I have had some really bad thoughts over the past few days. I am just sinking and sinking. Wish I had a therapist to talk to. This feels so hard. My next theapy appointment is June 14th.

Oh, lady shadow I wish you could see your therapist too. I was just wondering how you were. Sorry you’re not doing well. Seems like everyone on the board is having trouble.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Oh, lady shadow I wish you could see your therapist too. I was just wondering how you were. Sorry you’re not doing well. Seems like everyone on the board is having trouble.

It really wish I could do something about therapy.

I am worried about you too.

I hope everyone gets better too. It seems to be a hard month for a lot of us here.

Thanks @Blueberrybook !

Dissociating pretty badly right now. Might get one of my ice packs out of the freezer and see if that helps

I got the results of my heart monitor. I think things are ok. I might be having slight PVPs. And some ventriucular entropary or something. But it said it was only in the 1% rate. Idk. My doctor hasnt messaged me back yet. I don't think anything is that big of a deal.

I'm feeling better but it took awhile. I had to take off my shoes and lie down to get rid of my aches and pains. but I feel a lot better now.

@LadyShadow I'm sorry things are so tough for you and that you can't see your T as often as you'd like especially at a time like now when you really need to see a T! Do you see your pdoc soon? If not, it might be worth seeing if you can get a sooner appt. I can't remember if you are on an AD, if not, maybe one might help at least in a small dose for the time being?

I wrote a heart-felt, honest email to my friend whom I hurt two weeks ago with some texts. I know he will take time to digest it but at least I wrote it.

Thanks! Every year I dread all the paperwork and proofs but my case manager was a big help and I got it turned in about two weeks early. Waiting to get a voucher can seem like forever!