Bipolar Check-in #89

I’m early but I’m at the hospital clinic.,,I’m so tired I keep falling asleep in the waiingvvrooooknx.

I hope you get answers soon too

I slept pretty good. Did a load of laundry last night (clothes and towels) , this morning I washed my sheets and a blanket and now I have my comforter finishing up in the dryer. It’s been way too long since I’ve washed my sheets and comforter. At least that’s done now. Good to feel caught up on all the laundry.

I called my neighbor and asked how she was doing and if she needed any trash taken out and she said she does have two things of trash that need to be taken out so I’m gonna go down there after my comforter is done in the dryer and take out her trash for her.

I feel pretty good today. I need a shower soon. Then finish up cleaning my apartment and work on that painting some more.

I need to go to sleep early tonight because I need to be up before 6:30am tomorrow.

I called my clinic and got refills sent out of abilify and Thorazine and Zoloft. I have enough trileptal and Lamictal , and enough klonopin so don’t need refills on those ones yet. I’m gonna have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick up some of them.

I took my own trash out a little while ago and cleaned the litterbox. All that’s left to do is sweep, mop, clean the toilet, and organize a bit. I’ve got my freshly laundered sheets on my bed. Just waiting for the comforter to come out of the dryer to put that on.

Are you on a mood stabilizer? If not, maybe that would help. I don't know if you have a SAD lamp but it did wonders for my depression. But I finally added the SAD lamp my pdoc told me to use, and it was pretty much a miracle for me. I have never been so happy/stable since I can't remember. The downside is I have to use it at least 1 hr. and daily to get the benefits. If I skimp on the time or skip a day, I really feel it.

On the other hand, if I were teaching classes as horrible as yours, I'd find myself depressed, panicked and anxious too. So it may be situational and it might just be you need out of the situation to help.

@June08 I hope you start sleeping better. How much Seroquel do you take at night.

@Blue_Bird I'm glad you finally took the klonopin and the dissociation went away. I find klonopin doesn't keep dissociation away for me, but it would stop the panic which allowed the dissociation to come to an end if I kept myself occupied with something else. Now I don't have the klonopin I use low dose Seroquel for panic, it helps nearly as much as klonopin did but for me the key things were: good sleep hygiene, unplugging from all news (I haven't read, watched, talked news since the election) which made SUCH a big difference in my anxiety/panic, you can't even believe it, unplugging from social media (well I've been unplugged about 4 years now from that), and the SAD lamp. Exercise to some extent.

@BeyondtheRainbow - When do you see the GI again? I hope you can find some answers. How are your anxiety levels, that could maybe affect it? Are you getting adequate sleep?

@Moose72 - Feel better soon!

@LadyShadow- Glad to hear you had a better day yesterday. I hope things start looking up for you. It is so hard to remember all the blessings we have when we are consumed with worry & sadness.

I know I missed people here, sorry about that. I also do have difficulty reading long posts and am not sure why as I read books just fine. I often have to go over those when my concentration is better.

As for me, my day is going great. I did pilates this morning since it was raining. Showered, ate breakfast & read with the SAD lamp. I drew a picture of a pug, and it actually looks like a dog for once! (I've been having trouble drawing dogs.) Anyway, that's in the creative corner forum under my sketches thread. I also painted a pretty decent lime slice.

@Blueberrybook yeah I stopped watching any news and stopped going on Facebook for the most part quite awhile back. It was stressing me out all the political stuff. My anxiety has been a lot better since then. I still pop into Facebook now and then to post artwork or violin videos but I don’t scroll through my newsfeed anymore cause it just stresses me out how the algorithm keeps putting political stuff in there that I do not want to see.

My psychiatrist did say I can take one of the 50mg of Thorazine in the mornings to help with the anxiety and dissociation. I was doing that for awhile and it seemed to help then I stopped doing that and started taking the full 300 mg of Thorazine at night and now I’ve been dealing with dissociation and panic more so maybe I need to take one of the 50mg and put it back into morning meds.

I got my pepcid and I feel so much better. Its just the otc cheweable stuff but it works better then my prescibed stuff and doesn't have any side effects.

I'm still kinda anxious. I guess from the antibiotic but I did take Tylenol PM I meant to throw out.

I need to do a big grocery shopping on Thursday.

I'm just glad I'm not on Medicaid. Woof.

Good morning almost afternoon!

I seem to need lots of time in bed to get a minimum of sleep. I wake often at night. I don’t get up but it takes time to get back to sleep. I just need to adjust my schedule to accommodate this.

So I don’t get up early enough to get the laundry room and need to find a different time that works. I’m really behind. I think it’s the not sleeping well that has me pulled low. Sleep is so important for my stability. Two weeks to my pdoc appointment.

Finished the painting

@Nammu I feel you when it comes to not sleeping well. May we both get better sleep soon!

@Blueberrybook Thanks! I take either 12.5 mg or 25 mg each night. I started taking 12.5 mg because it helps a ton with my depression. And then the 25 mg is if I think I need a little more help sleeping. 25 mg definitely makes me feel tired within 30-60 minutes after I take it. Recently, my problem is some nights I keep waking up in the middle of the night multiple times. Thankfully, knock on wood, I've been able to fall asleep rather quickly after I wake up. I'd think about asking my pdoc if I could take a higher dose, but I'm already in bed for 12-13 hours a night. I think it's a combo of POTs requiring more sleep and the seroquel. Maybe a little bit of anxiety/feeling overwhelmed by having to function too.

@Blue_Bird I love the painting!

Great idea about the SAD Lamp! Thank you for the tip! I’ll have to try get a cheap one on Amazon soon but I need to pay my higher than expensive water b first because that’s due

Was still awake at midnight. Up at 4:00am. Don’t need to elaborate on h tired I am I’m sure you get it.

Man is my anxiety the worst right now

Med stuff. If you don't like it just don't respond


I'm just lying in bed listening to music. I did go to the gas station without an issue.

A cold rainy day today - I am grateful it isn't really hot, but it's just the type of day you just want to stay in bed and not do anything. I think I am in a good position this week with work, which is such a relief, because it's been so hard the past few weeks.

My mind keeps wandering on one thing, and it's just hard to get it off of that. I am having trouble concentrating on what I need to do. Right now, I am just applying for jobs so I don't think about it.

Hope everyone is going good today - hugs to those who are struggling, I know how hard it can be sometimes.

I scanned my painting and am gonna print out color photos of it for everyone in the class to have an example to follow.

Also gonna be getting a set of 30 large flat rocks for the rock painting event I’m leading in July. And paint palettes for everyone.

The program manager is gonna get the rest of the supplies. The paint, canvases, paint brushes, and disposable cups to rinse the paint brushes in.

Anyway, yeah should be a lot of fun!

@Blue_Bird That looks like a fun painting for a class. I love the bright colors and it has a fun summer theme.

Saw my liver doctor. She said I need to lose weight. Of course! Better diet. Do whatever I did when I lost weight before! It’s that or another liver biopsy! (Remember I skipped the last one back around valentine’s day.).

Filled out the student loans forgiveness form with my case manager. All we need now is a letter from my Pdoc.

I’m feeling lazy speaking of being too fat. I kept falling asleep in the waiting room at the liver doctor’s office. I must’ve not gotten enough sleep. So I came home and ate and took a 3-hour nap. Got woken up by the phone.

Gotta do my laundry.

Why not try adding exercise? You don't have a large amount of weight to lose from what I recall and with the stress you are under with your teaching, that could be hampering your weight loss too? The other thing...are you eating enough calories daily? Because if you undereat too much your body does try to hold onto fat (unless it can't as in the case of anorexia, you are beyond mere undereating, you're starving). There is going to come a point off meds you need to maintain your weight, and to do that you have to rely on good eating habits and exercise instead of adding more Wegovy. I do wonder if you'd do better eating healthfully - breakfast, lunch and dinner, a healthy snack, bring your lunch instead of buying from the canteen and use the treadmill you have accessed to or walk, buy some light dumbbells, do a pilates video (I have a series for beinnger pilates that is free & that I adore.) There is no magic answer to weight loss. My sister had some sort of gastric reduction surgery. She lost weight the first year or so, didn't stick to the good habits, the weight came right back on. You may as well build the good habits now. I also think if you have a way you can reduce any of your job stress, that may work to your benefit too in terms of weight loss.

Been almost 2 weeks on Lamictal. We increase the dose this coming Saturday. No idea what his plans are for after that. If he’s gonna stop the trileptal or keep the trileptal or what. I’ll find out when I see him next on June 13th.

Aside from the dissociation happening now and then I feel pretty good in terms of mood. I managed to do like 4 loads of laundry, and clean my apartment today. Including the stuff I normally hate to do like vacuuming. And have been painting regularly and sketching daily. I’m sleeping well. Im hoping to come off the Thorazine eventually. I know I just need to leave my meds alone though for a while and keep things status quo.

My doctor reviewed my heart monitor test. Its nothing to worry about right now, but just to keep an eye on it and pay attention to my symptoms.

But yeah eating healthy and losing weight is the only option unless I want to end up in an early grave.

Watching episodes of "Catfish" to get my mind off of things. It's really interesting and silly. Just a lot jumbled in my head. A lot of wants and needs not getting met, kind of scrambling around in my brain.

Went to my Legion of Mary meeting and found my mind wandering. I am not connecting with my faith either, feel like I am losing my calling and drifting away from my purpose. I hate this so much, because talking to a therapist about this can really help. I don't see him till June 14th.

My heart is full of wanting and need, and I am not getting anything for it. I wish I could find a job and that's just not happening. I feel so cornered and up against a wall in life. God is so far away, I can't even hear Him anymore.

@LadyShadow times of desolation in prayer are so hard. Praying for you!

I love Catfished.

I did okay most of today, but am struggling this evening. The day was okay: work meeting went well, did some laundry (didn't put it away though), walked on my walking pad, prayed, read a tiny bit, went for a drive, got a few things done, watched some tv. TW food talk



Ever since this food thing, I've been super irritable and had SI. And, getting up and ready for my 8:30 am zoom meeting feels like an impossible task. I need to go to bed at a decent time, but I don't want to because I don't want to have to deal with how hard it will be to get out of bed in the morning. How the heck can something so small have such a big impact on my mood?