Bipolar Check-in #89

Yeah I’m definitely gonna get some chamomile tea next time I go to the store, my psychiatrist recommended it too (in addition to a med adjustment) for when I was dealing with sleep issues

That would be something nice to do. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

Confession time.

I told work I have a meeting at my son's school 11:30 - 12:30 RIGHT when I teach THAT class.

I don't have a meeting.

Are you still using the SAD lamp @Blue_Bird? I just ask because if it doesn't trigger mania in you, you may give it a try. I have noticed not only does it help my mood, using it helps lessen my anxiety as well.

You need to be careful with sun lamps. They are just like the sun and can cause skin cancer if used too much.

I’ve never actually used one before but u might look into it, thanks!

Also I just talked to my sister on the phone for awhile and that helped

SAD lamps, not sun lamps. SAD lamps filter out harmful UV rays and do NOT cause cancer.

What are sun lamps? I thought they were the same thing

I think that may be what I get myself for my birthday Blueberry a SAD lamp. I don’t go out a lot in the summer due to being extremely sensitive to the heat and sunlight but this may help since I spend a lot of time indoors

Hugs, I hope things improve or that your psychiatrist is able to help out in some way

A SAD lamp designed specifically for SAD it filters out all or nearly all UV. Sun lamps don't necessarily filter out the UV and sometimes the world is misleading, they can emcompass tanning lamps which definitely DO have a link to cancer.

@Blue_Bird That would be a great birthday present as long as it doesn't trigger mania in you, but no way to know until you try. You don't have to spend a ton to get one that helps. I spent around $35 (with a $5 off coupon) on Amazon on the lamp I have. It doesn't have many bells and whistles though, you can't adjust the intensity of the light, but for me, it works just fine.

@Crazy Hitch - Is there no way to see your pdoc sooner or call in and talk to him, let him know you're struggling?

Had dinner with my mom, her husband and N3. It was a fun time! I see my liver dr early tomorrow morning. I hope she has good things to say.

I can try but I don't believe he can change my meds. Mood wise I'm a 4/10 (with 0 being the worst and 10 being the best). If my mood drops to a 3 I'll definitely go, but I think the meds are stopping me from dropping lower.

@Crazy Hitch and @Blue_Bird sorry you're having tough days.

The last two days have been alright. I've managed to fill my time without my mood being to negatively affected. A sense of being extremely overwhelmed is still stopping me from getting things done though. I really need to get over this mental wall or some important things are going to fall through the cracks (bills are due soon so I at least need to be able to prep for those). I did get a little bit of cleaning done today and got some physical activity in so that's good. A summer goal of mine is to add strength training to my routine. I don't really enjoy strength training, but I know it's important so I am going to try. I will have to progress at a very slow pace because new exercise triggers my POTs symptoms.

Tomorrow, I have a teacher work week zoom call but it isn't until 12 pm so that's a little annoying. It is supposed to last one hour. So, still plenty of time in my day to work on other things.

I didn't sleep the best last night. Here's hoping tonight is better. Since I won't be doing as much during the day over the summer, I may need to take a higher dose of Seroquel to help me sleep every night.

I ended up taking a klonopin. The dissociation and panic came back not long after I was off the phone. So I just went ahead and took one and since then my dissociation and panic have been gone and have remained gone for several hours now.

I have therapy on Friday thankfully. Need to talk to her about the increasing dissociation and get ideas for what to do about it.

Hate that I wasted several hours of my day in a sort of dissociated trance but oh well.

I did managed to vacuum a bit.

My cat Mustachio is currently laying on me purring.

Listening to the audiobook Spare by Prince Harry

I just read somewhere that cats can smell human anxiety and respond to it. I know my Abbycat does. If I'm anxious she lays with or on me until I feel better or fall asleep.

Aww yeah Ive heard that too. Theyre good little nurses

I got my ultrasound results back today. My doctor hasn't read them so I could be slightly off but it sounds like I have some fat cells in my liver but not nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (yet). Nothing to explain the nausea.

I leave for vacation Saturday. It's a 12 hour car ride. I see my doctor Wednesday. I'm hoping to get a scopolamine (motion sickness patches) script for my trip. I used them many years ago when I had lithium toxicity that was being hidden by vomiting so that my levels always showed as low when they were really high. I can't have zofran so that is probably the next best. We'll see what my doctor says. I'm a little worried about being quite far from civilization, not even an urgent care, for a week but I am not giving up on vacation either. I can sit on a beach feeling sick but I want to really enjoy my trip.

I have therapy tomorrow. I can't decide if I want to go or do virtual. I want to do virtual but I haven't seen him in person in weeks and with misaligned schedules won't see him for 2 weeks after this visit. However driving up there is exhausting and I have to drive up to the same city for my doctor appointment Wednesday.

The more I think about it the better virtual sounds. Or the more reasonable maybe.

I have an in person appointment with my gp for a repeat script of Wegovy. Pretty sure I go up in dosage and then it will mean I'm on the maximum dose of that medication, Might speak to her about the difference in Wegovy and Manjoura (don't quite know how you spell it). I lost a lot of weight initially and now it feels like my weight loss is stalling.

I'm just anxious right now. My family was over and my niece was caught playing in the litter box. My sister and bil had to leave for a bit to get hairbands. Idk why. I just slept the whole time. I'm out of pepcid and tums which is making me a bit miserable.

I think its just anxiety from the antibiotic. I think they can do that.

The neighbor is out there again slamming her car doors. My mom said the other day she was dancing. My mom doesn't want to call anyone for a wellness check because she thinks she'll have to be responsible for her.

Had a really good night tonight. It's becoming hard to juggle my guy and my best friend at night; they both call at the same time. I'll work it out though. Was happy to get a chance to talk to my homeless friend too, he needs all the support and prayers he can get.

Sorry you had so much trouble tonight @Blue_Bird - I am glad @Blueberrybook and @Nammu were here to hold your hand for a while. That's why I love this board so much, we kind of all stick together when we are going through things. Thinking of you too @Crazy Hitch @June08 - I hope you have a better night sleep tonight - @BeyondtheRainbow - I hope you have a wonderful vacation on the beach and get all your appointments figured out before you go. @Nammu - I am always thinking of you hoping for good days for you.

So tomorrow is a back-to-work day. I am hoping for the best, but I am going to keep applying like crazy. This weekend taught me that I have to start looking beyond my woes with finances and focus on God's plan. I am really going to try to budget better next month so things don't seem so drastic, and if I can I will see if I can put aside a little extra for another therapy session. I will try really hard to. Hope everyone has a good night!

I’m up. Cat next to me sleeping on the bed. It’s way too early to go to the hospital for my appointment this morning. It’s in 3 1/2 hours.

Caleb called last night after being mad at me. I see my case manager at 11. I hope that goes well!

Going to eat a bagel soon. Then go to my appointment.

I fell asleep around 10:45 and I woke up at 2:30 and then I fell back asleep until 3:30. I feel ok but its early.

I ate some cake batter popcorn that didn't agree wirh me. But I took a zofran and I feel better.

I just ate too much popcorn lol. It was really good and I didn't eat dinner. Well I am out of my pepcid which isn't helping out things.

I was up all night very, very sick. I hope that I can get some answers soon.


And now I'm going back to bed. Hopefully this time it takes.