Bipolar Check-In #92

I'm awake. I woke up at 2AM all achy and I had a bad nightmare. I took Tylenol and my stomach med and then I couldn't wake up until 8.

I don't feel as sick as I did yesterday. Just kinda off

I just looked up
After a year of being too scared. Honestly he isn't that scary. Not like Blank Soup. That shyt is scary and I just google imaged it I didnt watch the video.

I still refuse to watch the CNN doomsday video

This compression knee thing is making me be able to function again. I got on the treadmill for 2 minutes but I hate that thing. I got my room almost cleaned. I need to wash the floor. I got a Swifter wet and dry mop last weekend I want to try out.

The Swifter made my floor so clean. You know you are getting old when your impressd by a mop

I walked to the library and sat in there for an hour reading my kindle. As a part of my exposure therapy.

Now I’m just chilling for a couple hours till I go downstairs and help my neighbor put her water bottles in the fridge (she has a case of 36 of them and is 85 and has a walker so can’t do it herself)

Started doing yoga again. Aiming for a daily practice.

Caught some good pokemon on my walk today with Pokemon Go.

I went to bingo yesterday and won a mop which was nice

Doing good. Finally on the target dose of Lamictal so no more med changes (except stopping the remaining 600 mg of trileptal after my next appointment) which will be no problem. I am so happy to be done with these med changes. It took so many months.

Hope you’re all doing well

Jeez I am exhausted. I slept 10 1/2 hours and am still so exhausted where I could just go to sleep right now if I wanted to. Idk if it’s from the lamictal being increased yesterday or if it’s from my Thorazine or what

I'm exhausted too - too exhausted.

Sorry for those of you tired today. @raspberrytorte - Ugh, yeah, caffeine pills always make me super nauseous. Isn't 4 a larger dose than recommended? Just taking the recommeded dose makes me nauseous and usually I don't get nauseous with meds especially OTC stuff. @Blue_Bird - Congrats on doing some exposure therapy. Reading in the library is a fantastic way to ease into things. What are you reading? Yoga is a fantastic exercise. I need to try it; I need to find a good beginner's yoga video. Do you have any recommendations? @June08 - I forget, are you in therapy? Is there a way you can work on your SI thoughts? I know it sounds ridiculous but a SAD lamp worked very well when I was having nearly constant SI thoughts. I still use one and feel it helps my mood quite a lot. Though if I don't use it daily, I tend to feel it. Or can you try GPTChat for SI thoughts & feelings of anxiety at your new apartment at night? I have never tried GPTChat for anything, but it seems some people here have had good experiences using it. @LadyShadow - It's cool that you did get William Shatner's autograph in the end. Isn't he in his 90s by now? Great that he can still show up to events like GalaxyCon. H and I and now my daughter too have started streaming Star Trek from season 1. Now, we've reached season 2. Back in the day, they had a lot of episodes per season; season 1 was 30 episodes long. Sorry it took so long to get Shatner's autograph though. You have some fantatic pics from the convention! I love your picture! You are extermely photogenic!

Sorry, I can't remember all the other posts I've read. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm doing well today though according to my Fitbit I only slept 5 hr. 20 min. last night. I felt like I slept longer though maybe not, could be I woke a lot for short periods and don't really remember waking? I wonder if my sleep was affected by not using my SAD lamp yesterday? It broke yesterday, and I've had to order a new one which Amazon claims will arrive sometime today.

I jogged quite a long way, but it was overcast today, that always making jogging easy. I spent the rest of the morning painting a sushi roll and playing on my iPad. Also washed & folded a load of laundry. I really need to get lunch now as it's already 1 PM. That sushi roll took longer to paint than I thought.

I hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Blueberry that sushi roll is amazing! I love it!

Thank you @Nammu! I was hesistant to try it, but the book I have did give very detailied instructions on painting it, so I figured if I could draw a decent outline, I'd at least try to paint it. I'm glad it actually turned out

@Blueberrybook No, I'm not in therapy at the moment. I've actually wondered recently if going back would be helpful, but I need to get back into the school year routine before I consider it. I also would need to figure out what my new health insurance covers. If I read my insurance correctly, I think it's as good as my last insurance was, but I'd want to double check.

I again woke up many times throughout the night. Had very weird continuous dreams about being with a friend from Texas and being in this hole in the wall. Their cafe was closed but they could give us drinks. The barista was gay and wanted to do my fingernails. Not paint them but trim them. Fishing parties came in to have a beer. Still the focal was on my fingernails. We were waiting for a dog competition and an airplane. I was hungry and we stayed there all night with the fishermen waiting for the cafe to open. When it did all they served was fish and beer nuts! No idea if we ever got out of there.

@Nammu - You have cool dreams! The dreams I remember mostly are either nightmares or extremely mundane like I'm going grocery shopping or doing chores or back in high school unprepared for a major test (which tends to be upsetting for me, I was always anxious about tests and tended to be overprepared) or having a tooth break off. Once or twice I remember having cool dreams like being able to fly or breathe underwater but not usually. I wish my dreams were as interesting as yours!

Scary dream TW

.

Kinda makes sense now why I woke up so freaked out.

@Blueberrybook your sushi roll is great! I’m reading a few different books. One is a series called Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas which is a fantasy series. And one is a non fiction book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t stop Talking” , and another series called Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross, oh and almost forgot, a biography called Beethoven: Anguish and Triumph by Jan Swafford.

I’ll send you a link to my favorite yoga video it’s a 15 min stress relief one

Woken up with a terrible headache. Even the painkillers aren’t working. I’m going with my partner this morning to look at second hand gym equipment. Then I’m going to get my nails done.

Anxiety is winning today. There are two things I should have went to but couldn't get myself to do. Instead, outside of grocery shopping and taking the trash out, I have been avoiding my emotions by doom scrolling on my phone for hours. I can't even get myself to read. I don't know if physical activity will happen either because that usually makes whatever emotions I'm feeling come to the surface.

I’m sorry your anxiety is bad today June08. I’m struggling with it too so I can completely relate.

I went to my friend’s place to help her pack and do my laundry but we started watching tv on the couch and she slept the whole 3 hours it took my laundry to wash and dry! I got hungry and she was asleep so I just left. She texted me when I was almost home and apologized for sleeping that long but hey- I got to watch tv and do my laundry for free!

Having dissociation and panic and worrying my meds are poisoning me, I’m trying to ground myself but having a hard time

My Vans came today. Its kinda like an eff you to the kids in elementary school. They were insane when it came to clothes. One time girl went to Value City to look at the sweatshirt and jeans I had gotten and said "the sweatshirt was ok but the jeans are bad.

As an adult I buy a lot of name brand suff and my therapists have said that its.because of the kids in school.

I have no idea what I was trying to say. I took the cholestrol med for the first time tonight and I feel a bit odd

We got our new gummies in the mail today. They're vegan and organic and have 10mg of CBD in one dose. They're great! I've been novel planning like a mad woman! All the anxiety I had about novel planning and writing is gone. I REALLY hope they help my husband. He has serious anxiety issues.

You know you're an anxious person when a sudden feeling of calmness hits you and it's like euphoria!

Well, it looks like all the fun is over. Today i've felt boredom, loneliness, anxiety, and shame.

Jane, I am sorry that you are having a bad day. Maybe a good nap or night time sleep will help you feel better.
(((((((HUGS))))) @JaneOnceMore
bizi

Yes @Blueberrybook - William Shatner is about 93 I think. That's so cool you and your daughter are streaming Star Trek. I was really happy to get his autograph, plus he was really nice. A lot of people say he's a jerk, but I think it depends on what mood you catch him in - he definitely is a diva though because he took his sweet time getting there, lol. Thanks for the compliment on my picture too!

Sorry you're dissociating @Blue_Bird - I hope you're feeling better. @JaneOnceMore sorry about your boring day @June08 hope you are feeling better too.

As for me, I was really sick today, I have a virus or something I picked up from the Con - and now the inside of my mouth is hurting a lot and I think it's from the CPAP machine. I have cleaned the tubing and everything as best as I can but I guess there is something else wrong. I hate having to go to the dentist, but it hurts to eat now. Maybe I can just go to an Urgent Care and they can give me something for it.

I've been exhausted since I was awake all night before my colonoscopy Wednesday. I've tried to go to sleep early but it's like my brain is so over-stimulated that it can't shut down.

This afternoon I finally took a long nap. I hope it doesn't mess up sleep tonight but I really needed it. I felt better when I woke up than I have since I had to change my diet 8 days ago.

I'm going to be so relaxed about napping again tomorrow. I have to get up early for me because someone is coming to give an estimate on replacing the stairs to my porch and possibly the porch as well. There's a broken step and a place that looks like it could break on the porch. This is when it's hard for your mom to be your landlord; I feel bad she has to spend the money. But after that's over if I want to sleep more I'm going to.

I still don't have the results of my endoscopy. My colonoscopy was clear. I hope for the results Monday. They didn't say how long it would take.

Tuesday I go back to the city for the night so I can have breast clinic follow-up for an abnormal mammogram. After that I don't have to go to the big city for 2 weeks until I see my pdoc.That will be a nice change.