Bipolar Check-In #92

Dammit! I fell asleep around 11:00 but it’s ten to 3:00 and I’m wide awake again!

Dang I had a post typed out but I lost it.
Basically. I have insomnia which is a symptom of my Liptor
I see the cardiolgist at 11
Maybe he will want me off my Geodon. Not sure what to replace it with. Gaining weight would be counterproductive. I've heard ablify and latuda are decent weight wise

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Dang I had a post typed out but I lost it. Basically. I have insomnia which is a symptom of my Liptor I see the cardiolgist at 11 Maybe he will want me off my Geodon. Not sure what to replace it with. Gaining weight would be counterproductive. I've heard ablify and latuda are decent weight wise

I have insomnia too. I still haven’t slept and it’s an early day for me. I take Risperdal and have gained a lot of weight. My cardiologist doesn’t like that, but the mood stabilization is crucial for me.

It’s now 10 to 4:00. I am soooo exhausted!!!

Edit: slept till 7:00. Add 4 more hours out of the last 48 for yesterday.

I got a message from my nephew to cut my daughter off and do tough love with her. I don't know what was said but he feels she was misdiagnosed and has a personality disorder. I explained our plan to him. He basically said she's planning on no contact when she move. How he hates seeing our child hunt us. Came out with some non-trans friendly statistics. Told me we weren't ****** parents. Vented his frustration that she has a high paying degree that she doesn't use. He asked us to please not give her money. I explained what I feel she has mental health wise and that we won't do tough love. It sucks because they were close. I appreciate him trying to protect us but she's our daughter. We'll always be there to help.

Good morning. Heading to Walmart in a couple hours to get a money order for my rent. Sitting outside right now to get some fresh air. It’s too hot though. Already this early in the day. Anything 60 degrees or above is too hot for me. I prefer fall and winter. It’s 75 now going up to 91 degrees today. Thank god I moved back to New York. It’s a lot hotter down south.

I had medium sleep last night. 6 1/2 hours.

Gonna be working on crocheting a penguin tonight. 🐧

I want to see what museums I can go to this coming fall. I’d like to go to the NY state museum which isn’t far from here. And maybe the science museum down the street. Just get out and do more stuff. Tired of spending most of my days inside my apartment. I need to get out and explore more.

Hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Hope everyone has a good day. It's been rough for a lot of lately.. We all need a vacation from it all and a place of refuge-- i hope you find that wherever you need it -- be it here, or elsewhere. I know I take solace in it.

Same old story here-- nothing to add.

Brentus

I overdid it yesterday. Again. I cancelled the two social events i had planned for today and tomorrow. I just can't plan, make commitments. When will i learn? I've succeeded in spending today quietly. I've done some tidying, and had a proper meal at my dining set, and resisted pop, and drank water instead. I am starting to feel human again.

I'm over yesterday's upset. The men were unpleasant but it was also that i tried to socialize with four youngsters and felt outwitted and overpowered and outmatched by their charisma and verve and joie de vivre.

I also prefer cooler temps-for me, the 40s and 50s are great. This way, I can wear a sweatshirt. Living in the desert, I of course don't get those temps much. My classroom is usually freezing year round, so I can sometimes wear long sleeves in there.

So I slept a crazy 13 hours - I don't know what the heck happened there, but I feel really good this morning. I don't know if it was a combination of my meds and all the cold medicine, but the mouth ulcer seems to have subsided a lot this morning too - what an insane relief! Still going to the pharmacy to get the medicine though. But I think it's just a miracle to be honest.

I get it @Blue_Bird - I need to get out more too. There is a Planetarium nearby that I want to go to - the museums and everything are all the way in Raleigh, which is a shame for me. I do want to work on going out more though. My Edgar Allen Poe Speakeasy event is in two weeks and I'm excited for that. Bought a cute black dress with skulls on it.

I hope everyone has a great day - @Brentus - a vacation would be lovely - just not to think anymore and be inside my own head so much would be great.

No contact from my case manager or Pdoc. I feel like a number. I did just sleep two hours.

I hate that place. Sickest of the poor go there. Including me. My np asks if I’m hallucinating and I was not when she asked me. Of course I have been since. I’m just a number.

My doctor had bad reviews and they said "absolutly do not go to her."

But she was super nice and asked if I was nervous and I said "yeah." She asked why and stuff. She said my heart is fine. And cleared me for surgery.

Pretty much I haven't had any issues with doctors being disrespctful or rude since I moved.
.so she didn't even ask about my Geodon. So I'm safe with that which is good because I've been on it for 18 years and it works.

Now I just need to hear from my surgeon now that I'm cleared cardiac wise
I think my cholesteol med is helping with my anxiety becauae I just now took a valium and it was like that yesterday too.

Good morning everyone

I slept in a little bit until 5:00 but I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Ughhh. Got to get dressed for work soon. Will pop by later.

Hope you’re all okay and having a decent day!

I hope everyone is having a good day! I've read all the posts, but I can't keep up to respond to them all! I'm sorry for those of you experiencing insomnia. moose, if I get around 4 hr. or less of sleep 3 nights in a row, I contact my doctor because mania comes on me fast and then psychosis with hallucinations and blackouts. We just need sleep for our bodies to function well, that's the bottom line. It seems a lot of mental health and even just general overall health suffer with lack of good sleep.

Last night when I took my night meds, I swallowed a pill wrong. It stuck in my throat and I think I got some of it dissolved in water down my trachea. I right away was finding breathing difficult (not impossible but definitely impaired). It was scary.. Then I started coughing and coughing, drinking a little water as time went on, but I probsably spent a good 15 minutes coughing hard before I felt more normal and could settle to read and sleep. This morning, I woke up very hoarse, and now I'm sore from coughing so hard.

I was able to jog this morning, but it was hard. I don't know if it was still some after effects from last night or worsening chemical pollution in the air from the nearby chemical plants, or maybe some of both. I had my usual morning, was able to finish reading my library book. I painted a breakfast parfait, and that took until after lunch to finish because I had to just wait for paint to dry before moving on to the next step.

I hope everyone gets good sleep tonight!

It’s always such a joy looking at your pictures Blueberrybook 💖

Im afraid to try chia seeds!

My bank card still hasnt arrived. I may be going off grid thru no desire of my own!

Mine hasnt come either and it was out for delivery 2 days ago

@Blueberrybook I slept for two hours this afternoon. I did report two days of less than 4 hours sleep each day to my case manager as I was hallucinating pretty badly. No response all day. I did sleep after I got back from the store this afternoon. We’ll see how tonight’s sleep is. I’m lucky to have a good friend who happens to be a MSW therapist in times like these. He helped me a lot the last several days. Even my peer support girl hasn’t answered my text. It’s tough. But my friend said I am not my illness- it’s something that happens to me. And that helps.

This woman at the doctors was telling the receptionist how bad she has it at Walmart by both the other employees and customers. She says a day doesn't go by that shes not called an effin B and comes home crying.

Some of my jobs have been tough. Mostly the grocery store job I had from 2014-2015. But the stocking jobs were ok. This last job I had was great after some people got fired and others quit. I was there for over 2 years but they didn't handle covid protocols and I figured I was ok without working since it a hazard. Then I one surgery. Then I moved. Had 2 more surgeries. And then the stomach stuff started. But there was a time I was applying for jobs but not getting even an email saying it was a no. I did get an online interview for Target and thar was a no.

I want to go back really bad but I obviously can't right now. But I have some places I want to apply to

Is it just me or has today been like the slowest day? I feel so exhausted and I’ve barely accomplished anything.

I'm utterly exhausted too!

Stayed awake late last night as we had storm warnings and a derecho was in Iowa and I’m close to the border. Then I had to get up early for my PT appointment. Got PT exercises for my neck. If this doesn’t resolve my pins and needles in my arm I’ll be getting the needles in my arm to look for nerve damage. Funny they jump to that not checking out my wrist and elbow. When I got home I went back to bed, didn’t sleep but just keeping my eyes closed helped.

Don’t feel up to 500 tonight. So tired. Tomorrow I have nothing planned so I can sleep in if I can.

I'm back in the city at the hotel. I stay here because they have a reduced rate, free parking and a shuttle to the hospital for patients. They have the 5th floor set aside for hospital patients.
The rooms are clean and nice enough but far from fancy.

I got here tonight and told him my name and he said "here for the suite"!!!!!! I said "Suite?" and he told me I got a free upgrade. So I have a living room, bedroom, toilet room and another bathroom without a toilet but with a whirlpool tub and walk in shower. I'm ridiculously excited.

My pathology for my EGD came back. Essentially it says that I have irritation or damage to my stomach lining. I haven't yet heard from my NP about what we can do to fix that. I hope there is something. I'm tired of being nauseous. I think I'll probably get an IBD diagnosis since the IBGard helps my other GI issues but that's still a guess. And to be fair my nausea is also better with IBGard. I just wish there were something prescription as IBGard is expensive and I take 4 pills/day.

Time to get some food. I got a smoothie after therapy because they usually settle well but this one was watery and not good. I threw some of it away.

Cool about the upgrade! I’d definitely be in the whirlpool! Enjoy. 😊

I called clinical coverage at the mental health clinic. The man I spoke with was very nice and helpful. They’re going to check on me around 10 and hopefully I’m asleep and don’t answer. And they’ll call later than that too if need be. He gave me suggestions of podcasts to fall asleep to. And he sent a note to my Pdoc in case my case manager didn’t. I hate to rely on my therapist friend of 20 years so much.