Bipolar Check-In #92

Sorry you’re having such a hard time blueberry . But you do sound better today than yesterday.

I love my pdoc! He is out of the office until Aug. 18th when he is back. I never realized. But I left that voicemail on his mobile phone. He called me back already He told me to take 1 extra 25 mg Seroquel/day until I am stable (so I'll be taking 3 of those instead of 2 until I'm back on track). He also told me I can take 1 Zofran to control nausea and throwing up. I missed the Cymbalta Friday morning, and I am not sure why. I was still stable at 2 PM, able to concentrate on my book & able to drive. I already have the Zofran & do not have to get it from the pharmacy today, so that is a blessing. My pdoc told me b/c I missed the dose of Cymbalta, I started to become nauseous & throwing up. (Just ONE missed dose of Cymbalta, and all this happens to ME! WOW! I may just know how to induce mania & become psycho if I want to!!). I know to take a Zofran if bad let alone minor nausea like now even starts before I start throwing up. (I took those too before posting this! Even took my stomach med I could be getting there).

I wasn't even sick w/ a virus at all!

But my pdoc really is wonderful

I have an appt. Aug. 18 @ 11 AM. He told me if I can't drive & H can't drive, I can do it by phone. He told me to call him on the mobile until then. And so can H.

@Blueberrybook I'm really glad your pdoc got back to you! Sorry you're having to deal with all of this though.

Sorry you have to deal w/ such a toxic mom. My mom can be toxic at times, but not as bad as yours; mine is just passive aggressive (sigh).

So sorry for all of this @Blueberrybook - you seem to be going through a lot. I am so glad you were able to get in touch with your pdoc, I hope you feel better soon! Will be praying for you!

@gary290 - I hope you do go back to AA and church again - they really helped me a lot in finding stability with my bipolar. I also have sleep apnea and use a CPAP - the shortness of breath used to happen to me a lot too. I hope you navigate your way around this and feel better soon.

@JaneOnceMore - It wasn't my intention to insult your intelligence with my suggestion - I definitely don't think you're stupid. All I know is, when I used to go to bars, bartenders used to like to see money on the bar, (or a $5 or $10 bill in their tipping glass), while they were serving - it might be different now, its been a while since I've been to one, that's the only reason I said that. I am sorry his actions upset you though, some people can just be jerks, especially with how he made you feel - honestly he didn't even deserve that 20% because of how cold and unfriendly he was to you.

@Nammu - maybe the first thing should be the meds in the morning? If you have a routine where you're doing other things first, maybe that's how you forget possibly? I usually brush my teeth first then straight to my meds if I can. I don't know, maybe an alarm would help, or a note somewhere where you make your latte to say "Take Meds Now" or something? Maybe?

As for me, it's going to be a good day today - I have my Legion of Mary meeting later, and I will be writing letters for my penpals today. Also going to send my guy a box with some of the cool stuff from GalaxyCon. Sent my best friend in NY his box yesterday. Feeling better about things, last week was a hard week.

nammu, I'm on stomach meds too. My gastro doc has always told me to take them first thing on an empty stomach when I wake.

I only now realized that at least I am posting my every single thought here instead of burdening H & my daughter with it. It's progress, but slow. It is helping to do that b/c here no one in my actual real life are screaming at me and haven't snapped at me today. (My pics too are real, all the art, pics of myself, cats, etc.) It helps my thoughts not cycle as much b/c I can come back here & read what I wrote b/c at least I have told somebody on an online forum about it, so I can try to hold my family together too.

Thank you blueberry, I’m doing a lot better today. Got some stressful stuff taken care of so now I’m feeling better. I ended up sleeping on the couch last night because for some reason I was afraid to sleep in my bed. Afraid I’d die if I went to sleep in there. I’m not really sure why. It doesn’t make any sense but at least I got some sleep. You sound like you’re doing somewhat better, I’m glad you have a good Pdoc I hope things continue to improve for you

And here comes caffeine withdrawal creeping up on me. Last thing I need is coffee & soda withdrawal too. And I just made another cup of coffee to help with my headache.

Blueberry, you do sound better. I am sorry about the mania/mixed that you were experiencing. Glad that you are better. I usually end up apologizing for my behavior. and stuff said if you remember correctly.
be well my friend.
Bizi

Possible Trigger (ED stuff):



I talked to my pdoc by phone today. He told me since I missed one dose of Cymbalta Friday morning, it caused the nausea, which caused the vomiting & diarrhea and cascade into mania & blackout pyshosis (probably my becoming psycho that point b/c then I was missing all my meds for over 3 days). He told me that will take up to 1.5 weeks for me to stabilize.

Such bad caffeine withdrawal. Can't it let me sit down to eat lunch instead of another cup of coffee? I need food. I need tons of food & water along w/ meds, sleep, a SAD lamp, nightly melatonin to become halfway normal again & keep my family together. Please let me eat lunch already and not drink another cup of coffee. I need to eat. It is prepared at least (sandwich, mandarin orange, and avocado). I usually have one avocado daily. This is my first one since Friday lunch.

The receptionist at the hospital called and asked some stuff. Then my mom mentioned the tarry black glob from last night and she transfereed us to a nurse who talked to the doctor and said if that happens again go to the ER. My doctor is in surgery now but I'm hoping to get some answers about whats going on.

Therapy went fine but I feel kinda funny.

I just found all 3 of my valium still in my med box. No wonder I feel goofy.

The caffeine pill is helping so much. I don't feel the need to drink Coke after Coke and I have energy and my GI sfuff is decent.

Ate lunch with an avocado to help me to towards recovery across all the issues I have right now. Just getting into a standing position to go to the bathroom or do a thing is so exhausting.

Good afternoon. I went to Walmart today to get a money order and paid my rent. Starting in September though I won’t have to deal with getting money orders each month. Rent will just automatically come out of my debit card once a month on the 3rd. That’ll be a lot easier than dealing with ATMs and money orders and taking the bus all the way to Walmart. I also paid my phone bill today. Feels good to be on track with things financially.

My sister is coming over on Saturday. It’ll be nice to see her. I’m making egg custard pie for us and we’ll have hot chocolate too. She doesn’t drink coffee so I figured I’d get some hot chocolate for us to have instead.

I fell asleep on the couch last night. Slept exactly 6 hours.

Gonna be playing some videogames today and read as I got everything else I needed to do today done and out of the way. Tomorrow morning I have a physical with my primary care doctor. Then have a diamond painting art event in my building to go to.

Going to mass this weekend.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week!

@Blue_Bird - You've been so busy lately, today and tomorrow & beyond. Please be sure it doesn't cause your sleep to slide.

I did the laundry & folded it today. Took out the trash, showered, cooked yesterday & today, did dishes yesterday & today, got the mail, am taking care of the cats (food, water, litter, letting them in & out), cleaning a bit as things go to try to get a handle on the mess here.

But none of this is as it was before everything started. Life is too complicated for me now. And if I thought if wasn't bad before! Even if you switch the headbang emoji to read headbang or vice versa, it doesn't come out the way you want & they convey nearly opposite messages.

Thanks @Blueberrybook I’ve honestly been feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have going on so I might have to cancel and reschedule some things. I think that’s part of why I was dissociating last night was because I was just overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I’ve been doing and have coming up, I do need to prioritize sleep though. Not sleeping never helps anything , I push myself to be productive 24/7 sometimes and all it does is leave me feeling burnt out and overwhelmed

Try to take it easy, now’s a good time to rest. Is there anyone who can help you with the cleaning and whatnot so you can get some rest? I’m sorry things are so difficult right now. I hope the med adjustments your psychiatrist made help

Right now, I just have H & my daughter to help me. I am trying also to let H catch up on work & my daughter sleep since school starts soon for both of them. They HAVE been doing everything but using the bathroom for me these past few days!

They also told me not to refill my meds until they can help, and that is very, very complicated because I am more than a walking pharmacy at this point in my life! So many pills tend to look the same, especially small white round ones! I cannot focus enough to read the teeny, tiny, miniscule pill lettering, look it up online for EVERY single white round pill and more, and refill my meds. Let alone my vitamins. Because I have been taking fish oil regularly but still left those pills behind and AM taking magnesium because of my colonoscopy, so you get the drift and see where this is going. I have leftovers of stuff at this point in most days this week...but sometimes I have taken all the pills and sometimes I have not. Even my pillbox is a mess for the vitamins now (I put vitamins in a completely different pillbox than my other 3 pillboxes for the psych meds because they are not vital and also because I just do not have any room at all in my psych med boxes. Missing a couple of doses of gabapentin and Seroquel even throws me off because then I get even worse night sweats & hot flashes & nausea than perimenopause alone!

H & my daughter are trying to stay on top of my pills and the pill reminder app, but they cannot all the time.

Today I see my pdoc. Woohoo. Haven’t seen him for 6 months. I think that’s far too long!

H & I both redid both his & my meds for the week AND our daily vitamins too! My daughter helped us. All 3 of us now have pounding, brain-splitting headaches! I usually do all of this at LEAST once a week a minimum but I could not this week until just right now with help from not just one but BOTH of them!! JESUS Christ! Perhaps that's why I get SI thoughts now & again. It's a wonder I'm still alive and breathing today! How am I supposed to do any household chores at all?

Isn't it wonderful to be a walking pharmacy!

Absolutely!

If you're overwhelmed, I'm lucky I am even living at this point in my entire life!!

You & me too and probably everyone here!