Bipolar Check-In #92

Having a hard time lately "feeling ok" -- it's been difficult to work.

The service and N3s singing with his dad went very well! I made my own videos of their rehearsal before the service. Gotta figure out how to put them on YouTube.

I'm keeping track of my meds today and not being goofy with any of them.

.

I started my urine collection thing. Its annoying but thats about it.

Overall I feel ok today. I'm just now taking my Visteril and Valium which might be part of why I feel a bit off.

I tried ordering groceries and I ended up not putting half the stuff on the order and adding in some weird almond cherry macaroon coffee creamer.

Things are just cloudy and I feel weird but are you aware when you disscoiate.

Ok so I guess I just needed to eat. I ate a piece of pizza from last night and I feel fine

About to have my first mandolin lesson!!!

My videos of N3 and his dad singing together came out great! I barely slept last night! I’m a little wired!! I totally need to sleep but I don’t wanna!

Morning! I woke up at 3:00am due to our Labrador barking so loudly! Flipping heck. Couldn’t fall asleep again. Got out of bed at 4:00 with a headache. Seems to be disappearing with paracetamol. So not a good start to my week, unfortunately!

I’m trying to sleep to get rid of this revved up feeling! I literally slept 45 minutes last night! I

Hope you get some rest

I’m trying. It’s way too early to take my Vraylar and risperdal or I would!

Ok I slept 2 hours. Any more and I won’t sleep tonight.

I'm feeling better now with the correct doses of my meds and a lot of working out.

I swear after how crappy I felt last night and today I will not be anymore

I'm kinda being stubborn about not wanting surgery. I've been looking on indeed at jobs and some good places are hiring right now. But I still get sick several times a day and 2 doctors and my mom say I need to get the surgery

I'm doing better. me and NYX have been hanging out all day while my husband works. She took off her diaper so I have to watch out Potty training is hard.I'm off the computer most of the day, trying to bond with NYX.

Went to mass today, and did my work with the Legion. I visited with a lady for 2 hours today, and talked and gave her communion - she has so much knowledge! It wore me out though, because by the time I got to my parents I was completely exhausted, omg. I feel bad, my parents try so hard to make me feel comfortable - I might have to figure out another way to do my Legion work.

Right now, I have an awful headache and I'm starving - I need to just rest, I have been doing much lately.

Hi everyone :-) Just wanted to try the bipolar check in. Did not get enough sleep last night, night before, night before that... etc. :-O Need to wake my bf up (no earlier than 9pm), when we will get food.

He has anxiety and depression. I have bipolar, OCD and ED (as my main issues) but have been dx with adhd (I can't treat it with meds b/c of my other meds). I had trauma growing up that has only been somewhat explored and discussed.

I'm excited because 1. I'm settling into week 3 of a new job tomorrow. It's awesome - 20 hours per week, make enough to really help with finances here, I walk there and my boss is very hands off and laid back. Say he wants me to shine on my own strengths. AND my work helps ppl! and 2. On Friday I'm going to community services to try and get help with psychiatry + therapy (my supply of meds is running out in just about 2 weeks).

Stressed and nervous because 1. Lease is up in 21 days and bf and I snoozed on it (he's dealing with it over the next few days. 2. He's having possible ADA issues with work :-( :-( they know he's having mental health issues and are being sketchy - offering a solution (that at first look sounds generous, but is actually coming off pretty disciplinary).

I tried really hard to give him time and space to sort through things, but the clock is running up on so many things! I'm working 2 jobs now. Loving being with my bf every day (we had a long distance relationship prior to May), but we are both under a ton of pressure. We never fought - the first 1.5 months! We got along so well. Now we both feel the other is dictating how one should act, at least in certain areas. It's making us each feel that we can't be ourselves. We still have been so respectful and kind - but we're boiling over here.

I hate SI. It's a unique form of torture that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The irritability and anger isn't helping.

Last night, I went to bed before 8 pm because I couldn't take the mental distress anymore. Then, I stayed in bed until 9:30 am. Going to work is going to be tough tomorrow. The kids are starting a project in three of my four classes at least so that makes for a little easier day. I hope this irritability doesn't cause me to lose it on my students or a coworker. I might take an extra 12.5 mg of seroquel in hopes that it might prevent this.

I hope everyone is able to get the sleep they need tonight!

I'm doing okay at work. Trying my best not to take a benzo. Pdoc said he's happy if I take it 2-3 times a week but not more than that or else it can lead to addiction. I've been hooked on benzos in the past thanks to an old school pdoc who dished them out like lollies.

I can't ****ing breathe and its scaring the crap outta me. I got a campfire beef meal from Cracker Barrel and something is stuck in my throat and I only have a little space to breathe.

I'm freaking the **** out

@Mountaindewed that sounds like time for the ER. You don't wan it to shift and cause you to choke. The ER can get it out quickly.

I think I'm ok. I can't eat anything legit until I get this fixed though. It was really stressful to deal with.



Now I am really tired.

Enraged at how much work it takes to keep one single person going. All the endless chores. What is the point? Where is the pleasure? Where is the joy in living? *I* don't feel it. All i wish is that i could check-out. Go to sleep and never wake up. Tired of all the exhausting decisions. Sick of life. That ffuucckkiinngg therapist has still NOT called me. What is the point of asking for help? There is no help out there. As usual it is me on my own managing my own psychiatric disability with one doctor i talk to on the phone infrequently and lie to in order to up my sedating meds so i can sleep my life away. I would like to spend the rest of my life in a coma. It will be the same day tomorrow struggling struggling struggling, and for what? What am i living for?

I love clozaril. It has kept me fairly stable for almost 10 years now. It works when nothing else did. I'm very thankful to have it.

But.........one of the side effects is bedwetting. I wear pads and have learned to wake up and jump out of bed very quickly if needed. It doesn't happen very often anymore.

In the last 3 days I've had to wake up twice. The first time I made it out of bed in time. Tonight I woke up and had not jumped up in time. Of course my sheets are in the wash so I have no clean sheets. I just improvised and put down a flannel lightweight blanket the paramedics left with my non-bio dad when they dropped him off once and topped it with a sheet and my weighted blanket. Once I settle down I'll sleep fine on this but having to change the mattress cover and then being creative with blankets has me more awake that I'd usually be at this time of night.

My heat pump is leakijng water all over my basement floor so we'll have to have someone out. It's gross because it's gotten the kitty litter on the tracking mat wet and smells like cat pee downstairs. I've been afraid to use the washer and somehow make it worse. But now I have to. I need clean sheets. I can do it at my mom's if necessary. ]

My house turned 11 and started falling apart.

I slept ok but I think my stomach lining is messed up or I gave myself an ulcer. I couldn't keep my yogurt down today. And my stomach really hurts

I guess its kinda morbid how I'm looking up

Check-in Thread
I slept several hours last night with no breathing problems. I’m doing much better today.

I got out of bed at four, then made tea and put on “Chariots of the Gods.” I let Lego out and had a chicken patty for breakfast.

Planning for the day ahead. The yard needs to be mowed. I don’t want to mow yard: it’s too hot & humid! Oh, well. Now, I’m watching an Egypt documentary. It’s still dark outside and quiet in the house.

NYX throw up on the bed so I have to wash the sheets For a tiny dog she sure makes a mess.Spend $55 a class or save $355 for an 18 week class. I'm not hearing things, seeing things, my SH is lower, I'm trying to get my id so that I can unlock my credit card but the bus only goes to one location and that location is always closed. and lyft and uber are too expensive. Why do these things have to be so difficult. got an appointment that is 2.5 hours away.

Mandolin lesson one was fun. He’s really cool and gonna be a great teacher I think. There five of us in class. I hope i get the hang out of it ok

Had a 7:30am work meeting with someone in London, so it was tough this morning. Ended up taking a nap on my couch with Xena on after it was over. Feeling deep feelings of codependency, and thinking to myself, "you'll look back on these days when you were independent and on your own and will miss them" I have a really great life and have a hard time seeing how great it really is.

Yesterday was really a tough day for some reason - I feel bad I can't spend more time with my parents though; my weekends are so overwhelming sometimes. My CPAP says I got a whole 8 hours of sleep last night, but honestly, I didn't feel really refreshed till after that nap.

Grateful that my needs are met and that I am well taken care of and can support myself. I hate being in love with someone though, honestly it is becoming the worst feeling in the world.